Who is the problem?

     For so many of us, we got the idea that we were the problem. Whether it was someone else who told us we were the problem or it began as an idea of ourselves simply because the world was not responding as we thought it should...... when we become overwhelmed by the idea that we are the problem, we are subconsciously driven to become the problem. Some of us get so consumed by it, we create problems in the absence of them, all the while blaming someone or something else because, in fact, that is where the problem began: conflict with the world around us.
     We CAN make a liar out of that idea by opening up to where we did indeed become and create problems, owning it, while also devoutly owning where we are NOT the problem....appropriately disowning the label.
     We may not know where to begin on our own. This where books CAN help so long as we know we can take what serves and leave the rest. Don't believe everything you read, but take it into consideration when it does seem to make sense. The good thing about books is that we usually do not take anything "said" in them personally, as we so often might when being confronted with information one-on-one. Sometimes we can be more objective when reading than in conversation. It can be an effective way to take our power back.
     Some things we can read up on: cult recovery, non-violent communication, science of the meme, freeing the mind. The idea is to grasp the principles and apply them to every relationship; whether that be the cult within where one aspect dominates the rest, conflict in personal relationships, relationship with governing bodies, social organizations, teacher/student relations......anything and anyone we are in relationship with: is relevant to our experience and daily interactions.
    In virtually every conflict, BOTH sides are the problem to some degree in some respect. Even if it is simply by participating and thus enabling the relationship, we are to some degree responsible for it. Every victim is thus an auser and every auser a victim. They are not mutually exclusive.

PTSDiscernment-

I've already posted how the trigger for my recovering from post traumatic stress disorder was the explanation that this is what happens to a healthy brain that has experienced trauma.
Then it is given to me "out of the blue" to entertain the idea that "flashbacks" are subconscious communications of "what is in your experience feels like........(insert previous trauma)". 
So, for example, a war vet may not intellectually be able to grasp that their marriage, family, community relationships are war zones (as well as reflections of our inner workings/self talk). The subtle body is freaking out because it is being assaulted energetically, subliminally, so it sends the message: we're being assaulted. The only images the mind can grasp as reason for intense fight, freeze or flight are actually wars they have been in.
If this be true, "healing" of PTSD can occur if we re-label it PTSDiscernment and can educate exactly how it is we are living in a "culture of rape". The culture is what needs a cure, not the people subjected to it." 

A great seal has gone out

There's a point to this story-----
When I was in labor with my third child, it was all natural (no painkillers, nerve blockers,epidurals, etc). Someone was present that I did not want to be there to begin with. So when that individual attempted to 'help', I simply and quietly stated as nice and reasonable as I could muster, knowing I was the one in pain and not wanting to take it out on them unreasonably; "Please do not do that, it is driving me crazy". They were so very offended. This surprised me, but they were very immature.
The mother of one of my niece's bit her mother's hand, stories come of women doing all kinds of yelling, cursing, acts of violence.....
Labor is painful. Some are responsible for themselves and some just project and strike out.
Spiritual, emotional, intellectual labor is no different, male or female. Some of us expand, grow, taking responsibility for their own discomfort while taking in the "offense" from those unwilling and/or unable to grow with them, appreciate the self-control it takes to be considerate during their darkest hours. Mostly, however, people yearn for inner peace, for better circumstances, praying fervently. When the vessel comes to deliver what is needed to trigger the labor with a different perspective, response, choice of actions, etc. they strike out. Instead of apologizing, their pride keeps them from acknowledging they struck out where they shouldn't have. They then demonize the vessel and their actions, take credit for their own growth and act in accordance with the gift while remaining hollow and becoming even more swallowed up by darkness (denial), making their condition even worse than they began with.
A great seal has gone out and sounded in the heavens. Those who want their vessels conditioned will agree to prevent the striking out from happening, preserving the "messenger vessel's " sense of safety. That way resistance will no longer continue to exist in the "messenger vessels" and the messages can be delivered much more gently. No longer will they be "sent" across the "oceans". The vessels to be conditioned must be made the seekers and go out to the messenger vessels. They have reached their relief and maturity.
That is the illustration given to me this evening, whether for my own individual sense of comfort from my own inner being or an actual universal declaration, we shall see. ;)

When money represents justification for one's existence

     I was wondering why a weekly appointment triggered so much resentment in me, PTSD fight/flight/freeze responses. Instead of getting back into the workforce full time, I chose to ease my way back in to avoid overwhelming and burnout. Thus, my employment income is supplemented with TANF (welfare). In order to receive it, I have to go in person every week to waste paper with accounting for my time and acknowledging it with a signature......as if a paycheck stub is not enough.
    When we seek self-determination, empowerment, to leave the realm of abusive relationships, on each of these fronts the key is given: stop explaining yourself, feeling a need to justify your choices. Once one gets re-aligned with that quality of natural sovereignty, anything that smells like being demanded of for an explanation or justification is immediately recognized by the subconscious. It is so insidious in our culture, comes in so many guises, we may not recognize it. Being on welfare and having to account for your time (justify yourself) is just a more obvious violation of those who are receiving welfare probably because they have suffered the most extreme traumas our society has to offer.
    We have the right to life, and by extension, the right to anything needed to sustain it. That's why even if we have the money to pay them, bills hurt. We have the money (the evidence of justified right) to continue to avail ourselves of a service (electric, the roof over our head, etc). When you apply for a job, you are presenting evidence to justify employment to get the money to pay the bills. You are explaining your choices to prove your right to life (no money for food, no food, you die: you lose your right to life). We're trained to do so from childhood, not just in obvious "Why did you do that?!" from exasperated parents, but to not so obvious such as in school; having to "show your work". So many aspects of daily life in mainstream society are traumatic and those of us who are sensitively aware of it, truly empowered with natural sense of sovereignty, are deemed "weak", irresponsible, lazy, etc......accused of not having their shit together. Turns out they ARE the stronger.
 
   So, I loved the parts of myself feeling violated.........and suddenly I was relieved of the weekly appointment.

Distancing Self from Standing Rock

    Seeds from the new, from the Rainbow Tribe, have been planted. What takes root shall live. That which didn't shall wither or go out with a bang (and who wouldn't want to go out with a bang if they had to go out? ;)  ).
    So much pain at the separation, ritual shall be required, a FB friends list thinned out and information highways un-followed. A mourning of what is beautiful (pageantry of headdresses and feathers)  as it takes what is ugly with it (the black snake, dysfunctional patriarchy and a whole system of rape and abuse....it's overwhelming shall be no victory).
   I spoke with a neighbor who sympathizes with the other side. The officers and agents tortured emotionally in having to face the protectors; their wives and family and neighbors will support annihilation of the protectors so that they may ease the pain of conscience of the officers, soldiers and agents. This neighbor reported how she saw on "news" reports that people in the camps were starving and freezing to death. That means the stage has been set. "For the good of the people in the camps", the feds will step in and "fight the extremists who won't let the innocents save themselves from the devastating cold". The loss of prayerful, peaceful lives will be blamed on the supposed extremists and those who suffer from conscience shall be quieted by what "tickles the ears": some had to be lost in the crossfire because the worst had convinced them to stay. We've lived through Waco and Ruby Ridge; whiteness does not matter to the feds.
   And yes, the ripples shall create waves and consciousness will change. These are the birth pains. The new is on it's way.......we are not protesters or protectors, we are respecters and She blossoms under our affection....
  The Earth is just fine. Her surface can be raped and pillaged and made stark naked. She will wait until we have all suffocated and then burst forth with life; evolved, intuitive and respectful of her....she needs no protection, only affection, delight and appreciation.

It is also our differences that make us equal, for no two people are 100% the same.

                               It is our differences that make us equal, for no two people are the same.
We have been raised in a climate of thinking that it's all or nothing; you either stand with us 100% or you're against us. It's a black and white world out there on many fronts. Under that perception life can seem so limited and so full of enemies. That can be intimidating and fear is dis-empowering. We feel cornered and frustrated with everything. What they don't tell us is that we have this gift of discernment and we are allowed to use it. When we use it, we empower ourselves. We see friends everywhere, some who might differ slightly in only one area but a fellow human being just the same.
       Life is like a buffet. We are not required to eat everything on it just because we have purchased permission to access it. Just because we choose not to put peas on our plate, the cook does not come storming out of the kitchen, kicking us out of the restaurant, complaining "You don't like me! Fine! No eating from the buffet I prepared!".  We don't go see the peas on the buffet and wage war on kitchen staff for their being there. We simply choose something we DO want to eat.
     Every evening I see the deer come into town to graze. Where we are told to keep our children away for a few days and warning signs are up because the grass has just been sprayed with weed killer, the deer are eating. Then the deer leave town come morning to return to places where they may be hunted. Those who hunt are eating those deer whose bodies are polluted with chemicals. One does not have to be anti-hunting to allow for the idea of a bit of environmental consciousness to be considered a good thing. You don't have to feed your children toxic deer meat just because another wants feds to come in. Conversely, to want a bit more of environmental consciousness does not mean one has to support the federal government owning everything. Taking authority from locals puts in the hands of those whose children aren't swimming in our rivers, drinking from these waters and eating food grown on this land: they aren't going to be as invested in it, know it or understand what it needs.
  If we learn to make peace with the existence of the buffet and our fellow restaurant patrons, the need for bigger forces to come in to break up and settle things is diminished. Does a like of peas really qualify as reason to dehumanize our neighbors, belittle their appetites, abuse them intellectually, emotionally and even physically in extreme frustration with an all or nothing perception of what it means to be at a buffet? Do you really want to be seen as threat and a bully, less than a reasoning capable human being?
  Listening to our neighbor's concerns doesn't mean we have to give up our entire stockpile of world views. Just because a part of another's world view challenges us, it does not mean we have to give up on being human.  Conceding a point or two does not make us traitors to all of who we believe ourselves to be. It might actually set US free as individuals, empowering and affirming our own ability to think critically/discerningly. A different perspective can be an asset, an opportunity to add to our own wealth of knowledge and understanding of the ways of things. We aren't required or expected to know everything! That's where other perspectives come in handy. We can set ourselves free from fear, frustration and the illusion of being surrounded by enemies. We are ALL surrounded by fellow human beings who just want some peace and the freedom to just breath, knowing we truly have access to everything we need and feeds our idea of what happiness means.
   It is also our differences that make us equal, for no two people are 100% the same.