Wolf Woman Spirit finds peace today

"Wolf Woman Spirit;
An untold history of Livingston"
As told by Stacey Bourdeau
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She played in the winds and sang beneath the moon
She splashed in the waters of her river
She frolicked like children in their skin
A people came
Refugees from another land
She didn't much like them
They brought other spirits with them
It was not so much fun to share a home
that was once all her own
But occasionally, in their skin,
she could play
She could dance around their fires with them
And she still had her wolves to play in
These people at least respected them
Called them a totem
She still had a voice with which to sing
She still had a voice with which to cry
She still had teeth with which to defend
Then another people came
They were not the same
They scattered and killed
What was there before them
She could not dance with them
In their skin
They cast her out
They called The Communion possession
They called her a demon
Still, she wandered her valley
Watching
Being angry
Frustration with lack of ability of communication
Letting her anger be known through possession
Aggravating strife in the men and the women
Letting the devastation of her home
Be the devastation of them
Then one day came a woman
And her children
They howled like wolves as they viewed the mountains
From off the swings and climbing stones of the playground
This caught the Wolf Woman Spirit's attention
She swooped down from her hills
She entered them
She delighted in appalled response of the spirit males
brought by those devastating humans
who disrespect all that is female
to those wild howls by a woman and children
Wolf Woman Spirit's mind was not twisted
in the mind of this woman or her children
As it had been in the rest
The woman shared her knowledge
of healing and bringing peace
to spirits
with Wolf Woman Spirit
When in her children the invitation to play
delivered as it is by wolf cubs
came
It frightened the other children
In the woman there was no judgement
There was no horrification at the behavior
or other children's frightened responses to it
There was understanding and peace instead
That woman stayed a year in Livingston
In Wolf Woman Spirit's land
Then the anger came again
Shared with her by Wolf Woman Spirit
So she could understand
When they killed off her wolves,
They took her voice
They took her teeth
She could no longer warn them
She could no longer sing
In her river, she could no longer swim
So, the woman agreed
to be her voice
To sing with her the song of mourning
That needed to be heard
The loss of her voice
The loss of the wolves
The Wolf Woman Spirit found peace that day
She had a voice again
And her anger went away.
She could now tell the herstory of Livingston.

When no means no and when it don't.

"Would you consider friends with benefits?"
"That is in essence, what a romantic relationship is, isn't it?"
"Yes, but I like the  'benefits' to come sooner rather than later."
"So, you're just propositioning me for sex? My profile says I'm holding out for something in particular. I am not a liar and so your proposition was doomed from the beginning. Why did you set yourself up for failure?"
No response.
That's OK, I didn't need an answer. It's because he was hoping I'd be unfaithful. In his mind he wasn't setting himself up for failure and my changing my mind is not perceived as the act of unfaithfulness it is. I'm a woman, I'm supposed to be accommodating. I'm supposed to give in to cajoling. Alot of men feel the same way about themselves as well. In men, however, to change one's mind to do what one really didn't want to to begin with is perceived as being generous, magnanimous. Ever watch a little girl get what she wants from her father? She'll grow up and do it to other men, too. No never means no in our society. A child says no and the parents try everything to convince them to cooperate. Say no to going to school, eating your vegetables, wearing 'appropriate' clothes and the assault begins. They don't see it as the assault it is, however. It's conniving, convincing, threatening and anything but allowing no to mean no. So, they go into the world and having learned that they can get whatever they want if they persist enough, they do not allow other people's no to mean no either. Such respect feels 'unnatural' after so many no violations. Then they become rapists, forcing consent out of intended victims who learned when they were young that their no cannot remain a no. These victims do not perceive their victim-hood, however, because their turning their no to a yes delivers to them the power of relief for both parties. It makes a man magnanimous. It makes a woman a good, nice girl.
     It can be so much different when nos are allowed to remain nos without any questions asked of them, no efforts made to change them. And the difference is interactions with deep respect, feelings of safety and security within one's self as well as in the world, a sense of freedom and the right to self determination. It is a key to self empowerment and empowerment of others. It is the essence of truly loving relationships.

Unexpected bliss!

As a parent more inclined to "Radical Whole life Unschooling" than any other style of parenting, I did my usual:
If the one with a "problem" with the state of things happens to be me, than I'm, the one with a problem. Any action to change the "problem" is thus solely up to me; the one with the problem.
Property manger will be coming in tomorrow with the Orkin guy in their usual bi-monthly invasion of our space. Cool. Cleaned up the one or two pieces of discarded clothes in my  and vacuumed. When my son woke, I then picked up discarded toys and vacuumed his room. I cleaned the bathroom. When my daughter woke, I gave her the choice; me or you? I picked up the clutter in her room and vacuumed. The hallway was cared for. I took a break after leaving the children with my intention for the day without demand or expectation.
   Zoned out in writing, it took a bit for her to get me out of it, but when she did:
Holy fuck! My living room was cleaned up of the toy clutter!
I danced as I vacuumed. Open, clean, clear spaces, to me, are like water.
Now, Please pardon me as I let my inner Valkyrie loose on our Gilbert who thought it might be O.K. to shut my daughter out of a room in her safe space/her home. Yeah, run. I'm about to screech in an unholy manner.......

The nature of a competitive mentality in personal relationships

   One of the first things taught to children in our society comes in preschool: compare and contrast. We add to that cartoons full of good guys verses bad guys, nice girls verses mean girls, sports and so called "healthy competition". The brain is conditioned to always analyze if something is bigger or better in some way, and then to be better, bigger, nicer, smarter, etc. than that which we are observing or interacting with. In such relationships, one does not simply say "no thank you". What is being heard is "you are less than". The response is to crush the competition, which just declared it's self bigger, better, nicer, smarter, or whatever by saying participation is not desired. The expression of not desiring participation eliciting such a response can be about such insignificant things as what one wants to eat. If you don't want to eat what they like to eat, you've declared them, in their distorted reception, less than; even if no such judgement is occurring. In such a world, there are no simple preferences, there is only competition, measuring, judgement (comparing and contrasting). There is no peace. Every relationship is a war zone, a struggling to force conformity or making one's self "less than" to avoid being crushed. We would call that abuser and victim. Both of them seeking to control the other's behavior by being the stronger or by appearing to be the weaker.
    The solution to this struggle is to bring realization that no one truly wants that. People seek one another out for the purpose of resolution, to share loving expressions, to find peace and happiness. Accepting that about one another can clear those receptors, so preferences can be heard not as judgments, just simple preferences which add the variety and spice to life that make it so colorful and interesting. It allows for the enchantment we seek. It transitions us from a perceived needing to devour one another to an ecstatic savoring of each other.
Sounds sexy to me!