It's not just because it's Valentine's Day weekend

     I expect to see Valentine's Day stuff come across my FB timeline. After all; it is Valentine's Day weekend. That shit is gonna be extended having arrived on a Friday. So, la-dee-da. I have no problem with it. I'm just resonating with all unusually. O.K.; I've upped up my self love game. That'll do it. No resistance, that's all it is. I'm just not used to not feeling left out and all that jazz that makes us hate it. It's not like just the absence of relevancy to holidays like it was to forget Christmas even exists when I was a Jehovah's Witness. That had a surprise element to coming upon it. "Oh, wow, forgot about that". Nope. My children went with Dollar Tree party favors of selfie props instead of the ooey gooey lovey-dovey flavor. We're not into trying to pass off the holiday as able to be associated with self love or love of god, etc. Valentine's Day is about romantic love and we all know it. There's no imitation, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves and each other otherwise.
     Shoot, been experiencing all that twin flame stuff. uh, oh. argh. I enter relationships very light hearted, thinking it's just another opportunity to enjoy another person. For me; there's no other agenda. I'm pretty agendaless most of my life. It gets mistaken for cluelessness and so I had felt that in the past. Not these days. Love is an action word and I actively enjoy a man's company. I laugh, play, cry. Too much happy triggers releasing of walls to make more room for the ooey gooey we're enjoying. It's happy crying usually. Then they get triggered and push back instead of let down their walls. My lack of convention is something so uncommon they have no context for it and that leads to panic; "where do I put it?! I have no room for this!" and all the insecurities. "I never was good at this. I always mess it up. This isn't good for me. I can't do this. You need to leave.". It snowballs in his mind from there. Fun over. Bitter enmity emanates from every aspect of him. Duuuude.
    Now all this love and twin flame stuff comes up. I'm being inspired to recognize and accept qualities of my match. Oh, goddess, there's a one and only? There's a one and only. But I spent my whole life not believing in such things! Breathing, pouting, crying, accepting, thinking it might be exciting or a relief at least. If there IS a one, I won't have to go looking, seeking, hoping. I only need to be recognizing. Easy-peasy. Then the mated pair of hawks returns outside my door. *sigh* I consciously asked that the hawk show up in my life when I've begun living my life's purpose years ago. It began showing it's self to me this year, this fall, really to an almost daily degree. Then last month, it began showing up with a mate. Foreboding, man, foreboding. It can't be that close can it? Reminder, Miss Stacey; you interacted with him in dream time during the season you get your foreknowings for the year ahead. Alright, alright. This summer then. I've still got time.
    Woke from a dream this morning in which I was told we were just waiting for the snowbirds to return from their winter vacations in warmer places. Oh. Snowbirds come back usually in the spring. Things will start moving in that direction very quickly. Ahhhhhh, lol. Nah, I kinda know I can handle it. I'm a big girl now. I've been practicing my confidence, my healthy boundaries, etc. I've gained a comfort zone feeling with establishing and existing within them. It's all good. We've got time to waste and dinner tonight gifted from the organization putting us up is a good distraction for the moment. Cabb comes to get us for it at 6:20p.m. Should be interesting.