When they are appalled and think "that's a bit dramatic, don't you think"

 

Today I struggle with the "consequences" of my graphic verbal expressions of my emotional experiences. When I was young, I was shocked by reactions. "This is how I'm feeling, not about you". Ah, but they identified with being the perpetrator. I would then feel evil and to blame for them seeing themselves as unwitting perpetrators. I took upon myself feeling evil. I accepted their retribution, their hate, which it turns out is for them to own. So, I face retribution for crying out "emotional rape!", conversational rape, energetic rape. No means, no! Shall I claim their shame for my own, raping them of self- ownership by taking the blame? No. I'm sorry I carried your burden. I'm sorry I stole. It was my conditioning that said that as the child and then the woman, it is my responsibility. It isn't. For believing the lie, I'm sorry. I WAS doing wrong in these situations. It just wasn't the wrong I was accused of, the one we believed I was doing. I smell that stink of an energy coming to tear us from our home. I cannot change the drawing of it. I can only choose to respond the way I always have; shrinking or to respond with something new. I will not own you. I will own that I helped create it's strength over us. I will forgive myself. I will heal the trauma. I will create less of it in the world. Not by changing my empassioned, devoted speech, but by not allowing responses to convince and intimidate me. Yes, this may trigger your feeling weak. I can only hope you do not kill your soul with shame, for you are not wholly to blame. That hope is the end of my role.

I do no different than our modern political cartoonists or jesters and trabadours did in the courts of Kings.
I will rescue me.
In doing so, I set us both free from this beast. What you do with that freedom is not up to me.
It is not kindness to water down the truth for an adult.
We are not as fragile as we think.