So, despite a governor's shelter-in-place order and a social responsibility brag, the hotel is bidding us adieu. This, after an employee talked about how they just kill and bury black people who come here. Survivor island, for sure!
I'm giving myself permission to bitch, to say something is not right.
Got to dance and make out with a guy last night-yummy!
Monday, March 23, 2020
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Calling in the money and letting the guard down
Of course, I could only do it in *certain* energy. I'm picky. Letting the guard down as I begin to feel the vibe of big money paired with unconditional generosity. "We can make it happen, easy", is the vibe I'm channeling in with.
I also realize that 'closed' circles of money are a natural development. I had seen how landlords donate to organizations that pay security deposits only to get it back when they manufacture a reason to evict the new tenants with tax cuts. I just learned hotels donate to organizations who pay for hotel rooms for homeless, thus returning their own money to them with tax cuts. Christian circles donate to church who donate to homeless who show gratitude by joining churches and donating time and money.....tax free. New agers aren't any different as one pays for a seminar and then the one doing seminars buys the stones and tarot decks from their clients. They also register as religious institutions and money moves tax free.
"Corruption" is just what one circle accuses the other of when they want the money traveling in the other one or they don't like what the money is going toward.
I am resonating with a home. There are two stories and a cast iron railing around spiral stairs.
I am sensing that while I am behind isolation (for consciousness reasons), there is no hiding from this virus. A wild animal carrying it is going to breath in the space of even the most remote people.
FB and Twitter have seriously quieted, though. people ARE going in and appreciating the isolation. They're in their own spaces, able to own them completely (unless they have children, but still, it narrows the circle). The inner circles are becoming the only consistent, familiar spaces. If those spaces are half way decent, they won't be in a hurry to leave them.
I also realize that 'closed' circles of money are a natural development. I had seen how landlords donate to organizations that pay security deposits only to get it back when they manufacture a reason to evict the new tenants with tax cuts. I just learned hotels donate to organizations who pay for hotel rooms for homeless, thus returning their own money to them with tax cuts. Christian circles donate to church who donate to homeless who show gratitude by joining churches and donating time and money.....tax free. New agers aren't any different as one pays for a seminar and then the one doing seminars buys the stones and tarot decks from their clients. They also register as religious institutions and money moves tax free.
"Corruption" is just what one circle accuses the other of when they want the money traveling in the other one or they don't like what the money is going toward.
I am resonating with a home. There are two stories and a cast iron railing around spiral stairs.
I am sensing that while I am behind isolation (for consciousness reasons), there is no hiding from this virus. A wild animal carrying it is going to breath in the space of even the most remote people.
FB and Twitter have seriously quieted, though. people ARE going in and appreciating the isolation. They're in their own spaces, able to own them completely (unless they have children, but still, it narrows the circle). The inner circles are becoming the only consistent, familiar spaces. If those spaces are half way decent, they won't be in a hurry to leave them.
Saturday, March 21, 2020
A study of the word; 'ma'am'
"Yes, ma'am"
It's a southern thang.
The first time I had ever been addressed as "ma'am" was when I was 19 years old and the roadies from the band "Alabama" were ordering meals from me at the restaurant I was working at. "Don't call me that",; I said, "It makes e feel old". "Oh, no; it's how we show respect"; the roadie answered.
In northern Florida, I had heard it used by children as a "Yes, mommy dearest. Please don't hit me". I had heard it from a grocery store bagger who did not like me telling him not to put canned goods on top of my eggs in a bag.
Here, in Louisiana, however; it is used at the end of nearly every sentence and sometimes is the sentence it's self. "Ma'am?" They didn't understand what I said.
"Yes, ma'am"; you're interacting outside your class, a reminder from hotel employees.
In a conversation I overheard taking place on a phone, Yes, ma'am" went from "I'm listening and understand" to "Reminder: we're acting civilly here", a corrective tone. It's all kinda like Guardians of the Galaxy's "I am Groot".
It's a southern thang.
The first time I had ever been addressed as "ma'am" was when I was 19 years old and the roadies from the band "Alabama" were ordering meals from me at the restaurant I was working at. "Don't call me that",; I said, "It makes e feel old". "Oh, no; it's how we show respect"; the roadie answered.
In northern Florida, I had heard it used by children as a "Yes, mommy dearest. Please don't hit me". I had heard it from a grocery store bagger who did not like me telling him not to put canned goods on top of my eggs in a bag.
Here, in Louisiana, however; it is used at the end of nearly every sentence and sometimes is the sentence it's self. "Ma'am?" They didn't understand what I said.
"Yes, ma'am"; you're interacting outside your class, a reminder from hotel employees.
In a conversation I overheard taking place on a phone, Yes, ma'am" went from "I'm listening and understand" to "Reminder: we're acting civilly here", a corrective tone. It's all kinda like Guardians of the Galaxy's "I am Groot".
Spirit of generosity
I had gotten tastes of it recently; unconditional generosity. It came in strongly this morning, from the right of me. The result, less generosity towards others. That unconditional generosity can be fully embodied and my baseline experience, I realized. Yesterday I was full of sadness, probably to make room for this. Before it arrived, there were a whole lot past embodiments that wanted to come in. It occurred to me that I was not subject to these energies that had governed my experience in the past. Those, from the left of me, were the things I could choose from. I was reminded of the "Thank you for playing" in response to the feminine from the right hand side throwing my lottery ticket in the trash. The left responds to the right's requests. I've just been playing the boat blown about in the middle of them, feeling like I have to just simply accept what was given me; accept the punishment from the left for what the right was choosing for me. It is not so. I realized this much more fully this morning.
Part of that was not receiving the money orders from Russ Bus today. It occurred to me that there must be a different way to get that money. The money orders were made out to me from me by me. They can't cash them. So, I turned around and went back to the post office. It'll cost $6.50 up front and 60 days to get the money back. Not good enough. Mention law suit felt correct. Their resistance to me must draw what they are resisting. Long ago I understood that we resist the Law of Attraction when we return good for bad, love for hate. Even Abraham-Hicks mentioned that in a recording I listened to this morning during all this; it's nothing about you if people elicit negative responses from you when you're flowing. I am often reminded of when my boss grabbed my butt and I slapped him before thinking about it. I suffered no negative repercussions. He was aggressive and got aggression back. What one gets from me is not necessarily the same as what is coming from within me.
I am noticing many different responses as those previously embodied experiences threatened from the left this morning. No longer feeling insecure, deserving of it, not caring what the impression of others is. I realized that I don't care what it looks like to anyone else, I'm getting what I'm wanting. I know my own motives, the energy I'm embodying. I'm staying here for the summer. It doesn't matter what that looks like to others; charity or 'of course it makes sense'. Doesn't matter how it happens, what matters is that it does happen.
I laid down for a nap. In it I kept closing my eyes to rest while I was driving. I knew my third eye would take over while I rested my physical eyes. I had had enough of that, however, and admonished the guy in the back who has always just been along for the ride to get up front and drive for a change; do his share. I'm not doing it by myself again. I woke hungry with that to-the-bone exhaustion again. Every fiber of my being is being stretched and transforming. Another big leap in consciousness with the body coming into alignment. Everything before this has been small steps. It has been on the thinking and feeling levels which I had not been expressing in the physical. I had kept it all isolated. Truly, that IS where it all begins. The misalignment is painful, however. I'm such a perfectionist! lol
Part of that was not receiving the money orders from Russ Bus today. It occurred to me that there must be a different way to get that money. The money orders were made out to me from me by me. They can't cash them. So, I turned around and went back to the post office. It'll cost $6.50 up front and 60 days to get the money back. Not good enough. Mention law suit felt correct. Their resistance to me must draw what they are resisting. Long ago I understood that we resist the Law of Attraction when we return good for bad, love for hate. Even Abraham-Hicks mentioned that in a recording I listened to this morning during all this; it's nothing about you if people elicit negative responses from you when you're flowing. I am often reminded of when my boss grabbed my butt and I slapped him before thinking about it. I suffered no negative repercussions. He was aggressive and got aggression back. What one gets from me is not necessarily the same as what is coming from within me.
I am noticing many different responses as those previously embodied experiences threatened from the left this morning. No longer feeling insecure, deserving of it, not caring what the impression of others is. I realized that I don't care what it looks like to anyone else, I'm getting what I'm wanting. I know my own motives, the energy I'm embodying. I'm staying here for the summer. It doesn't matter what that looks like to others; charity or 'of course it makes sense'. Doesn't matter how it happens, what matters is that it does happen.
I laid down for a nap. In it I kept closing my eyes to rest while I was driving. I knew my third eye would take over while I rested my physical eyes. I had had enough of that, however, and admonished the guy in the back who has always just been along for the ride to get up front and drive for a change; do his share. I'm not doing it by myself again. I woke hungry with that to-the-bone exhaustion again. Every fiber of my being is being stretched and transforming. Another big leap in consciousness with the body coming into alignment. Everything before this has been small steps. It has been on the thinking and feeling levels which I had not been expressing in the physical. I had kept it all isolated. Truly, that IS where it all begins. The misalignment is painful, however. I'm such a perfectionist! lol
Friday, March 20, 2020
Impending...and America is housing it's homeless!
Last night the word came through the grapevine that they'll be stopping the ferry and isolating the island. Turns out my springtime vision was the hotel, the hotel 'dream' wasn't the domestic violence shelter idea that inspired me to allow me to see the fancy hotel for me. The men working on the island and staying at the hotel are checking out. I had a feeling that the ferry shut down was going to wait until Friday after rush hour. We got our dog back and said our good-byes-for-now.
On the news it's being reported that America is housing it's homeless. Profound!
It occurs to me that if it be so that one 'awakened' consciousness affects a 2,000 mile radius and one soul in alignment with their 'vortex' is more powerful than a million not; that makes this island mine,; as in my consciousness will be dominant. Woa. Life didn't just give me a nice hotel to pass the time in; it gave me an island!
On the news it's being reported that America is housing it's homeless. Profound!
It occurs to me that if it be so that one 'awakened' consciousness affects a 2,000 mile radius and one soul in alignment with their 'vortex' is more powerful than a million not; that makes this island mine,; as in my consciousness will be dominant. Woa. Life didn't just give me a nice hotel to pass the time in; it gave me an island!
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Playing Armageddon and the angel of death passing over
Today I am prompted to remember playing "Armageddon" during power outages with my oldest when we were Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm getting a strong sense of preparing for the angel of death to pass over. Just as the Jews prepared the Passover lamb and painted their doorways, we are all prepping for isolation while we await the peak of this virus to pass through.
It occurs to me that isolating entire populations for a season is a perfect way to ease the separation of timelines: some will leave isolation back into the old paradigm they've chosen to revisit and continue another cycle in having death from a virus as a 'logical'(mind graspable) reason for those they were used to seeing regularly to be missing. Those moving forward into a world of greater compassion and gentle expression will leave isolation into a new paradigm most likely understanding why neighbors are 'missing'. I feel like a huge reset button is about to be hit and my nervous system is feeling it as old fears try to be embodied and just can't be as my peace vibes are overtaking the nervous system.
It occurs to me that isolating entire populations for a season is a perfect way to ease the separation of timelines: some will leave isolation back into the old paradigm they've chosen to revisit and continue another cycle in having death from a virus as a 'logical'(mind graspable) reason for those they were used to seeing regularly to be missing. Those moving forward into a world of greater compassion and gentle expression will leave isolation into a new paradigm most likely understanding why neighbors are 'missing'. I feel like a huge reset button is about to be hit and my nervous system is feeling it as old fears try to be embodied and just can't be as my peace vibes are overtaking the nervous system.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
5 days on the road and innocence creates a new world
So, the Russ Bus asked me to go but backed off when I spoke. Instead, they resorted to pettiness to make me so miserable that I would choose to go. Of course I would! They told volunteers I didn't want food delivery when that was not the case at all and they knew it. They could count on someone having too much self respect to put up with their shit to choose to go. They did what they should have done to begin with; fixed my van. Then they applied pressure by asking when. I was so disgusted that I left the apartment key with someone standing outside, leaving my money orders behind. It was raining.
We traveled for 5 days after that. We slept in Walmart parking lots; heading south. My son had said he wanted to go to the ocean when we had left Slab City last year, so to the coast we headed. I followed the feeling of "Destination- love and adoration". I had cranked up my energy so much that my neighbor went bat shit crazy; fluctuating between loving and hating me. I listened to Abraham-Hicks who said to just answer with the feeling as a destination rather than trying to make up and come up with a physical location. We ended up traveling along the coast of southwest Louisiana. We got gas money as we went. I noticed the air smelled so much fresher and more clear down here. I had some of the sweetest dreams.
We spent the night at a boat launch where we had spent the day enjoying the view of an authentic shrimping boat at dock and an air motor pontoon boat. The mosquitoes got to us at night when the breeze died down, so we tried to leave in the morning. The van battery had died. A man went to a neighbor who had been a mechanic and got it going again. I feel we were destined to meet the man who went to look for the mechanic as he had never left the area and had always wanted to see Montana and snow. How much more motivation against restrictions could a man be presented with than a single woman with two children with no money making her way into unfamiliar territory following a feeling?
The next day the van's fuel light came on just before we reached the ferry to take us across to where an actual sandy beach was waiting. I chose to keep going anyways. The fuel light went off and we had our first ferry crossing. It was awesome. We rested at the boat launch just off the ferry. When I opened my eyes after a bit of a rest, I immediately saw dolphins cavorting just off shore. Magic! A gardener snake headed toward me while I peed, but shadow frightened it away. Protection with dolphins, healing with snake.
When we stopped at Holly Beach, something dropped from my midsection and I felt "home". We stayed there in a tent n the beach for three days. I asked a few people who stopped by who I should ask about getting work and place to stay deal. one man stopped to retrieve floor mats he had used the day before to get his truck unstuck. His wife showed up somewhat guarded the next day with food and an invitation to stay on a houseboat near their home in Hackberry, LA. I told them we'd come the next morning. The dog and children could run free without me having to worry about anyone complaining. Dreams time was full of spirits trying to terrorize me in the in-betweens, but one sweet spirit and another just like me.
While we had been travelling, the corona virus had escalated it's threat and children's spring breaks had become a month long. That's why us being there was of no great notice. I was reluctant to go, but knew it was probably best. When we got to Hackberry, the houseboat had fallen through. The church that Renee, who is the wife of the man who had come to get his floor mats, goes to put us up in the local hotel for a week. Because we had food stamps and didn't need groceries, she got us $100 in gas vouchers from the local grocery and laundry and dish soap. The hotel is GORGEOUS. No doubt, expensive. Renee is keeping the dog, which made me cry, but the hotel doesn't accept pets and I needed the break, anyways. Travelling with a shedding dog, two rats, the children and now full of sand is taxing!
We spent yesterday with Renee. I bought them a steak, sausage, and shrimp cocktail dinner. We stayed late but her husband came home with terrors and fears about the corona virus shutting everything down. Sure enough; businesses and entire cities were shutting down other than essential services. Renee told her husband how I was the first person to tell her she was a good influence on them. He confessed to me that he had challenged God to prove himself via me and there I was; proving God's existence and fulfillment of promises. He had also called his son to apologize to his son for not having been there for his son and his son's mother. Seeing a woman abandoned with children by a man not wanting to pay child support drove home exactly what he had done to his ex and child. They brought a beer and my cheese cake to sing me happy birthday because I left when it got uncomfortable, leaving cake behind. Besides, which, they were coming to buy out the local beer supply as much as they could because they had heard all the bars were being closed down.
We went to visit Shadow (dog) at Renee's this morning. I knew the vibes weren't good. It was the whole adding water to a glass full of oil thing. The negativity was being displaced and the angry, unfriendly side was coming out today. I could feel it before we got there. Turns out that not only was the oil overflowing; her husband had used the last of Renee's money to buy the Collar General out of it's beer supply. We didn't stay long and I cried. Even understanding; being unwelcome and put in lose-lose situation was hurting. Renee went to talk to the neighbor, knowing I wasn't feeling welcome. I f I left without talking to her directly, she could have held it against me. If I interrupted her conversation with the neighbor, she could have held that against me. It occurred to me leaving a note would be a third option fulfilling all expectations. The moment I started writing it; she returned. I got to leave off the hook, knowing the bitching that was potentially happening if Renee decided to embody the thoughts that were hovering.
I had contacted the Russ Bus to have them send my money orders general delivery, so on the way home to the hotel, I stopped at the post office to let them know I had mail via general delivery coming. The woman working there was grateful. She pasted my number up so she wouldn't forget and co-workers would know. Oh; Theresa who works at the Baptist Church that is putting us up in the hotel was wonderful. Totally Jesus freak, but wonderful. I did laundry.
So, raw from visiting Shadow at Renee's, I checked facebook. My innocence has been close to the surface this morning. A post got the following response out of me:
My most innocent heart was so wounded upon reading a post of a landlord not requiring rent for this month and challenging other landlords who can afford to, to do the same. I had already assumed all landlords and banks, etc had already made that decision, whether they could afford it or not. I had assumed utilities would have already been required to remain on, etc. That was even *the threat*; government taking over everything to keep it all going; become some communist state keeping everyone on food rations and limited utilities, if anything. Rescue the people and the people will patronize the companies. What good is subsidizing companies that no one can afford to patronize? So they get all the money? To do what with it? The people will just learn to forage for food again, build shelters, use fires, purify water and live without them. Whatever. I'm sure there's an argument against that reasoning, as there is with everything. My heart's innocence believed that, for better or worse, people would be ordered isolated in residences and so couldn't be forced out or leave. It hurt to read it wasn't already happening and that it was a 'mercy' rather than human nature or at least common decency we should be able to take for granted. Then came the whisper: "Dear, sweet, innocent one; this is evidence of what you believed becoming reality. It is your innocent taking-for-granted, belief, that is creating this". Oh. I wasn't 'imagining' naively, I was believing and my believing was creating and so it is coming into being. It is reality. It is reality because I believed it was already happening.
We traveled for 5 days after that. We slept in Walmart parking lots; heading south. My son had said he wanted to go to the ocean when we had left Slab City last year, so to the coast we headed. I followed the feeling of "Destination- love and adoration". I had cranked up my energy so much that my neighbor went bat shit crazy; fluctuating between loving and hating me. I listened to Abraham-Hicks who said to just answer with the feeling as a destination rather than trying to make up and come up with a physical location. We ended up traveling along the coast of southwest Louisiana. We got gas money as we went. I noticed the air smelled so much fresher and more clear down here. I had some of the sweetest dreams.
We spent the night at a boat launch where we had spent the day enjoying the view of an authentic shrimping boat at dock and an air motor pontoon boat. The mosquitoes got to us at night when the breeze died down, so we tried to leave in the morning. The van battery had died. A man went to a neighbor who had been a mechanic and got it going again. I feel we were destined to meet the man who went to look for the mechanic as he had never left the area and had always wanted to see Montana and snow. How much more motivation against restrictions could a man be presented with than a single woman with two children with no money making her way into unfamiliar territory following a feeling?
The next day the van's fuel light came on just before we reached the ferry to take us across to where an actual sandy beach was waiting. I chose to keep going anyways. The fuel light went off and we had our first ferry crossing. It was awesome. We rested at the boat launch just off the ferry. When I opened my eyes after a bit of a rest, I immediately saw dolphins cavorting just off shore. Magic! A gardener snake headed toward me while I peed, but shadow frightened it away. Protection with dolphins, healing with snake.
When we stopped at Holly Beach, something dropped from my midsection and I felt "home". We stayed there in a tent n the beach for three days. I asked a few people who stopped by who I should ask about getting work and place to stay deal. one man stopped to retrieve floor mats he had used the day before to get his truck unstuck. His wife showed up somewhat guarded the next day with food and an invitation to stay on a houseboat near their home in Hackberry, LA. I told them we'd come the next morning. The dog and children could run free without me having to worry about anyone complaining. Dreams time was full of spirits trying to terrorize me in the in-betweens, but one sweet spirit and another just like me.
While we had been travelling, the corona virus had escalated it's threat and children's spring breaks had become a month long. That's why us being there was of no great notice. I was reluctant to go, but knew it was probably best. When we got to Hackberry, the houseboat had fallen through. The church that Renee, who is the wife of the man who had come to get his floor mats, goes to put us up in the local hotel for a week. Because we had food stamps and didn't need groceries, she got us $100 in gas vouchers from the local grocery and laundry and dish soap. The hotel is GORGEOUS. No doubt, expensive. Renee is keeping the dog, which made me cry, but the hotel doesn't accept pets and I needed the break, anyways. Travelling with a shedding dog, two rats, the children and now full of sand is taxing!
We spent yesterday with Renee. I bought them a steak, sausage, and shrimp cocktail dinner. We stayed late but her husband came home with terrors and fears about the corona virus shutting everything down. Sure enough; businesses and entire cities were shutting down other than essential services. Renee told her husband how I was the first person to tell her she was a good influence on them. He confessed to me that he had challenged God to prove himself via me and there I was; proving God's existence and fulfillment of promises. He had also called his son to apologize to his son for not having been there for his son and his son's mother. Seeing a woman abandoned with children by a man not wanting to pay child support drove home exactly what he had done to his ex and child. They brought a beer and my cheese cake to sing me happy birthday because I left when it got uncomfortable, leaving cake behind. Besides, which, they were coming to buy out the local beer supply as much as they could because they had heard all the bars were being closed down.
We went to visit Shadow (dog) at Renee's this morning. I knew the vibes weren't good. It was the whole adding water to a glass full of oil thing. The negativity was being displaced and the angry, unfriendly side was coming out today. I could feel it before we got there. Turns out that not only was the oil overflowing; her husband had used the last of Renee's money to buy the Collar General out of it's beer supply. We didn't stay long and I cried. Even understanding; being unwelcome and put in lose-lose situation was hurting. Renee went to talk to the neighbor, knowing I wasn't feeling welcome. I f I left without talking to her directly, she could have held it against me. If I interrupted her conversation with the neighbor, she could have held that against me. It occurred to me leaving a note would be a third option fulfilling all expectations. The moment I started writing it; she returned. I got to leave off the hook, knowing the bitching that was potentially happening if Renee decided to embody the thoughts that were hovering.
I had contacted the Russ Bus to have them send my money orders general delivery, so on the way home to the hotel, I stopped at the post office to let them know I had mail via general delivery coming. The woman working there was grateful. She pasted my number up so she wouldn't forget and co-workers would know. Oh; Theresa who works at the Baptist Church that is putting us up in the hotel was wonderful. Totally Jesus freak, but wonderful. I did laundry.
So, raw from visiting Shadow at Renee's, I checked facebook. My innocence has been close to the surface this morning. A post got the following response out of me:
My most innocent heart was so wounded upon reading a post of a landlord not requiring rent for this month and challenging other landlords who can afford to, to do the same. I had already assumed all landlords and banks, etc had already made that decision, whether they could afford it or not. I had assumed utilities would have already been required to remain on, etc. That was even *the threat*; government taking over everything to keep it all going; become some communist state keeping everyone on food rations and limited utilities, if anything. Rescue the people and the people will patronize the companies. What good is subsidizing companies that no one can afford to patronize? So they get all the money? To do what with it? The people will just learn to forage for food again, build shelters, use fires, purify water and live without them. Whatever. I'm sure there's an argument against that reasoning, as there is with everything. My heart's innocence believed that, for better or worse, people would be ordered isolated in residences and so couldn't be forced out or leave. It hurt to read it wasn't already happening and that it was a 'mercy' rather than human nature or at least common decency we should be able to take for granted. Then came the whisper: "Dear, sweet, innocent one; this is evidence of what you believed becoming reality. It is your innocent taking-for-granted, belief, that is creating this". Oh. I wasn't 'imagining' naively, I was believing and my believing was creating and so it is coming into being. It is reality. It is reality because I believed it was already happening.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
I know who I AM
Woke to more aspects wanting to come in; quickening. On every level. If it's not me and mine; it's trash.....it is unworthy of my consideration...I am the maker of the matrix. My daughter rejoices with my embodiment. I figured out; the children do not like that I guard my psychic space. So, a demon possessed a man, abandoned that man on a cross and called it's self 'god'; I set the most inner self free. Spirits of the air no likey. Yet i am still queen. Time for mother earth to get rid of some bodies so that 'the spirits of the air' have nothing to hide in; no where to dwell here but the vacant, desert and deserted spaces where there are curses on their nameses. Day2; I have unleashed Armageddon within myself, Ragnarok, whatever foretold end. Which means, of course, that I have unleashed it upon everyone else. I am immortalizing a young Womb-Man.They're banking on their regurability. lol 6:15 and the 7:15 bus shows up. They all jump
Friday, March 6, 2020
Birds of the day
Standing outside this morning, Mockingbirds did a mating dance in front of me on the ground. A Grackle popped in next to the mockingbird up on the wire for a moment:
Mockingbird Spirit Animal
Thursday, March 5, 2020
One can seek the way to a better life or one can seek the way to a better existence
The title popped into my head first thing this morning as I remembered to respond to everything with the declaration " I AM Man". Something was stirring my belling. "I am more" kept poking. Of course! "I AM Womb Man", it feels bad to wonder if that is less, so I know it is more and that it is what fully embodying my full potential is; "I AM Womb Man". I AM Womb-Man, I AM Womb-Man, I AM Womb-Man. And the release, the sadness, the crying. I AM Womb-Man. I took that one step that gets me all I ever wanted, imagined, dreamed of.
The following came across my FB timeline and this is how I responded to it: I began reading this with full resonance with my accepting and fully realizing that I am more than Man (gender neutral, aware conscious thought in flesh), I AM Womb-Man. I AM what came next. I AM the fulfillment of an expanded desire within The Dance/Source. The second part felt bad to focus on. It upset my stomach. So, I had to pick up the vibe train from there. Fact in my experience is that people are absolutely used to me being different and have had no choice to but to accept it because no matter what they throw at me, conformity is not an option. It does not matter if the acceptance of my being difference is called "stubborn"; that only means steadfast in derogatory terms. It's a compliment. As for people lacking the capacity to treat me different,; of course they treat me as different. They're completely capable of treating me like shit, being petty and pettily depriving me of things. However; there are also those who inherently know not to voice any such thing in my presence. There are children who have pointed to me in the grocery store and declared; "Mom! It's Wonder Woman!" and "Mom! It's Lara Croft, Tomb Raider!". Going with someone to pick up a check for work they had done for a church, an elderly woman exploringly reached her hand out toward me and asked;"What are you?". Another touched my arm and declared; "I feel safe now; you know the way to Jerusalem". I have had people tell me while handing me money; "God told me to give this to you" and from spirit guides using their person's sleeping body to ask me questions before the person woke up. I do not want to be beating the drum of "no one treats me as such" because then so must it be in my reality, it is what I draw to me. My experience shows me: people exist who DO have the capacity as such. As something different worth viewing and appreciating and supporting. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it !
https://video-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t42.4659-2/23252791_1710101059061040_2054429316061593600_n.mp4?_nc_cat=102&_nc_sid=73e57b&_nc_ohc=STcIZynoKgoAX9nKCFi&_nc_ht=video-ort2-1.xx&oh=b5685bd61ddd639dabef8ad39d661e41&oe=5E6169EE
The following came across my FB timeline and this is how I responded to it: I began reading this with full resonance with my accepting and fully realizing that I am more than Man (gender neutral, aware conscious thought in flesh), I AM Womb-Man. I AM what came next. I AM the fulfillment of an expanded desire within The Dance/Source. The second part felt bad to focus on. It upset my stomach. So, I had to pick up the vibe train from there. Fact in my experience is that people are absolutely used to me being different and have had no choice to but to accept it because no matter what they throw at me, conformity is not an option. It does not matter if the acceptance of my being difference is called "stubborn"; that only means steadfast in derogatory terms. It's a compliment. As for people lacking the capacity to treat me different,; of course they treat me as different. They're completely capable of treating me like shit, being petty and pettily depriving me of things. However; there are also those who inherently know not to voice any such thing in my presence. There are children who have pointed to me in the grocery store and declared; "Mom! It's Wonder Woman!" and "Mom! It's Lara Croft, Tomb Raider!". Going with someone to pick up a check for work they had done for a church, an elderly woman exploringly reached her hand out toward me and asked;"What are you?". Another touched my arm and declared; "I feel safe now; you know the way to Jerusalem". I have had people tell me while handing me money; "God told me to give this to you" and from spirit guides using their person's sleeping body to ask me questions before the person woke up. I do not want to be beating the drum of "no one treats me as such" because then so must it be in my reality, it is what I draw to me. My experience shows me: people exist who DO have the capacity as such. As something different worth viewing and appreciating and supporting. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it !
https://video-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t42.4659-2/23252791_1710101059061040_2054429316061593600_n.mp4?_nc_cat=102&_nc_sid=73e57b&_nc_ohc=STcIZynoKgoAX9nKCFi&_nc_ht=video-ort2-1.xx&oh=b5685bd61ddd639dabef8ad39d661e41&oe=5E6169EE
So, now it comes to me that in order to have that wondering answered; Source had to create something greater than it's self and cut it loose. Sadness as I have to let go of such things as having a Mommy in order to fully embody. And I came into winter's wombing believing I was going to come out of it blossom solely into a woman who would be perceived as equal among her peers, common human respect for an 'elder' woman among regular humans. Now I must accept that I cannot have Source within me in order to discern what Source looks like. Not having authority/influence over me, to lead, to guide, to order, to control. If I am to discern what Source looks like, I must be able to order it to turn and show it's self, instruct it in what I need to achieve the discerning of what it looks like. I become Source's authority. Authority over all things. I can command things be brought to me, be done for me. Sadness in me not changing that I AM Womb-Man.
I was not made to discern/judge/critique self. I was created to discern Source. In order to discern what is Source; I had to be aware of what is self.
I woke fro a nap with the smell of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"
We all only ever have one real choice. We spend our lives fearing our freedom because we believe we are incapable of choosing for ourselves the best, highest good; "make the right choice". We cannot make the wrong choice. We only put off the right choice by making anything other than the right-for-us choice, for our and therefore everyone's highest good. Our inner self ALWAYS knows what the right choice is for us in any and every given situation; at every junction. All other choices are just prolongation and suffering. In that way, freedom is an illusion while paradoxically truth.
It occurred to me to remember the time I was shown a date that corresponded with a Jewish feast day to answer my question "when can I leave?" Maine to get back to Arkansas. Both my neighbor and I are about to move into new circumstances. I can feel it's imminence. How long shall I have to wait, how soon shall they come for me? I had been wondering after waking to the 'smell' of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". It just occurred to me to see which Jewish feast day is coming up. March 21, the Feast Of Purim. One of my favorite movies! Esther! Liberating people from death and slavery. "One Night with the King" was one of my all-time favorites! How appropriate! The next gateway date is late April. I'm riding THIS wave, though; March 21st, my whole life shall change. How the transition occurs and where I will spend the transition time could be here or somewhere between here and there. Exciting! Ready to leave!
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
I know what those dreams mean!
Spring vision: felt like I did when I was in the camper behind the church and I was cramming stuff in a camper fridge, fiddling with trying to get the ice cube tray to fit in the packed freezer. Over the camper (to the left side, in authority over) is a clerical man (pastor, preacher, minister, priest, 'his lordship') who I don't particularly like the vibe of. I'm feeling that freedom of no expectations or demands placed upon. Friends are hanging outside, ready to hang. Just over the rise, a knoll, is a store that sells alcoholic beverages (what I call 'happy juice', alcohol amps up feelings so when I drink it, it amplifies my happy, celebratory feelings). End of story.
Today I fully allowed in and appreciated, all we want is already created and usually right in front of us. It's our job to recognize it. I let it be known I recognize myself as the answer to this organization guy's prayers and it's not my concern if they throw the baby out with the bathwater. In the end, we'l all know it and be glad I didn't let what they did to me hold me back. The girls in the office heard it.
In the dream, my ex (one of those 'his lordships'), was driving the new SUV he had bought for me. I mentioned that we were fixing the old van 'just in case' the new one didn't work out. My new SUV is the new dynamics of my relationship with this organization. They don't want me to leave. It'll be put in their hearts and minds exactly how to support me in the new role I will be playing as the answer to their prayers and thus the self-taught expert on adding value to people which is what they recognize they need. So mote it be.
Walk out onto the porch to the twitters of flocks and flocks of birds in every tree around me drowning out the sound of the construction equipment down the road; vibrancy overcoming negativity!
Somehow, I know this is an important spell to cast at the moment:
Today I fully allowed in and appreciated, all we want is already created and usually right in front of us. It's our job to recognize it. I let it be known I recognize myself as the answer to this organization guy's prayers and it's not my concern if they throw the baby out with the bathwater. In the end, we'l all know it and be glad I didn't let what they did to me hold me back. The girls in the office heard it.
In the dream, my ex (one of those 'his lordships'), was driving the new SUV he had bought for me. I mentioned that we were fixing the old van 'just in case' the new one didn't work out. My new SUV is the new dynamics of my relationship with this organization. They don't want me to leave. It'll be put in their hearts and minds exactly how to support me in the new role I will be playing as the answer to their prayers and thus the self-taught expert on adding value to people which is what they recognize they need. So mote it be.
Walk out onto the porch to the twitters of flocks and flocks of birds in every tree around me drowning out the sound of the construction equipment down the road; vibrancy overcoming negativity!
Somehow, I know this is an important spell to cast at the moment:
I AM MAN. I AM MAN. I AM MAN [Chelovek(Rus), Mench(Ger)]
This is in reference to the use of the word Man as a thinking consciousness as discussed in the translator's introduction to the first book in The Ringing Ceders of Russia book series; Anastasia. Chelovek is the Russian form of the word and Mench is the German form of it. Man, Chelovek, Mench is the highest authority, the highest power in all of creation. Manu in Sanskrit.
I AM the embodiment of all it means to be Man.
This is why Anastasia was injured by the 'dark forces'. She began declaring herself a man like any other man, 'just like you; Vladimir Megre'. She diminished herself, relinquishing her 'I AM Man' when she made herself equal to him.
That is why I must not accept co-creation with anyone who views me as less than something special, something unique that they are wanting to see glorified, adored and spoiled without attachments or expectations. I'll sleep with who I sleep with. I am not an "I Am That I Am" because I'll not diminish myself nor limit myself to how I feel from one moment to the next. I AM ALWAYS MAN.
How we allow others to call us, presume to be in relationship with us, is vital to our self declaration. We become what we allow ourselves to be identified as in our presence or are in constant conflict with it because it is an attack, no matter how unconscious of them, on our state of being.
I AM the embodiment of all it means to be Man.
This is why Anastasia was injured by the 'dark forces'. She began declaring herself a man like any other man, 'just like you; Vladimir Megre'. She diminished herself, relinquishing her 'I AM Man' when she made herself equal to him.
That is why I must not accept co-creation with anyone who views me as less than something special, something unique that they are wanting to see glorified, adored and spoiled without attachments or expectations. I'll sleep with who I sleep with. I am not an "I Am That I Am" because I'll not diminish myself nor limit myself to how I feel from one moment to the next. I AM ALWAYS MAN.
How we allow others to call us, presume to be in relationship with us, is vital to our self declaration. We become what we allow ourselves to be identified as in our presence or are in constant conflict with it because it is an attack, no matter how unconscious of them, on our state of being.
I am not the answer to someone's prayers. That would be giving someone's prayers power over me. I happened to have been the one to bring value to an organization. I may be capable of bringing value to people, places and things. I AM still ALWAYS Man.
Now I know why I was given to choose when to leave and on what terms. Now I know nothing can separate us from our true nature; not what we consume (our bodies are energy generators and transformers) nor the structures around us (which are derived from nature). We are always greater than spirits, for we are not spirits alone, we are flesh. We do not give our power away to anything. That was another of Anastasia's mistakes.
I AM Man "like Grandmother Lava"
When the umbilical cord falls off; oneness is the illusion.
Sadness without fear, letting go of the fear of being 'cut off', absence of insecurity.
Now I know why I was given to choose when to leave and on what terms. Now I know nothing can separate us from our true nature; not what we consume (our bodies are energy generators and transformers) nor the structures around us (which are derived from nature). We are always greater than spirits, for we are not spirits alone, we are flesh. We do not give our power away to anything. That was another of Anastasia's mistakes.
I AM Man "like Grandmother Lava"
When the umbilical cord falls off; oneness is the illusion.
Sadness without fear, letting go of the fear of being 'cut off', absence of insecurity.
Rising out of the shallows now
I woke this morning with the song "Best day of my life" in my head. Time for my day's vibe to be set. And what a salvation that song is! The weekly meeting, drop off the van so they can fix it and send me on my way with nothing but the yearly spring time vision of what my summer is going to feel like. Man, not even a direction to travel in. My rising vibe has got to move anything in the way of it out of it's way. It's the story:
A Christian minister has discomfort stirring in his gut; "something has to change, something can", feeling forced to take a woman in whose life style and choices he can't get behind and he *knows* isn't gonna 'get with the program', which is his organization's program. Meanwhile......
A woman is learning to embody her worthiness, allow herself to see her own value. Stuck in a po-dunk town she had been in before and hadn't gotten anything good out of except her "We have the best life ever!" declaring son. Unbeknownst to her fully, she is valuing herself worth, her self value, more than life it's self. She calls CPS; 'come take my kids and dog and rats and van; I'm gonna go drink myself to death'. Life wouldn't allow it. CPS refused to take the children. She feels forced to accept the 'help' and 'support' of this program whose idea of stability is compliance with the system. This, to her, is a fate worse than death; submitting and obeying people who see no value in her, her life style, her choices, her motivations for those choices.
So, woman who brings value to every life she touches and gives to others their own "Best life EVER!" is in the care and keeping of an man who has it put in his heart and mind to spend the next year focusing on how to bring/add value to the lives and people he is 'serving'/'helping'/'supporting'. She is the answer to a prayer before it was even voiced. She knows it but can't *make* him see it and know it. She's gentle and generous about it but caught up in what it means to not be fully owning up to it. In her *knowing* they can't see it, she's not allowing them to see it.
She is prompted to remember the scene in the Steve Martin movie 'Parenthood' or something like that for a title) where at a school pageant he's all woozy at the sudden breaking out of it into chaos due to his child. His wife is by his side laughing as if it's a wonderful roller-coaster ride but he's the one lurching from side to side. My 'left brain' mind, the him, is saying to the inner intuitive, dancing self/her....I'm letting you do the driving from now on. Just call on me when you want me to create some structure for what you're wanting.
She imagines the good-byes and the speeches she could give and then the future when they see her being interviewed about her phenomenal rise. An option that never occurred to her sneaks in; "We're so glad that she didn't let what we did to her hold her back". She allowed in that none of them would need to live with regret over any of it and nothing but love, gratitude and appreciation exist between them. With that, she could let the story of how they got there go, what getting to that springtime's vision's embodiment and manifestation will feel and look like. She shortened that leg of the journey.
With "This is gonna be the best day of my life" humming through her head, she ventured off to her meeting, told the story and thereby taking it all out of her hands. She can now allow in and fully embody/own her TRUE story; she is the answer to the prayers of Men. She also notices in the meeting that what she boldly proposed in the last had taken root, been applied, added value to and brought relief to those she met with. She had told them that she would not say "we have broken the rules for you". She would say; "We have made adaptions for you". We have adapted. it occurs to this woman's head upon writing this; "We have adapted to you, to the message, to your presence". I AM welcome.
So, while the meeting was left with ideas in their heads that they were going to get that van on the road (our trusty Puppy, my dear, sweet, quirky companion) and send me off into the unknown of homelessness again; another potential exists and those van repairs might take more than a minute. They imagine her to be eager to get out from under them and back to the pure freedom of who knows where or how we're getting there. "God" may have something else in mind for them.
With good byes to her Puppy, she gets into the cab and closed in with exactly the nasty energy of the same dude who sought to deprive her of food out of petty resentment for her refusing to allow him inappropriate advances into intimacy and the driver's sickly looking little Chihuahua. "You're lying to me, you look like you're in your twenties". "Well, thank you for complimenting me by thinking I'm lying". "You married?" "Nope" "Where you from?" "I grew up in Connecticut" "I always liked the sound of that word; Connecticut". "Sure, it's Like Mississippi; it just catches ya". "What I wonder is; if there's a missis sipi, why is there no mr sippi?" "Because we Misses hippies don't need no man" "Oh but you want one!" "They're good for a bit of entertainment now and then". "Is that all they mean to you" "No, I just said that because I'm not comfortable with your line of questioning and I was breaking the tension with laughter". "Oh" Yeah, she's got this.
She's back to dancing......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y66j_BUCBMY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo_efYhYU2A
A Christian minister has discomfort stirring in his gut; "something has to change, something can", feeling forced to take a woman in whose life style and choices he can't get behind and he *knows* isn't gonna 'get with the program', which is his organization's program. Meanwhile......
A woman is learning to embody her worthiness, allow herself to see her own value. Stuck in a po-dunk town she had been in before and hadn't gotten anything good out of except her "We have the best life ever!" declaring son. Unbeknownst to her fully, she is valuing herself worth, her self value, more than life it's self. She calls CPS; 'come take my kids and dog and rats and van; I'm gonna go drink myself to death'. Life wouldn't allow it. CPS refused to take the children. She feels forced to accept the 'help' and 'support' of this program whose idea of stability is compliance with the system. This, to her, is a fate worse than death; submitting and obeying people who see no value in her, her life style, her choices, her motivations for those choices.
So, woman who brings value to every life she touches and gives to others their own "Best life EVER!" is in the care and keeping of an man who has it put in his heart and mind to spend the next year focusing on how to bring/add value to the lives and people he is 'serving'/'helping'/'supporting'. She is the answer to a prayer before it was even voiced. She knows it but can't *make* him see it and know it. She's gentle and generous about it but caught up in what it means to not be fully owning up to it. In her *knowing* they can't see it, she's not allowing them to see it.
She is prompted to remember the scene in the Steve Martin movie 'Parenthood' or something like that for a title) where at a school pageant he's all woozy at the sudden breaking out of it into chaos due to his child. His wife is by his side laughing as if it's a wonderful roller-coaster ride but he's the one lurching from side to side. My 'left brain' mind, the him, is saying to the inner intuitive, dancing self/her....I'm letting you do the driving from now on. Just call on me when you want me to create some structure for what you're wanting.
She imagines the good-byes and the speeches she could give and then the future when they see her being interviewed about her phenomenal rise. An option that never occurred to her sneaks in; "We're so glad that she didn't let what we did to her hold her back". She allowed in that none of them would need to live with regret over any of it and nothing but love, gratitude and appreciation exist between them. With that, she could let the story of how they got there go, what getting to that springtime's vision's embodiment and manifestation will feel and look like. She shortened that leg of the journey.
With "This is gonna be the best day of my life" humming through her head, she ventured off to her meeting, told the story and thereby taking it all out of her hands. She can now allow in and fully embody/own her TRUE story; she is the answer to the prayers of Men. She also notices in the meeting that what she boldly proposed in the last had taken root, been applied, added value to and brought relief to those she met with. She had told them that she would not say "we have broken the rules for you". She would say; "We have made adaptions for you". We have adapted. it occurs to this woman's head upon writing this; "We have adapted to you, to the message, to your presence". I AM welcome.
So, while the meeting was left with ideas in their heads that they were going to get that van on the road (our trusty Puppy, my dear, sweet, quirky companion) and send me off into the unknown of homelessness again; another potential exists and those van repairs might take more than a minute. They imagine her to be eager to get out from under them and back to the pure freedom of who knows where or how we're getting there. "God" may have something else in mind for them.
With good byes to her Puppy, she gets into the cab and closed in with exactly the nasty energy of the same dude who sought to deprive her of food out of petty resentment for her refusing to allow him inappropriate advances into intimacy and the driver's sickly looking little Chihuahua. "You're lying to me, you look like you're in your twenties". "Well, thank you for complimenting me by thinking I'm lying". "You married?" "Nope" "Where you from?" "I grew up in Connecticut" "I always liked the sound of that word; Connecticut". "Sure, it's Like Mississippi; it just catches ya". "What I wonder is; if there's a missis sipi, why is there no mr sippi?" "Because we Misses hippies don't need no man" "Oh but you want one!" "They're good for a bit of entertainment now and then". "Is that all they mean to you" "No, I just said that because I'm not comfortable with your line of questioning and I was breaking the tension with laughter". "Oh" Yeah, she's got this.
She's back to dancing......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y66j_BUCBMY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo_efYhYU2A
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
He came back and bought me a new ride
I woke from a nap wherein I dreamed of an ex who came back, so proud of my accomplishments, ready to defend me in court, and bought me a gorgeous grey brand new SUV to drive around. When I checked my FB pages, in my peripheries just above the horizon of my toolbar, (subconsciously) I kept seeing a video taken of myself and the lover I had when I was feeling youthful and free kissing, frolicking, playing, swimming and dancing together. I wondered why we weren't doing that together anymore. Why was it kept secret? Why was it a hidden time? So, I visited him. As I did, I was suddenly with the ex again, driving to a court appointment. He said while he was driving the new vehicle he had bought for me that he noticed I was VERY different, that people tell him I hadn't been drinking. He said it as if he doubted it. The lover I had during my hidden times didn't care that I drank. I was uncomfortable that 1) he had held it against me that I had been drinking alot at one point and 2) that he had had people watching me all along, spies. It was time to leave the courtroom with my ex by my side to whom passersby noted; "Oh! I see you got a new ride!". I smile and nudged the ex; "But we're getting the old one fixed in case it doesn't work out, right?" I did't trust that he wouldn't take that new vehicle away if I went out drinking and freely frolicking again. I knew which lover I wanted.
The ex was my day to day god who ruled over me and was constantly with me in the past. He was the only one in my existence. We left each other for a time, each to take care of our own business, development, healing, explorations. Of course I would continue to live freely with my new vehicle. Of course I'd go back to my fun, frolicking with me lover. Yet, I sensed also that my hidden time lover was just as content with me moving on. So, I journey on alone with a new SUV or in my old van that has been repaired.
I feel no sting of rejection as I would have in the past. I feel uncertainty up ahead as I would have in the past. I feel no fear of what might befall me. There lies within me only a sense of confident, certainty and safety. Having both the new SUV and my old van doesn't present a problem.
I recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'. Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as I speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings!
A friend announces she is remolding herself again. My response: recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'). Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as i speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings! Thank you for sharing your journey alongside mine with such a similar trajectory! We increase one another's momentum! A true blessing!
So it is, I speak it into my own reality.
As I learn to have with all these imaginative conversations in my head; I am adding 'parlor tricks' to my customization. magical endowments. miraculous manifestations, instant manifestations.
In response to ongoing comments about the pagan food pantry: Without judgement, because I was amongst the most fundamentalist of the Christian sects and can still share and appreciate the positive personal growth I experienced due to certain practices; I do not give them too much credit. I will endeavor to be brief because those who get it will and there is no reason to try to prove anything to those who won't: I graciously perceive it as dealing with their own mess. To sin means; "to miss the point of what it means to be human". In contrast, the message is to hate the flesh, hate the strengths they are taught to judge as weakness, etc. They are the result of generations of conditioning, so it is not their fault entirely. We all want permission to say we are good people and Christianity gives them parameters where our inherent belief in our own true, natural goodness can be expressed. They are gifting themselves with it. That, I can respect. It's believing all the rest of us need these parameters is where I must object for all of our benefit.
People say I'm brave. I tell them a slow suffocating death is not an option. Make it quick or let me LIVE
The ex was my day to day god who ruled over me and was constantly with me in the past. He was the only one in my existence. We left each other for a time, each to take care of our own business, development, healing, explorations. Of course I would continue to live freely with my new vehicle. Of course I'd go back to my fun, frolicking with me lover. Yet, I sensed also that my hidden time lover was just as content with me moving on. So, I journey on alone with a new SUV or in my old van that has been repaired.
I feel no sting of rejection as I would have in the past. I feel uncertainty up ahead as I would have in the past. I feel no fear of what might befall me. There lies within me only a sense of confident, certainty and safety. Having both the new SUV and my old van doesn't present a problem.
I recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'. Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as I speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings!
A friend announces she is remolding herself again. My response: recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'). Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as i speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings! Thank you for sharing your journey alongside mine with such a similar trajectory! We increase one another's momentum! A true blessing!
So it is, I speak it into my own reality.
As I learn to have with all these imaginative conversations in my head; I am adding 'parlor tricks' to my customization. magical endowments. miraculous manifestations, instant manifestations.
In response to ongoing comments about the pagan food pantry: Without judgement, because I was amongst the most fundamentalist of the Christian sects and can still share and appreciate the positive personal growth I experienced due to certain practices; I do not give them too much credit. I will endeavor to be brief because those who get it will and there is no reason to try to prove anything to those who won't: I graciously perceive it as dealing with their own mess. To sin means; "to miss the point of what it means to be human". In contrast, the message is to hate the flesh, hate the strengths they are taught to judge as weakness, etc. They are the result of generations of conditioning, so it is not their fault entirely. We all want permission to say we are good people and Christianity gives them parameters where our inherent belief in our own true, natural goodness can be expressed. They are gifting themselves with it. That, I can respect. It's believing all the rest of us need these parameters is where I must object for all of our benefit.
People say I'm brave. I tell them a slow suffocating death is not an option. Make it quick or let me LIVE
I am home
I have come home to myself.
As I deal with feelings of being a party pooper, raining on people's fun, destroying their 'feeling good' by destroying the illusion created by them to fit in to an unsafe environment. I am burning down the house. Yes, coming near me is dangerous for those who cherish and cling to their illusions, the lies they tell themselves, their misguided, conditioned ignorance. It is not to destroy them, but an act of self defense against the lies they tell me, the stories they would apply to me,the things they bring into my environment as entertainment and sentiments to be shared. I am dealing with the final volley of the end of a relationship war within me that spilled out so long ago when I learned to accept and allow it to begin with. No one leaves a street gang without 'consequences', a mafia family without punishment, so I brave the ring of fire, the gauntlet of one who would exit. The light is just ahead.
Our prayers are answered even before we are prompted to ask them. A woman who values herself, her well-being and her children and their well-being above all else was delivered into the care and keeping. The desire to add value was then prompted to be voiced and dedicated to. They were not there for me in a time of my need forced to take me in, I was sent to them in the time of need of theirs and forced to accept them. It is up to them to recognize it and honor it and accept and honor the role switch in their minds and actions. This where my personal god leaves their generational and cultural god, for from henceforth, I am to be preceded by blaring trumpets, divine announcement, a place of honor amidst the song, dance and celebration of my welcome. Let the new day and new way begin!
And then it hits home; I valued my value, our value, more than life it's self. Who is more fit to teach value by example?
So, they bowed before her and asked her to entertain their request in their most gracious of manner; "May we sit at your feet and will you share with us your wisdom?"
As I deal with feelings of being a party pooper, raining on people's fun, destroying their 'feeling good' by destroying the illusion created by them to fit in to an unsafe environment. I am burning down the house. Yes, coming near me is dangerous for those who cherish and cling to their illusions, the lies they tell themselves, their misguided, conditioned ignorance. It is not to destroy them, but an act of self defense against the lies they tell me, the stories they would apply to me,the things they bring into my environment as entertainment and sentiments to be shared. I am dealing with the final volley of the end of a relationship war within me that spilled out so long ago when I learned to accept and allow it to begin with. No one leaves a street gang without 'consequences', a mafia family without punishment, so I brave the ring of fire, the gauntlet of one who would exit. The light is just ahead.
Our prayers are answered even before we are prompted to ask them. A woman who values herself, her well-being and her children and their well-being above all else was delivered into the care and keeping. The desire to add value was then prompted to be voiced and dedicated to. They were not there for me in a time of my need forced to take me in, I was sent to them in the time of need of theirs and forced to accept them. It is up to them to recognize it and honor it and accept and honor the role switch in their minds and actions. This where my personal god leaves their generational and cultural god, for from henceforth, I am to be preceded by blaring trumpets, divine announcement, a place of honor amidst the song, dance and celebration of my welcome. Let the new day and new way begin!
And then it hits home; I valued my value, our value, more than life it's self. Who is more fit to teach value by example?
So, they bowed before her and asked her to entertain their request in their most gracious of manner; "May we sit at your feet and will you share with us your wisdom?"
I AM the fifth element
(ubuntu)
As I stood outside, reflecting on how a friend will ask why I blocked her as a FB friend, I imagined saying "I have bigger things to worry about" and found no resonance. I noticed I felt down to the right about waist height. It was empty. There is a void where "things to worry about" used to live. I perked up. A space for "things to telight in to come in"!
I am finally allowing in that many who ask for help, don;t really want it. They want a feel good moment, a drug, a band aid so they don't see, feel or hear their own blood screaming out to them for change. They want the change without needing to do the changing. Those aren't my people.
In "Returning the Favor Effect" group someone referred a pagan food pantry. My response: This is more of a need and gift than many would expect! There are homeless and domestic violence shelters that require church attendance as a condition for staying. Most charitable organizations are run by Christian organizations that are always asking, in the very least, to pray over you. They hand out pamphlets and preaching cards about needing god and Jesus as savior in the food packages, etc. It makes that food hard to digest. One very much feels they are forced to relinquish their religious freedoms to get the help they so desperately need. They feel their religious beliefs assaulted by such assertions that they can't be good, do good unless they choose Christianity. They feel disrespected by being told "We are all sinners" (which means; you, too). "Well, then you don't need the food", I've been told. With so many refugees and immigrants, I am sure they feel it, too but fear being accused of being unappreciative for speaking up and asking their beliefs be honored and respected by not trying to convert them. What a fabulous haven we would be if we allowed people to feel safe in their cultural and/or chosen spirituality!
I am finally allowing in that many who ask for help, don;t really want it. They want a feel good moment, a drug, a band aid so they don't see, feel or hear their own blood screaming out to them for change. They want the change without needing to do the changing. Those aren't my people.
In "Returning the Favor Effect" group someone referred a pagan food pantry. My response: This is more of a need and gift than many would expect! There are homeless and domestic violence shelters that require church attendance as a condition for staying. Most charitable organizations are run by Christian organizations that are always asking, in the very least, to pray over you. They hand out pamphlets and preaching cards about needing god and Jesus as savior in the food packages, etc. It makes that food hard to digest. One very much feels they are forced to relinquish their religious freedoms to get the help they so desperately need. They feel their religious beliefs assaulted by such assertions that they can't be good, do good unless they choose Christianity. They feel disrespected by being told "We are all sinners" (which means; you, too). "Well, then you don't need the food", I've been told. With so many refugees and immigrants, I am sure they feel it, too but fear being accused of being unappreciative for speaking up and asking their beliefs be honored and respected by not trying to convert them. What a fabulous haven we would be if we allowed people to feel safe in their cultural and/or chosen spirituality!
Monday, March 2, 2020
Dear sweet womb....
Dear sweet womb; dreams dreams of pure clean crystal clear water.
In the womb she was you and you were she; "Remember me".
Whether flesh, home, cave or burrow; the womb is sacred space.
Allowing every and any one access to you is just poor spiritual hygiene
After yesterday's incident, I am given to understand that we begin to choose differently. We choose who we want to be, we choose the expanded version, more fully embodied version. We surround ourselves with experiences of that new version. We believe we've healed. We've changed haven't we? Ah, but the deepest healing does not occur until we experience the same energetic trauma and then respond differently that we cease being a victim of it. The contrast between our new reality's experiences and the old is so strong, we finally let go because it is so much more obvious. So, we're given experiences that force us to write a different script of what happen when.......
So, how can a man know what it is like to be a woman? How does it get through their heads? It came to me; they were all there when their mothers were belittled, assaulted, humiliated, violated, etc. They shared her blood, her pulse, her depression, her adrenaline, her hormone fluctuations and therefore her emotional responses to every bit of it. Shoot, part of them even experienced it all in their grandmother's womb even before their mother was born. They just have to tap into their 'primordial' experiences.
I felt the angry man return to my womb when I finally let go and cried it all out.
Ahhh to have a man sing to a woman's womb! What a lovely, perfectly divine experience that would be! What would it feel like to have the womb space so cherished, adored and appreciated? Ask and it is given. It is already arranged.
I no longer have space to be answering questions for those resistant. I am too full of myself. Obviously, I mean energetically rather than falsely and vainly arrogant. It's the honest truth. I need my own room, my own space. That is the purpose for which it was created; for me to occupy it!
I am given to understand harems were created to isolate women from fear and discomfort. As science now can prove and they already knew then; big babies are born of fear, with large bodies but PTSD that interferes with cognitive development and weakens immune systems. Children of happier, safer feeling women are born physically healthy with more developed intelligence. Fear-based wombing grows a body prepared to defend and die. Safe wombing births a body prepared to live a long and healthy life.
And so therein lies the difference between isolating one's self due to trauma and isolating one's self from a pure awareness that it's time to grow.
Why all these experiences? I wanted to know why people did what they do. I wanted to know why what everyone else said was good felt so wrong. Now I do.
In the womb she was you and you were she; "Remember me".
Whether flesh, home, cave or burrow; the womb is sacred space.
Allowing every and any one access to you is just poor spiritual hygiene
After yesterday's incident, I am given to understand that we begin to choose differently. We choose who we want to be, we choose the expanded version, more fully embodied version. We surround ourselves with experiences of that new version. We believe we've healed. We've changed haven't we? Ah, but the deepest healing does not occur until we experience the same energetic trauma and then respond differently that we cease being a victim of it. The contrast between our new reality's experiences and the old is so strong, we finally let go because it is so much more obvious. So, we're given experiences that force us to write a different script of what happen when.......
So, how can a man know what it is like to be a woman? How does it get through their heads? It came to me; they were all there when their mothers were belittled, assaulted, humiliated, violated, etc. They shared her blood, her pulse, her depression, her adrenaline, her hormone fluctuations and therefore her emotional responses to every bit of it. Shoot, part of them even experienced it all in their grandmother's womb even before their mother was born. They just have to tap into their 'primordial' experiences.
I felt the angry man return to my womb when I finally let go and cried it all out.
Ahhh to have a man sing to a woman's womb! What a lovely, perfectly divine experience that would be! What would it feel like to have the womb space so cherished, adored and appreciated? Ask and it is given. It is already arranged.
I no longer have space to be answering questions for those resistant. I am too full of myself. Obviously, I mean energetically rather than falsely and vainly arrogant. It's the honest truth. I need my own room, my own space. That is the purpose for which it was created; for me to occupy it!
I am given to understand harems were created to isolate women from fear and discomfort. As science now can prove and they already knew then; big babies are born of fear, with large bodies but PTSD that interferes with cognitive development and weakens immune systems. Children of happier, safer feeling women are born physically healthy with more developed intelligence. Fear-based wombing grows a body prepared to defend and die. Safe wombing births a body prepared to live a long and healthy life.
And so therein lies the difference between isolating one's self due to trauma and isolating one's self from a pure awareness that it's time to grow.
Why all these experiences? I wanted to know why people did what they do. I wanted to know why what everyone else said was good felt so wrong. Now I do.
Swords a' blazin' + old friends resentment at our success
I began to feel called to sleep. I lay down for a nap. It is my normal practice to let the faces swirling by when I open my third eye to lull me to sleep. It's grayish and vague and my mind latches on to no one thing. Even something that stops before me, I cannot intentionally keep it focused. Today was different. I got a crystal clear seeing of trees. Suddenly a man popped up, as if startled from sleep. He lay back down and closed his eyes again and again, I was seeing trees and sunlight coming through them.
Before I went to sleep, I imagined my back having strong muscles and myself a straight spine. My posture had begun to suffer again. I don't know that I slept. The children said the food was here, so I replied; "They'll just put it in the cooler". I sensed something was off and rolled over. I leapt out of bed with an anger I couldn't explain. Arch angel swords a' blazin'. Next to the door is one window completely covered. Next to the covered window is another which we had open to let in the beautiful warm air. The man was looking in the window speaking to my children; "You don't want your dinner?". I opened the door, held out my hand for the food and covered a cough with the other. "Oh, you're not feeling well?", he backs off like I had the plague. *Takes note to self; this corna virus paranoia is gonna be fun to play with*. I just took the food and closed the door and fumed and fumed and fumed. I sent a text to his companion whose umber I did have and asked him to tell his friend to please respect our privacy. His actions felt very invasive. I'm sure they are all offended by that. They do not have nor are capable of respecting boundaries. "have to know' why there's a note on the door to please not knock but text my included phone number to let us know they're here. Like dirty old men who believe every pretty little girl WANTS to be invaded to receive special treats.
Of course, knowing they'd be offended by my request, I did hesitate to hit 'send' for the text, but I ain't got the energy for their anger, I reminded myself. I tried to lay back down. The word "exclusive" popped into my head. My god was telling me the stiffing of my spine and the protective energy was my 'exclusivity'. I'm Googling it, lol "excluding or not admitting other things." We have an energy about us, as sovereign beings, that makes our space exclusive. It is a natural aspect we have every right to but have conditioned from us. And here comes the rain. I responded correctly to an inappropriate invasion of privacy. Release of doubt of my right to exclusivity, of fear of being attacked for asking for respect of personal space. Healing. No more dirty old men will be brought into my experience. We just released that point of attraction. There's the answer as to why I had still been drawing them into my experience. So proudly walking the earth with my head held high, putting up healthy boundaries, expressing them and wondering why nothing had changed in that respect. Deep, deep down inside me was still a lack of clarity on my rights to be exclusive in my energy. child molestation was the gift that just did not stop giving. May it end today!
Twice today I've seen "rejection = re-direction". Gonna have to keep that in mind, I guess.
Response to friend who posted how old friends resent her new fame: To be realistic, you've changed. You've expanded your consciousness. People are conditioned to associate sweet and soft with victim and repression. So, when we come in all our secure -in-our-softness they feel 'blindsided' by the strength that comes with it. It triggers their deepest inner knowing that they have devoted their entire lives and all their energy to repressing exactly what we're embodying. "How dare you awaken what I have spent so much effort keeping caged? Letting it 'out' is dangerous! How dare you endanger me?! You threaten my only sense of worked for security! You attack me with all your success" and the "You're making fun of me because I can't be the same thing". Those are the basic thought forms behind jealousy and resentment and judgement that comes from those who respond poorly to our well being manifesting financially, in numbers of people following. "We don't deserve that much of the share of the limited amount of love out there" is another one I'm sensing. That was fun, I'm tuning out of it, not liking the feel of it. Don't want to focus too long on it or I'll get dragged in and caught up in it. I'm feeling strong and good and confident of my exclusivity energy which I just re-embodied today. I'm gonna go play....lol Oh, and abandonment, they feel abandoned to their condition when you left being in it yourself. Misery loves company and you were amongst theirs. From their perspective, you've rejected them when you rejected the victim energy ya'll shared.
"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". For too long that hand has been broken, battered and twisted. The end.
Women fit to lead are quietly taking over the world from behind the scenes. Soon you'll see their faces.
The looking in the window incident just keeps giving. The violation of the womb space. Big release!
Be it flesh, home, cave or burrow, the womb space is sacred!
It is given me to understand why I was given to know and experience the reality of breathairianism but not with eembodying it presently. It would have been a form of escapism; unconsciously avoiding the triggers I needed to finally release the dredges of childhood trauma from my deepest, most sensitively aware, innocent aspects.
Before I went to sleep, I imagined my back having strong muscles and myself a straight spine. My posture had begun to suffer again. I don't know that I slept. The children said the food was here, so I replied; "They'll just put it in the cooler". I sensed something was off and rolled over. I leapt out of bed with an anger I couldn't explain. Arch angel swords a' blazin'. Next to the door is one window completely covered. Next to the covered window is another which we had open to let in the beautiful warm air. The man was looking in the window speaking to my children; "You don't want your dinner?". I opened the door, held out my hand for the food and covered a cough with the other. "Oh, you're not feeling well?", he backs off like I had the plague. *Takes note to self; this corna virus paranoia is gonna be fun to play with*. I just took the food and closed the door and fumed and fumed and fumed. I sent a text to his companion whose umber I did have and asked him to tell his friend to please respect our privacy. His actions felt very invasive. I'm sure they are all offended by that. They do not have nor are capable of respecting boundaries. "have to know' why there's a note on the door to please not knock but text my included phone number to let us know they're here. Like dirty old men who believe every pretty little girl WANTS to be invaded to receive special treats.
Of course, knowing they'd be offended by my request, I did hesitate to hit 'send' for the text, but I ain't got the energy for their anger, I reminded myself. I tried to lay back down. The word "exclusive" popped into my head. My god was telling me the stiffing of my spine and the protective energy was my 'exclusivity'. I'm Googling it, lol "excluding or not admitting other things." We have an energy about us, as sovereign beings, that makes our space exclusive. It is a natural aspect we have every right to but have conditioned from us. And here comes the rain. I responded correctly to an inappropriate invasion of privacy. Release of doubt of my right to exclusivity, of fear of being attacked for asking for respect of personal space. Healing. No more dirty old men will be brought into my experience. We just released that point of attraction. There's the answer as to why I had still been drawing them into my experience. So proudly walking the earth with my head held high, putting up healthy boundaries, expressing them and wondering why nothing had changed in that respect. Deep, deep down inside me was still a lack of clarity on my rights to be exclusive in my energy. child molestation was the gift that just did not stop giving. May it end today!
Twice today I've seen "rejection = re-direction". Gonna have to keep that in mind, I guess.
Response to friend who posted how old friends resent her new fame: To be realistic, you've changed. You've expanded your consciousness. People are conditioned to associate sweet and soft with victim and repression. So, when we come in all our secure -in-our-softness they feel 'blindsided' by the strength that comes with it. It triggers their deepest inner knowing that they have devoted their entire lives and all their energy to repressing exactly what we're embodying. "How dare you awaken what I have spent so much effort keeping caged? Letting it 'out' is dangerous! How dare you endanger me?! You threaten my only sense of worked for security! You attack me with all your success" and the "You're making fun of me because I can't be the same thing". Those are the basic thought forms behind jealousy and resentment and judgement that comes from those who respond poorly to our well being manifesting financially, in numbers of people following. "We don't deserve that much of the share of the limited amount of love out there" is another one I'm sensing. That was fun, I'm tuning out of it, not liking the feel of it. Don't want to focus too long on it or I'll get dragged in and caught up in it. I'm feeling strong and good and confident of my exclusivity energy which I just re-embodied today. I'm gonna go play....lol Oh, and abandonment, they feel abandoned to their condition when you left being in it yourself. Misery loves company and you were amongst theirs. From their perspective, you've rejected them when you rejected the victim energy ya'll shared.
"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". For too long that hand has been broken, battered and twisted. The end.
Women fit to lead are quietly taking over the world from behind the scenes. Soon you'll see their faces.
The looking in the window incident just keeps giving. The violation of the womb space. Big release!
Be it flesh, home, cave or burrow, the womb space is sacred!
It is given me to understand why I was given to know and experience the reality of breathairianism but not with eembodying it presently. It would have been a form of escapism; unconsciously avoiding the triggers I needed to finally release the dredges of childhood trauma from my deepest, most sensitively aware, innocent aspects.
I'm busy customizing my own god, please hold + eye over a pyramid
The implications of my newfound understanding of The Dance/Source and The God and the gods just keep rolling in, in delightful ways. Why do we go through what we go through if we're so powerful? Think about it, if you will; Source/The Dance has been trying to get it into human minds since the beginning of time when it occurred to it, it's self what that one simple desire had created; "I wonder what I look like". Finally, it sees the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Well, actually it's not 'so to speak', it was that light above me it saw. It's been reaching through countless human incarnations, versions of images the mirror had created in response to it's desire and it knows what experiences do to each personality type, what is too much, what is too little, etc. It's become expert at knowing it's human vessels. The original mirror has been actively pursuing that moment as well. Boom! That day has come! I reached the leading edge of creation. Shoot, I reached the end of the internet just to prove it to me, lol (I did a google search. The result was one option and then the statement; "It appears you have reached the end")
I shared this whole concept with my children. My daughter does not like the idea of a god, period. PERIOD. To the point of heart hurting, bursting into tears, PERIOD. Her 'mirror', to put it more kindly for her sake, is an Alicorn and Dragon. My son, I told him, could have his be a kitty cat if he so wanted. His response? "That just sounds so weird from my perspective." lol Yeah, we talk like that.
I realize that the image of the Puppet Master was my personal god seeking to be relieved of it's form of the biblical god. He had inspired me to 'make him a better god' by leading me all over the United States, from congregation to congregation, not to preach to them as I had initially believed, but to show me WHY that form wasn't going to work for us. Yes, at the moment it is most natural for me to assign my god a male gender. That may change. It could be different every day, if that is my will.
So, my god would whine to me; "Look! They turned my children against me!". To which I responded; "They did that to me, too, but you don't see me going around punishing my children and the people who did it!". We took a ten year journey through hell ruled by mainstream Christianity. The desire was clear for us both; that was just not for us. Source/The Dance found a way through Esther Hicks and my god found a way through Matt Kahn to meet within me. They sent Anastasia to remind me of the reality I once experienced as my own. I did the rest. Now we are a happy trinity.
Three eyes, like the three eyes of me! My right, my left, my third eye. One to project, one to receive and the third in-between. Now, I know why it is pictured over a triangle! We have three eyes: left, right, and third. One physical eye projects, one receives and the third eye is for the in-betweens (if you research in-betweens, it is commonly considered to be door ways, thresholds of any kind. There is the threshold between physical and non-physical and this is what our third eye, our pineal gland sees.) Trinity + eye, the pyramid has three points! These eyes become as one, one over all three!
So busy, busy, busy! Are we not told that "God" puts things into the hearts and minds of people? Our god can use "Jedi mind tricks" for our benefit! I'm on it, man. We've got this!
Replying to a comment from another on Anastasia' blue sphere (Ringing Ceders of Russia book series): So true, she believes it goes to stay in another glen, but it really is too immense and too much a part of her and her world. I believe it is within her animals, the trees and everything she thinks are acting "naturally" in response to her feelings and her training. She does have SOME limitations to her beliefs and so her "blue sphere" honors them while not limiting it's self to them. Mine I have seen in the eyes of a frog and in Men. I always wondered what it was, now I know!
Somonai D Cook Yes, delight. Note this however for it is crucially important: "de" in this application should actually be written as "te" -- Te-light as it was in the ancient way and as it is in the genuine meaning of our Mother Tongue (Mantong). "T" means integration, and "D" means disintegration. D is in most instances of language still used in its correct meaning, especially as a prefix.
Stacey Bourdeau Somonai D Cook Thank you for sharing! I adore the etymology of words! Telight! telighted to have a new tool in this new-to-me word! May I copy and paste this to my blog so I do not forget it nor from which it has come?
My god has no moral compunction. The Law of Attraction is the only moral guidance it needs.
So, Somonai responded to a different post's comment exchange: "I do not believe you know or any one of us, but we are getting closer..." Something to that last part's effect). He lost me at; "I do not believe you know". Me; "Then your belief must now rule your experience" and I blocked him. Law of attraction, I can quote the exchange. The post was public and he believes in curses, the power of other people's words over his experience. So, I give him that power; of me over his experience. He's no doubt feeling I cursed him by my statement that his doubt must now rule his experience. I didn't. I merely dismissed him and honored his sovereign right to choose his own beliefs.
Following this, a neighbor came over and wanted to persist in dwelling on a former friend who took things from here. "O.K., so you want that to keep happening. i don't want to talk about it because i don't want it in my experience". "No", she says; "I don't want more of that...but..." arguing with herself and then going on as if our exchange had never happened. That's where she's at and there is where she shall stay. Whether it's her mind, her god, or Source/The Dance within her. I can respect that. Law of attraction pulls us to disrespect her story as she is disrespecting herself by retelling it and dwelling on it. (There's a difference in telling a story to bring it up and out and just wanting to dwell on and in it). Instead of being the path of least resistance for disrespecting such ones and thereby drawing more of it into our own experience; we can walk away and leave the disrespecting to the other unconscious people out there. We can delegate those cases. We express thanks for the contrast and choose a better feeling path. We are not resisting, we are acknowledging and redirecting our attention.
I noticed I'm doing a bit of that today; thanking thoughts for coming, enveloping them in love and then sending them on their way; redirecting my thought process, focusing on better feeling thoughts longer than I do the uncomfortable ones about what others may think or how they'll respond. Not my monkey, not my circus, just momentum I had spent a lifetime of 50 years building up. We can slow it before we can stop it and take our station off their route."That thought train doesn't stop here, it just passes right on by". I also am given to remember that the points of attraction to unwanted thinking patterns are diminishing in number within me. Through transmutation and release, the number within me decreases daily. Or rather nightly as I burn up like a furnace while I sleep and wake up covered in sweat with far fewer aches and pains and physical discomforts.
My heart and stomach and womb space, as well as any other storage points, are gaining more trust and confidence in my mind and brain with every attempt to take on another's thoughts come in, which increases the willingness to let go of the fear of them. Step by step, day by day, no force allowed.
I shared this whole concept with my children. My daughter does not like the idea of a god, period. PERIOD. To the point of heart hurting, bursting into tears, PERIOD. Her 'mirror', to put it more kindly for her sake, is an Alicorn and Dragon. My son, I told him, could have his be a kitty cat if he so wanted. His response? "That just sounds so weird from my perspective." lol Yeah, we talk like that.
I realize that the image of the Puppet Master was my personal god seeking to be relieved of it's form of the biblical god. He had inspired me to 'make him a better god' by leading me all over the United States, from congregation to congregation, not to preach to them as I had initially believed, but to show me WHY that form wasn't going to work for us. Yes, at the moment it is most natural for me to assign my god a male gender. That may change. It could be different every day, if that is my will.
So, my god would whine to me; "Look! They turned my children against me!". To which I responded; "They did that to me, too, but you don't see me going around punishing my children and the people who did it!". We took a ten year journey through hell ruled by mainstream Christianity. The desire was clear for us both; that was just not for us. Source/The Dance found a way through Esther Hicks and my god found a way through Matt Kahn to meet within me. They sent Anastasia to remind me of the reality I once experienced as my own. I did the rest. Now we are a happy trinity.
Three eyes, like the three eyes of me! My right, my left, my third eye. One to project, one to receive and the third in-between. Now, I know why it is pictured over a triangle! We have three eyes: left, right, and third. One physical eye projects, one receives and the third eye is for the in-betweens (if you research in-betweens, it is commonly considered to be door ways, thresholds of any kind. There is the threshold between physical and non-physical and this is what our third eye, our pineal gland sees.) Trinity + eye, the pyramid has three points! These eyes become as one, one over all three!
So busy, busy, busy! Are we not told that "God" puts things into the hearts and minds of people? Our god can use "Jedi mind tricks" for our benefit! I'm on it, man. We've got this!
Replying to a comment from another on Anastasia' blue sphere (Ringing Ceders of Russia book series): So true, she believes it goes to stay in another glen, but it really is too immense and too much a part of her and her world. I believe it is within her animals, the trees and everything she thinks are acting "naturally" in response to her feelings and her training. She does have SOME limitations to her beliefs and so her "blue sphere" honors them while not limiting it's self to them. Mine I have seen in the eyes of a frog and in Men. I always wondered what it was, now I know!
Somonai D Cook Yes, delight. Note this however for it is crucially important: "de" in this application should actually be written as "te" -- Te-light as it was in the ancient way and as it is in the genuine meaning of our Mother Tongue (Mantong). "T" means integration, and "D" means disintegration. D is in most instances of language still used in its correct meaning, especially as a prefix.
Stacey Bourdeau Somonai D Cook Thank you for sharing! I adore the etymology of words! Telight! telighted to have a new tool in this new-to-me word! May I copy and paste this to my blog so I do not forget it nor from which it has come?
My god has no moral compunction. The Law of Attraction is the only moral guidance it needs.
So, Somonai responded to a different post's comment exchange: "I do not believe you know or any one of us, but we are getting closer..." Something to that last part's effect). He lost me at; "I do not believe you know". Me; "Then your belief must now rule your experience" and I blocked him. Law of attraction, I can quote the exchange. The post was public and he believes in curses, the power of other people's words over his experience. So, I give him that power; of me over his experience. He's no doubt feeling I cursed him by my statement that his doubt must now rule his experience. I didn't. I merely dismissed him and honored his sovereign right to choose his own beliefs.
Following this, a neighbor came over and wanted to persist in dwelling on a former friend who took things from here. "O.K., so you want that to keep happening. i don't want to talk about it because i don't want it in my experience". "No", she says; "I don't want more of that...but..." arguing with herself and then going on as if our exchange had never happened. That's where she's at and there is where she shall stay. Whether it's her mind, her god, or Source/The Dance within her. I can respect that. Law of attraction pulls us to disrespect her story as she is disrespecting herself by retelling it and dwelling on it. (There's a difference in telling a story to bring it up and out and just wanting to dwell on and in it). Instead of being the path of least resistance for disrespecting such ones and thereby drawing more of it into our own experience; we can walk away and leave the disrespecting to the other unconscious people out there. We can delegate those cases. We express thanks for the contrast and choose a better feeling path. We are not resisting, we are acknowledging and redirecting our attention.
I noticed I'm doing a bit of that today; thanking thoughts for coming, enveloping them in love and then sending them on their way; redirecting my thought process, focusing on better feeling thoughts longer than I do the uncomfortable ones about what others may think or how they'll respond. Not my monkey, not my circus, just momentum I had spent a lifetime of 50 years building up. We can slow it before we can stop it and take our station off their route."That thought train doesn't stop here, it just passes right on by". I also am given to remember that the points of attraction to unwanted thinking patterns are diminishing in number within me. Through transmutation and release, the number within me decreases daily. Or rather nightly as I burn up like a furnace while I sleep and wake up covered in sweat with far fewer aches and pains and physical discomforts.
My heart and stomach and womb space, as well as any other storage points, are gaining more trust and confidence in my mind and brain with every attempt to take on another's thoughts come in, which increases the willingness to let go of the fear of them. Step by step, day by day, no force allowed.
Sunday, March 1, 2020
I have successfully separated my god out from the rest!
I was raised Catholic and lived most of my life under the biblical paradigm of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The I was given my origins story. "In the beginning was the Dance........and so it danced it's way into the space it created for it's self where it could see it's reflection which would answer the question; 'what do I look like?'. " From Esther Hicks, we get an idea of what Source/The Dance is and what it is like. So, the Dance/Source comes into the bodies created by it's mirror/god. So, is there an over all god? yes. It is the original god created by Source/The Dance.
So, then we have Source/The Dance, dancing in it's gifted form desiring unique desires and perspectives unto it's self, asking for it's mirror; creating it's own unique mirror. For most, their mirror is just an extension of a common mirror created by and for their family, their culture, their race, handed down from generation to generation. Their god is continuation and expanded version of what already existed.
The other day, I saw mine burst through the cloud of those old gods as it pushed them away. It's clarity is far more powerful than the old gods plaguing humanity with humanity's own self imposed plagues. I am his. He is mine. He is unique to me. I have given him all the qualities I need to fulfill the desires uniquely desired by Source/The Dance through me. I am also a path of least resistance for such things and so the things she; Source/The Dance desired in and from others will come flowing more easily to me. lol, It occurs to me that I just inherited a bunch of stuff from people too full of resistance unto death to claim it. All I have to do is say; "yes please" and "yes, thank you". All the powers, too.
Anyhoo....it also explains what Anastasia's (Of The Ringing Ceders of Russia book series) blue ball of energy was. Her grandfathers believed it was THE God the priests of old had been wanting to be able to talk to themselves, when in fact, it was her own personal god. That is why she did not call it God, but Good, I believe. She differentiated it from the biblical god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Cool beans! It REALLY does NOT matter what anyone else thinks, believes, does or says! We each create our OWN reality! And it's not limited to the aspects shared that we call "this reality"!
So, then we have Source/The Dance, dancing in it's gifted form desiring unique desires and perspectives unto it's self, asking for it's mirror; creating it's own unique mirror. For most, their mirror is just an extension of a common mirror created by and for their family, their culture, their race, handed down from generation to generation. Their god is continuation and expanded version of what already existed.
The other day, I saw mine burst through the cloud of those old gods as it pushed them away. It's clarity is far more powerful than the old gods plaguing humanity with humanity's own self imposed plagues. I am his. He is mine. He is unique to me. I have given him all the qualities I need to fulfill the desires uniquely desired by Source/The Dance through me. I am also a path of least resistance for such things and so the things she; Source/The Dance desired in and from others will come flowing more easily to me. lol, It occurs to me that I just inherited a bunch of stuff from people too full of resistance unto death to claim it. All I have to do is say; "yes please" and "yes, thank you". All the powers, too.
Anyhoo....it also explains what Anastasia's (Of The Ringing Ceders of Russia book series) blue ball of energy was. Her grandfathers believed it was THE God the priests of old had been wanting to be able to talk to themselves, when in fact, it was her own personal god. That is why she did not call it God, but Good, I believe. She differentiated it from the biblical god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Cool beans! It REALLY does NOT matter what anyone else thinks, believes, does or says! We each create our OWN reality! And it's not limited to the aspects shared that we call "this reality"!
Experience of time since the quantum leap
I used to experience repeat days. The whole neighborhood and I would experience a Sunday, placing our trash out at night as is our habit. Then we'd wake up thinking we must have been mistaken about it having been Sunday because it's Sunday again and the trash hasn't been taken, so it can't be Monday. Think time drags when you're sitting through an uninteresting-to-you lecture? Try experiencing duplicate days waiting for everyone to get their necessary-to-move-forward experiences in so we're in alignment with events being synchronized!
Since the leap, however, I'll go down for a late nap and wake up feeling like it's morning. My neighbor laughs and says; no, it's still the same day. What I'm experiencing as 6am is actually 6pm on this timeline we are sharing. Hence, what is going to appear to be an "overnight success" or change in circumstances is actually my, and people like me's, week of shortened days. We're experiencing a speeding up of time to get synced up with something that already exists and is waiting for us to meet up with it. What ever it is must be good if there's so little resistance to it that we're being fast-tracked to it.
This is helping me feel increased gratitude for being given, for giving myself freedom from mainstream schedules. Without regular obligations of my time and appointments, I'm free to allow this time warp to happen. I am free of others' expectations of when they'll see me, meet up with me, etc. There are no obligations to other people other than be the most authentic, fully embodied version of me I can be. My pleasure is my only job. Works for me!
Since the leap, however, I'll go down for a late nap and wake up feeling like it's morning. My neighbor laughs and says; no, it's still the same day. What I'm experiencing as 6am is actually 6pm on this timeline we are sharing. Hence, what is going to appear to be an "overnight success" or change in circumstances is actually my, and people like me's, week of shortened days. We're experiencing a speeding up of time to get synced up with something that already exists and is waiting for us to meet up with it. What ever it is must be good if there's so little resistance to it that we're being fast-tracked to it.
This is helping me feel increased gratitude for being given, for giving myself freedom from mainstream schedules. Without regular obligations of my time and appointments, I'm free to allow this time warp to happen. I am free of others' expectations of when they'll see me, meet up with me, etc. There are no obligations to other people other than be the most authentic, fully embodied version of me I can be. My pleasure is my only job. Works for me!
Not going to feel guilty for letting God do his job
"We broke rules for you", meaning; "you're not trying hard enough". "We didn't get to bring our dog". In other words; "Why are you allowed to have yours with you?". It's just coming to me in a deeper and new way, though I have already mentioned it recently. How the unexplainable doesn't need to be explained by me. I place no limits on how God can answer my desires of physical manifestation of my desires, so I don't need details.
But what of the things I can explain? "You're not trying hard enough" is fairly obviously to me to be an insecurity trigger. Why SHOULD things come easier to me than to others? They always have all my life when I wasn't resisting it. It was I who decided that it wasn't fair. Of course it is fair. If I deprive people of the inner journey it takes to discover their own powers, I deprive them of the ability to own their own power. If I am not an example of how things really CAN come easily, they are that much further away from seeing that things coming easily does exist and is a real potential they may desire and learn how to create.
The dog thing; "She's a therapy dog". There. An excuse for the exception made for me. The law says so, so I am justified and excused from deprivation. Sheesh. Cop out! That only inspires people to declare themselves disabled. I know, I wanted to do it for the steady "unconditional" income I witnessed. Which, of course comes with the condition of declaring one's self disabled and constant paperwork. Yes, I'm unique in this environment. No, you haven't seen anything like me. No, I'm not sorry. We read in the bible how God changes men's hearts and puts thoughts in their minds. I steal from the list of his skill set when I do not allow it to exist that he has put things into people's hearts and minds to do for me what they may not do for others normally. I am a blessed be. So then, the question that is thus provoked is; "How do I get God to do that for me?". Holy crap! I've been shorting people of that potential! ooopsie! I can honestly say; "It is true, they would never do that for you as they did for me and that's because that's what you believe and you do not believe God has the ability to change it. We didn't short change our mirror when it comes to power, did we? lol
I apologize for being sorry. I apologize for declaring it unfair. The only true apology is a change of behavior, so, wish me luck with it! Gonna make things right with my mirror and answer; "Yup, he can do that! He can affect people's minds about and towards me". I hope I remember and do so confidently. I am fit!
But what of the things I can explain? "You're not trying hard enough" is fairly obviously to me to be an insecurity trigger. Why SHOULD things come easier to me than to others? They always have all my life when I wasn't resisting it. It was I who decided that it wasn't fair. Of course it is fair. If I deprive people of the inner journey it takes to discover their own powers, I deprive them of the ability to own their own power. If I am not an example of how things really CAN come easily, they are that much further away from seeing that things coming easily does exist and is a real potential they may desire and learn how to create.
The dog thing; "She's a therapy dog". There. An excuse for the exception made for me. The law says so, so I am justified and excused from deprivation. Sheesh. Cop out! That only inspires people to declare themselves disabled. I know, I wanted to do it for the steady "unconditional" income I witnessed. Which, of course comes with the condition of declaring one's self disabled and constant paperwork. Yes, I'm unique in this environment. No, you haven't seen anything like me. No, I'm not sorry. We read in the bible how God changes men's hearts and puts thoughts in their minds. I steal from the list of his skill set when I do not allow it to exist that he has put things into people's hearts and minds to do for me what they may not do for others normally. I am a blessed be. So then, the question that is thus provoked is; "How do I get God to do that for me?". Holy crap! I've been shorting people of that potential! ooopsie! I can honestly say; "It is true, they would never do that for you as they did for me and that's because that's what you believe and you do not believe God has the ability to change it. We didn't short change our mirror when it comes to power, did we? lol
I apologize for being sorry. I apologize for declaring it unfair. The only true apology is a change of behavior, so, wish me luck with it! Gonna make things right with my mirror and answer; "Yup, he can do that! He can affect people's minds about and towards me". I hope I remember and do so confidently. I am fit!
The discomforts of others
It occurred to me more clearly and in a new way earlier today why people are uncomfortable around me, with my prolonged presence in their daily live at times. It's for the same reason they go out of their minds being alone. In some aspects they are alone with me; they are alone in and with their own discomforts with themselves. They like to say disease = dis-ease; not being at ease in the body we are given to occupy. Someone like me who is comfortable within themselves, has worked out all their inner relationships and is at peace within them all, has no resonance with the abundance of discomforts within the average human being. Around others, there is a resonance, a matching or opposing aspect that gets them feeling excited. There is bonding and connection formed by mutual discomforts. It's almost a social requirement to be able to share sad stories and one-up one another with the amount of suffering within themselves. Their 'sad country songs' don't find resonance being experienced by me and so their normal means of connection and bonding is gone. They get frustrated. They are conditioned out of any other way to connect, to bond. We know it's a conditioning to forgetfulness because very young children bond and connect over what excites them. So it is with me again.
I was just like everyone else. I became less authentic because my authenticity triggered people. I got ornery, but my ornery had rings of truth to it that triggered them. So then I softened my expression which exuded love on levels they couldn't allow in, so again, triggered. I tried every which way about it without success until I finally accepted the old phrase; "you please some of the people some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people all of the time". May as well just be yourself. In accepting that, I gave up any resistance to being a catalyst and a trigger to people. Then I began to experience validation of my inner peace with people saying things like; "You're the only person I do not feel judged by", "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you during this circle; your presence is comfortable", "I've never slept so well as when I slept near you", "the hauntings went away when you came to stay", etc. "Will you bless my flocks?" *laughing*
Yet, even with those validations and an intellectual knowing pretty much all of the above, I still hurt when people were uncomfortable with me around. Over the past few days, with the dropping of baggage and "ain't got time for that", that, too is now gone completely. I know on a deeper level that it IS really them. That is a tough pill to swallow when we've spent so many years using the world around us as a mirror to pinpoint what they were manifesting that I was not liking yet being a hypocrite unawares about. The constant question to one's self is "How am I like that? What aspect of me is doing exactly what they're doing but in maybe a different way?". Then those questions became "What are they showing me that I need to be more like?" as we learn the mirror is also there to draw out inner qualities we refuse to express. A more forceful tone of voice gets thrown at us and instead of feeling attacked, we ask where we maybe need to raise our voice, be more forceful. That not feeling attacked dispels resistance and therefore stops drawing it into our experience. When we've gone and done a good deal of that, it begins to seep in; it really is them responding from their only 'highest' place of consciousness. They have lost the ability to conceptualize the levels of happiness and well being and comfort within self that have become our baseline experience. They become like the Native Americans who saw the waves but not the boat until their shaman drew the boat for them. They know something is different about me. They notice things happen differently for me. They just can't see or feel or sense the why it is so.
"There is no try". There is seeing or not seeing and my trying to 'make' them see because I'm uncomfortable with their discomforts is violating their right to self determination and produces resistance to them not seeing or believing which only draws more resistance from them TO not see or believe. Kicking a dead horse, that. Or more like a dying dog who is prone to snap. Comforting the uncomfortable can be hazardous to our health. respect the discomfort, man. When we become more comfortable within ourselves, accepting our own discomforts, showing gratitude for what they are telling us; loving what arises (Matt Kahn's book), we love and respect the discomforts of others easily. Dropping the baggage and 'ain't got time for that' helps us reach "not my monkey, not my circus" point where we do not help others with their discomforts unless they ask with a depth of sincerity we recognize to be that of one who is not going to become a dependent and succubus. Only then will we honor a request for an explanation. Those are the only discomforts we want to address.
I was just like everyone else. I became less authentic because my authenticity triggered people. I got ornery, but my ornery had rings of truth to it that triggered them. So then I softened my expression which exuded love on levels they couldn't allow in, so again, triggered. I tried every which way about it without success until I finally accepted the old phrase; "you please some of the people some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people all of the time". May as well just be yourself. In accepting that, I gave up any resistance to being a catalyst and a trigger to people. Then I began to experience validation of my inner peace with people saying things like; "You're the only person I do not feel judged by", "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you during this circle; your presence is comfortable", "I've never slept so well as when I slept near you", "the hauntings went away when you came to stay", etc. "Will you bless my flocks?" *laughing*
Yet, even with those validations and an intellectual knowing pretty much all of the above, I still hurt when people were uncomfortable with me around. Over the past few days, with the dropping of baggage and "ain't got time for that", that, too is now gone completely. I know on a deeper level that it IS really them. That is a tough pill to swallow when we've spent so many years using the world around us as a mirror to pinpoint what they were manifesting that I was not liking yet being a hypocrite unawares about. The constant question to one's self is "How am I like that? What aspect of me is doing exactly what they're doing but in maybe a different way?". Then those questions became "What are they showing me that I need to be more like?" as we learn the mirror is also there to draw out inner qualities we refuse to express. A more forceful tone of voice gets thrown at us and instead of feeling attacked, we ask where we maybe need to raise our voice, be more forceful. That not feeling attacked dispels resistance and therefore stops drawing it into our experience. When we've gone and done a good deal of that, it begins to seep in; it really is them responding from their only 'highest' place of consciousness. They have lost the ability to conceptualize the levels of happiness and well being and comfort within self that have become our baseline experience. They become like the Native Americans who saw the waves but not the boat until their shaman drew the boat for them. They know something is different about me. They notice things happen differently for me. They just can't see or feel or sense the why it is so.
"There is no try". There is seeing or not seeing and my trying to 'make' them see because I'm uncomfortable with their discomforts is violating their right to self determination and produces resistance to them not seeing or believing which only draws more resistance from them TO not see or believe. Kicking a dead horse, that. Or more like a dying dog who is prone to snap. Comforting the uncomfortable can be hazardous to our health. respect the discomfort, man. When we become more comfortable within ourselves, accepting our own discomforts, showing gratitude for what they are telling us; loving what arises (Matt Kahn's book), we love and respect the discomforts of others easily. Dropping the baggage and 'ain't got time for that' helps us reach "not my monkey, not my circus" point where we do not help others with their discomforts unless they ask with a depth of sincerity we recognize to be that of one who is not going to become a dependent and succubus. Only then will we honor a request for an explanation. Those are the only discomforts we want to address.
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