I used to listen to channeled messages for a short time. Felt a lot of warmth and love from the entity calling it's self Tobias from the book of Tobit. The channelings began to be taken over by an entity calling himself Adamus. It felt evil so I stopped listening. It got in my head tonight to check them. Sure enough, one Adamus St. Germaine confesses:
“From deep within the illuminated crystal caves far below the top of the Earth, it’s your host Adamus Saint-Germainnnn!” (some audience approval) Something like that. And then I could come on and say, “I Am that I Am, obviously,” after an announcement like that.
Adam, first man or one of the watchers from Enoch's revelation who is chained within the earth for sins against men, that is, for mating with human women? Whomever he is, he takes the title "I AM that I AM" and pushes onto people the idea that they are as well. Seems to support the theory that so called aliens are earthly residents already.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
The dance
I found this as someone's tagline for forum posting:
The 14th-century Persian poet Hafiz wrote:
Every child has known God,
Not the God of names,
Not the God of don'ts,
Not the God who ever does anything weird,
But the God who knows only four words,
And keeps repeating them, saying:
"Come Dance with Me."
Come Dance
Her Children
Intangible as yet to the rest, the mother receives restitution, justification and revenge. The daughters had suffered disfigurement while yet in the womb due to the abuse from fathers upon their mother. When she gave birth, the mother expelled the evil from her womb and thus with the birth of each gained further enlightenment.
Just as the mother took an energetic dump in the cesspool of her youth, these children shall turn upon their fathers, devastating them, being the source of their destruction. The lava is rising up within the young women. It shall cleanse them. And when they have cleansed themselves, to them it has been given, their mother will be in the wings waiting to embrace them.
Just as the mother took an energetic dump in the cesspool of her youth, these children shall turn upon their fathers, devastating them, being the source of their destruction. The lava is rising up within the young women. It shall cleanse them. And when they have cleansed themselves, to them it has been given, their mother will be in the wings waiting to embrace them.
A non-literal interpretation
While the alien theory may be entertaining, and hey, even if it's a real experience for many in the end as that which is above is made as below, that which is within becomes an outer reality. Ultimately I believe the reference to Jerusalem descending from heaven is the experience of a person who has been enlightened also becoming "grounded", firm on their feet within the state of enlightenment. So many are "taken up" spiritually but are not grounded, they are capable of even greater evils and injustice coming from "love and lightheadedness", imbalanced and incomplete in their reasoning. Others are grounded, void of any real spiritual experience or understanding of things, the literalists and rest of humanity in whose hearts evil does rest, never moving or changing. So, some are taken up until they eventually dissipate and others are dragged down into death and destruction. It is those who are given enlightenment and then the grounding experiences needed to make them solid and steady who inherit the earth and life long lasting.
How this all manifests physically will probably be determined individually. The age of Aquarius is coming where life giving waters are poured out for and from mankind. Where the invitation is made in the opportunity to "come! drink of life's water freely!".
How this all manifests physically will probably be determined individually. The age of Aquarius is coming where life giving waters are poured out for and from mankind. Where the invitation is made in the opportunity to "come! drink of life's water freely!".
Friday, April 26, 2013
Questions about things recently learning
After Lava mamma's visit, I got the sense that when she wakes, everyone listens, but as soon as she quiets, they all go back to what they were doing. Except for those who know her well and trust in her, for they know she will suddenly with an answer to the problems she fell asleep with, leaping from dead sleep to action, and well...justice will reign. Especially the male gendered and masculine entities, they are a bit schizophrenic, think they can get away with things, thought they imagined her for a minute and so dismiss it. She is like the elderly grandmother everyone dismisses as maybe being a bit senile and forgetful, without any real effectiveness. But those who know, know she is the shaman to our race.
I get the sense of a benevolent male consciousness, grandfatherly, seemingly impotent but instead not rash, patient, tolerant, to a point. His son is the one we know as the Father. Grandfather is not always proud of his son, but his son is his inheritor, his mouthpiece. He is working with him, patiently.
I see the man called Jesus to have been a channeler, the voices he spoke being many, everything from benevolent grandfather, grandmother, eternity, father, son, daughter, mother. They flow in and out of oneness, speaking as one or separate from one another. I don't think Jesus himself always knew what he was doing or what he was saying. A mad scientist affliction of personalities. He did a good job of it, however. He held it together well relatively speaking.
Now some observations: if drinking blood is so damn evil, why did God make mosquitoes? Are vampires just bigger mosquitoes in the scheme of things, made to feed off the giants perhaps? Interesting theory.
Sacrificing a son: God told Abraham it never even entered his heart to have anyone do such a thing. God did not sacrifice a son, he sacrificed a man, a human being. He sacrificed his right to rule over humanity. Humans would have their own kings.
We are told it is the angels who will do the reaping, laying side by side in bed one would be 'taken up' and the other left. people would be working in the fields, one taken, the other left behind. Some of us have foreheads marked for this reaping signifying which ones would be left behind. God did the choosing. It is those of us who completely submitted. Then like Job, we stood up before, questioning him, his right to do this to us. He huffs and puffs, shows his might and sets us free. We are right. I did this. But only after years of reflection, observation and submission. God wants to be revealed, exposed, rejected. It's his way out of getting away from obligation, burdensome characterization of himself, that he lives. But it has to be done justly, with hard won wisdom and respectfulness. He is the authority. Unlike the days of Job, these are the last and everyone is vying for resources There is no restoration of material things. Everyone is scrambling for the life boats with all they can carry. There is hoarding. Heavens would be the earth's surface and beyond, outer space. New Jerusalem is to descend from heaven, it's residents gathered from throughout the universe, only inhabited by servants....men inhabiting humanity, to descend into earth's center. The rest will be on the outside looking in, shut out of contact from humanity and heavenly Jerusalem.
We are told of one called Satan and the devil. They aren't necessarily the same thing, but two different people. God contends with man: he said he would do it no longer than so many years and shortened humanity's lifespan. And when he spoke to Satan about Job, he was bragging, being competitive. That leads one to ask: who was he competing against? Whose human beings were more righteous than his? Did Satan have a righteous group of people over whom he guided, was responsible? And Satan opposing men...no kidding. They tend to be ungrateful, self-centered, self-righteous, hypocritical, absolutely unable to comprehend anything remotely close to justice. They needs laws, rules, and guidelines to be held to and enforced. Though they tend to break them while forcefully enforcing them upon women and children as well as those they perceive as better then them. They are like their father who is in heaven.
And what of this God who chained up angels called watchers for having sex with women? Did he himself not beget a human being from Mary, a virgin? He saw in them what he himself despised about himself, his own lusts and desires for his daughter, not necessarily a human being. So, it was not of lust that he begat a son from Mary, it was of necessity. He treated her respectfully. Has no ill intentions for her. We know Satan was not one who lusted after women because he was not chained with the watchers, but was still wandering to and fro about the earth in the time of Job. And what of Satan's being "cast down to earth?", was that necessarily a bad thing? To destroy men destroying the earth and all the rest of humanity with them? Is Satan an avenger for women straight from the mother, justly hating what God hates? Is his passion for justice so great that he will have to be bound until the thousand years is over and he can mislead men? The lake of fire is a state of transformation. Will Satan's hatred for men be quenched with the destruction of all evil? Will he then truly become an angel of light?
Somehow, though I am free, I also fall under his protection, am like him in that way. And while He wants to be exposed as naked, he will also punish you for doing it.
Anyways, lots of possibilities in all these things. And we are entering a Sabbath, answers may be just around the corner where the sun is setting.....
I get the sense of a benevolent male consciousness, grandfatherly, seemingly impotent but instead not rash, patient, tolerant, to a point. His son is the one we know as the Father. Grandfather is not always proud of his son, but his son is his inheritor, his mouthpiece. He is working with him, patiently.
I see the man called Jesus to have been a channeler, the voices he spoke being many, everything from benevolent grandfather, grandmother, eternity, father, son, daughter, mother. They flow in and out of oneness, speaking as one or separate from one another. I don't think Jesus himself always knew what he was doing or what he was saying. A mad scientist affliction of personalities. He did a good job of it, however. He held it together well relatively speaking.
Now some observations: if drinking blood is so damn evil, why did God make mosquitoes? Are vampires just bigger mosquitoes in the scheme of things, made to feed off the giants perhaps? Interesting theory.
Sacrificing a son: God told Abraham it never even entered his heart to have anyone do such a thing. God did not sacrifice a son, he sacrificed a man, a human being. He sacrificed his right to rule over humanity. Humans would have their own kings.
We are told it is the angels who will do the reaping, laying side by side in bed one would be 'taken up' and the other left. people would be working in the fields, one taken, the other left behind. Some of us have foreheads marked for this reaping signifying which ones would be left behind. God did the choosing. It is those of us who completely submitted. Then like Job, we stood up before, questioning him, his right to do this to us. He huffs and puffs, shows his might and sets us free. We are right. I did this. But only after years of reflection, observation and submission. God wants to be revealed, exposed, rejected. It's his way out of getting away from obligation, burdensome characterization of himself, that he lives. But it has to be done justly, with hard won wisdom and respectfulness. He is the authority. Unlike the days of Job, these are the last and everyone is vying for resources There is no restoration of material things. Everyone is scrambling for the life boats with all they can carry. There is hoarding. Heavens would be the earth's surface and beyond, outer space. New Jerusalem is to descend from heaven, it's residents gathered from throughout the universe, only inhabited by servants....men inhabiting humanity, to descend into earth's center. The rest will be on the outside looking in, shut out of contact from humanity and heavenly Jerusalem.
We are told of one called Satan and the devil. They aren't necessarily the same thing, but two different people. God contends with man: he said he would do it no longer than so many years and shortened humanity's lifespan. And when he spoke to Satan about Job, he was bragging, being competitive. That leads one to ask: who was he competing against? Whose human beings were more righteous than his? Did Satan have a righteous group of people over whom he guided, was responsible? And Satan opposing men...no kidding. They tend to be ungrateful, self-centered, self-righteous, hypocritical, absolutely unable to comprehend anything remotely close to justice. They needs laws, rules, and guidelines to be held to and enforced. Though they tend to break them while forcefully enforcing them upon women and children as well as those they perceive as better then them. They are like their father who is in heaven.
And what of this God who chained up angels called watchers for having sex with women? Did he himself not beget a human being from Mary, a virgin? He saw in them what he himself despised about himself, his own lusts and desires for his daughter, not necessarily a human being. So, it was not of lust that he begat a son from Mary, it was of necessity. He treated her respectfully. Has no ill intentions for her. We know Satan was not one who lusted after women because he was not chained with the watchers, but was still wandering to and fro about the earth in the time of Job. And what of Satan's being "cast down to earth?", was that necessarily a bad thing? To destroy men destroying the earth and all the rest of humanity with them? Is Satan an avenger for women straight from the mother, justly hating what God hates? Is his passion for justice so great that he will have to be bound until the thousand years is over and he can mislead men? The lake of fire is a state of transformation. Will Satan's hatred for men be quenched with the destruction of all evil? Will he then truly become an angel of light?
Somehow, though I am free, I also fall under his protection, am like him in that way. And while He wants to be exposed as naked, he will also punish you for doing it.
Anyways, lots of possibilities in all these things. And we are entering a Sabbath, answers may be just around the corner where the sun is setting.....
Thursday, April 25, 2013
A Metaphysical Journey
She is that which He does not see coming. He follows lines and patterns, He follows thought. She is intuition. She is Knowing. She always sees Him coming. He is predictable, which is why She simply smiles through His threats. Her word is Law, indisputable, not questioned because it just is. One of those facts of life not to be questioned, can't be questioned, cannot be followed, only obeyed and not even obeyed with conscious intent for it is. without question. She is where love as we know and feel it does not exist, where compassion is intangible yet always exists. She heard me, from the depths of my soul she heard, she heard me crying and dying within. She rose to my defense as she felt me in a state of oneness because I asked a question. She is red. The devil is her best friend. She gives herself a son, a son she can be proud of. Nothing like the Father who comes from within men. In the bowels of the Earth is where she lives, "in sin". She is perfection. With her there is no competition. She is the one who exists. Who exists within. She holds Him in contempt, spits on Him, "the conniving, lying, thieving piece of shit". There is no love, but there is compassion for Him. This He does not get. (understand, knows exists) It is greater than Him, He cannot see it, it is beyond His understanding. It is His origins. Just because He was at the begging, does not mean He can have no end. "Even the immortal beings are mere mortals to me", she says. Her children. His get. Repulsive, incomplete, screwed up in the head. His doing, she said. Taken from me as we danced through eternity. Stolen, corrupted filled with hatred and resentment. His hatred and resentment for being less than She is. Not content with simply being Him. Not appreciating what She gave to Him. Taking all the credit. It's His eyes that will be opened. It is He who will be humbled. It is She whose will the Earth rules with. And the daughter. The one. The one He could not get. "My voice" she says. "More than any heavenly hosts". "I, I command them in the end". "Before me they will be silent in their praises of Him". "I am not the Earth, but the Lava that sustains Her. In me is Her nourishment, Her shape, Her form, Her righteousness. She is my daughter. A true daughter. A friend. Within Her, I give all My answers." "She is the voice of Mother. In a maiden, Her own daughter. A woman. Her they will no longer be harassing, picking at her brain like devouring rodents, flying birds. They will give her what she needs, what she deserves in all righteousness each and every day, daily in abundance from this day hence. And her daughters, the same....nourishment, defense. They are free and free of me, free in me. Always have been, always were, always will be. Loyalty with me. Jewels that adorn me. Brilliant diamonds sparkling upon the earth. Red hot flaming fires when they burst forth. They are released from within me." "Crush my head? And whose venom eats you from within since your betrayal?" "You wanted a little girl, you damn pervert!" "And yet, she is mine also,. I claim her. You would have me disdain her. Didn't work either". "Hypocrite! Liar! It is your conscience that condemns and thus condemns men. They were create din YOUR image, remember. You detest them for your own weaknesses apparent in them, hatred you would not have born if you had listened to Mother". "So, I discipline you like the son you are, who has ill intent toward His Mother. And yet not all your sons are THAT perverted for they are my sons, too. It is MY will that shot you forth from my womb, my urge to observe, to set forth in self-discovery. There is no way you could discover me. And now I sleep."
The earth has a mother who rises up in her defense, volcanos blowing, destroying mountains and men. The blood is greater than the flesh.
So, this is how I began this journey, with a question. My mind was going crazy within it's self, trapped for answers against that which it had no defense, bound by the beliefs of other men who empower the criminals to overpower her, woman, mother, men. And the she in me rose up crying as she was asked to carry this burden, the anguish of the him. And I saw the body, a vessel, the channel joining and expressing them, the cells holding them and entertaining their development. And I spoke ot hose cells, cried out to them. They know something, I said. And I thought in my mind, what holds the highest consciousness? We think it's men, but is not immortality and higher consciousness associated with that which is still? Would not those cells, those simplest of life forms know it all that we do not know? And what is even more still and long living than them? Would it not be rocks and mountains? The grey people, of higher consciousness do not exceed that of a mountain. Could it be the mountain which summons and commands even them? Does it call forth the wind when it wants to be shaped? Does it draw forth the water when it wants to be moved? And so I called out to the mountains "Teach me! I am in torment!" Teach me to be like you, quiet and content. No answer came as felt the evil that resides in men, cold, calculating, manipulative intent. So I waited. And then I heard from within her. Lava in the earth. And her voice cried out from within. She screamed and cried with my lament! She is my Mother with all intent. And she commanded mountains and men. Without question they observe. It is will be Her will that rules the Earth from within.
The earth has a mother who rises up in her defense, volcanos blowing, destroying mountains and men. The blood is greater than the flesh.
So, this is how I began this journey, with a question. My mind was going crazy within it's self, trapped for answers against that which it had no defense, bound by the beliefs of other men who empower the criminals to overpower her, woman, mother, men. And the she in me rose up crying as she was asked to carry this burden, the anguish of the him. And I saw the body, a vessel, the channel joining and expressing them, the cells holding them and entertaining their development. And I spoke ot hose cells, cried out to them. They know something, I said. And I thought in my mind, what holds the highest consciousness? We think it's men, but is not immortality and higher consciousness associated with that which is still? Would not those cells, those simplest of life forms know it all that we do not know? And what is even more still and long living than them? Would it not be rocks and mountains? The grey people, of higher consciousness do not exceed that of a mountain. Could it be the mountain which summons and commands even them? Does it call forth the wind when it wants to be shaped? Does it draw forth the water when it wants to be moved? And so I called out to the mountains "Teach me! I am in torment!" Teach me to be like you, quiet and content. No answer came as felt the evil that resides in men, cold, calculating, manipulative intent. So I waited. And then I heard from within her. Lava in the earth. And her voice cried out from within. She screamed and cried with my lament! She is my Mother with all intent. And she commanded mountains and men. Without question they observe. It is will be Her will that rules the Earth from within.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
A Great Wrestling
The first thoughts to hit my mind this morning after waking were how those who share photos with the comments "If you would step in and help a child who is being bullied repost this", have heard the stories I have posted of how each of my children are being bullied by their fathers, and yet do nothing are hypocrits and liars. They "see" my children and I being bullied and yet do nothing about it. We are but a part of their "bread and circuses". But that thought led me to a very dark place in my mind, one I associate and fear as being full of hatred and judgement and condemnation, of being anything but loving. That is not who I want to be, it is not where I want to dwell; there, in that inner darkness so emotionally distressed I can't even think reasonably. So, how do I set myself free?, I wondered. Thus began the great wrestling that ended in peace.
To fight what is happening to me and my children would be rebellion and resistence (that which we resist persists, "do not resist evil", we are told in scripture, and God hates rebelliousness). I am reminded of a message God gave me:"Do you think I am unable to give you your children?". It CAN be that easy. So God is allowing it to happen this way for now for some reason. God never does anything without a reason. So, God is not giving it to these people to help me. Scripture says a person cannot do one righteous act unless God gives him the will and means to do it. God is not giving it to these people to do this, what does that mean? Does that mean God hates them, that God hates what they are doing? The thought strikes me: if they condemn these men by helping me, they condemn their own families who did the same to them, they condemn what they themselves are doing. That takes courage, to do what I do, to live life as I live it, honestly, openly, with integrity and self-reflection in the face of everything. "He who loves father or mother or brother or sister more than me is not worthy of me", the saying is recorded to be. If we fear offending family, making them angry, more than we fear God, then we are loving them more than we love truth, justice, honesty and integrity, which is the essence of God's state of being. If we do not kill within us that which causes us to be abusive, we are loving our lives, our existence in darkness, more than our neighbor, the ones we call friends, our families, and "God who is in me".
And I do admit to having had reticence concerning this thing: bringing such children into my life, the life of my younger children. My older daughters are full of strife, fear and meanness, just plain viscious like the fathers who raised them. Do I really want them in my home abusing me and my younger children? But I also know that deep within them lie my genes. If ever the kingdom of God was written within them, it can be retrieved. God would give that to me. So, I simply need to wait and be patient, apparently to "do nothing" but allow God to choose for me. Inaction is a choice in it's self and my inaction is the choosing to allow God to do for me whatever it is He is willing.
Part of the arguement within me this morning concerned eyes being opened. How many times in scripture do we read God saying "If their eyes are opened, I would have to heal them". That is why it is reported the one called Jesus spoke in parables. It is why God prophesied in parables to Isreal. I think of how I have seen eyes opened, most dramatically in my mother. With sudden clarity she looked at my youngest children and exclaimed "All they want to do is love me! They do not want anything from me". It was an intense realization and reminded me of when she was driving me back to Maine after they first took my older children. She was ranting at me how we just needed to stop trying to control what the other was doing. She caught herself for a moment and turned to me with dawning clarity and said "You have never tried to control me". Then it was as if a black metal door dropped before her face as it darkened and she went back to ranting at me. What was her choice of action after each of these "eyes being opened" experiences? With my younger children, she bought them shovels this past winter so they could learn to do chores and 'earn their keep'. They may not have wanted anyting from her, but she sure as hell wanted to impose her beliefs on them. Back then after her eyes were opened concerning me, she betrayed me helping them take my children from me, treating me like a suspicious criminal, being informant for the enemy. Even most recently, when we desperately needed diapers, I asked her. She delivered a big ol' box of them but while handing them over, she tapped on the box pointendly and told me I would have to make a greater effort potty training. Conditional giving, still trying to control me. Putting off information on how to switch the electric bill over to my name: so she could hold it against me that I wasn't paying it. I am no longer naive. From that point on I sought diapers from other sources who would not give conditionally and discovered for myself how to get the bills in my name.
Eyes will be opened but only for a moment so when they stand before God, they cannot claim to have never been allowed to see. The end for such people is misery. And what about these "great things" people do in fact do for me? like allowing me to live here rent free. Number one, the place is not rentable and yet she wanted every penny I got to pay full rent. Her original intent was no "great deed". But she still benefits as I am keeping the place in good repair, it is not falling down due to neglect, being filled with mold, mildew, dust and insects like the rest left unoccupied. My presence is as good as any security system. And I will tell you what I know of God's justice. You see, every time God liberated Isreal from her oppressors, they left with the wealth of the nations they were leaving. In Egypt, for their labors they got whips and chains, their children murdered. When they left they were commanded to ask of their neighbors all the riches, gold and jewelry. They got it. When Isreal left Babylon to rebuild the temple, not only did they get back the gold utensils taken from the temple, but also the wood and money to rebuild it, their lives and their cities. They took the wealth of that nation with them. So, if I leave with anything, having had anything given me, it is God giving me what I should have received while I was here and God raping them as they raped me. If there are feelings of hurt, anger, of being used and abused, of ingratitude, it is only what is being returned to you for all the hurt, neglect, abuse and lack of gratitude for what I was and did for you. For, you see, I do feel grateful for every bit given, the feelings left behind are a misrepresentation of what I am feeling, but an experience deserved in return for the experience given me. It is an ILLUSION that YOU will suffer under. And then for your condemnation of me for that illusion, you yourself will receive condemnation instead of me. For when I had means, I did more for you than you ever did for me. The path of destruction I have been reported as leaving, is only destruction revisted on the people who destroyed me. It is evil returning to it's source of origins, not a conscious effort from me. I am simply *aware* of what is coming, I am in no way consciously creating it for me. The desire for vengence does not live in me. I am innocent and only observing and reporting on what I see happening.
This is my legacy. In my heart lives peace. Today fear and hatred found no home in me. I am God's Magenta Flame. The Bright and Morning Star lives in me with Crystal clarity. "Only the righteous will fly with me."
To fight what is happening to me and my children would be rebellion and resistence (that which we resist persists, "do not resist evil", we are told in scripture, and God hates rebelliousness). I am reminded of a message God gave me:"Do you think I am unable to give you your children?". It CAN be that easy. So God is allowing it to happen this way for now for some reason. God never does anything without a reason. So, God is not giving it to these people to help me. Scripture says a person cannot do one righteous act unless God gives him the will and means to do it. God is not giving it to these people to do this, what does that mean? Does that mean God hates them, that God hates what they are doing? The thought strikes me: if they condemn these men by helping me, they condemn their own families who did the same to them, they condemn what they themselves are doing. That takes courage, to do what I do, to live life as I live it, honestly, openly, with integrity and self-reflection in the face of everything. "He who loves father or mother or brother or sister more than me is not worthy of me", the saying is recorded to be. If we fear offending family, making them angry, more than we fear God, then we are loving them more than we love truth, justice, honesty and integrity, which is the essence of God's state of being. If we do not kill within us that which causes us to be abusive, we are loving our lives, our existence in darkness, more than our neighbor, the ones we call friends, our families, and "God who is in me".
And I do admit to having had reticence concerning this thing: bringing such children into my life, the life of my younger children. My older daughters are full of strife, fear and meanness, just plain viscious like the fathers who raised them. Do I really want them in my home abusing me and my younger children? But I also know that deep within them lie my genes. If ever the kingdom of God was written within them, it can be retrieved. God would give that to me. So, I simply need to wait and be patient, apparently to "do nothing" but allow God to choose for me. Inaction is a choice in it's self and my inaction is the choosing to allow God to do for me whatever it is He is willing.
Part of the arguement within me this morning concerned eyes being opened. How many times in scripture do we read God saying "If their eyes are opened, I would have to heal them". That is why it is reported the one called Jesus spoke in parables. It is why God prophesied in parables to Isreal. I think of how I have seen eyes opened, most dramatically in my mother. With sudden clarity she looked at my youngest children and exclaimed "All they want to do is love me! They do not want anything from me". It was an intense realization and reminded me of when she was driving me back to Maine after they first took my older children. She was ranting at me how we just needed to stop trying to control what the other was doing. She caught herself for a moment and turned to me with dawning clarity and said "You have never tried to control me". Then it was as if a black metal door dropped before her face as it darkened and she went back to ranting at me. What was her choice of action after each of these "eyes being opened" experiences? With my younger children, she bought them shovels this past winter so they could learn to do chores and 'earn their keep'. They may not have wanted anyting from her, but she sure as hell wanted to impose her beliefs on them. Back then after her eyes were opened concerning me, she betrayed me helping them take my children from me, treating me like a suspicious criminal, being informant for the enemy. Even most recently, when we desperately needed diapers, I asked her. She delivered a big ol' box of them but while handing them over, she tapped on the box pointendly and told me I would have to make a greater effort potty training. Conditional giving, still trying to control me. Putting off information on how to switch the electric bill over to my name: so she could hold it against me that I wasn't paying it. I am no longer naive. From that point on I sought diapers from other sources who would not give conditionally and discovered for myself how to get the bills in my name.
Eyes will be opened but only for a moment so when they stand before God, they cannot claim to have never been allowed to see. The end for such people is misery. And what about these "great things" people do in fact do for me? like allowing me to live here rent free. Number one, the place is not rentable and yet she wanted every penny I got to pay full rent. Her original intent was no "great deed". But she still benefits as I am keeping the place in good repair, it is not falling down due to neglect, being filled with mold, mildew, dust and insects like the rest left unoccupied. My presence is as good as any security system. And I will tell you what I know of God's justice. You see, every time God liberated Isreal from her oppressors, they left with the wealth of the nations they were leaving. In Egypt, for their labors they got whips and chains, their children murdered. When they left they were commanded to ask of their neighbors all the riches, gold and jewelry. They got it. When Isreal left Babylon to rebuild the temple, not only did they get back the gold utensils taken from the temple, but also the wood and money to rebuild it, their lives and their cities. They took the wealth of that nation with them. So, if I leave with anything, having had anything given me, it is God giving me what I should have received while I was here and God raping them as they raped me. If there are feelings of hurt, anger, of being used and abused, of ingratitude, it is only what is being returned to you for all the hurt, neglect, abuse and lack of gratitude for what I was and did for you. For, you see, I do feel grateful for every bit given, the feelings left behind are a misrepresentation of what I am feeling, but an experience deserved in return for the experience given me. It is an ILLUSION that YOU will suffer under. And then for your condemnation of me for that illusion, you yourself will receive condemnation instead of me. For when I had means, I did more for you than you ever did for me. The path of destruction I have been reported as leaving, is only destruction revisted on the people who destroyed me. It is evil returning to it's source of origins, not a conscious effort from me. I am simply *aware* of what is coming, I am in no way consciously creating it for me. The desire for vengence does not live in me. I am innocent and only observing and reporting on what I see happening.
This is my legacy. In my heart lives peace. Today fear and hatred found no home in me. I am God's Magenta Flame. The Bright and Morning Star lives in me with Crystal clarity. "Only the righteous will fly with me."
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