5 days on the road and innocence creates a new world

     So, the Russ Bus asked me to go but backed off when I spoke. Instead, they resorted to pettiness to make me so miserable that I would choose to go. Of course I would! They told volunteers I didn't want food delivery when that was not the case at all and they knew it. They could count on someone having too much self respect to put up with their shit to choose to go. They did what they should have done to begin with; fixed my van. Then they applied pressure by asking when. I was so disgusted that I left the apartment key with someone standing outside, leaving my money orders behind. It was raining.
    We traveled for 5 days after that. We slept in Walmart parking lots; heading south. My son had said he wanted to go to the ocean when we had left Slab City last year, so to the coast we headed. I followed the feeling of "Destination- love and adoration". I had cranked up my energy so much that my neighbor went bat shit crazy; fluctuating between loving and hating me. I listened to Abraham-Hicks who said to just answer with the feeling as a destination rather than trying to make up and come up with a physical location. We ended up traveling along the coast of southwest Louisiana. We got gas money as we went. I noticed the air smelled so much fresher and more clear down here. I had some of the sweetest dreams.
    We spent the night at a boat launch where we had spent the day enjoying the view of an authentic shrimping boat at dock and an air motor pontoon boat. The mosquitoes got to us at night when the breeze died down, so we tried to leave in the morning. The van battery had died. A man went to a neighbor who had been a mechanic and got it going again. I feel we were destined to meet the man who went to look for the mechanic as he had never left the area and had always wanted to see Montana and snow. How much more motivation against restrictions could a man be presented with than a single woman with two children with no money making her way into unfamiliar territory following a feeling?
   The next day the van's fuel light came on just before we reached the ferry to take us across to where an actual sandy beach was waiting. I chose to keep going anyways. The fuel light went off and we had our first ferry crossing. It was awesome. We rested at the boat launch just off the ferry. When I opened my eyes after a bit of a rest, I immediately saw dolphins cavorting just off shore. Magic! A gardener snake headed toward me while I peed, but shadow frightened it away. Protection with dolphins, healing with snake.
   When we stopped at Holly Beach, something dropped from my midsection and I felt "home". We stayed there in a tent n the beach for three days. I asked a few people who stopped by who I should ask about getting work and place to stay deal. one man stopped to retrieve floor mats he had used the day before to get his truck unstuck. His wife showed up somewhat guarded the next day with food and an invitation to stay on a houseboat near their home in Hackberry, LA. I told them we'd come the next morning. The dog and children could run free without me having to worry about anyone complaining. Dreams time was full of spirits trying to terrorize me in the in-betweens, but one sweet spirit and another just like me.
   While we had been travelling, the corona virus had escalated it's threat and children's spring breaks had become a month long. That's why us being there was of no great notice. I was reluctant to go, but knew it was probably best. When we got to Hackberry, the houseboat had fallen through. The church that Renee, who is the wife of the man who had come to get his floor mats, goes to put us up in the local hotel for a week. Because we had food stamps and didn't need groceries, she got us $100 in gas vouchers from the local grocery and laundry and dish soap. The hotel is GORGEOUS. No doubt, expensive. Renee is keeping the dog, which made me cry, but the hotel doesn't accept pets and I needed the break, anyways. Travelling with a shedding dog, two rats, the children and now full of sand is taxing!
   We spent yesterday with Renee. I bought them a steak, sausage, and shrimp cocktail dinner. We stayed late but her husband came home with terrors and fears about the corona virus shutting everything down. Sure enough; businesses and entire cities were shutting down other than essential services. Renee told her husband how I was the first person to tell her she was a good influence on them. He confessed to me that he had challenged God to prove himself via me and there I was; proving God's existence and fulfillment of promises. He had also called his son to apologize to his son for not having been there for his son and his son's mother. Seeing a woman abandoned with children by a man not wanting to pay child support drove home exactly what he had done to his ex and child. They brought a beer and my cheese cake to sing me happy birthday because I left when it got uncomfortable, leaving cake behind. Besides, which, they were coming to buy out the local beer supply as much as they could because they had heard all the bars were being closed down.
   We went to visit Shadow (dog) at Renee's this morning. I knew the vibes weren't good. It was the whole adding water to a glass full of oil thing. The negativity was being displaced and the angry, unfriendly side was coming out today. I could feel it before we got there. Turns out that not only was the oil overflowing; her husband had used the last of Renee's money to buy the Collar General out of it's beer supply. We didn't stay long and I cried. Even understanding; being unwelcome and put in lose-lose situation was hurting. Renee went to talk to the neighbor, knowing I wasn't feeling welcome. I f I left without talking to her directly, she could have held it against me. If I interrupted her conversation with the neighbor, she could have held that against me. It occurred to me leaving a note would be a third option fulfilling all expectations. The moment I started writing it; she returned. I got to leave off the hook, knowing the bitching that was potentially happening if Renee decided to embody the thoughts that were hovering.
   I had contacted the Russ Bus to have them send my money orders general delivery, so on the way home to the hotel, I stopped at the post office to let them know I had mail via general delivery coming. The woman working there was grateful. She pasted my number up so she wouldn't forget and co-workers would know. Oh; Theresa who works at the Baptist Church that is putting us up in the hotel was wonderful. Totally Jesus freak, but wonderful. I did laundry.
   So, raw from visiting Shadow at Renee's, I checked facebook. My innocence has been close to the surface this morning. A post got the following response out of me:
     My most innocent heart was so wounded upon reading a post of a landlord not requiring rent for this month and challenging other landlords who can afford to, to do the same. I had already assumed all landlords and banks, etc had already made that decision, whether they could afford it or not. I had assumed utilities would have already been required to remain on, etc. That was even *the threat*; government taking over everything to keep it all going; become some communist state keeping everyone on food rations and limited utilities, if anything. Rescue the people and the people will patronize the companies. What good is subsidizing companies that no one can afford to patronize? So they get all the money? To do what with it? The people will just learn to forage for food again, build shelters, use fires, purify water and live without them. Whatever. I'm sure there's an argument against that reasoning, as there is with everything. My heart's innocence believed that, for better or worse, people would be ordered isolated in residences and so couldn't be forced out or leave. It hurt to read it wasn't already happening and that it was a 'mercy' rather than human nature or at least common decency we should be able to take for granted. Then came the whisper: "Dear, sweet, innocent one; this is evidence of what you believed becoming reality. It is your innocent taking-for-granted, belief, that is creating this". Oh. I wasn't 'imagining' naively, I was believing and my believing was creating and so it is coming into being. It is reality. It is reality because I believed it was already happening.