My heart continues to release and heal. This, of course liberates any other aspects that have been holding energy for it. As these bubbles of fear are released, holy moly- it's the etheric version of tooth pain. That 'just want to claw out of our own skin' level of pain. Like squeezing a pimple nerve pain we have to deal with to get rid of the subtle perpetual dull throbbing against the nerve situation. A moment's sharper pain to get rid of long term suffering. It occurs to me why people don't want to do this. Better to keep it repressed where we don't think it is not felt, let it slowly kill us and 'not know it'/dull our awareness of it. I can understand how it would kill someone of a heart attack or something. I want full souled liberation, however, no matter what it takes. I got a taste of it. There's no going back from that. Going back would be harder than just letting go and let all this happen. That IS all it takes; allowing the process. Easier said than done when we instinctively move away from pain. I know with each phase of release, it's quicker and easier.
Last night I let go of something. I made a video this morning. I was happy with it. I was happy to have put it out there with no expectations or understanding of what may result from it. I just happily went on to other things. Then it hit me; there are a whole lot of feelings I would have had and had had in the past as a result of doing something like that. uh, oh. Yup, all the pain my heart took on from those thoughts and self criticisms and expected criticisms the last time I thought of putting myself out there had to go. So, yeah, that gotta get out of my skin suffering. 'This is everything working out for me" 'Love what arises", breathe! Panic attacks after panic attacks..."just breath", "love what arises", "this is everything working out for me". It's like giving birth without the physical results discernible to the world. Screw what others may or may not believe I'm doing! I seriously, literally haven't got energy to waste on such stupid unaware shit like being called lazy, not doing anything, my children need to get outside more, being home alone so much isn't good for me and every other common idiocy. I haven't got room for even "forgive them for they know not what they do'. screw that shit, I'm moving mountains here, out of the way!
That must be the state of being I came to while I slept. I woke from a nap thinking it was morning and I had slept over 12 hours; I was so well rested. Felt like I had passed through alot of time. I had obviously burnt up a whole lot of toxic energy because I was soaked in sweat. That's when more panicked, etherically painful release happened; I woke with the sense of 'fuck that shit; ain't got time for it' associated with a vague worry about what someone else was thinking. I had cut loose the sand bags holding me down instead of fiddling with tedious knots and details......nothing but distractions that hold no significant value worthy of the effort and attention. I had only slept three hours.
I understood why a loving heart might not want to drop a million dollars in my lap with a lottery ticket and fast track me into my dream life. It was given to me to know yesterday afternoon. (The plan of the "powers that be". Ya'll psychotic, man. I am not your proving toy! The things we don't know are going on in them thar spirit realms! Life plans and soul agreements we aren't aware of or necessarily privy to.) The only way, it is believed, the people who 'help' the homeless will be made aware of what giving people time to get out of survival mode can do is to show them by using someone like me. (Yeah, they knew what my reaction would be.) Going from here to a six figure income doing what I do instead of struggling to get a minimum wage job that will burn me out after a short time and have me right back into homelessness; they would see value in what I say. They would see value in not forcing and pushing and requiring, etc. (Oh, yeah, it's hitting me moment by moment and I'm trying to leave it be....my children! grrrrr the shit I put up with with sending them to school, CPS worker.....oh yeah, ya'll better be running in another direction.) That's only IF those 'helping' the homeless want to know; IF it would actually be appreciated. "We can't do that for everybody" might be the response and excuse for not making changes. Law of Attraction, as taught these days, states that an agenda to prove or change something creates resistance to change. Trying to prove something to anyone else is self-defeating and defeats the opportunity to sweep them up into the change we've got high speed momentum of already created. (hrumph! Yeah, outta here)
Ever try to 'help' a child with something they're determined to tackle themselves? They'll bite ya! lol Well, that child lives in a very good many of us. That is why it is said that we will not change until we tire of the fight. We'll find one reason after another to push against, to protest, to fight, to argue, to take up a cause, to take up a side until we are dead tired and have nothing left to give or are beaten up, bloody and unconscious; metaphorically speaking. Bar room brawls ending like that don't necessarily get into people's heads that they've hit rock bottom. We live in a culture that flaunts and idealizes and idolizes 'keep on going', 'push through it', 'don't stop', 'don't quit', 'be strong', 'be tough', 'be consistent', 'accept no excuses'. I think Nike got it right with "Just Do It". Drop the resistance, the worries, the over thinking and just do it. Drop the baggage and just do it.
I dropped the baggage and am dropping more as I choose to "Just Do It".
(oh, there's some baggage being dropped up in this house, lol, this in parenthesis topic obviously isn't part of it yet)
Wow! One clandestined thought process, three hours of sleep and I change my whole trajectory! The lines cut, this hot hair balloon is rising. There is no guilt in the idea of handing over the key to my apartment and blowing this clambake. "What's going on?". No guilt or regret or remorse with the response; "None of your business. You blew your chance to ask." Leave 'em hanging. The wondering will kill them and eventually they won't be able to resist seeking out this blog. Then, change will come. That gives me an idea, somewhat unrelated but one I was awaiting.
oooooo; the financial power to walk away from anything without having to leave everything behind. I like it....immensely
I just learned that it's Quantum Leap day today. After the above experience; I believe it.
No wonder I woke up with an "ain't got time for that shit" perspective; I was coming to in a whole new body with a whole new experience of this shared reality. Aches and pains usually associated with these kinds of sleeps, which feel like the symptoms of chronic fatigue, were noticeably absent.
I think I have a camper coming......
Right relationship within self recognizes appreciation in delight and has no need to hear '"thank you". Delight is the gratitude.
Saturday, February 29, 2020
Friday, February 28, 2020
We are the book of life
Last night I felt the bubble of infection in my heart burst open and release it's toxins. There's alot of sadness and crying. I had trouble getting my Walmart cash card to sync with my Paypal account due to address changes, etc. I had felt the old resentment toward financial and legal institutions as the blocking of me out of my Paypal account occurred. As energy flows from our core, our central sun, our source upwards, it passes through the heart and affects how it enters our brain. If the heart has been hurt, the brain sees an enemy in that which hurt the heart and the thoughts it entertains and generates are in alignment with what the heart is feeling. Our cognitive abilities are affected.
Our heart latches onto something desired and we're told that there's not enough money. We're told there are restrictions, terms and conditions to be met in order to access it. That is in complete contrast with what our source knows. Knowing is powerful. It is stronger than believing. Especially when we are young, knowing is knowing and anything not in alignment with the knowing is a brutal attack to the heart that is in agreement with the core knowing. Oh, the dear, sweet children! Even the injection of doubt hurts the heart. "What if it doesn't work?", a sincerely asked question born of the speaker's fear, insecurity, doubt hurts the knowing heart. The speaker has just injected their own fear and doubt into that heart. For many of us, the brutality of more, stronger contrasting responses create bitter hatred and resentment toward the one expressing the denial of the ease and grace with which we are meant to receive what is in our heart. On top of that, what the heart latches onto is often an assault it's self as the wanting of it is attributed to negative intents such as being greedy, unhealthy, etc.
So, if we are wanting to live a 'heart centered reality', we want to allow our heart to cleanse it's self of all it's wounds and retrain our brain's cognitive pathways, called neuropathways. We may need to engage in exercises to get it's normally and naturally self-healing gears going in the restored direction we've chosen to re-embody.
As I stood outside, as is my routine each morning upon waking, I listened to the birds and looked at the trees. In front of our building is a stand of evergreens chopped off in the middle to create room for the electrical wires. I was prompted to remember what Anastasia of "The Ringing Ceders of Russia" book series said about the trees and bushes and flowers; that they are each letters in an alphabet, the arrangement of them growing naturally as sentences and paragraphs and books. Our subconscious, no doubt, is able to read it and so it is that we heal in nature. "The word of God is alive" comes to mind. The living language of God growing up all around us, enveloping us in it's message. Walking through a book, so to speak. We are a natural aspect of the environment and so we, too, are letters, sentences, chapters in our eyes, our hair, our nails, our skin. We are books of life walking about in the book of life, the words of God constantly re-arranging themselves to communicate in each and every moment; focused in the now moment, a part of the now moment, creating the now moment.
A pair of Canadian or Snow geese flew overhead. I love to see what they are reflecting back at me, so I look up the spiritual significance of the presence of animals in my experience. Native Americans call them totems when they are strongly with us for a long time. I just Google search "spirit medicine" and the animal. "The path I am on is my own. I am connected to the Universe." ha! Synchronicity! I had just been thinking how everything in nature has niche. A bird may be a bird, yet each bird has it's own niche in the domain of birdiness. Yeah, I just made that word up. A new reality, a new experience of this reality, a new life, a new world, new words makes sense. I digressed. If every living being has a niche, it only stands to reason that we, as well, would have our own unique niche. We may be a public speaker, but we certainly have our own specialized niche amongst public speakers, with our own unique ring. Our own unique call, tweet, honk, if you will; in birdiness terms. Hee, hee.
The implications continue to pour in: the way we interact with natural things, the way we touch and treat the Earth, the way we touch and speak to one another, these are all conversations with God. The state of our body is evidence of the state of our relationship with God. Our illnesses are telling us how that conversation is going. Our bursts of energy and feeling good signify a delightful interaction. Our "self talk" is our self declarations before God, our prayers, and so He answers them. If we say we are weak, He validates His hearing and answer by sending an assailant. If we say to ourselves; "I cannot", God responds with blockages. I am strong! I am loving! I am glorious! I am wonderful and wondrous! I am delightful! I am magnificent! I am brilliant! I AM The Bright and Morning Star shining the light of God into the world with pristine clarity! I AM the dawn of a new day!
To sin is "to miss the point of being human". I'm afraid we've indeed missed the point completely. That is why he told Moses; "That is not the name by which I had been known (addressed)". Aha! moment, yes? We are to address God with "I AM"! When we address Him, we do so with self-declarations!
"If you are to know God, look at nature"; the bible states. I imagine those who garden with a level of expertise are highly and finely tuned in to this language, the language of God, so to speak. Gardners, "People of the Earth". That is the original definition of "Pagan". Originally, it was the term used to refer to the Jews by the 'civilized' communities around them. Jesus would have been called a "Filthy Pagan" long before Christians adopted the phrase to refer to those who don't practice their now "civilized" faith rituals. Like resentful children, they played the name calling game; "I know you are, but what am I?". To embrace the term Pagan and practices associated with it is to embrace, once again, the language of God; our relationship with it and thus Him.
And so I begin my day with a healing heart and the assurance that I am not doing what I am doing in pursuing this entrepreneurial concept because I am taking on the pressure that was delivered to me on Wednesday morning during "the meeting" and that what I am choosing is in alignment with Universal flow, Divine Ordinance, my purpose, my niche or natural place in the world.
It further occurs to me that this is fulfillment of the promise of what I was given to see the other morning; My light shooting up to meet a white light that burst through the dark layers of heaven (hell, Hades, lower vibrational consciousness), pushing them away to shine before me. My heart resists the coming accusations such as: "how dare you presume to declare such a thing?!" and softens as it reasons back while I see out of my peripheries the strong breeze blowing through those evergreens; "It's as natural as the wind in the trees". Soft, sweet serenity with my own beliefs born of inner knowing. Indeed, my place in the world.
You will have to convince yourself of yours.
So now my boots must hit the ground to do the practical applications of this system of things. This momma bear wears combat boots ;) Yet, I am not 'strong'; I am fit for what needs doing. I 'smell' the opposition/contrasting thoughts drawn in to do their job. This prompts my mantra for the day which dispels them as I do not let their thought forms hit, attach themselves, find root, are fully grasped by my brain; "As natural as the breeze blowing amidst the trees".
Our heart latches onto something desired and we're told that there's not enough money. We're told there are restrictions, terms and conditions to be met in order to access it. That is in complete contrast with what our source knows. Knowing is powerful. It is stronger than believing. Especially when we are young, knowing is knowing and anything not in alignment with the knowing is a brutal attack to the heart that is in agreement with the core knowing. Oh, the dear, sweet children! Even the injection of doubt hurts the heart. "What if it doesn't work?", a sincerely asked question born of the speaker's fear, insecurity, doubt hurts the knowing heart. The speaker has just injected their own fear and doubt into that heart. For many of us, the brutality of more, stronger contrasting responses create bitter hatred and resentment toward the one expressing the denial of the ease and grace with which we are meant to receive what is in our heart. On top of that, what the heart latches onto is often an assault it's self as the wanting of it is attributed to negative intents such as being greedy, unhealthy, etc.
So, if we are wanting to live a 'heart centered reality', we want to allow our heart to cleanse it's self of all it's wounds and retrain our brain's cognitive pathways, called neuropathways. We may need to engage in exercises to get it's normally and naturally self-healing gears going in the restored direction we've chosen to re-embody.
As I stood outside, as is my routine each morning upon waking, I listened to the birds and looked at the trees. In front of our building is a stand of evergreens chopped off in the middle to create room for the electrical wires. I was prompted to remember what Anastasia of "The Ringing Ceders of Russia" book series said about the trees and bushes and flowers; that they are each letters in an alphabet, the arrangement of them growing naturally as sentences and paragraphs and books. Our subconscious, no doubt, is able to read it and so it is that we heal in nature. "The word of God is alive" comes to mind. The living language of God growing up all around us, enveloping us in it's message. Walking through a book, so to speak. We are a natural aspect of the environment and so we, too, are letters, sentences, chapters in our eyes, our hair, our nails, our skin. We are books of life walking about in the book of life, the words of God constantly re-arranging themselves to communicate in each and every moment; focused in the now moment, a part of the now moment, creating the now moment.
A pair of Canadian or Snow geese flew overhead. I love to see what they are reflecting back at me, so I look up the spiritual significance of the presence of animals in my experience. Native Americans call them totems when they are strongly with us for a long time. I just Google search "spirit medicine" and the animal. "The path I am on is my own. I am connected to the Universe." ha! Synchronicity! I had just been thinking how everything in nature has niche. A bird may be a bird, yet each bird has it's own niche in the domain of birdiness. Yeah, I just made that word up. A new reality, a new experience of this reality, a new life, a new world, new words makes sense. I digressed. If every living being has a niche, it only stands to reason that we, as well, would have our own unique niche. We may be a public speaker, but we certainly have our own specialized niche amongst public speakers, with our own unique ring. Our own unique call, tweet, honk, if you will; in birdiness terms. Hee, hee.
The implications continue to pour in: the way we interact with natural things, the way we touch and treat the Earth, the way we touch and speak to one another, these are all conversations with God. The state of our body is evidence of the state of our relationship with God. Our illnesses are telling us how that conversation is going. Our bursts of energy and feeling good signify a delightful interaction. Our "self talk" is our self declarations before God, our prayers, and so He answers them. If we say we are weak, He validates His hearing and answer by sending an assailant. If we say to ourselves; "I cannot", God responds with blockages. I am strong! I am loving! I am glorious! I am wonderful and wondrous! I am delightful! I am magnificent! I am brilliant! I AM The Bright and Morning Star shining the light of God into the world with pristine clarity! I AM the dawn of a new day!
To sin is "to miss the point of being human". I'm afraid we've indeed missed the point completely. That is why he told Moses; "That is not the name by which I had been known (addressed)". Aha! moment, yes? We are to address God with "I AM"! When we address Him, we do so with self-declarations!
"If you are to know God, look at nature"; the bible states. I imagine those who garden with a level of expertise are highly and finely tuned in to this language, the language of God, so to speak. Gardners, "People of the Earth". That is the original definition of "Pagan". Originally, it was the term used to refer to the Jews by the 'civilized' communities around them. Jesus would have been called a "Filthy Pagan" long before Christians adopted the phrase to refer to those who don't practice their now "civilized" faith rituals. Like resentful children, they played the name calling game; "I know you are, but what am I?". To embrace the term Pagan and practices associated with it is to embrace, once again, the language of God; our relationship with it and thus Him.
And so I begin my day with a healing heart and the assurance that I am not doing what I am doing in pursuing this entrepreneurial concept because I am taking on the pressure that was delivered to me on Wednesday morning during "the meeting" and that what I am choosing is in alignment with Universal flow, Divine Ordinance, my purpose, my niche or natural place in the world.
It further occurs to me that this is fulfillment of the promise of what I was given to see the other morning; My light shooting up to meet a white light that burst through the dark layers of heaven (hell, Hades, lower vibrational consciousness), pushing them away to shine before me. My heart resists the coming accusations such as: "how dare you presume to declare such a thing?!" and softens as it reasons back while I see out of my peripheries the strong breeze blowing through those evergreens; "It's as natural as the wind in the trees". Soft, sweet serenity with my own beliefs born of inner knowing. Indeed, my place in the world.
You will have to convince yourself of yours.
So now my boots must hit the ground to do the practical applications of this system of things. This momma bear wears combat boots ;) Yet, I am not 'strong'; I am fit for what needs doing. I 'smell' the opposition/contrasting thoughts drawn in to do their job. This prompts my mantra for the day which dispels them as I do not let their thought forms hit, attach themselves, find root, are fully grasped by my brain; "As natural as the breeze blowing amidst the trees".
Wednesday, February 26, 2020
The rant had to come out
I embodied the understanding of this morning's meeting and the blessings that came with it. This is the life-giving water. Increase that and the dross oil must come up and out. One thing clear: what I do, I do for me and was in the plan anyways. Fine, God/life/ Universe/Source wants to give me impedance to not fall back or hesitate before this door. Threats and intimidation don't feel good. "There are others we can be helping". So, I'm not worth helping because I'm not submitting to threats? GASLIGHTING, baby, GASLIGHTING. That doesn't feel good either. They do not understand how they themselves set the people they're "helping" up for failure. They traumatize those who are already traumatized to the point of disability, force them into traumatizing work environments and wonder why they need help again in short order. Their clients aren't the problem; they are. It's the patch 'em up and toss 'em back into a system that further cripples them so they see the results they think are successful and have the numbers to show to get their funding.
Now, I could tell those same people the following story and wonder what kind of fool my kidnapper was. They would not be able to imagine how he could ever believe what he said, that he could think like that. And yet their dissociation with their inner selves causes them to fail to realize that their belief in what they're saying, that they can even think as they do, makes them the exact same kind of fool.
I had broken up with an abuser. I was sleeping in a camper with myself and my two small children. The camper's electric was plugged into the house of those who were allowing us to stay on their property. I could not drive the camper myself because my abuser had rigged the breaks and gas with strings to control them instead of the pedals. I woke in the middle of night to him, drunk, driving off with us in the camper, tearing the electric cord out of the house. As he drives us up into the mountains of California, well out of cell phone range, I tell him; "Don't you realize you're kidnapping us?!". His response; "No, you can't kidnap your own woman and children". Wow, right? And yet the very people who say "wow" fail to realize their verbal abuse, their idea of love is just as ridiculous and out of touch with reality as his was.
That is why when asked today; "Who did that?!", my response was; "It doesn't matter". Like kicking a dead horse. The only response I would have gotten would have been; "Well, if that's how you feel; you can just leave now without our help." I've been down this road enough to know.
So, with the poison now out of my system, the pathway is clear for me to get back in the flow so I can bring in the money for me. Not to prove anything to them. Not to prove my worthiness. Only ever to allow myself to receive. And ya know what? When I have the "proof" of my "worthiness", they lose their privilege with no thanks from me. Not a single fucking donation, given credit, well wishes. Just the dust I shall wipe from my feet.
Se la vie, realms of the emotionally retarded beings!
Meme to come out of today: "Emotional intelligence is sexy!"
I almost let them steal my momentum from me. I could feel the resistance in my trauma response. I bounced back rather quickly. And maybe that's what today was showing me about me: I'm not fooled, yet neither am I victimized by such any longer. I maintained my authority and my power. I allowed and was able to 'fathom'/understand what was happening. "Forgive them for they know not what they do". I don't have to. They must first come to an awareness and then forgive themselves. Forgiveness can never come from me. Releasing them from the results of their behavior only enables them. I cannot even ask God to forgive them, to lie and reflect back to them sinlessness. That would be a disservice. It would be enabling. All I can do is realize that it is now out of my hands.
Now, I could tell those same people the following story and wonder what kind of fool my kidnapper was. They would not be able to imagine how he could ever believe what he said, that he could think like that. And yet their dissociation with their inner selves causes them to fail to realize that their belief in what they're saying, that they can even think as they do, makes them the exact same kind of fool.
I had broken up with an abuser. I was sleeping in a camper with myself and my two small children. The camper's electric was plugged into the house of those who were allowing us to stay on their property. I could not drive the camper myself because my abuser had rigged the breaks and gas with strings to control them instead of the pedals. I woke in the middle of night to him, drunk, driving off with us in the camper, tearing the electric cord out of the house. As he drives us up into the mountains of California, well out of cell phone range, I tell him; "Don't you realize you're kidnapping us?!". His response; "No, you can't kidnap your own woman and children". Wow, right? And yet the very people who say "wow" fail to realize their verbal abuse, their idea of love is just as ridiculous and out of touch with reality as his was.
That is why when asked today; "Who did that?!", my response was; "It doesn't matter". Like kicking a dead horse. The only response I would have gotten would have been; "Well, if that's how you feel; you can just leave now without our help." I've been down this road enough to know.
So, with the poison now out of my system, the pathway is clear for me to get back in the flow so I can bring in the money for me. Not to prove anything to them. Not to prove my worthiness. Only ever to allow myself to receive. And ya know what? When I have the "proof" of my "worthiness", they lose their privilege with no thanks from me. Not a single fucking donation, given credit, well wishes. Just the dust I shall wipe from my feet.
Se la vie, realms of the emotionally retarded beings!
Meme to come out of today: "Emotional intelligence is sexy!"
I almost let them steal my momentum from me. I could feel the resistance in my trauma response. I bounced back rather quickly. And maybe that's what today was showing me about me: I'm not fooled, yet neither am I victimized by such any longer. I maintained my authority and my power. I allowed and was able to 'fathom'/understand what was happening. "Forgive them for they know not what they do". I don't have to. They must first come to an awareness and then forgive themselves. Forgiveness can never come from me. Releasing them from the results of their behavior only enables them. I cannot even ask God to forgive them, to lie and reflect back to them sinlessness. That would be a disservice. It would be enabling. All I can do is realize that it is now out of my hands.
Abundance from God, in a new way
It hit me this morning not long after waking as I chose and initiated the momentum for my day; I was truly going to do this. I am going to allow myself to let in and fully embody my highest potentials. My nervous system began to shake as parts within me writhed with anxiousness that was quickly dismissed. It wasn't the 'high' excitement of new love, it was a grounded excitement of imminent manifestation.
It put me in a higher vibe than I was originally going to go into this morning's meeting with. That weekly high energy intro being hit with corrections and passive aggressive shut down. I did not get that sinking feeling I would have as I saw what I had walked into instead. There he sat with arms folded, brows furrowed down in that concentrated expression that means ultimatum. I was too high vibe for it to hit home. I know what I know and that knowing could not be shaken, even in the face of not being recognized as 'solid'. I had ample evidence. It is not my problem if another could not appreciate it or value it or recognize it. Why should they? I am bringing into this world something never before known at the levels and with the dimensions I am bringing it in.
I witnessed an opening and backed off. Free will must always be respected as much as is appropriate. We don't take advantage of cracked open doors to pry them open and force our way in. We step back in respect and and graceful invitation, giving time and space for it to be received and returned. "Tell me more"/"come in". And still we tread consciously and considerately. The ultimatum became a "show me something, anything". I was going to be doing it anyway. I may honor the request of such a privilege if it so given.
I knew I needed a laptop, at least, to do what I needed to do. The last thing I expected was to have it gifted to me in this way. And yet, here it is; mine as of today. SD card is on my list now. Learned that lesson with the crash of my last one and this one is used already. To be able to create a profile and have my information remembered so I don't have to keep re-remembering new passwords required every time the programs decide it was an unfamiliar login location and/or device!
Back to the meeting. Of course, the one speaking to me, making what I'm sure they wouldn't perceive as an ultimatum, could not understand that my evidence not being enough for him was devaluing all my progress and all my "God-given" evidence. Adding value is a theme big in my personal universe right now, synchronized with it being the theme for this year in the universe where my universe is physically planted at the moment, and now synchronized with Tony Robbins' universe. Synchronistically, I got in on his free once a year event, V.I.P. tickets! *Laughing as I realize; wasn't that my latest 'thang', the V.I.P. seating and place card I had made for my neighbor and my family?*
Anyway; I was speaking about the changes in me. I spoke of how I used to feel dirty accepting money but now have chosen to view it as representative of my own inner abundance and the abundance of God's love for me. My inner being shifted it all into alignment within me, into greater clarity. The mirror was bright and clean and radiant and glowing. The Puppet Master has gotten what he wished and was therefore now capable of bestowing this gift of abundance upon me. The whole of the world, for the most part gives Him power over it all, gives Him credit and therefore ownership of it and now He gives it to me. The crown of which the bible speaks. My inner Tree Of Life returned to me.
An analogy occurs to me about what occurred this morning. There is a 300 +/- year old historical story from Native Americans. It goes like this:
One day, the tribal members saw strange waves on the ocean coming towards their land. Anxious at not being able to discern the cause of these strange waves, they ran to the tribe's Shaman. The Shaman went down to the beach to see what the rest of the tribe had seen and were so anxious about. After the Shaman looked out toward the waves, he bent over and began to draw in the sand with a stick while the tribe looked on. He had drawn a ship. The tribe looked up toward the waves and finally saw the boat that was the source of the waves.
Similarly; My ship has come in and I am walking up the boarding ramp. The people in the meeting Don't see the ship. They suspiciously accept that they may see the waves but they want to know; "How did you make these waves? Why are these connections being made? Why would someone have donated that money?" Why did exactly the sentence I needed to read to trigger my healing come in a book that didn't otherwise apply to me from I don't know who or where in the United States Postal Service? Hell if I know! or care. I believe in miracles. I've seen too many not to.
And then it occurs to me; the kingdom of God within. The kingdom of God; the kingdom from which God came. The mirror holds the reflection/image of the non-physical reality. That is how we are all "in the hands of God". That is how it is that God influences our physical experience. It's His job; to turn the non-physical to physical. It's His job to deliver that book, that video, that person, that saying, that money. He is unlimited in how He can do this. It is we who limit His ability to deliver to us when we give conditions to, restrict, limit how that can happen. If we require details, He'll create a few. The fewer we need to fulfill our demand for conditions by our belief in the need for them; the quicker, more pure, miraculously it can happen for us. That is why I allow time to be fluid, details to escape me, etc. They think me an "airhead". It just ISN'T important to me. My job is only to ask and allow- and I've reached point critical where I can longer afford to place demands of met conditions, beliefs, requirements, limitations. Our lives depend on me letting go and allowing it to happen no matter what it takes, how it happens. I'm done asking those questions. Living the miraculous, magical experience is a while lot easier anyways. Ease. Grace. And looky, looky: the details of why and how this is all so are given me anyways.
It put me in a higher vibe than I was originally going to go into this morning's meeting with. That weekly high energy intro being hit with corrections and passive aggressive shut down. I did not get that sinking feeling I would have as I saw what I had walked into instead. There he sat with arms folded, brows furrowed down in that concentrated expression that means ultimatum. I was too high vibe for it to hit home. I know what I know and that knowing could not be shaken, even in the face of not being recognized as 'solid'. I had ample evidence. It is not my problem if another could not appreciate it or value it or recognize it. Why should they? I am bringing into this world something never before known at the levels and with the dimensions I am bringing it in.
I witnessed an opening and backed off. Free will must always be respected as much as is appropriate. We don't take advantage of cracked open doors to pry them open and force our way in. We step back in respect and and graceful invitation, giving time and space for it to be received and returned. "Tell me more"/"come in". And still we tread consciously and considerately. The ultimatum became a "show me something, anything". I was going to be doing it anyway. I may honor the request of such a privilege if it so given.
I knew I needed a laptop, at least, to do what I needed to do. The last thing I expected was to have it gifted to me in this way. And yet, here it is; mine as of today. SD card is on my list now. Learned that lesson with the crash of my last one and this one is used already. To be able to create a profile and have my information remembered so I don't have to keep re-remembering new passwords required every time the programs decide it was an unfamiliar login location and/or device!
Back to the meeting. Of course, the one speaking to me, making what I'm sure they wouldn't perceive as an ultimatum, could not understand that my evidence not being enough for him was devaluing all my progress and all my "God-given" evidence. Adding value is a theme big in my personal universe right now, synchronized with it being the theme for this year in the universe where my universe is physically planted at the moment, and now synchronized with Tony Robbins' universe. Synchronistically, I got in on his free once a year event, V.I.P. tickets! *Laughing as I realize; wasn't that my latest 'thang', the V.I.P. seating and place card I had made for my neighbor and my family?*
Anyway; I was speaking about the changes in me. I spoke of how I used to feel dirty accepting money but now have chosen to view it as representative of my own inner abundance and the abundance of God's love for me. My inner being shifted it all into alignment within me, into greater clarity. The mirror was bright and clean and radiant and glowing. The Puppet Master has gotten what he wished and was therefore now capable of bestowing this gift of abundance upon me. The whole of the world, for the most part gives Him power over it all, gives Him credit and therefore ownership of it and now He gives it to me. The crown of which the bible speaks. My inner Tree Of Life returned to me.
"Just tell us what you need".
And I feel the spirit of that one testing me inquiringly. Lemonade making time in the thought realms!An analogy occurs to me about what occurred this morning. There is a 300 +/- year old historical story from Native Americans. It goes like this:
One day, the tribal members saw strange waves on the ocean coming towards their land. Anxious at not being able to discern the cause of these strange waves, they ran to the tribe's Shaman. The Shaman went down to the beach to see what the rest of the tribe had seen and were so anxious about. After the Shaman looked out toward the waves, he bent over and began to draw in the sand with a stick while the tribe looked on. He had drawn a ship. The tribe looked up toward the waves and finally saw the boat that was the source of the waves.
Similarly; My ship has come in and I am walking up the boarding ramp. The people in the meeting Don't see the ship. They suspiciously accept that they may see the waves but they want to know; "How did you make these waves? Why are these connections being made? Why would someone have donated that money?" Why did exactly the sentence I needed to read to trigger my healing come in a book that didn't otherwise apply to me from I don't know who or where in the United States Postal Service? Hell if I know! or care. I believe in miracles. I've seen too many not to.
And then it occurs to me; the kingdom of God within. The kingdom of God; the kingdom from which God came. The mirror holds the reflection/image of the non-physical reality. That is how we are all "in the hands of God". That is how it is that God influences our physical experience. It's His job; to turn the non-physical to physical. It's His job to deliver that book, that video, that person, that saying, that money. He is unlimited in how He can do this. It is we who limit His ability to deliver to us when we give conditions to, restrict, limit how that can happen. If we require details, He'll create a few. The fewer we need to fulfill our demand for conditions by our belief in the need for them; the quicker, more pure, miraculously it can happen for us. That is why I allow time to be fluid, details to escape me, etc. They think me an "airhead". It just ISN'T important to me. My job is only to ask and allow- and I've reached point critical where I can longer afford to place demands of met conditions, beliefs, requirements, limitations. Our lives depend on me letting go and allowing it to happen no matter what it takes, how it happens. I'm done asking those questions. Living the miraculous, magical experience is a while lot easier anyways. Ease. Grace. And looky, looky: the details of why and how this is all so are given me anyways.
Tuesday, February 25, 2020
The lotus continues to push up through the mud
I woke with the bitter hatred evolved from the helplessness felt as a child and not hearing one's own voice enough. The habit of logging on, even when feeling down and knowing the memes from "gurus" are going to irritate, popular songs shared f unhealthy love trigger a pointing out of how wrong it all is, the biggest news flashes even make it on my remote from mainstream timeline to emphasis the evils in the world. So, I sat with this bitter hatred. I explained it to a neighbor. As I allowed it to be without trying to change it, resist it not feed it, I did not allow it to overpower me. I allowed it to deliver it's message and it left me. It leaves a wake of rawness and sadness. It is released. As I release it in me I release it in my children, especially my oldest where ever she may be. I'll go spend time at Pintrest where there's nothing but dresses I like, jewelry, travel destinations, and camping hacks. I give myself peace with the world around me.
With a positive energy flowing through me again, I remember the premonition vision the Druid had concerning myself and my children. All my daughters were there in one house gathered around a table doing what young women do. He saw himself in it. Indeed, we can change our trajectory and mine has changed completely. I do still have hope for that imagining prompted by that foretelling. That's another reason I wonderingly expect for his return into my experience one day. How odd it was that he would have that vision and yet back out of the soul contract because he saw the relationship was "termed". One would entertain the idea that maybe a temporary break and then reunion was in the original plan, yet it had not occurred to him to put two and two together. Ah, well. Pintrest was delightful to revisit, full of my favorite style of clothes which i ended up receiving and wearing gloriously for 7 months in the desert where I ad owned my own home, fully sustainable off grid and an unconditional income. I could feel the feelings I felt living so physically, emotionally, energetically free!
With a positive energy flowing through me again, I remember the premonition vision the Druid had concerning myself and my children. All my daughters were there in one house gathered around a table doing what young women do. He saw himself in it. Indeed, we can change our trajectory and mine has changed completely. I do still have hope for that imagining prompted by that foretelling. That's another reason I wonderingly expect for his return into my experience one day. How odd it was that he would have that vision and yet back out of the soul contract because he saw the relationship was "termed". One would entertain the idea that maybe a temporary break and then reunion was in the original plan, yet it had not occurred to him to put two and two together. Ah, well. Pintrest was delightful to revisit, full of my favorite style of clothes which i ended up receiving and wearing gloriously for 7 months in the desert where I ad owned my own home, fully sustainable off grid and an unconditional income. I could feel the feelings I felt living so physically, emotionally, energetically free!
Deserving is never the issue. We do not ask if the bird deserves to eat nor if the plant deserves the rain and sun.
Ubuntu; "I am because we are" could also be said "I am because you are" I lift myself when I lift you
We are our own best friend. As such, we are best friend to all we encounter.
One day, I shall commission a bus from from my friend Nada and truly be a "Bus Momma" facebook.com/jaime.jensen.7
Ubuntu; "I am because we are" could also be said "I am because you are" I lift myself when I lift you
We are our own best friend. As such, we are best friend to all we encounter.
One day, I shall commission a bus from from my friend Nada and truly be a "Bus Momma" facebook.com/jaime.jensen.7
The quickest, easiest prayer to have answered is the wondering of a feeling. "I wonder what it will feel like to have implicit trust n myself?" The one that most significantly impacted me was when I was in a Christian paradigm and wondered what it will feel like when Satan was gone forever. There was a lightness in my boy as it began to levitate.
For some reason, I told my dog who was waiting for me to take her out; "You can pee outside, but I cannot not. Well, actually, I do have a long skirt on, so the cameras wouldn't know what I was doing". Squatting to pet a dog in a long skirt which naturally spreads out like a tent when we lower ourselves raises no eyebrows in public. I've done it before ;)
Just a funny exchange
Friend posts;
My response;
Unfortunately, formed as a question, the idiots having problems with relationship boundaries by giving unsolicited opinions won't understand that it is rhetorical and you'll get consistent "no, but...." in response to it. My children and I have learned to use the very firmly spoken; "shut the fuck up" is absolutely effective. And yes, I allow my children to "swear". It's an expletive giving emphasis to the clarity of meaning being conveyed. It is a sign of intelligence. I like to think of it as an exclamation point within the sentence or an adding of emphasis of the important of an expression. Disrespect the boundaries, ya get the verbal self defense. Respect has got nothing to do with it. Especially in the case of a child; an adult who can't respect a child cannot realistically expect to be treated with what they perceive is respect. They'll get my children's self respect right back at them for their disrespect. Yup, proud of it. My brain gets the gentler admonitions. Home is supposed to be safe ;)
Monday, February 24, 2020
Pepe Le Pew
I woke slowly from my nap, stretched my legs out. charlie horse threatened in both legs. My toes stuck out while I did and my dog got excited about it. She went after them, so she and my toes played for a bit. My daughter looked over and I did the quick playful gasp and hid my head. She body slammed me. We laughed and wrestled with the dog. My son realized I was up and as usual asked; "Did you have a good nap, Mom?". "Yeah, I think I did, Bub. Thank you". I was definitely in a funk as if there was nothing for me to excited about. I went out for a smoke while my daughter let the dog out. I could feel all the negative, persecuting, kick me out of my home energies that usually come when I make a leap in consciousness. I remembered how I hated the smell of my mother and her body and the men it drew to her. These men who were sexual predators of children of whom my mother would then be jealous. I looked out and lamented; "Not even my rabbits are out here to delight me". I noticed something in the driveway in the dark beside a mis-parked vehicle and wondered if it was a piece of trash. Something darted out from another vehicle, the other spot moved a bit; my rabbits! Right in front of me and i hadn't even known it. "Faith Like Potatoes"; I reminded myself of my favorite movie ending. I may be experiencing the overflowing of oil that comes from me filling my physical vessel with life-giving water, but like those potatoes I have planted my dreams well. My dreams are my comfort; knowing they are growing out there while I go through what I need to go through in order to fit into them.
I thought what it might look like as a physical illustration of what is happening to me etherically and energetically within me; the rising of old toxic energies rising like a stink out of me. I laughed; "Pepe Le Pew". Before looking for an illustration of him, I checked Twitter. All about Weinstein's conviction. I'm not interested, I thought. How depressing; perverted old farts. I don't want them in my reality, not even as something to hate on. Utterly boring. So, I Google searched Pepe and the image came up on a blog about Weinstein and it all began to click within me.
Indeed, Le Pew was famous as a stalker who was constantly trying to force himself on a female cat who wanted nothing to do with him. Oh, ewww, yup, perverted old men permeated my childhood and a lot of that is what was being released from within me today. If we laughed at the cartoon, it was because she constantly made a fool of him and his unconscious-of-her agenda. We never consciously connected with her, but a part of us did and it didn't forget. The Le Pew party has come to an end in me, anyways. What a fucking upbringing.
It explains the Charlies and Crook's who came at me despite my revulsion of them. Crook and his beer stink mustache wanting kisses despite my saying flat out that I wanted no part of it because that's how my father was when he visited my bed; beer stinking mustache, unwanted physical attention. I was that poor cat whom we refused to identify with while something inside us screamed at how wrong it was.
"Is it so unreasonable to ask....." came into my head. To ask what? Who am I asking? I was told repeatedly, in one form or another, in my childhood that I had unreasonable expectations. So, the question would pop up within me; "Is it so unreasonable?". I let the world answer for me as what was truly unreasonable was forced upon me. This is where I choose what is reasonable or not. It will not come in the form of a question in me. It is perfectly reasonable to desire and expect for my dreams to come true. It is perfectly reasonable to desire and expect a life without unwanted attention, violent responses and reactions. It is perfectly reasonable to experience generosity. It is perfectly reasonable to desire and expect to be able to sleep comfortably and in safety, uninterrupted and loved and delighted upon waking. Am I not experiencing this daily?! I deny you , you fucking old perverts and women who justified them and blamed me. Why did no one come to the cat's rescue? There was no rescue for her, no relief, no quarter. They found it funny. I'd try to escape like she did, but they were too big, they were made a fool of and I was punished. Such an insidious cartoon. Male children raised on it embodying the cool Mr. Pepe Le Pew. No wonder I have no success at dating and intimate relationships. Men my age revered and embodied Le Pew and road Runner, the predators and escape artists, Bug Bunny the Rabbit.
Thankfully, there are cleaner men out there whose innocence has not been so tainted. Maybe some have even disembodied those childhood models, the Archie Bunkers that were our grandfathers whose abuse we laughed at. We are what we eat and our generation devoured that TV every Saturday morning and Prime Time hours. There was the Revenge of the Nerds where the intelligent ones rejoiced at finally becoming as "lucky" and just like the pig-men. It is my time to rebuke it; every fucking minute of it.
Then there was Jimmy in the hall, when I was a teen. Leaving class to use the restroom in high school, he wrestled me to the cold cement of the stairwell, sexually assaulting me. I rolled him off but never said anything to anybody. A sadistic seducer was born in me. I would get men's attention every now and again when feeling helpless. One I remember clearly. I was in a club dancing and that sadistic part of me began to kick in, in response to his lascivious attention. The conversation went on in my head; "I could never respect a man who responded to this outright, mean seduction. What a pig he is". Yet, vulnerable and in need of a home for my children, in the absence of family or true friends, I went along with it. Of course it ended up in a mess. That part of me asked once again, but I didn't play with it. My heart wasn't in it. I wanted healing. Little did I know, it still lived in every resentment. It's whispers so subtle and deeply hidden. Tonight it is being released; the aspect of me that got twisted. She is finally crying in the arms of my validation; yes, they were perverted and it was wrong of them. I didn't deserve it. My vengeance only hurt me in the end. My hatred my own self-poisoning venom.
I didn't do so bad, though. My youngest daughter loves me. She thinks I am beautiful and tentatively, admiringly touches my body occasionally as if I am a wonder of the world. I guess it must be. I must be to me. The truth of how much I love me. I live with the regret that my oldest daughter took that angry seductress into her embodiment. Oh, how she hates men and abuses her son. She decided to become a stripper. I had no idea how I was responsible in part for that. She won't let me in to heal it, however. May that day come.
When my father died, I cried only because my opportunity to hear him say 'I'm sorry" died with him. Recently a man apologized to me sincerely. He gained some of my trust with it. I didn't let it all the way in. Not until tonight. I give myself that "I'm sorry". Shit, I was a child. I couldn't know or know how. I wasn't born with it. There is us and there is this out of control world we are powerless against when we come shining into it.
A friend posted a beautiful video on Facebook. Caught up in the melody......Beautiful and powerful.....and then it hits; kinda funny how the lyrics are "you pulled the rug". We tend to not even hear ourselves; he was using her/him as an emotional rug, running all over her/him with his need for someone else to be his source of every good feeling emotion, to be dependent upon to get him through it all. Make me a rug and hell yeah, I'm gonna pull out! I have enough trying to get myself through it all as well as two children!
https://www.facebook.com/MusicLife/videos/1792081310935217/
Then there was Jimmy in the hall, when I was a teen. Leaving class to use the restroom in high school, he wrestled me to the cold cement of the stairwell, sexually assaulting me. I rolled him off but never said anything to anybody. A sadistic seducer was born in me. I would get men's attention every now and again when feeling helpless. One I remember clearly. I was in a club dancing and that sadistic part of me began to kick in, in response to his lascivious attention. The conversation went on in my head; "I could never respect a man who responded to this outright, mean seduction. What a pig he is". Yet, vulnerable and in need of a home for my children, in the absence of family or true friends, I went along with it. Of course it ended up in a mess. That part of me asked once again, but I didn't play with it. My heart wasn't in it. I wanted healing. Little did I know, it still lived in every resentment. It's whispers so subtle and deeply hidden. Tonight it is being released; the aspect of me that got twisted. She is finally crying in the arms of my validation; yes, they were perverted and it was wrong of them. I didn't deserve it. My vengeance only hurt me in the end. My hatred my own self-poisoning venom.
I didn't do so bad, though. My youngest daughter loves me. She thinks I am beautiful and tentatively, admiringly touches my body occasionally as if I am a wonder of the world. I guess it must be. I must be to me. The truth of how much I love me. I live with the regret that my oldest daughter took that angry seductress into her embodiment. Oh, how she hates men and abuses her son. She decided to become a stripper. I had no idea how I was responsible in part for that. She won't let me in to heal it, however. May that day come.
When my father died, I cried only because my opportunity to hear him say 'I'm sorry" died with him. Recently a man apologized to me sincerely. He gained some of my trust with it. I didn't let it all the way in. Not until tonight. I give myself that "I'm sorry". Shit, I was a child. I couldn't know or know how. I wasn't born with it. There is us and there is this out of control world we are powerless against when we come shining into it.
A friend posted a beautiful video on Facebook. Caught up in the melody......Beautiful and powerful.....and then it hits; kinda funny how the lyrics are "you pulled the rug". We tend to not even hear ourselves; he was using her/him as an emotional rug, running all over her/him with his need for someone else to be his source of every good feeling emotion, to be dependent upon to get him through it all. Make me a rug and hell yeah, I'm gonna pull out! I have enough trying to get myself through it all as well as two children!
https://www.facebook.com/MusicLife/videos/1792081310935217/
.
The Creator became enchanted with it's creation and enchantment corrupted them both
It's the night that just keeps giving. Try to lie down to sleep and find myself crying. I had tried to distract myself but Facebook drove me crazy as everything coming across my timeline was someone else's words addressed to "You" or "People" need to , have to should.....beliefs, beliefs, beliefs. Nothing feeling in alignment and I just want to rage and shut them all out. I need to funnel only me. Visits with others on occasion is great. It can contribute, expand, stimulate new perspectives, offer connection. There just needs to be more of me in my spaces. Ten in my thoughts, that Wednesday meeting I dread comes to mind and all the rebuffs I could give to her and to him. I know I risk my housing if I did. I curl up and cry and want to just leave this world. A small voice inside me responds to pictures of a beautiful beach, just how I like it and feels good to me, with a crying, wounded; "I don't want a beach. It wants safety before it can enjoy the beach, it's self. What good is a party if it can be crashed by soul devouring beasts? It's like the wedding scene in Braveheart when the Lord interrupts the festivities with his bullies to claim his "rights" under threat of death and steel away the bride. To save those she loves, she must go quietly. So, I quietly go to the meetings on Wednesdays and know my children will continue to have a bed to sleep in that night.....until they don't. The time always comes when people like that give themselves the thrill of casting you out just because they can, it seems. Always best to leave first. Homeless in a broke down vehicle, child protective services on my tail. Yay, I'm free to get stranded on the side of the road and go cold and hungry. Tired of that story. Ah, to have the warmth and security of being cherished............
Not by dream, nor by beast, what this morning is showing me about me
The feeling I woke up with, knowing I had been very actively dreaming was; "bleh". It just wasn't interesting. A red finch was outside when I went for a smoke. It was sweet and I liked it coming to my attention. I ruminated on how it is occurring to be that I DO have the words for how I respond to one person I am required to meet with once a week for my present housing circumstances. She triggers PTSD. Just thinking a phone call or text could be from here takes me from my high flying disc to full on dragging anchor, sinking to the bottom of the ocean or truly pissed off. It's not me. It's not residual PTSD. It's all out self defense response. Then my phone rang. I didn't get the usual dread that it may be this woman who triggers fight or flight or freeze in me. I actually had in mind a call I'd be willing to take and actually wanting, though I wasn't expecting it to be pleasant, to accomplish what I've decided I want to accomplish today. My phone ring tone no longer triggers fight or flight. I realize, too, that I am beyond freeze. Progress in the self confidence department. I can say no or defend myself without self doubt hindering me.
I also realize that when I first came here, I was assaulted, no compromising with requirements that 1) my children be placed in school and 2) I get a job within three weeks. While it was being issued, I was so full of spirit with a vibe so high I could hardly see clearly and and I was full of "yes! I want to do this!". This to me seemed spirit in a state of complete and utter insanity. I mean, really? Neither of those non-options were going to work out. Who were we kidding? Now I realize that spirit knew it would work out in the end. Not only IS it, it is also blessing the one who made the non-optional declaration. He's seeing adaptation to circumstances like mine are in children's best interests and a benefit to all of us. there is no one recipe for those coming through these homeless circumstances. One young man wants a job so he can prove his self worth and his right to do what he wants with his money. Another just wants to settle for something, anything. Some just want a respite before they jump back into an addiction. A lesson financial supporters don't always want to be fluid with as they live in a world of money and numbers where everything good is stagnant, dead, hard and frozen in exactness; "the solid plan". Abundance, like creation, like creator is fluid and so must our perspectives and contributions if we are to flow with it and support expansion in individual life experiences. Some do the need the 'tough love' to squeeze them into a corner so they finally wake up because their soul is crying for it. Only when backed into a corner will they stop riding the fence and jump back into the fire or onto the path of their own well-being. So, yes, incites this morning from pure feelings, self observation and awareness and the phone ringing.
And, it doesn't end there...booyah. My usual go out for a smoke and chat with the neighbor got interesting. First she had people leave her apartment. I was expecting one of them to be someone I didn't want to exchange any pretentious social politeness nor animosity with. I was already feeling the need to stretch, so I just did that with my back to them. I didn't feel the usual gut punch I'd feel in those circumstances. I focused on the fabulous feeling of needing to stretch. It's been so long since I've felt that 'after-a-good-night's-sleep stretch of limber well-being. So, experiencing it lately has been an experience I relish.
Then another neighbor joined the picture. She interrupted me to show me something on her phone, so I responded; "You're interrupting" and went back to talking. I repeatedly have to remind her of healthy boundaries and flat out told her why she was getting 'in trouble' with our hosts. "No, you didn't get in trouble, they were instructing you on healthy boundaries because you have none in evidence". Holy carp! An intuitive man once laid eyes on me and immediately said "Bruja!". I've been told I am intimidating when I was barely a fraction of self aware that I am now. It's caused women to feel "uncomfortable" sharing space with me. It's the reason men give for my problems with romantic relationships. I can feel the "Momma Bear" nickname I was given years ago being fully embodied. If they were 'uncomfortable' and intimidated before, they're going running and screaming now for sure.
All this fullness of vital energy is causing chaos in my physical system. I used to only feel this much energy flow in every cell on the few occasions I'd let myself feel anger. It would leave my nervous system shaking for an hour afterwards. I'd be afraid because the only time I ever experienced it in others, I got hit by my parents. It struck fear in me even when it was my German dressage riding instructor giving simple instructions in his normal tone. So, parts of me are crying, though not in fear. The crying is in release as they are conscious that it is safe for them to let this energy through, they're accepting it as our new norm. This clarity, this vibrancy, this certainty, this knowledge and awareness at levels I've not embodied since infancy probably when we all laughed at, felt joy in, and screamed at the world unfiltered. layers and layers are moving within me. Fabulously frightening and enlightening.
Now comes the phone call to enroll my children in K-12 online schooling. When the woman stopped to ask if I had any questions, I responded" No, but I want to make a statement for the record; 'The use of the words have to, must with the insertion of 'or' followed by the threat of reporting us to truancy has placed me under duress and I am not legally culpable for anything further in this conversation'. Her response was that yes, she understands, but (argumentative word indication) she has to. I told her I understand she feels like she has to or she would lose her job, go hungry and end up homeless like me, are therefore also under duress and irresponsible. Phone call proceeded with assurance it is being recorded. Now that I am back in sound mind, I ask myself; "what choice would I make if I was not feeling threatened?". "Withdraw my application". Done! No ominous "I'm gonna get in trouble for this" etheric shadow looming to my right as would usual jump at such an opportunity. As with yesterday's awareness of pre-planning conversations, comebacks, I need not plan for them for what I need will be given me in the moment it is needed. No need before hand, unless I'm devoted to the idea of creating such a moment. I'm on it. I also have clarity on the assertion by Abraham of Esther Hicks fame: we hear "do what feels good" and we think of the idea of feeling good we get when we have sex that is socially considered bad or inappropriate. No. Feels good as in "feels good not feel resistance to my awareness that my perceptions are accurate and I am choosing appropriately for me in alignment/resonance with my inner being". A totally different vibe for the phrase "feels good". It is not feeling "right", as in intellectually righteous we are so familiar with. It means "right" and in "correct" or "accurate". The energy is coming up out of my legs, my knees feel weak and gooey. The bones and cartilage are turning to gelatin, to cartilage as they transition from "weak-kneed" victim to strong-legged certainty. It also that inner relationship change I wanted that I had only previously allowed myself to experience when associating with The Druid (alleged twin flame). It is fluid connection on every level.
"Implicit trust" with one's inner self; I am romantically in love with this concept at the moment. A child brought to a toy store gently offered her timid self; "you may choose whatever you like". Tears at such a generous, unconditional gift. Whatever I like. Instead of the Family Feud hesitation; "and survey says!", the hesitation before declaration will be "and Stacey says!". What delight. How frivolous. The all too serious, world on her shoulders little girl feels like a princess who has met her soul's delight in the purest of innocence.
Reflecting upon implications, I remember how even those most intimidated by me always end up telling me things about themselves they never shared with anyone else. I'm like some sort of depth truth finder. That was at less clear trust levels within myself. Gads, guts are gonna spilled all over me with the emanation of "implicit trust". Messy concept, that.
Yes, a very full morning. A very good reset.
I feel a nap coming. Sweet dreams for me.
I also realize that when I first came here, I was assaulted, no compromising with requirements that 1) my children be placed in school and 2) I get a job within three weeks. While it was being issued, I was so full of spirit with a vibe so high I could hardly see clearly and and I was full of "yes! I want to do this!". This to me seemed spirit in a state of complete and utter insanity. I mean, really? Neither of those non-options were going to work out. Who were we kidding? Now I realize that spirit knew it would work out in the end. Not only IS it, it is also blessing the one who made the non-optional declaration. He's seeing adaptation to circumstances like mine are in children's best interests and a benefit to all of us. there is no one recipe for those coming through these homeless circumstances. One young man wants a job so he can prove his self worth and his right to do what he wants with his money. Another just wants to settle for something, anything. Some just want a respite before they jump back into an addiction. A lesson financial supporters don't always want to be fluid with as they live in a world of money and numbers where everything good is stagnant, dead, hard and frozen in exactness; "the solid plan". Abundance, like creation, like creator is fluid and so must our perspectives and contributions if we are to flow with it and support expansion in individual life experiences. Some do the need the 'tough love' to squeeze them into a corner so they finally wake up because their soul is crying for it. Only when backed into a corner will they stop riding the fence and jump back into the fire or onto the path of their own well-being. So, yes, incites this morning from pure feelings, self observation and awareness and the phone ringing.
And, it doesn't end there...booyah. My usual go out for a smoke and chat with the neighbor got interesting. First she had people leave her apartment. I was expecting one of them to be someone I didn't want to exchange any pretentious social politeness nor animosity with. I was already feeling the need to stretch, so I just did that with my back to them. I didn't feel the usual gut punch I'd feel in those circumstances. I focused on the fabulous feeling of needing to stretch. It's been so long since I've felt that 'after-a-good-night's-sleep stretch of limber well-being. So, experiencing it lately has been an experience I relish.
Then another neighbor joined the picture. She interrupted me to show me something on her phone, so I responded; "You're interrupting" and went back to talking. I repeatedly have to remind her of healthy boundaries and flat out told her why she was getting 'in trouble' with our hosts. "No, you didn't get in trouble, they were instructing you on healthy boundaries because you have none in evidence". Holy carp! An intuitive man once laid eyes on me and immediately said "Bruja!". I've been told I am intimidating when I was barely a fraction of self aware that I am now. It's caused women to feel "uncomfortable" sharing space with me. It's the reason men give for my problems with romantic relationships. I can feel the "Momma Bear" nickname I was given years ago being fully embodied. If they were 'uncomfortable' and intimidated before, they're going running and screaming now for sure.
All this fullness of vital energy is causing chaos in my physical system. I used to only feel this much energy flow in every cell on the few occasions I'd let myself feel anger. It would leave my nervous system shaking for an hour afterwards. I'd be afraid because the only time I ever experienced it in others, I got hit by my parents. It struck fear in me even when it was my German dressage riding instructor giving simple instructions in his normal tone. So, parts of me are crying, though not in fear. The crying is in release as they are conscious that it is safe for them to let this energy through, they're accepting it as our new norm. This clarity, this vibrancy, this certainty, this knowledge and awareness at levels I've not embodied since infancy probably when we all laughed at, felt joy in, and screamed at the world unfiltered. layers and layers are moving within me. Fabulously frightening and enlightening.
Now comes the phone call to enroll my children in K-12 online schooling. When the woman stopped to ask if I had any questions, I responded" No, but I want to make a statement for the record; 'The use of the words have to, must with the insertion of 'or' followed by the threat of reporting us to truancy has placed me under duress and I am not legally culpable for anything further in this conversation'. Her response was that yes, she understands, but (argumentative word indication) she has to. I told her I understand she feels like she has to or she would lose her job, go hungry and end up homeless like me, are therefore also under duress and irresponsible. Phone call proceeded with assurance it is being recorded. Now that I am back in sound mind, I ask myself; "what choice would I make if I was not feeling threatened?". "Withdraw my application". Done! No ominous "I'm gonna get in trouble for this" etheric shadow looming to my right as would usual jump at such an opportunity. As with yesterday's awareness of pre-planning conversations, comebacks, I need not plan for them for what I need will be given me in the moment it is needed. No need before hand, unless I'm devoted to the idea of creating such a moment. I'm on it. I also have clarity on the assertion by Abraham of Esther Hicks fame: we hear "do what feels good" and we think of the idea of feeling good we get when we have sex that is socially considered bad or inappropriate. No. Feels good as in "feels good not feel resistance to my awareness that my perceptions are accurate and I am choosing appropriately for me in alignment/resonance with my inner being". A totally different vibe for the phrase "feels good". It is not feeling "right", as in intellectually righteous we are so familiar with. It means "right" and in "correct" or "accurate". The energy is coming up out of my legs, my knees feel weak and gooey. The bones and cartilage are turning to gelatin, to cartilage as they transition from "weak-kneed" victim to strong-legged certainty. It also that inner relationship change I wanted that I had only previously allowed myself to experience when associating with The Druid (alleged twin flame). It is fluid connection on every level.
"Implicit trust" with one's inner self; I am romantically in love with this concept at the moment. A child brought to a toy store gently offered her timid self; "you may choose whatever you like". Tears at such a generous, unconditional gift. Whatever I like. Instead of the Family Feud hesitation; "and survey says!", the hesitation before declaration will be "and Stacey says!". What delight. How frivolous. The all too serious, world on her shoulders little girl feels like a princess who has met her soul's delight in the purest of innocence.
Reflecting upon implications, I remember how even those most intimidated by me always end up telling me things about themselves they never shared with anyone else. I'm like some sort of depth truth finder. That was at less clear trust levels within myself. Gads, guts are gonna spilled all over me with the emanation of "implicit trust". Messy concept, that.
Yes, a very full morning. A very good reset.
I feel a nap coming. Sweet dreams for me.
ewwwww, a revisit
Events in order;
BOL! New Age "dickpics". He asks if I'm a healer, then:
😂 He says; "Thats .me
You can feel"
Blocked obviously. If English were his first language, it'd read "Can you feel my energy?"
Then my FB timeline shows me posts about what a true facilitator/master/ guru/divine feminine reincarnation here to save the earth would and would not do.........
I must needs examine what I need to empower in me with this sudden re-drawing those damn new age freaks with their lists and qualifications of what a true teacher would and would not do, what a Divine Feminine embodied woman would do or not do. As if there's some ideal set-in-stone, like online dating shopping lists., lol Be prepared to be disappointed! lol That is the gift of expectations. Just another something to measure up to and measure ourselves against. I let go of it. If we didn't have a vital role to play, we would not exist in this physical ecosystem that is so intricately, delicately, interconnected. Frankly, we're all going to be assholes to each other until we fully realize WE are each and every one our own Masters, Gurus, Healers, Saviors. Subconsciously the guru resents their dependents because the only energy they get from them is insecurity, not too tastey a feeding but they are dependent upon their self perception in the role of guru because of their own insecurities so that they end up being sexual deviants and cult leaders. There's a line between facilitating and "helping" that is doing the work for someone else, being mediator between them and someone or something else, even their own 'enlightenment'. All the prophets from Toth to Jesus tell us: all we need is within us. Period. End of sentence. And so I believe them. I see it. I REALIZE and embody it and now, it is the end of the need of this revisit. Amen. Sleep for reset.
BOL! New Age "dickpics". He asks if I'm a healer, then:
😂 He says; "Thats .me
You can feel"
Blocked obviously. If English were his first language, it'd read "Can you feel my energy?"
I must needs examine what I need to empower in me with this sudden re-drawing those damn new age freaks with their lists and qualifications of what a true teacher would and would not do, what a Divine Feminine embodied woman would do or not do. As if there's some ideal set-in-stone, like online dating shopping lists., lol Be prepared to be disappointed! lol That is the gift of expectations. Just another something to measure up to and measure ourselves against. I let go of it. If we didn't have a vital role to play, we would not exist in this physical ecosystem that is so intricately, delicately, interconnected. Frankly, we're all going to be assholes to each other until we fully realize WE are each and every one our own Masters, Gurus, Healers, Saviors. Subconsciously the guru resents their dependents because the only energy they get from them is insecurity, not too tastey a feeding but they are dependent upon their self perception in the role of guru because of their own insecurities so that they end up being sexual deviants and cult leaders. There's a line between facilitating and "helping" that is doing the work for someone else, being mediator between them and someone or something else, even their own 'enlightenment'. All the prophets from Toth to Jesus tell us: all we need is within us. Period. End of sentence. And so I believe them. I see it. I REALIZE and embody it and now, it is the end of the need of this revisit. Amen. Sleep for reset.
Sunday, February 23, 2020
Our name is our platform
Over the years, I have explored various platforms to get myself out there. There was the old business model career coach coached me in that called for a lot of daily content to give for free, Twitter, Facebook and social media account activities and going through the want ads. She lost me at answering want ads for writers to do college papers. They get a degree on my work to go on and make $200,000 per year to start? No. Corrupt on two counts.
Next came Patreon and it was just no. It just smells wrong.
Now, I understand that our messages are too clear to be watered down by platforms created by others. It is so potent that once tasted, will be "all the rage" and in high demand in a world dying of thirst. Our name is the only platform we'll be needing. Our content has already been created; enough to feed generations. Sure, we'll continue to create 'content' because ever expanding is our nature. It will come slower and easier, more fluid and one dose is enough to nourish and sustain and inspire for an entire season.
Our platform is our name.
One of the hurdles within me was "Oh, but I'm in the bible belt and if it's not Christian orientated, it's gonna be hard to accomplish anything with my beliefs as a background". First, my clientele could come from anywhere in the world and second, Esther Hicks has millions of supporters channeling an entity which people quickly get past the idea of because it's so dang effective. Roadblock blasted.
Another roadblock in life within me is the habit of self doubt when it comes to allowing people to connect with me, for example on Facebook. I get the "yeah, I don't like this or that, but what if...". Well, if was what, then my inner self would be shouting 'yes!'. So, no more hmmms and hawing, uncertainty or self doubt. If it's not a 'YES!' or a clear,' yes that will do', then it's a no.
Next came Patreon and it was just no. It just smells wrong.
Now, I understand that our messages are too clear to be watered down by platforms created by others. It is so potent that once tasted, will be "all the rage" and in high demand in a world dying of thirst. Our name is the only platform we'll be needing. Our content has already been created; enough to feed generations. Sure, we'll continue to create 'content' because ever expanding is our nature. It will come slower and easier, more fluid and one dose is enough to nourish and sustain and inspire for an entire season.
Our platform is our name.
One of the hurdles within me was "Oh, but I'm in the bible belt and if it's not Christian orientated, it's gonna be hard to accomplish anything with my beliefs as a background". First, my clientele could come from anywhere in the world and second, Esther Hicks has millions of supporters channeling an entity which people quickly get past the idea of because it's so dang effective. Roadblock blasted.
Another roadblock in life within me is the habit of self doubt when it comes to allowing people to connect with me, for example on Facebook. I get the "yeah, I don't like this or that, but what if...". Well, if was what, then my inner self would be shouting 'yes!'. So, no more hmmms and hawing, uncertainty or self doubt. If it's not a 'YES!' or a clear,' yes that will do', then it's a no.
Following my own advice
The meme at the bottom of this posting came across my Facebook timeline. I was drawn to it when I read it, then checked myself. I had outgrown this. Then I remembered I was 'checking on' someone via their FB posts from my past with whom I'd had a recent interaction . True, I never felt whole when doing something like that, it didn't feel good. It developed in my post as follows:
This chapter of my life is over. Men who remember their ability to sleep better by my side but had no interest in knowing if I slept at all. Men whose sickness made them come to me to be served and getting angry because I had to tend to my own sickness, never mind be the one to bring me soup when I was sick and they were well for when they were well, they were out making their own money to use on themselves. A year after sending a fat red headed vulgar woman to physically threaten and run me off, he sends a Valentine's flower and wants to share his fond memories with me. I was gracious, as is my nature, always responsive to loving gestures. I let him off the hook. I forgot the "fuck you". I gave him the quiet kiss to the forehead. I forgot to close the door behind me and not look back. I'm taking care of that here and now. Blocked. His name is not worthy of my lips. I gave that advice to another today. I now give it to myself.
The next dream segment was much shorter. I had an appointment with a writer, represented by a nerdy Jewish actor whose name I do not know, who was doing a public presentation before an audience of women in the hopes of getting funding. He got off the stage and threw his script on the ground, papers everywhere when I drew him away from there. I had something I wanted him to work with me on.
Now, what I get from these dreams full of famous faces: True, my relationships have been those I just want to leave at some point, even when it appears to suddenly have a good thing happen. It only appears the relationship is going somewhere, but it really isn't. He's not waking up to it's dysfunction. He's sleeping in his patterns; still unconsciously projecting the advice he needs to internalize. My response from Baret after a year was an example that would qualify in that role. Mike Rowe obviously represents a more fruitful masculine energy taking me away from that old relationship pattern I could never shake myself out of, a cycle I could not break no matter what, no matter how high I tried to set my standards and thought they were being met. Turns out it was only a different version of abuse. The going from grey (which I normally experience as prophetic) to technicolor (which normally is merely an entertainment dream I never get a message from) turning out to be medicinal is a shift of experience. This dream was medicinal, a shift in my consciousness and prophetic of just for fun choices to come. That the evergreens had a message for me is signified by the words having been engraved on the cutting board. The medicine the evergreen represented I found in the first hit of a Goggle search: "To dream of an evergreen tree represents an area of your life that never fails ever. Positively, it reflects relationships or situations that can always be relied on no matter what. An inability to lose.......To dream of evergreen trees that are cut represents feelings about a stable area of your life that was impervious to change no longer being impervious. Difficult people that are not difficult anymore. Some area of your life that was permanent that isn’t anymore."
Link to site below meme.
My waking up to my actions concerning Baret, and taking my own advice of how it could be in such relationships, has finally broken that cycle. If a man of more fruitful masculine energy sweeping me off my feet and taking me away from all this is the lemonade of this lemon; bonus! I may be prematurely seeking to to resist that pattern of making lemonade from lemons I wrote of in my earlier blog post today. Most likely Mike Rowe is representing my own inner masculine.
The second dream is easier. Today I interacted with someone on Twitter who was trying to get a message out there but had a gag order placed on him. I made him laugh and gave him some insights to consider that may inspire him to change his focus. I may be recruiting him to my purpose; dunno. He was the one who I told his perpetrator's name was not worthy of crossing his holy and sacred lips, anyways.
The following came through in response to a friend posting a public statement of their friend who had been working in a politically high place they had just been betrayed in, locked out, and came to realize he was the token Native American. It appears my role these days is to "rally the troops":
Ah, and this is a theme we are seeing across the globe by we catalysts, we game-changers, we burners and up-lifters. This is fabulous, though it feels traumatic when we look at what we believe is being lost. We feel like we are abandoning children so precious to us, who need us. This is not a sending away, it is a pulling out by life, the universe, by Source, by God, to now live that higher purpose and make that real impact. It is time we step out of what only served to show us how NOT to do things, and the WHY something doesn't serve the whole by our presence, our participation, the wasting of our INVALUABLE contribution which we do indeed have. Now is the time we bring the new we have created into physical embodiment. Now is the time our platforms, fully complete, can be created here in the physical. When it is created, it will draw and support those children we believe we have abandoned selfishly or have 'lost custody of'. Now is OUR time. This is the beginning of an absolutely fantastic rise. Taste the lemonade we ourselves have made and allow it to nourish us. We won't be selling it for pennies on the corners, we will be supported for our ability to create it without expectation of our sharing it by those who are relieved in witnessing that it even exists. It will be out of our overflowing abundance that we choose to gift it as an act of our inherent quality of generosity. It is a good day to be you and me ;)
The motel/hotel imagining, lemons into lemonade
Aside from the detailed dream of two pieces of property embodying a gifting culture of consent, I have another idea of motel/hotel. The front rooms would all be five star rooms with all the amenities costing top dollar. Champagne brunch instead of continental breakfast and whatever special touches we come up with. Those rooms would pay for the rooms out back that have an elegantly gated entrance and a few extra privacy features for the longer term residents needing the shelter due to trauma. Ornate gates for their entrance to their parking. A shared doggie park and children's playscape. A meditation garden where residents can plant edibles if they so wish. The motel/hotel would be run as a non-profit and it could work in this town where a casino is going to be put in. The casino didn't pass approval this year, but seriously: It's a dry county with gambling machines in every convenience store. The bible belt LOVES it's gambling and it will only be another minute before it gets here.
I realize I spend way too much time making lemonade from lemons. It was an awesome skill set to learn when my inner state of being drew criticism and I needed something other than finding the silver lining in every cloud. I went from creating clouds to find silver linings in to recreating those clouds/lemons into lemonade while finally being able to imagine only good things. So, I've been creating lemons with transmutation potentials and just plain delightful things. Fear, expectation of resistance from others come as past creations surrounding similar events. Now I want to stop even focusing on the clouds/lemons/critics long enough to create more of them. I want what I don't want that I experience to be but a blip on the radar while I only spend any length of focus only on good feeling stuff. That means trusting that I will have the right response if those lemons show up in person, "do not worry what you will say......it will be given you in that moment". I CAN believe that. I've had it happen. Blew my own mind as the answers came out of my mouth even before they became thoughts and hit the nail dead on the head. I'll have what I need when I need it, I don't need to be storing it up for later. I can do this!
A dream that followed this shows me an instance where I get support and all over relationship paradigm change as the lemonade from a lemon. So, I'm revising this post to add this bit here. Also, Abraham of Esther Hicks fame, mentioned in a piece I listened to recently that the vortex thrusts us out every now and then. Why? It comes to me that it is 1) so we have those experiences we need to do exactly this with-make lemonade of-so we reach the vibe we need on matters that used to just make us pucker up and thus out of sync with what is in our vortex and 2) we are experiencing the contrast we need for further creation or details of what we've already created with a broad brush. voila! Not done making lemonade yet!
I realize I spend way too much time making lemonade from lemons. It was an awesome skill set to learn when my inner state of being drew criticism and I needed something other than finding the silver lining in every cloud. I went from creating clouds to find silver linings in to recreating those clouds/lemons into lemonade while finally being able to imagine only good things. So, I've been creating lemons with transmutation potentials and just plain delightful things. Fear, expectation of resistance from others come as past creations surrounding similar events. Now I want to stop even focusing on the clouds/lemons/critics long enough to create more of them. I want what I don't want that I experience to be but a blip on the radar while I only spend any length of focus only on good feeling stuff. That means trusting that I will have the right response if those lemons show up in person, "do not worry what you will say......it will be given you in that moment". I CAN believe that. I've had it happen. Blew my own mind as the answers came out of my mouth even before they became thoughts and hit the nail dead on the head. I'll have what I need when I need it, I don't need to be storing it up for later. I can do this!
A dream that followed this shows me an instance where I get support and all over relationship paradigm change as the lemonade from a lemon. So, I'm revising this post to add this bit here. Also, Abraham of Esther Hicks fame, mentioned in a piece I listened to recently that the vortex thrusts us out every now and then. Why? It comes to me that it is 1) so we have those experiences we need to do exactly this with-make lemonade of-so we reach the vibe we need on matters that used to just make us pucker up and thus out of sync with what is in our vortex and 2) we are experiencing the contrast we need for further creation or details of what we've already created with a broad brush. voila! Not done making lemonade yet!
Instead of dreams, the world around me played mirror this morning
As I lay to fall asleep last night, my dog joined me as usual. As I wrapped my arm around her, I emanated that warm love toward her and felt it as it slipped like an etheric blanket into my own soul. I can do warm love, too.
Woke from mundane feeling dream sequence, nothing sticking out really. When I went out for my first smoke this morning, three red finch were perched across from me just looking at me. Not long after a satiny charcoal-grey bird perched on the telephone wire to my building to the right of me. Spirit medicine look up time. As I went to create a post about it on Facebook, a memory was there waiting for me to share from February 23, 2017:
I step out the door to find myself amongst a herd of deer. I am startled for a moment that they are all here and do not flee. They are not startled by the strikes of my lighter. They do not shy from the smell of my cigarette burning. They do not flinch at the steps I take to get "off property". Then, mere moments before a neighbor of less pleasant disposition comes out their door, they all run away......
We see the meme come by on fb....how everybody is suffering something and we never know what is going on behind the smiles..the suffering we all supposedly have in common......
What if?........What if.......that stranger who appears to never be doing anything but standing near the street corner smoking, waving and smiling, actually has a magical existence you have not fathomed?
I stood out there, yes, smoking as usual, when a wild rabbit came and sought shelter at my feet as it would a tree....I could hear it say to it's self "yes, the hawks still cannot see me". It nestled in close until it felt safe enough to leave.
I sat on a porch, yes, I was out there smoking...when I looked down between my legs, at my feet...a skunk awaiting for me to notice it's presence before it toddled off, doing it's thing.
What if..what if magic exists, what if it is out there, what if it is embodied by the one you pass every day on the street apparently doing "only" the same old thing?
Woke from mundane feeling dream sequence, nothing sticking out really. When I went out for my first smoke this morning, three red finch were perched across from me just looking at me. Not long after a satiny charcoal-grey bird perched on the telephone wire to my building to the right of me. Spirit medicine look up time. As I went to create a post about it on Facebook, a memory was there waiting for me to share from February 23, 2017:
I step out the door to find myself amongst a herd of deer. I am startled for a moment that they are all here and do not flee. They are not startled by the strikes of my lighter. They do not shy from the smell of my cigarette burning. They do not flinch at the steps I take to get "off property". Then, mere moments before a neighbor of less pleasant disposition comes out their door, they all run away......
We see the meme come by on fb....how everybody is suffering something and we never know what is going on behind the smiles..the suffering we all supposedly have in common......
What if?........What if.......that stranger who appears to never be doing anything but standing near the street corner smoking, waving and smiling, actually has a magical existence you have not fathomed?
I stood out there, yes, smoking as usual, when a wild rabbit came and sought shelter at my feet as it would a tree....I could hear it say to it's self "yes, the hawks still cannot see me". It nestled in close until it felt safe enough to leave.
I sat on a porch, yes, I was out there smoking...when I looked down between my legs, at my feet...a skunk awaiting for me to notice it's presence before it toddled off, doing it's thing.
What if..what if magic exists, what if it is out there, what if it is embodied by the one you pass every day on the street apparently doing "only" the same old thing?
So, I added the following:
BOL! Synchronicity!💃 I had just gone out...to have a cigarette, lol, when I noticed three red finch lined up on the eaves 15 ft away, almost at eye level, looking directly at me. So, I came in to google "spirit medicine red finch" to see exactly what my mirror was showing me about me this morning: "The bird is a sparkly symbol of high energy and brighter days on the horizon. Generally, the symbolism of the finch is an indication of liveliness, exuberance, and enthusiasm in your life. Finch people tend to enjoy life and treasure every moment in it for joy and the love in it." Now I want to find out what that satiny grey little one that took their place is.....
The little satiny charcoal-grey bird is a grey catbird:
spirit medicine, included in my mirror this morning: great communicator, drawing attention, with two broods per season it represents fertility-abundance! encountering a wide range of people with new ones coming in. *snoopy dancing*
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