And suddenly I realized; I, too, am larger than life

          I stepped outside this morning for a smoke and as I inhaled, I realized there were flocks of every variety of bird native to this area chirping away in every tree around me "The gangs all here!" came the exclamation from within me. It soon occurred to me that just like those legendary actresses of the black and white films; I, too, am larger than life.
       Last night I had re-written the script life had given me. (see blog post entitled "They were under dressed"). It wasn't the first time lately. (see blog post "now what's happening?!"). I break with tradition. When it comes to spiritual and religious teachings, I am irreverent. I WILL question them. I've learned to flip the script on demanding questioners and in other matters.
      I also remembered why I had lost our natural birthright of being larger than life. We had big monsters frowning down over our little bodies raining "have to's" and "you can't's". They defined us as ill motivated; "You're being spiteful!". Sometimes, for some of us, hair was grabbed and head slammed into the wall to emphasize how important it was that we put away our clothes in a more timely fashion. "Yes, Mommy Dearest"; we learned to respond under our breath. This was done by parents and communities dead set on and very dependent upon putting out our little lights so that our little lights wouldn't encourage their own, which they had devoted so much of their time and energy  to repressing. We were a serious threat to the stone walled castles that they had created upon foundations of glass in the shifting sands of other people's opinions. My foundations would be of stone embedded on a mountain overlooking the ocean.
     Those lights never do go out. As I lay slowly starving to death in a nursing home bed, my digestive system completely shut down; body not even digesting the nutrient filled water through the IV- I had made a promise to my little self; "From now on, it's first and always all about you if I live through this". My digestive system resurrected it's self. I spoke out at poor treatment from nurses in self defense. I learned to walk again. The doctors asserted I was a miracle. I gained confidence, reprogrammed my neuropathways. I got my children back from foster care they had had to be placed in because I had no family or close friends who would care for them. A caseworker for myself told me that when she first met me, she had no idea what she could possibly do for me because everyone I should have been able to rely on had turned against and failed me. She was in awe of my resourcefulness. The social worker for the children told me I had responded to her in ways parents never do and I had shown her that there really are good parents out there. I hadn't just jumped through their hoops, I had raised the bar and declared; "Just you watch me!". I traveled this country accumulating primitive living skills and experiences of self sufficiency; emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, psychologically as well as physically. I could take care of myself and my children even if tossed out with absolutely nothing. I would always be able to restore me.
     I began to rewrite my old story and write myself a new story. I could take control of how I would reach my destiny. It's grand and magnificent; way too big for the small town I grew up in and was so afraid to leave. I just didn't know it. I know it now. Now I know why they say someone is larger than life and I know how it comes to be; for I, myself, am larger than life suddenly and freely.