The nature of a competitive mentality in personal relationships

   One of the first things taught to children in our society comes in preschool: compare and contrast. We add to that cartoons full of good guys verses bad guys, nice girls verses mean girls, sports and so called "healthy competition". The brain is conditioned to always analyze if something is bigger or better in some way, and then to be better, bigger, nicer, smarter, etc. than that which we are observing or interacting with. In such relationships, one does not simply say "no thank you". What is being heard is "you are less than". The response is to crush the competition, which just declared it's self bigger, better, nicer, smarter, or whatever by saying participation is not desired. The expression of not desiring participation eliciting such a response can be about such insignificant things as what one wants to eat. If you don't want to eat what they like to eat, you've declared them, in their distorted reception, less than; even if no such judgement is occurring. In such a world, there are no simple preferences, there is only competition, measuring, judgement (comparing and contrasting). There is no peace. Every relationship is a war zone, a struggling to force conformity or making one's self "less than" to avoid being crushed. We would call that abuser and victim. Both of them seeking to control the other's behavior by being the stronger or by appearing to be the weaker.
    The solution to this struggle is to bring realization that no one truly wants that. People seek one another out for the purpose of resolution, to share loving expressions, to find peace and happiness. Accepting that about one another can clear those receptors, so preferences can be heard not as judgments, just simple preferences which add the variety and spice to life that make it so colorful and interesting. It allows for the enchantment we seek. It transitions us from a perceived needing to devour one another to an ecstatic savoring of each other.
Sounds sexy to me!