Who are "They"?

  Just as each drawing I draw, each word I write, each action I take, each choice I make is only one expression of that which I call me and/or any consciousness working within this vessel I call me........every person, animal, tree and leaf is an expression of the Earth and it's perceptions expressed as states of being.
  When we speak of other people, other beings, we may know them and be addressing a single perspective they are expressing. So, when it was I was speaking of an intention of a group of people, I spoke of "it". At the core of every person is the deep desire to be at peace and so they project the least peaceful perspective active in them. They voice that which has the greatest need to find rest. Thus "They" are not one perspective. A provocative person can also be very, tender, nurturing and affectionate in safe spaces (places they perceive as safe). So "They" are not provocative. The state of being they are expressing is and that state of being exists to some degree in every human being. Thus, to address "it" honors the state of being/perspective being addressed while honoring the rest of that person as one who is as passionate about gaining their own inner peace as we.
   Every human being, being an expression of the Earth's multiple perceptions, is our Mother in expression. She speaks to herself and her various aspects with our mouths. The more open and allowing we are of "They" in what scares "them", the more we serve our Mother Earth in finding resolution amongst her own perspectives. Honor everyone we meet, especially those in conflict, as such and we bring our Mother and thus all of humanity and life on this planet peace.

Teaching history:developing

     Tonight I got the sense of what it means to teach history to our children.
     Some say that teaching history prevents us from repeating it while others teach that teaching history makes us doom to repeat it.
     If we resonate with that which we focus on, then those who teach that studying history makes us doom to repeat it are correct.
    If we do not resonate with what we are observing, then it is taught we would not be doomed to repeat it.
   As children we are born blank slates in residual DNA.
    The blank slate creates a resonance, making DNA irrelevant. If one was to place a European ancestry child in a wilderness with no teachings, that child would resonate with that wilderness knowing it's self as nothing but Indigenous.
     Instead, it is required by law that we teach our children history. While being taught history, these children are taught to self-identify with that history. The blank slate is thus painted over with identification with either perpetrator or victim according to skin.
     In observer mode one does not identify with race and can indeed learn from history. Such a one gains perspective in the mind which validates intuition/inner knowing/soul/oneness
    In the case of one in observer mode, race is irrelevant except for coming to understand the whys and hows of separation. .We come to understand the differences of perspectives. We come to understand that what is considered a privilege for one race is is a deprivation and thus resentment/weakness of another race.
      There are so many implications.............some will get the sense of them, others will need instruction.......and so it is in developement/in need of a spelling out....as I breath it all in and breathe it all out......

End of the existential crisis

This will be brief: with end comes integration which means all the discomforts of transmutation. These include exhaustion, nausea, muscle weakness, etc for me.
    Basically it came to me in the illustration of the one known as "Jesus" most popularly. He was known as God, the Son of God, "Rabbi", etc.
    We struggle with being known as "awakened" or "ascended" and/ or "master". We struggle with whether or not to e paid highly. We struggle with not being acknowledged for who or what we are.
    Another human being or even a spirit dis-incarnate can only recognize what shows up on their radar. If their radar only goes as "high" as healer, well then that is as "high" a being we shall be allotted in their experience. If "awakened" or "ascended" people are only known to be "virginal" figures who speak in vague/etheric illustrations, no one who could possibly have had sexual intercourse and is "earthy"/plain speaking could never surpass "nice person".
   So, mankind places limitations and conditions on their own ability to believe. One who insists on being recognized as a "Master" places conditions and limitations on their own ability to serve.
   To some, I shall e a woman with whom they feel a connection. This is them resonating with my interconnection. Some won't even recognize that much. Some will believe as much of me as their belief system allows. To them I might a "chosen one of God". Those who believe in healers will believe me as such. Those who believe we are all divine sparks will see me as a lively one, and so on.
   Jesus made salve of mud to cure the blind. Not because the mud had magical properties, but because the blind people in these cases could only perceive a "medicine man". For a Roman leader who believed him a healer with authority who could order a healing from a distance, Jesus did just that. For others who believed in our own divinity, they heard and preached the same message, to which his apostles complained "He's not one of us!".
    End of existential crisis: be O.K. with being seen, recognized, acknowledged for only so much according to the recipient's ability to believe. No matter what, we are planting seeds. Seeds of experience need time to take root and grow. They WILL return to "their vomit", ut that does not mean a healing was wasted. It lives on in them.
Let it go and let it grow ;)

Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat

    Someone said to me yesterday: "You look so good! So well rested!". Yup, back up to my normal weight so that my face looks youthfully full and yes, I have had no other inclination but to get enough sleep. My existence has come down to "Eat, sleep, rinse, repeat" except for those occasional appointments/interruptions required by a system bent on making sure we do not have healthy sleeping patterns: a quality of every abuser everywhere, especially the elite system creators who have studied the effects of sleep deprivation. Did you know passive aggressive abusers will be late or not show for everything just to be in control of everything? Of course they learned to do so as victims subconsciously acting in self-defense....everyone's story.
   So, one of those appointments came up unplanned due to a 'mistake' someone else had made. I was in a funk. The moment I inwardly defended my right to be in a funk when I need to be: (shit! 'tis the inward season, we're supposed to be doing some degree of hibernating!)....an alternative perception came in and like a child given an ice-pop(hte sucker, pacifier popular with our neighborhood children), I forgot my funk. I went out and had fun. Thankfully with restraint, because, of course.... it was false fun. My consciousness triggers the highest in others who return to their lowest as soon as my presence is gone. Which means tasks entrusted to them are always full of "mistakes" when unsupervised by me. So, I inwardly voiced my lack of like for having to "put on a pretty face"/be in my highest state of being/out of my funk just to get food on the table for my children and a roof over their head. Yet I did it, I thought I participated in up-building shit until I revisited how quickly I was enthusiastically thanked and dismissed. My energy is wanted for the blessings it bestows, but not my presence for the depth it requires to remain in it's presence without an inward travel.
   Back to sleep and a sweet feeling dream. Of course it felt sweet as I'm in a "higher" state of being. This is where the intuitive/psychic healers are mislead. "Energy never lies" they assert. True. True at the same time is that those existing on more pure/clear vibes have "lower" vibes flying below their radar. That's when they have to entrust their brains with the lists of symptoms that one can use to trigger an alert system. It smells good because I smell good and goodness is thus all I can smell, but it does such and such and so I must decline......The new Earth/World is not a heart-based age. It is a core-based age. That means we experience the highest of feelings while using discernment when overwhelmed by "love and light" because we are flying too high to use anything other than an analytic brain for discernment. So the core triggers the brain to think. We collect a repertoire of psychic "smells"  for discernment and they do aid us until we are so full of love, we are incapable of "smelling" anything "lower" than us. One can get drunk on love, letting narcissistic abusers in.
  The dream went a bit like this:
In my traveling I hooked up with a young guy. We were hanging out at a type of social club to which he was a local. It was revealed he is 22 years old. He had decided he wanted to go to Africa to help as an activist for women's rights. An aunt figure shot him in the stomach to prevent his leaving (oh, so common in this patriarchal system: "hurt someone bad enough and they will not leave"...as if! but it must work for someone somewhere or it would not be so regular.....). His father was part of the rescue team. His father was not the type to interfere with his son's choices even if he disagreed with them. He didn't have to: the aunts took care of that shit. (The passive-aggressive will often remain silent as long as they have a feminine figure to enact their aggression/displeasure for them. They only appear to be benevolent). While my lover was recovering I returned to the social club for a drink. A "bar tender" noticed four gold coins spilling out of my bag; tokens I had earned for being there. The "bar tender" showed me each coin was worth a carton of cigarettes. a "benevolent" auntie figure said "Oh, no", as if it was not good enough and began to point out as if pouring out "the best" choices that which was far, far less. (Story of my life: follow their rules, prove myself according to their guidelines and get refused entrance anyways....I think we'll hold onto our coins).
   The four coins represent four sheets of paper I left completely filled out except for a signature and the word "office" which were needing filling in as instructed so very clearly. In real life, this was the "mistake" which was made: "office" was replaced with "crisis line". This forced me out of my sleep pattern producing a funk and spending a "good time" with those whose intentions to help the abused is simply a ruse. I was quickly exorbitantly thanked and dismissed.  (Auntie shooting 'him' in the stomach)
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat...played with local deer, bunnies and ooooo fox revealed it's self to me finally
 Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat...I went shopping.
 Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat..my daughter pulled the biggest knife in the drawer out and began to run down the hall as I came in to send other children home (holy shit!). 'It's the correct instinct to remove the presence of those who make us feel bad about ourselves (little kids didn't want to play with her as her brother decided she was the enemy in their video game role-playing), and the best way to achieve that is to leave them and to tell a parent. Pulling the biggest knife in the drawer, however, is not the solution. This is not a video game where the one stabbed gets back up again. You might accidentally kill a child which means they will lay down and never get up again, their parent will never see them again. We need your warrior, we need the one who is protecting you from opinions that hurt you. The warrior does that best by walking away.' My daughter says "I love you" and resumes her day in peace, relieved of all the self-condemning and blaming mumbling alternating she had begun as usual doing. The younger children were going home with their impotent parent anyways (impotent because the parent says no or make requests and the child does as they will, no matter how disrespectful, anyways).
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.
Held space for the neighbor whose mother just got dragged out of neighbor's apartment for hiding out from a drunk driving accident conviction...neighbor is hardly more than a teen....whole rug of her existence pulled out from under her. She still believes in justice in this system and confuses informing of alternative perception she'll likely be facing while acknowledging her perspective is correct is received as opposition. Youth has no wisdom to allow for the informing of what the opposition will be playing as a card. Then they lament being surrounded by "enemies".
 Dealt with my children who were rushed inside by a neighbor when the police pulled up. Found my son hiding under the couch (sissy had raised it so he could get under while she dropped a cloth hanging from a wall to cover herself). Traumatized by a cop showing up for something not even involving us because "law enforcement"/might is right..is embodied by the social workers they had governing us when I was in a nursing home sick and no family would claim them. My children explained "We did not know if you told them  you had no children (to take way)"......"Not for us, just better to not be around because cops inspire fear".
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.
Opportunity to offer validation of perspective without presenting what they'll face for opposition happens. Neighbor is sweet.
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.......'tis the season for crazy.
Spend wake time crying. My heart honest and open with no capacity for anger or resentment. Whole life unschooling group demonstrates my inability to entertain the hit and run advertising technique, even if in the end they're attempting to appear supportive of whole life unschooling. Comparing a woman's leg hair to cancer? So hurtful to protect the insecure ego! My boss had been so nurturing of narcissists over the damage they did to true victims because that is what she most identified with. She allowed them to steal from her while giving no mercy to true victims of them. She then chose to leave us for a job in police enforcement because she could not choose her conscience. I know when she is called as National Guard against citizens in protest against abuse, I will be the first one she maces from behind her riot gear as the embodiment of her conscience. I won't be surprised when the entire organization we worked for shuts down as false veneers of helping the victims are relinquished to egos unable to face the conscience. Oh, yes, my heart is open to nothing but crying as I witness the hurt people cause to one another on the most subtle of levels while comprehending why they do so.
Sleep, eat,rinse (take a stiff drink), repeat (and hope we last the winter here......)
We are inspired to action (help the women in Africa) and are shot in the stomach (by auntie figures as correction) and then choose something else entirely. Some might thus ridicule our inspiration to help the African women. What it is is this: we accept the correction from 'higher' aspects' while not condoning the method used to direct us. There is always a third option and we are those will take it. We shall end up where least expected that is core-directed and perfectly  synchronized in every moment!
As we sleep, eat, eat, rinse and repeat, we are embodying the answers to our prayers: oneness with god, upgrading our DNA, wholeness and healing........ sleep, eat, make a difference, rinse and repeat.....sleeping every chance we claim.
Sleep, eat, rinse repeat.....it's snowing, I laundered my sheets...it's the "spirits of the air" we nail while "making pretty" with humanity......

Another Existential Crisis

  At least I've finally learned how to handle it gracefully, lol
That time of year again! Everyone is falling apart around me.......... runs to the emergency room so the kids are with their sitter who suddenly has to go to the emergency room, too. I had an appointment today, but she is in the emergency room as well. The 12:12 gate is nearing, which means my immortal lover is, too.........."He" who wants to be embodied by me but hates me true......
  With a word I can end it for them..... the pain, the fear, the lack of knowledge and understanding......Every single one. If they would let me. And of those who do? They return to their ways of thinking, believing, perceiving that made them sick to begin with. And so my bitterness sets in. What is the use?
  There came a day I had no control over it. It just happened. Everything and everyone I spoke to, touched: immediate change in their conditions. Then it slowly dissipated. The demons drawn to the immense energies left with it, my confusion over the attacks going with it.......
  This time of another year I tested it: I consciously chose to offer to help with a migraine and it left. Ah, so it had not dissipated, I had been given authority over it. I got to choose. Shall I choose only those who would do the work to draw it forth from within, make the changes within themselves that would let that healing live?
  Oh, but then I am condemning them. They would have to go through what I went through: awakening after awakening to various aspects. They would have to be looking straight into the face of that which twisted them and own it. Hunger, homelessness, loss of relationships......I am thus an angel of death...can I be O.K. with me?
     I am she who is soft and sweet and rabid..........
     The shame and ridicule of my "silliness", my silliness fighting back with hatred, fear and it's own disdain......persecution from the disembodied aspect from without and within as I fight "him" for self-ownership, self-determination while I crave the wholeness, "his" strength......
  All the while suffering I can relieve continues........
  So what form shall my stepping up take then? Market myself, ask for recommendations...cheap parlor tricks, marketing, the making of a commodity out of me, my energy....disdain for those who want to become followers, discomfort with worship. Then you get those who just want a low-level psychic, who do not listen when you tell them not to pursue....they once were me and so I've reached the maturity to accept and love those who are looking, the seekers and then I am reminded of those who refuse, who want a moment of improvement but are too attached to being sick and helpless...disdaining the gift I have given....who or what would they be/do if they weren't the handicapped, the needy one? Fear of what would I be? Oh, yes, I have been there, too. So, love and accept.......feel no shame for when I forget, for forget I will indeed, that's the first thing that happens, it seems. So far from us goes the un-well being, we forget it even existed. I'll have to remember to remind me and feel no shame when accusations of "hypocrite!" come from within me. Soften the beast I must embody to be whole, to be all I can be.
  There's a bad moon on the rise......will you allow me to take YOUR life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUQiUFZ5RDw

Maybe I'll just let all the thoughts slide, simply allow, and trust: "I've got this!"

I'm in love!

     I had someone tell me how they loved their spouse, their spouse was the only one they felt safe having sex with, that they were living separate because there were things about each other they didn't do so well living with. They love one another but are not "in love" with one another.
     This being in love has been a theme for me the past few days and I remembered my lessons on who and what is responsible for our feelings......not limited to emotional feelings like anger, fear, happiness, but also feelings that are more experienced as sensations. Synchronistically, someone else mentioned not being in love and this is what I answered:
    I was given to reflect on this "in love" thing the past few days. If it be true that all our feelings are ours and no one else is responsible for them.....if others can only be participants in circumstances that serve as facilitators in triggering feelings in us, our expansion in these feelings/dimensions/facets of us being embodied.....well, then "in love" is one of them and I can summon it in any given moment, embody it perpetually if something else I'm embodying doesn't diminish it....and so I did....I summoned the feeling of being "in love" having a smoke with my morning coffee. In this way, I experience being in love every day. If I choose to embody it in another's presence and allow them to share in it's eminence from within me, it triggers theirs and causes it to spread, increase among those who no longer project to infect more and more of our shared reality. We could invite oneanother without attachment, condition, dependency, expectation to be "in love" with(alongside) us..."today, will you be in love with me?"

I'm in love with you already!

Time dissolved

  I woke this morning with my 'expanded self' coming in with the comment "Another day, my goodness they are so repetitive!", lol This was followed by the reflections of the relationship between the eternal non-physical and limited physical aspects. The physical would normally react insecurely, getting offended at the eternal's observations. Throughout the day I 'smelled' ideas that would have normally been embodied with angst experienced due to them: must be ready to respond within a certain amount of time, etc. I did not embody them, however. I chose to let them go instead. The physical still experiences a bit of sense of lack as oneness is embodied with the eternal aspect every day upon waking, but the relationship is open, communication honest, compassion extended between both aspects. Talk about walking in another's shoes to gain understanding...how about in their hair, their skin, their heart and brain? Ahhhh, to be a spirit and see it that way! No overlord observing from a distance forcing the acting out of what 'should' happen. No, oneness with consideration for the perspective, lending trust leading to surrender and love flowing unlimited, unconditionally. That is where we are going! The giving up of treasures by each! And in return the physical feels what it feels like to be eternal, outside of time and days and seasons.............
  Along with this, every time I go shopping I get way more than usual for the 'money'. Recently I got the sense of money just swirling about above us in the ethers, just spreading it's self as summoned, drawn in at every opportunity it is given like leaves blowing about in a cyclone on the wind.....

The Power to Imbue

   Some time ago, this time last year probably, I was given to know I had the power to imbue. "What? Like stones?", wondered me. Shall I create protection charms or something? To what avail? I saw no value in imbuing things with qualities I had already. My essence didn't need separating from me. So, I let it rest.
   Under the indigo sky this very evening while being reminded of knowledge people are needing of which I had already written (and damn, I hate having to be repeating) it came to me: I could imbue this reality. A 'chill' of recognition went up my spine. To imbue my reality with intelligence, loyalty, my own level of self-awareness, health and well-being, crisp, clean, clear waters, a healthy environment, the serenity that lives in me.......shudder after shudder up my spine and throughout my body......imbuing one's reality.......quite a fascinating possibility!

Dreamscape: earthworm implant, 'green card' marriage, vehicles maintaining

  I spent some time on the edge of sleep experiencing this scenario......
The masculine energies looking after me had taken a part of a worm from the arm of the one coming to our country and implanted it in me. It was so he would be drawn to me, know where to find me, like a tracking method. It would also prove to authorities he had a right to be here, an authentication thing. At first it was unobtrusive, it began to grow and wiggle becoming uncomfortable and now is big, lively and hurting. Now I'm asking.
  During this time I'm given to take care of two vehicles and the masculine entities are proud and complimentary about my handling of them, the choices I'm making for them.
  In the physical my fortitude and surety in my perspective is being tested and challenged. The spirits coming to inhabit those around me, uncomfortable for me to be around. One example is a family in crisis. A man comes and is instigating toward a sick little girl: "smile for me, I love your smile, so pretty".....it's not all about you, dude and we females were not put on this earth to smile for you on demand I observe, so used to such men I no longer get offended or angry about their selfishness......then a hawk appears overhead, circling. Hawks have become a sign for me and so I allow my spirit to match the soaring, graceful serenity of the hawk's soaring. The man says to hawk "Oh, you see something you are wanting". Suddenly this man is all "Mr. Healer", laying his hand on the babe's head, looking all reflective. My presence is perceived as threatening to entities inhabiting those around me and when that happens, life feels treacherous. I get angry looks for casual conversation, being understanding, compassionate, etc. The advancement is this: I no longer doubt me, fear the spark of energy of anger they get, no longer think I am crazy or misreading those around me! Yay! No more shame, self doubt or insecurity!
     I've no longer been looking at men as potential romantic interests. I simply wait until what I am given to say sends them off into 'thinking deeply', awakening or to 'wrestle with their angels/demons'. Just the routine of one choosing embodiment, no personal attachment or investment looked for or expected.
   This is the second time earthworms have figured into my spirit language to my conscious mind (dreamscape). In between, I've been absentmindedly 'rescuing' earthworms that have wandered out of the grass after the rains, now that I think of it.
   From the dream I simply get that yes, some aspects of life are uncomfortable for me, everyone around me is mixing up in each other's emotional energy, experiencing crisis, etc and I feel every bit of it empathically. They're highly conscious (thankfully!), thoughtful, loving, attentive but untrained in what to do with all of it.Then there are the challenges of power and certainty. I choose my intuition, to stand in the perspective I am given; an unmoveable mountain simultaneously a flowing river of energy and emotion, compassion and understanding. Multi-faceted embodiment! The highest potential of humanity!
  At the same time, I am complimented, appreciated and have that expressed to me. I am nurtured and flowing in loving feelings. I feel good about me!
   I'm also expecting to be the training ground vessel of an 'alien' masculine spirit whose arrival is imminent.

Undermining Power

      I was always confused and thrown off, heartbroken and devastated, thinking something was wrong with me as a pattern kept repeating in my experience. I just wasn't getting something and it was leaving me feeling persecuted, evil, a poison to everyone and everything I would be included in. A part of me refused to believe it because I approached everything sincerely and innocently with love in my heart and understanding and acceptance of others my only intentions.
     Then this morning, I was given to see.
      The pattern was this: I would seek a spiritual teacher and family. I would get the hang of things. I would then get expanded understandings and share them delightedly. They were met with aggression and intentional undermining and demonizing of me. I would enter a secular field and experience the same thing. I developed a persecution complex with a chip on my shoulder while refusing to believe in anything but my innocence, a great rift, a great wounding.
     This morning I faced another undermining when I had followed another's example for guidance and allowed synchronicity to deliver the rest to fill in where they had not equipped me. After attending my hurt while basking in the blessed perfection I was given to perform in, the understanding was received by my head that had refused to see me as anything but how I saw me.....truth, perfection, goodness, love, kindness, perceptiveness, understanding, acceptance...these undermine the powers that exist from oppression and 'righteousness'(legislated rightness). They flow right in like water beneath a cliff and wash away it's sandy, fragile foundations exposing 'weaknesses', untruths, 'unrighteousness'. In retaliation, those thus undermined consciously undermine the one coming with goodness, expanding, bringing in more than them. It's tit for tat, eye for an eye, in their minds energetically equal vengeance and thus justice. The truth they seek is perceived as and made into an enemy. In their minds I am being punished fairly.
  That is hard to take, but in understanding comes acceptance....finally. Rift filled in, chip discarded, no longer a victim, no longer naive...still innocent.