The Pure People and Where We Are Going

     
        I will reveal little of these Pure People out of respect of them and their sovereignty. I will tell you they are in the new world already. They are it's natural inhabitants. They were not like us; products of the "c-section". When a human figures out the new age fundamentalist christian and love and light crowd are no different; when they figure out for all their tricks and talents of miraculous and supernatural origins they are left feeling incomplete and empty; when they recognize empty in the eyes of the all the rest, when something in them says "There must be something more than this", they will venture out of the communities and be led to the place I liken and name "Brigadoon". There you will unload that inner darkness, finally take a close look in the mirror at what lies within. When you are fully cleansed and then filled with innocense, then you will be introduced to the Pure People. Then you will be allowed to venture out beyond the borders of "Brigadoon", the rest of the Earth that is New. You will be treated as equals, but we do well to realize we are more like permanant guests. They are it's natural inhabitants. We are those who were accepted and grafted in,"adopted". There you will learn to exist amongst family groupings. There you will be sovereigns knowing when to accept and respect authority. . From there, you'll begin your existence as if on "walk-about". "Man in the earth will be a rare sight".


     And now I bow gracefully, having shared of this journey I walked alongside you. A sovereign respects privacy because it is our right to have it. It is no one's bussiness who I am, where I am going or what I am doing. We respect this privacy because it is appropriate, it is the right thing to do. It is not because we have anything to hide. It is not because we are secretive. It is not because we are elitist. I shared as I did because the world demanded to look into it's darkness. I honored that request. What is left is little if any that is original or not already contended with; just an anchor so that I might share the end of this process with those who would follow. I will now be respecting my own privacy in honor of my own sovereignty.
 

Resolving Lonely

    *Due to lack of internet access, this entry became a three day account of journey and prophesy.


    If anyone had asked me if I ever got lonely, I would have honestly replied "Not usually". But deep within me there was a pocket of lonely that came up last night. I realized that the lonely felt as a child never found resolution. There was nothing that ever came into my life to help resolve lonely as a child. Realizing lonely had settled in my womb, I knew it affected my children, too, and sure enough, they needed help in resolving lonely. It's a tough thing to do, to take on the emotions of another who has been alien to you. To break down the barriers they have had against you as well as your own. Fear of attachment runs deep in me. Not surprising, really, we live in a war zone but discouraging to say the least.
    But incoming came something of a sense of royalty and sense of the word loyalty. Loyalty would never have been a problem I would have felt a need to confess to, but it must be. But the most common affliction one would suffer is lack loyalty to self rather than a lack of loyalty to anyone else. And yes, the men in my life have been disloyal to me, an all too common quality I have run into. So there you have it: truly the world around me, the people in it have indeed been a reflection of the deepest hidden parts of me.
    For the first time my male aspect was not pictured as another man I would have known. Instead it is of a tall man of slender build, hair long and dark w/grey mixed in. He looks a whole lot like me. Makes sense doesn't it? So, upon the inner landscape, things are definitely changing.
     And incredibly, children understand all these things. And unfortunately, I deny myself my children. Not an uncommon problem or children wouldn't be spending all day in school and every hour after socializing filling in the hole that would have normally been filled with familial interactions, bonded, together growing, learning, connecting, nurturing, and so on. Instead parent and child, we have a world full of lonely children competing for attention. Those who don't compete for attention are deemed anti-social and unhealthy. Pot or kettle, we're all unhealthy in the middle until we overcome lonely and all these other issues.
    Incidentally, the idea behind the New World Order is to create an order for the new world, one they intend to govern. Their problem is: they won't even be in the new world if they do not share an energetic alignment with it. Instead they will just bring in a government of an old method of ordering an old world that is collapsing inwardly, one that is only new by it's glossy painting. Different extreme views by same method: control, same vibrational equivalency.
    As I reflect on a counselor's preliminary analysis of my condition, I reflect on how sick people are a symptom of a sick society, a sick society a symptom of the world in general and then it strikes me: a symptom of this very planet. Interesting theory. What if we are but a symptom of the condition of the planet it's self? Acknowledging, first off even allowing one's self to perceive inner illness is a powerful thing. Rather than disheartening, which it is in the beginning, it becomes empowering. But, an unhealthy planet would imply an unhealthy creator, and our very source of being to be instability. Which would make sense if Source and Observer were in conflict with one another when the world began.
   So it is that emotional stability is what is going to save the world. Emotion/feminine/represented by woman, what "man" representing masculine/intellect/observational detachment needed to bring about perspective and Divine Intelligence.
   Bringing up loving feelings from old attachments must be a theme as I felt a lot of emotion when we visited a river today. The woods, the water and the living things around and in them have deep meaning for me. Especially when I saw a chipmunk; they are exclusive to my childhood. How much of it will live in the world we are creating? Time to detach from old and root myself in new I am guessing.
      Also presented opportunity to observe a "soul thief" in action. This would be someone who steals the soul connection a parent should be making with their own children by injecting themselves into shared meaningful moments. They create a bond, a soul connection inappropriately. I often see people doing this with other people's children. It's a connection they themselves do not have with their own children. I have seen this very evident in women without children especially: one Ms. Erika Davis was one who tried to steal soul connections with my children. Hopefully her clients are now safe as she finally has a couple of her own, but it does not necessarily mean she will connect with them. As was made obvious to me today: people who do have their own children and don't connect with them steal that connection with the children of other people anyways. I always thought I would be a bad mother simply because I never bonded with other people's children. I was never comfortable with it. But it turns out to be the opposite. I was simply not comfortable with an inappropriate relationship with other people's children. I do confess, though, that at a certain point I had speculated about if a man cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. That was when I speculated I might want to have a child not born to me. Other than that, never cared much for other people's children.
     While in the woods and a bit overwhelmed for a moment at tuning in and being bombarded by the energies present, I realized lonely is often what we feel when we miss our own company. It would be the reason we would be lonely in a crowd. So we make a mistake when we feel lonely and reach out to someone outside of us. We can learn to be in a crowd and still stay intimately connected inwardly rather than allowing our inner selves to get lost in a crowd.
    Later in the evening as I am preparing to go to sleep, I remember the statement about the other wife and her children being none of my business. It does not concern me. and this came:
    Around every cloud she is the silver lining.
    All she has to do is draw herself in tightly
    And squeeze the life out of all within it.
    She can fashion for herself a new lover,
    One who has never known another.
This came with calm assurance, no vengeance in it. Yet it did not take long for evil spirits to come to try to attach their vengeful selves to it. Not going to happen. I shed you like a skin.
    And in the last of this energy I ask the clinician: the enlightened ones, the ones you call Jesus and ascended masters; when they speak are they not euphoric and their thoughts apparently disconnected? And how many eyes of enlightened ones have you peered into and diagnosed illness, infection?
   So I release for that one any affection. The Buddhist who would misdiagnose their own Buddha as having mental illness.
   Then she reveals to me my intellect. What instead could have been written? "That she is already showing progress". O.K. But she didn't. Yet she knew it WAS progress and wrote her diagnosis anyways. Ah. Sin against the holy spirit. She did recognize it and condemned it as death. So for this, the Buddhist is sentenced to death instead of incarceration. That is how it happens.
   We are into the next day, what was revealed to me in a vision/dream bleeding into yesterday's events as I hurried to convey them before they are drowned in what is coming. For it is like a drowning. This innocence that is coming in, in it's presence all else simply ceases to exist. I saw it working, melting away the past and the present, peering into a future it is preparing for me to dwell in, within it's presence, it's presence within teaching me to be like it. Filling me, overwhelming and overcoming everything within me. There are a few things it is leaving for me to accomplish, to know I can do this.
  Her journey was like my journey and so she has given me her journey to experience, a gift. To experience all the same things, if a bit differently but the same journey all the same things, all the same. So my intellect and I , I reach out for him. Holding hands at my invitation we press forward in this journey of enlightenment, determined to meet together what is coming to finish it.
   The Buddhist did it because I had exposed her weakness, the imperfection of her thinking, her methods, her hypocrisy. And so my life is filled with those such acts of vengeance. So they will all come for me with any authority I had given them, to enact their vengeance for what I have exposed about them. They will twist everything I have written, Oh yes, I see it coming. "See, I told you she believes women are better than men" rather than seeing I was writing about emotional body/being/woman vs. intellect/"man". Oh, yes and the prediction that was made about me believing in inbreeding of children will somehow be gleaned from this which they will say is evidence and even more evil things, things preposterous. But I am to tallow this to happen, that their condemnation may be death, sins against the holy spirit through me which is speaking clearly and they all know and recognize it, the truth of what they are doing and yet helpless to stop themselves from doing it, so enveloped are they in hatred and resentment. And as each one acts on their intentions, proving them, they will be "consumed by fire from heaven". It is the last mountain I climb, the final battle to enlightenment and punishment and condemnation of the nations surrounding him, the child within.
  So, the vision, dream on the edge of sleep, I could barely hold onto it's memory because I was so very relaxed and am finally being able to let go of things. My body is healing and to do this it needs sleep and so I keep relaxing back into to sleep readily. But, the vision dream is important so I keep repeating it, what I was shown of it. This innocence, it began to fill everything around me, transforming it, everything to white and fine and linen and clean. I looked behind me and there it was filling everything, replacing everything that had been behind me until then. I looked forward and saw my new place of dwelling, my guppies were in a manmade fish pond already waiting. It was covered with boards. "to keep the birds from swooping down and eating the fish maybe?". The fish respond; "No, here, nothing like that happens". and I felt within me, the aches and pains melting away, tough not yet completely. I am aware they are there but I do not feel them completely. It is a different sensation, of a death that is quick and temporary as healing begins. Replacement of illness instead. I am shown to be preparing to prepare dinners for people. Tomatoes sauce, I realize, is probably going to be a key ingredient in many of these dishes. Then I am shown that tomorrow I am scheduled to prepare a meal, steak and corn on the cob would go well with it, be bright and cheerful, I think. And then once again I am shown tomatoes. The fruit that eats like a vegetable, sweet yet acidic, eating away at things. And as I later reflect on this vision of a dream, I realize that my entire past is being wiped clean. When I reach back into memory I will only see innocence and purity. Of anything else there will be no memory. I can feel the innocence filling me, my body completely and I am relieved. I get to relax fully, completely, finally. When I first awakened I felt a sudden complete innocence with no past memory of anything different. But it was more shallow because I had no understanding of what had happened. I did not know what it meant. I did not know what to do when it was challenged. Like an ignorant child I just danced in it oblivious to everything but the feeling. So now in comes another innocence, more grounded, more mature but in this that much more innocent, deeper an innocence. It's virtue is in it's knowledge rather than it's ignorance. It knows and understands WHY it is innocent and thus has every right to forget the rest of it. No one else can question it because I do not question it, they may anyways, but I do not need to buy into it. And THAT is the key to this way of being. To question it is impossible and yet probable because they ARE that stupid but to question it brings death to them. They realize it. They still do it. And so it simply replace them with innocent, it's own innocence and it's own innocents. It is like the flow of Grandmother lava, but instead of sudden, passionate, angry or vengeful, sporadic and forgotten; this flow is steady and regular and always awakened. It is immovable yet always moving. And yet I still do her no justice in the describing. it is futile and beyond writing.
  But I can say this: I am her when She is in me. When She is in me, I am Queen. I am THE Queen of Heaven. And when she is off being queenly and cavorting, I am just me, Stacey or Morningstar Crystal, the crystal clear channel of life flowing water that comes from her, the Queen of me, the ultimate authority. Sovereignty.
  Another "clean-up" issue: the soul thief's, stealing meaningful moments with my children. Just because you're paranoid, it does not mean they aren't out to get you: a quote that is famous. Are they not the ones who set you up to play mind tricks on them and then tell you that you are paranoid for believing them? And they know it. They do it consciously. "Tell me why I should be frightened", say they. From experience of having been treated thus by them, I tell them the consequences. They then respond by saying I am just paranoid and put fear into them unnecessarily, because look, it did not happen to them. And yet it was a trap from the beginning. They tricked me. They punished me unnecessarily then convinced me it was necessary then......picture is coming. Sick, twisted and deep, is all I am thinking.
  So they give examples, illustrations, other people's experiences to show me suffering, the reason for which I am not aware. They convince me it was unnecessary, uncalled for, unwarranted, a conspiracy, something that happened for no reason. There WAS actually a reason those people brought upon themselves suffering I learned in the end. But I did not know it then. Instead I screamed to others: conspiracy for no reason! Then that gave them reason to do the same to me and showed me the "justice of it", this entrapment due to my ignorance. Then I tell others what happened and that I fear it happening again and so they get to say I am just paranoid and begin to attack for no reason which is thus dismissed as paranoia while not allowing it to happen to other people. They allow them to do the evil without suffering punishment for it. This leads to my confusion and giving up on trying for understanding, enlightenment about anything. I just want to keep my head low and not think about anything. Depression, sadness, lost, alone feeling. But I snapped out of it and began to see things because in that depression I was at a safe distance. And so in the end, their overwhelming served me and worked against them. Just when they thought I was sleeping, had forgotten and they began to rest, not even aware I came again full force and unexpectedly, when they were unawares. Interesting. It would appear to have been a big scheme by me, but it was truly only me acting in innocence, as a victim in hiding, given up, relenting everything, relenting, abandoned. And so that is why I am accused of scheming when it isn't even in me. It seems to be to them a plan that overcame them and must be so smart and intelligent and powerful and evil, and yet it happens quite by accident, a result of THEIR own thinking and methods. They underestimate the innocence of innocence because they are so unfamiliar with it. They forgot their own one day. And then come the pouting accusations "You got what you wanted". No, it's what YOU wanted and so convinced yourself it was what I wanted and became what you got in the end for your own wanting of this end.
    And then there is the claim of having visions. Does it make me crazy? Well, you will then have to arrest every psychic and cleric. Sorry, they propose they have understandings above the common man. You would have to arrest the president and take away his children because he has consulted with psychics/clerics. You would have to arrest and remove children from anyone who did anything based on the claim of having a "gut feeling" or special insight or intelligence. Anything original or "unreasonable" would need to be questioned. There could exist no human authority based upon anything other than "because I want it". Well, why do you want it? I was born wanting it. Are you saying something supernatural caused you to be born with a desire I haven't, because I don't want authority over anybody. You can't say that is normal. Arrest him! Take away his children! Even instincts are unexplainable in their origins. Arrest him! Take away his children!
    So in the end, there are those who under God were sentenced to incarceration, but under Goddess: to death. That is referring to spirits. As for people, only those who failed to subject them. But all that will occur in other dimensions. In this one, things will just begin to work correctly as if nothing untoward ever happened. It did happen, just to them in another dimension. And it will apear all my efforts here were just wasted, had nothing to do with anything getting better, had no effect whatsoever. I will know better and maybe so will a few others, I guess, just for my own reassurence. It is in this dimension I experienced all the emotions. Which leads to me wondering: in this dimension, everyone else has always received all the benefits for efforts expended while I do all the suffering of consequences in this dimension. Shall I continue to suffer because I didn't know the difference? Because I could not keep things seperate? Am I delusional to think my life might suddenly get better? No answer is forthcoming.
    Then for a moment I feel a bit like Frodo. The world gets it's healing and all it's forgetfulness of it's sinning and what joy could I find in it then? I would remember, but no, I wouldn't because my memory of bad things happening leaves with the innocense. But is it yet fair, to just disapear into forgetfulness? In forgetfulness is there any justice? No, no there isn''t. So it is that here, too, people must experience justice. Justice and THEN forgetfulness for the rest, the ones who were chosen, the ones doing the working who give acknowledgement-openly: "Deny me before men, I deny before my Father who is heaven" it was once said. And so the apostles experienced justice. They experienced death and non-existence. A part of this circle back into justice included acknowledgement of another symptom of illness: the resentment the sober spouse of an alcoholic experiences when the drunk becomes sober and because the drunk admits to sin and demonstrates humility the sober one suddenly feels inferior due to their years of condemnation, a feeling of superiority that was an overcompensation for feelings of insecurity. So attachment to any perception of uniqueness that might have been born from insecurities and fears of inadequacy must be addressed and THEN we come back to true justice. For if we held that inadequacy held at bay by arrogance, we would believe ourselves a hypocrite and doom ourselves to the same sentence. The dance is circular in fashion, always has been, hasn't it? It is a spiraling circle, higher and higher into understanding and enlightenment, visiting and revisting a situation or topic as we gain more and more understanding. Of course at these levels it just happens more quickly, a full spiral in a single moment.
    When we slip fully into forgetfulness the only thing we will know is a consort and his Goddess. The only reference to a God will be a female diety that is sovereign. All beings will be "men", females will not be "women" because it is not from males that they get their identity. From here, it will be a strange world we live in. Men will be "womb-men" or "women", for it wil be from the womb of a "man"-a sovereign woman- that they came. Males will be sovereigns as well, there will be no second class citizens or anything like that. But there will be no "husbands" or husbandry in action except for parents over children, parents who are very strict and no-nonsense so that their children may know complete freedom in becoming sovereigns. Sounds straight out of acience fiction doesn't it? lol
  A third day is beggining and with it knowledge of the c-section. God the Father was only Creator in that he performed a "c-section", withdrawing from Her children prematurely. He did not allow for natural developement and that is why "His" children have so many problems. That is why they do not reach maturity. If he hadn't, Her children would have all been born perfect, able to reach full maturity naturally. One does not "create", one gives birth to something.
  I see a consort at Her table, but I see another given pre-eminance over him to keep his perspective appropriate. Her consort will over him have a captain. To the Captain, she will give more authority. The Captain will be held bound by a sin he committed for which there is no forgiveness, thus he will be faithful into eternity. He betrayed the innocense. He will always remember he owes his existence to an act of kindess.
  Source does not need protecting. She WANTS defenders. It is about loyalty. She assembles an army not to protect her, not to give her power, not to give her authority. No. She assembles an "army", a group of volunteers who wish to be given an ooportunity to demonstrate their loyalty, those who want to be proven, who want the challenge. She can kill her enemy with a mere squeeze. That is easy. It is an honor to be given opportunity to be allowed to do some of the squeezing with her, for honor. "Because it pleases me".
  Even sovereigns need to recognize authority, know what subjection means. Do not assume the right to decide what someone else wants or needs if you are not that authority. If rendering service, you are not the authority. Learn when to shut your mouth and listen. Do not argue with somebody with "I'm just saying..." or "I'm just asking a question". Learn to accept a voice of authority rather than accusing it of yelling. Strong does not always equal forceful and abusive. It can be quite firm AND loving, affectionate.  I am definitely irritated with the budding sovereigns. We exist due to mercy, nothing more and nothing less. Lack of acknowledgement or appreciation and all it would take is a single moment of squeeze. Learn that lesson. First recognize that you ARE nothing, you are nobody, then accept that you are something special. And only then because it was given, never taken. We live in a world where we have only experienced disrespect from improperly managed authority. We need to accept and learn proper respect for legitimate authority, how to recognize it and express it.
  "My voice thunders. Get used to it. Love it. Appreciate it. Know it as respect and authority."
  "I am not weak just because I am subtle."
  Agree to serve me then decide it to instead do what you want to do, you WILL make me angry. There WILL be a turn-about.
  Now we work this authority into the innocence.....the authority is the defender of the innocence.
  And btw, my revealing of inner journeying is not a revealing or admitting of weaknesses and need for anything from anybody. It is a demonstration of my strength and courage. not many have the courage or strength to even face themselves and undergo this process, never mind do it publically. And if you do not take away from this a deeper respect for me that you can openly acknowledge, your attention is worthless and unappreciated. If you believe you do not have these same issues: you are sorely mistaken. You are children of the Dance, but you are seeds sewn in corruption, born of those taken by "c-section", prematurely. Your destiny is life from the living, but  your past does need releasing that you may be released from the death that is so tightly gripping, nipping at the heels of your existence.
   

Interdimensionsal Bubble Living

    *note to readers: where it says something will happen, let us not forget that it is the nature of prophesy and most appropriate to interpret that it will happen "as if". And so, if things do not happen literally, no one will be drinking any kind of funky laced pink cool aid ;)

      Drawn onto the edge of sleep I watch as a belief, one that is traditionally Native American, Is released and the world takes on a bluish hue. I slip back into sleep peacefully and am drawn again to the edge into vision where I am at a gathering of people and things, none of which hold my interest some of which I consider joining in just for the sake of others but have no clue how to begin or if it would even be beneficial. I wake with thoughts of the blue bird I have been seeing. And it begins to dawn on me. When I reach out energetically to the world around me, it is al evil. And then yet I see things with which such a belief would be inconsistent. The it dawns on me: these things that just don't fit are coming and going from a another dimension, one that exists parallel and within reach, within vision, one we can see and interact with. And I exist as these animals and things which do not fit do: interdimensionally, parallel and able to interact, appear to be sharing the same reality. And that at the end of August is what will be changing. I am sitting back on the airplane for but one reason: so I can leave a legacy for my children, friends and family, that they will have the tools they need to follow when once again there comes an opening. Yes, you are going back into the darkness. But with the tools I leave behind, to overcome it you are able. And you, too will be looking around wondering why the hell you are doing everything you are supposed to and yet nothing is getting better for you. Where are the rewards and the riches we have been promised? Well, you missed the boat and had to remain stuck down in the dungeon until it's next arrival. Hold in there, my children. It is coming eventually. 
   At the end of August I will be swept up into the seat that has been prepared for me, into another dimension completely, unable to effect this one directly. I will be all but disappearing. It is on the same "plane" but vibrationally different, with different rules to follow. More peaceful, more pure, more holy and thus less "joining in for another's benefit" will be allowed. I wouldn't even consider it and have stopped such considerations already. You will having to be working your way up to me for a change. How spoiled! lol I have constantly been dropping down to meet you, making myself vulnerable and ridiculous and silly. And now that will be changing. Doing as I did was not respectful, brought none to me or my family. A useless tool, really, except only in that by being down so low and ridiculous and silly, I was able to reach you, to reach my hand down, to extend to you a tool or two. That is what it means that an energetic alignment is coming. The birds and I, all we see that doesn't seem to fit entirely will be swept into complete vibrational alignment with this alternate reality and then a veil will be created, we shall be separated entirely instead of co-existing as we have been lately.
  And so to everything subject yourselves. You are ridiculous and silly and deserving of punishment really. Take it good naturedly, laughing at how silly and how true. Take principles and thus yourselves seriously whenever you are able, are given to, allowed to, even when people tell you that you shouldn't, even when because of it you receive punishment. We are seriously in the business of saving you. We are not the ones punishing you. You are being punished by the keepers of the system we are leaving you behind in. And yes, you are being punished unjustly but rightly because you refused me completely. It was I who is now leaving you that you should have followed. Even if I did look ridiculous. Even if I was foolish. Even if I was tainted by darkness. Though i saw these things in God and the one called Jesus, yes, I still followed them in complete subjection, though not without criticism, lol. ugh, what a journey through reason and dysfunction! And now I get to leave it completely. I cry my tears of relief already.
  Fear not, I will be in Brigadoon waiting.
  They know you need love and affection, a sense of belonging and so they appear to embrace you fully while you sink in relief and a sense of safety. But behind you with their other hand, they are pulling the rug out slowly, reaching into your pockets and stealing your spiritual and emotionally energy, convincing and deceiving you into accepting their reasoning, their beliefs and the apparently good things they are offering. Better to be lonely. Better to be fighting your own longings. Make friends with your money, never misled is for that only they want you and let you in this day and this day only. Do more than expected. Carry a small tent, they come in handy and you always have a place to sleep in. Retreat to the nearest house no matter how ugly, if invited. The fields are unsafe really, only ever temporarily. Let God use you to test them and prove you. Be ever ready to cut your losses and let go of anything and everything, material things.....for them it is not worth arguing and in the end you will lose them anyways. They do not play fairly and yet it is all fair in a way. Be prepared to be sent on missions if you are making progress, appearing to go back emotionally a few steps to bring others the tools to move forward with you.
  Two months, two months and all shall be shifting.
  We trade a body made of dirt for one made up of "the dust of the earth". It is the pain and doubt and suffering we shall be shedding. No more living in uncertainty. The soul that is in the blood is coming, it is the blood that isn't. It is the body of dust that is coming, it is the dirt of this system that isn't.
     It is kinda cool observing this all happening within me. Kinda like watching surgery: I perceive an old inner skin shedding. I sense a heavier energy coming in. I am being fed images to once again stimulate and excite my "dust" or "light" body to life once again. But slowly, ever so slowly and gently, step by step, so I do not launch out of this dirt prematurely. I do wonder why we are waiting for that very last moment of the alignment for it to happen completely. I have seen those who have left their dirt bodies, walking beside us, mean and angry actually. This dirt body must be a protective shell or something presently.
   I also wonder what kind of rumors will be spread. To us it will apear everyone else has been "taken up" or taken away suddenly and to everyone else it will apear thus to them, the same, that we have been taken up, taken away, found dead or missing or something. Who is to say? We shall all just be eating and sleeping, doing nothing really to influence or change these things outwardly and then we shall suddenly be changed. We will look around and a lot will be missing but to them they will look around but everything is the same except for some of the people missing. We will see buildings missing and all those sorts of things. They will only be missing people. And aha! the reason for this change having to come suddenly for some of us: there are a whole lot who have already been changed, but won't be coming. And so the rioting is already starting.
  ooopsie, spilled the beans early. Just got bumped up a few seats on the airliner. I was supposed to be languishing and longing, waiting for our meeting and for me to be like them. Yet this is not what is happening. I am fine with the process, not at all regretful I am not like him. This changes everything for some odd reason. Their arrogance I will never get.....said humbly as one should never say never for that, to fate, is too tempting ;) And indeed, I am getting a feeling of a bit of arrogance in me already. Better to now deal with it instead of it holding me back later. Because it is not appropriate. The spilling of the beans was God given. It is He who wanted it done early. He does so for His own reasons. To expose the things we are feeling. So we may be rid of them in time for this energetic shift, this alignment. Inner house cleansing happening before it even has a chance to get and stay dirty :) The spirit was known, but no the vessel and that will be revealed early as well because that, too will cause issue. And now I am sick to my stomach with the thought of a certain vessel I might have to be accepting for His arrival. Jeep Grand Cherokee indeed says me, in blue. It was the one he was given to have chosen at my discretion. And just that they have given Him everything. Of this I am resentful. I shouldn't be really for I was quite content with what I had chosen. But he had support and love and affection and attention and legitimacy while I languished in neglect and solitude. But I am the stronger for it and it is something he could never have handled, would never have chosen. Yup, processing the garbage, the hypocrisy in my own thinking. Yeah, this couldn't have waited until last minute. It just would have been stuff shoved into a closet to be later dealt with, darkness hidden within. We don't want it. And, as usual, just an exercise of letting go of things, this being just an example the universe is using to draw out of me any issues.
     
      But then I discover there is an even deeper root to this. it is not pain and anger and resentment and sadness about them that needs confronting and releasing. No, it is the love and affection for them that was hidden beneath, protected and defended as a deep dark secret within me, the maintaining of loving feelings. I guess there must have been secret hopes and things still attached to them, potentials we saw in the beggining were potentials we embraced fully when we began our relationships. We failed ot let go of them when they ended. But loving feelings not shared, returned and/or appreciated are nothing but burdensome and a weight to be carried, constantly festering in thei rstale state of unuse and lack of refreshing. Nope, got to release the old to allow in the new loving feelings that will be coming.
    Love is built upon shared moments of appreciation, I see suddenly. That means a couple has common interests, common things they appreciate. There may be shared sunsets, shared moments watching the children in appreciation. We become bonded together by these things. But anything else is just two people co-existence in different circles that come together in the evening for shared sex. Many see that as a relationship that is working. But where there is no shared appreciation, there is only resentment and sex is passionate because it is an act of hatred. Nothing more and nothing less in the giving.
    No; real love is shared perceptions, beliefs, experiences and interests. It is nothing more and nothing less than this.
   Ah, she says as she realizes: that is why their bond is so much stronger than mine. They share hatred and fear of me with one another. It is a strong bond not easily broken. Definitely not one that is life sustaining or producing, but a strong connection that won't be readily broken and full of resistance to any loving feelings. They appreciate evil done to me, thus they love evil things. So, there is love in evil. It is an attachment, a shared connection. Not healthy or up building, but in it's own way it IS life-sustaining, their love is thus the same really. In that way it is stronger and even more meaningful, enduring. It is based on the same thing: shared moments of appreciation. They enjoy/appreciate shared moments of hating things and seeing bad/evil things happening to the same things and the same people. A love bond created over positive things is thus unfamiliar to many and thus makes them uncomfortable, naturally. They used to bonding over hated things. The bonding over loving things thus reaches into places they are not used to going, where they feel vulnerable and think needs defending against sharing, exposing. But the first thing people do when they meet is look for common ground to work from, so people unfamiliar with love connections over positive things are put off by a positively loving person with appreciation for the simpler, finer, heartfelt things who is put off by hatred. They feel judged for their attachment to hatred and thus their loved ones who they do indeed love due to all the shared moments of hatred, whether it be of someone else or even each other. I do stand corrected by all means. Astounding, really. So, they would really prefer to go into death together than into life with me.
  Then what will be will be. Unless they begin to see things differently, of their own free will, of course and inevitably. For what kind of life is hatred sustaining and producing? One that is destructive, thus short lived, corrupted, limiting, conditional. Whereas love built upon  apreciation of truly appropriately good things is creative, inventive, nurturing, expansive, flowing freely, unlimited and unlimiting. It may lack the brute strength of a bond of hatred, but it is far more fertile, durable, enduring, resilient and endearing.

Upcoming Energetic Alignment

     This morning I was brought from sleep to be shown events that were upcoming. I was on an airplane and we were being given instructions on what would happen in case of an emergency. I was told to move to a more forward seat where the oxygen mask would drop down from the ceiling. I was told I would have to move because the seat in which I was sitting was old and did not have the emergency oxygen or cushions on the seat. I looked back at the seat in which I was sitting and sure enough, it appeared to be an old metal chair with wooden slat seat. Drill over, I was returned to that old seat.
     Suddenly I was swept into that forward seat and given a date, August twenty something(I was too tired to remember exactly as my body was desperately trying to pull me back into sleep) and shown an event about to occur, what was the emergency. In the heavens, in outer space, I saw a flash of light, an explosion and of white light that went outward through the universe. Before I could even form the question "What is this?", came the answer "an energetic alignment".
     So, at the end of August I will be moved into a position better suited to survive an energetic alignment. What does this mean? I am on an airplane= I am in control of things/my destiny. A more forward seat= more prestige/higher priority. An energetic alignment= circumstances, conditions, are brought into alignment, meet, one's level of consciousness.
     At the moment, people of a lower consciousness are quite often enjoy a higher standard of living. In an energetic alignment, this would be changing. But, we may be deceived because a "higher" standard of living is one that is more simple and free. So, a person who is laid off might not perceive such a change as a higher standard of living they have been raised up into in order to match their higher state of consciousness. A worldly human perspective cannot see/discern necessarily such things.
    Whether the energetic alignment upcoming is simply my own little inner universal environment and the movement is my human consciousness brought forward to meet that of my spiritual consciousness or if the event is universal as in going to effect the world around me, I cannot be sure and it doesn't matter really. What will be will be. hate to be selfish about it, but I know I am being given what I need and will be taken care of in whatever type of event is coming. Everyone has been warned and everyone knows exactly what is happening. We are each responsible with how we have responded.
   Many say nothing happened at the predicted end of the Mayan calendar, but it did. The consciousness of a new world was brought in. This "energetic alignment" just might be the physical reality being brought in to match it. Everyone has had the better part of a year to prepare, to bring themselves, their own consciousness, into alignment with it. It is no one else's responsibility if you haven't. This is where "let those being taken into captivity go into captivity" and "the patience of the saints" comes in. May you be at peace with your decision.

Putting on Our Own Maturity

       We who are souled children are too terrified by the presence of a world full of soulless and so we turn a blind eye to this possibility. We see the horror movies: just a few people living surrounded by zombies or monsters of one sort or another, an overwhelming army. So, we blind ourselves and limit our psychic senses so we do not have to see such things. And of course the world lights up around us, we are the center of attention. We are the targets in this reality. Wherever we go, the spirits enter the empty bodies around us and animate them. But we cannot fool ourselves completely for we begin to notice people will act as if they have understanding then not be able to follow through. We realize they have simply become imitators of souled beings. They do not have the ability to apply principles to things. The more practice they get, the more convincing and so we fall for it over and over again, meeting up with bigger, convincing challenges.
    We rebel against being different. More is expected. We cannot just take it easy it seems. Why can't we just be one of everybody? Why do we have to be so complicated? Why can't it be easy? So we ourselves become imitators.
    Then we decide to get some maturity and put on that of our parents. But it is an act, a foreign energy, not our own maturity so it becomes burdensome. We yearn to burst forth from under it and once again be carefree children. So you see adults so ruthlessly mature suddenly crumble and retreat into a very childish condition on the weekends and lunch breaks, when no one they need to be an adult in front of is watching. Little do we realize that we can put on our own maturity and it is not the least bit burdensome, tiresome, make us the least bit weary. We remain invigorated. This was emphasized to me this morning as I felt something come in that was familiar but not really wanted by me. Ah, yes, my mother's "maturity". I did take it on when I was young and it is angry. I had been reflecting upon that the past two evening, given glimpses of understanding. So many men stay young and vigorous in one manner. Cold does not affect them. They have physical strength and endurance. And yet they are so full of hatred. And that was the answer: their hatred and anger is the fire they keep burning that gives them the passion that invigorates them perpetually. It feeds their body regular, consistent doses of adrenaline. They keep it simmering just below the surface and that is why they are prone to snapping suddenly. It is always there waiting opportunity to rear it's ugly head for a feeding, even when the person looks all carefree and happy, usually drinking.
    Last night I remembered an understanding of how extreme insecurity and self-loathing is arrogant. I wondered how that could be when I was young and I would get all negative, thinking I was the worst person ever. Then my conscience would condemn as arrogant and I wondered how that could be. It is true though. Do we really believe we excel so much more at sinning than anyone else could ever be? Do we really believe we could be the most unworthy and undeserving? How conceited to believe we do sin better than anybody. lol Yup, just another extreme version of the same energy, an element of duality. But we have seen extreme arrogance, the evils of it and so have retreated to the other extreme because we have no clue how to embrace and develop our own maturity and simple self-confidence.
    But to the souled child, the world is like a horror movie, dead bodies suddenly coming to life around them, grabbing them, trying to scare them, demons acting sweetly to try to seduce and tempt them then accuse them of not just being friendly, polite or generous. To the souled child, the world is overwhelming. We have put in place our own defense mechanisms. But if we are to come into our own maturity and be able to use real judgment and discernment, we need to release them. We need to once again begin seeing honestly, feeling honestly and step up into our authority never doubting we might be mistaken about something. For we got that idea from our possessed parents.......who forced us to interact with them. And so we become adults and realize, we are no longer subject to them. We can unmask the demons and not worry of speaking it out loud, of pointing it out to them. they cannot deny it and when they leave the human's brain, the soulless human has no memory of it. The soulless shells are the prisons for the rebellious spirits, the animal skins made for Adam and Eve to exist in to dwell outside the garden of Eden, and the souled ones are the prison wardens in the end. We are the keepers of the outer garden. It is time for me to take off my rose colored glasses and move beyond just surviving. I am no longer a child in an alien system. Of course there are fears associated with this. The adults who have treated me badly are no problem, wouldn't be surprising. I will see the souled who are but misled and maybe I will see bright lights like me. But what will I see when I look at my own children? And once the masks become transparent, how will they respond to me? Are we but soulless demons with spirit inhabitants? Are the only truly souled beings in "middle earth"? Am I a souled spirit inhabiting the skin of animal, the body I identify myself with? "Down here" are we wardens of nothing, simply souled beings or spirits on a journey?  One breath at a time, one day, one small step, one moment.
  I had noticed spirits use humanity as dumping stations. When they take on too much negative energy, they crash land into a human being, dump their refuse and take off again, leaving the darkness for the bottom feeders to feed. Am I but a spirit come in to reclaim and deal with her own garbage? Would appear to be practical, to have this whole little ecosystem, convenient unloading, brief rest and off again, talking ourselves into a clean conscience because, look, it serves a purpose. What else would the bottom feeders eat? A way to reason ourselves out of our own responsibilities. And isn't that the way of things? Just when you come to terms with a situation, even begin to embrace it, you are asked to leave it. It has served it's purpose.
  And so begins the season of depression, the "winter", which always follows the season of enlightenment, the fall harvest season. This is where we face the demons the light has raised up within us. And as we acknowledge and recognize and admit each of them, the light received fills the place within us the demons had occupied.
  I laugh as I imagine us like children who really believe upon being told to clean their room that they have. They shoved a bunch of stuff in the closet, under the bed, swept stuff up under the rug. Looks clean, doesn't it. So we shoot back to heaven and declare ourselves enlightened, ready for our reward, to go on our field trip, whatever cleaning up was a condition to be met so we could participate in. And the parent points back behind us at the hidden piles of laundry and dirt and garbage. Then we return to our rooms all pouty and claiming to lack understanding, we did what we were told, didn't we? Why oh why do the parents have to be so darn picky. And then as we pick through things properly we begin to see: yeah, that dirty sock would have gotten stinky. And yeah, the gross mold is on this thing already forming and if I tried to find something to wear, it would be hard to find and hopelessly wrinkled sitting on the bottom of the closet all dirty and stinky. Yup, got to do the work to truly accomplish anything. A thorough job is even better. And then there is me, little miss perfectionist, summoned back to heaven, parents demanding, Aren't you finished yet? yes, but there is just this one more thing.....lol. Yeah, that would be me. Parents at first impatient and then humoring me, seeing that yes, that speck of dust might be important and does indeed detract from an otherwise clean environment. But the worst is when you notice a stray hair, give it a tug and turns out to be attached to a whole soap scummy clump clogging the drain, ewwwww disgusting, but something needing attention, obviously. Was probably causing problems probably and would have only gotten worse eventually......that is where depression comes in. So, we cry our way through the cleaning we thought would be a quicker affair. We miss out on a party but keep on going. Best to miss a party here and there than be amongst those who end up drowning in overflowing houses full of clogged drains while they are sleeping off the after effects of the party....yeah, take the cleaning seriously for very good reason.
  oooh, and I forgot, this is Friday and thus a part of Sabbath preparation....for on the Sabbath we are instructed to "set my people free", it is a time of healing and rejoicing and being set free. ;)
  Will it be from all the above reflected upon things I will be set free this weekend? That would be exciting. Not a bad work week. I accomplished a good many things.
  And then we shall have an eternity of parties without the hangovers, doing of stupid things we end up regretting, embarrassment or drunken brawls, enmity and arguing, the flat broke mornings because we spent it all on the weekend, aimless and hopeless, trying scheme our way out of the holes we keep digging falling victim to others doing the same thing. I'm a momma on a mission and there is no stopping me ;)
  Sometimes, it's when we are truly ready to let go of something is when it is given to us fully.

Psychology of the Heart Runs Deep

     Sometimes we love somebody. We become afraid to admit it, to do what it takes, to jump in. So, we harden our heart against the person. Due to hardness of heart, God tells us our purpose lies elsewhere, to fulfill certain responsibilities. Then we have lost the love of our life, the one person who really meant anything. We become the brave soldiers, harden our hearts and proclaim we were, after all, right. But it keeps popping up and we feel we are stuck, because God has given us our purpose to stay where we may be. So we go to God, our Father. We plead our case. "I was mistaken", say we. I really do love her (or him, respectively) but I hardened my heart against her out of fear of what it might mean. "That was all I wanted", replies the Father, "For you to see your own purpose. Go to her, my son and be free".
  We may be confused by this because in the past we have felt regret and tried to return to a lover only to find we are too late. Fact is, if we admit, it was an immature, shallow attachment. We gave ourselves to another, to their family, maybe, but it was not a God ordained yoking. Only our own invented obligation with strings. We allowed ourselves to become ruled and consumed by them , their way of thinking. So, this new event of love in our life does not really apply. It is real, it is a God-ordained yoking.
  And so I realize this is the end of that Prince and Princess story I was given. He refused initially, which was probably a good thing. She still had to do some growing as did he. maybe they could have done it together, but maybe that they didn't it is better. They do not have the record of their relationship marred by experiences of conflict which could have led to greater challenges of releasing repressed feelings.
     Reflecting upon such immaturities I realize fully how whenever it is that we are judging something, condemning something we are being hypocritical almost absolutely and if we look hard within we will discover how it is we are doing the same thing, have committed the same sins or we are lacking understanding of the situation. Regret is not repentance. So many times we say we are sorry. But we are not sorry for our actions. We are sorry we are not getting what were wanting or we are sorry we got caught doing something. We are sorry we are suffering the loss our choices have brought upon us maybe. But regret is not repentance. So, I pray it is sought out within me, all these ways and sins I have been committing so that I may be aware of them and release them from me. To fully understand the consequences of my actions, choices, feelings and perceptions that I may repent of them. And yes, we may resist this. Yes, it may be difficult but nearly every sin can be forgiven for such asking. So much of it is simply from being youthful and ignorant, of which any mature entity has an understanding. And then when we stand in righteous judgment, we first have compassion, let it soften our hearts and then add the sins to the package, discern whether the nature of a person has been proven and always sorrow and maybe regret that it has to happen for our own protection. And yes, we do right to ask, why are we so worth protecting? To question our own value in the grand scope of things. And if we do not have such value as the place our welfare over that of another's freedom to pursue self destruction and destruction of others, what about the welfare of others who ARE worth saving and preserving and protecting? It is one thing to allow a curse to fall upon ourselves, but to allow it fall upon others out of a selfish desire to not be too judgmental? To be self-effacing? To be too self-righteous, maybe? To stand in judgment is a VERY serious matter, a responsibility one should never take lightly or self-righteously. Definitely a responsibility someone would not be wanting from my perspective.
     We are given these great mountains to climb and free enlightenment, all the while with these huge warts on our faces. Makes one realize how freely these gifts are given and taken, for granted so often. Helps with bringing in some appreciation.
     And not until we reach these depths do we fully begin to realize how inept we are when we are children. When we are young we cannot even begin to imagine, begin to fathom our deep our ignorance. And then we either take on the world and it's perceptions or begin to form our own opinions based upon gut feelings that there is a problem with something, not even realizing how limited we are in and by our perceptions.

The Thud-Coming Down From High Places

    Sure enough, watching the movie "Ever After" became a challenge: trouble with internet connections, frustration with pop download requests, etc., etc. and so on. In came frustration and uncertainty, in came a little bit of pain from relationship experiences. Been thrown over by a man with excuses of "duty" and "responsibility", been there. Not enchanted by the romantic aspects. But, yes some heart touching and laughing.
    This is how it happens though. We are caught up upon wings and brought to the top of a mountain. We given a glimpse of a new reality, of a potential. Then we are brought back down the where we started the journey of flight and told "now climb that mountain". "Huh?" come sour reply. I was just flying and now I have crash landed and am back at the beginning! But it is O.K. now come the experiences to put into practice what we have been learning of that new to be state of being. Now comes the sharpening of the teeth. Now come the opportunities. I have my lesson plan and a glimpse of what getting the degree will achieve for me. Now I have a sense of purpose. Now I have authority in a sense of knowledge and understanding about what is happening. There are new found open and cleansed places within me. But yes, I am exhausted. I was not just shown one mountain peak but yet another I will be climbing. One beyond that which has past been climbed ever by me. More new and unfamiliar circumstances. Positions of authority. Resources to juggle and use appropriately. Shrugging off spirit when it wants to lead and letting the human choose things. Now if I could just get over this head and chest cold and stomach cancer......I might be able to accomplish something I am thinking and feeling. I feel so handicapped by the stomach cancer, like how can I take this seriously? But I am a trooper and will march through it. No wind or rain or blizzard....oh, pooh and that means relationship will have to be in the experience. And guaranteed it won't be an easy insweep. Arrrggggg It shall be OK and what will be will be. Honest emotional journeying. Am about to make use of things I would have found and might still do find distasteful. Woo hypocrite accusation coming, lol. No. Because I won't be speaking another belief and preaching it to others while doing this thing. I have simply gotten a deeper understanding of things which allows that certain things are evil, but when appropriately used the use of them is righteous in action and deed. So there ya have it. A journey I will be making. The people around me will be reflecting my inner journey. So men will be reflections of what is happening in my intellect, how it is treating the rest of me. If I do not like ho women are treating me, I must reflect on how they might be like me in some way and is it my perception of them that needs adjusting, are they presenting something upon which I must sharpen my teeth, a challenge I am facing to cement in my new beliefs or are they another who needs my newfound perspectives? I have been given all the tools and resources I need to accomplish whatever it is I need to accomplish. I do believe I have a full plate. While I suffer a chest and sinus cold that has become infected and stomach cancer eating away at me, I do feel invigorated, clean and refreshed in a way as if my etheric body is completely separate and unaffected by my physical body. Let's allow the etheric to heal the physical over the next few days, hopefully. I don't know how soon things will be coming in, come my way. Time IS speeding up because this kind of journeying, download of information doesn't usually happen until fall: October/November most years it seems. So, we have crammed a few years into one or two seasons. No wonder I am drained! And yeah, one would have to push to keep up with me. Feel sorry for them. Have set a pace few can handle. People traditionally mediate for 40 years to get to where I was in my early thirties. And now I am only 43 accomplishing what most don't even begin to achieve until they are 80 and dying. Not a bad job cleaning. It will suffice for today. On to other things and other areas that need attention.....
  But no. I realize suddenly I am on a threshold, in the "in-betweens" where I have a pulse on more than one "dimension" and am using it to my benefit. So the work of dealing with that which is unpleasant is being done in a "parallel dimension", with me orchestrating it. The positive results can them be brought into this dimension seemingly "miraculously" as if by magic. For I feel the laboring of doing great battle and the fighting of a child with her new found understanding. I am in at leat three, orchestrating and nurturing, reminding of principles we all are learning. And I feel relief. Relief that it does not have to all happen to me personally in a single human being. To others I appear to be doing nothing but thinking and reflecting and meditating, but in reality it is worlds I am conquering. I appear to speaking to myself only, but in fact I AM speaking to everybody and everybody IS hearing me. I have called down vengeance upon this system. A setting of my children free to be with me. A bringing in of resources and all that I need. Even the bringing of a lover to me. Apparently effortlessly but with great efforts indeed. Spirits all serving me through multiple realities. Interesting indeed.
   In one dimension I am doing a bit of ritual designing and performing; men need visual illustration to demonstrate what they are doing spiritually. And I realize it is by my spirit I accomplish this thing, for a spirit can work in the other dimensions simultaneously and I applaud her for she IS mighty. And she is a part of me. Look at her orchestrate these things under my direction.....an incredible thing, an incredible system. A wonder to "see" and perceive fearlessly. It is like sitting and watching a movie, being the "peanut gallery", the movie becoming interactive with me. It's quite exciting. And this is how authors like Tolkien brought about their own levels of enlightenment, by "creating stories", living in parallel dimensions, allowing for it to happen by being writers of "stories", authors of their own states of being. And they bring others along with them if the reader becomes engrossed in it and allows things to happen to them in their own "parallel realities". Though some simply add their consciousness to another, never achieving their own enlightenment. The same with actors and poets....channelers of other potential realities and whether or not they bring those consiousnesses to live in them, to bring them to life in them here in this reality. And Ellen makes fun of the little girls who claim they were mermaids who took off their fins to come into this reality, lol. Ridicule away.....it is all really happening but she is home to "demons", being gay and everything. The biggest scoffers are those who know exactly what is happening. And truly they are now powerless against me for their spirits are known and being taken in all the various dimensions that affect me. And I cheer on my spirit that is working mightily and seemingly effortlessly. So climatic! THIS is where miracles being to happen. We are no longer limited to one perception. In various levels, various beliefs are appropriate. There IS one ultimate truth and one ultimate reality, however it is sometimes necessary to traverse "alien terrain", exist within other beliefs to move through and beyond and be released from other perceptual realities and belief systems. And we have learned ot navigate all of them finally with awareness of all our various aspects. And we can do this for and with anyone and anything whom we choose to do it to or with. But first, we must do me. We must complete me. Me and my family. O.K., so I've decided to take along a few others I am fond of. Shrug. What's a journey without a fellowship, eh? I choose my fellowship, those allowed to make this journey with me. We are packing for our journey, a very great company of spirits and me. Taking the lead. A real life spirit "Dungeon and Dragons" adventure where all are guaranteed to come out unscathed. Now we're cooking. And dang it, I am not even allowed to try to affect things in this reality, lol. I am to just sit back and allow the magic o happen...time for spirit to be proven. Interesting turn of events in this here....... And some insight as to why the enlightened are up all night and sleep during the day. While they are up at night, all the other spirits aren't using people to interfere: their people are sleeping. Then during the day, spirits can roam free, running interference and things while their people are sleeping. A way to bag the enemy who is occupied not only on spiritual but trying to manipulate physical as well, so our spirit has the upper hand, having it's body tucked away safely. Interesting prospect, isn't it? And you can't do any of it if you're engrossed in TV and entertainment, getting drunk and partying, or working a typical work week. Focus HAS to be on the kingdom 24/7. O.K. so you're allowed
"lunch breaks", but it is very serious. No part of this world or this system. Which is why so many advanced spirits are out of work homeless in their bodies.
   I am so not used to sitting around a letting thing happen, trying not to affect anything. But my spirit knows and has experienced human limitations. It is time for her to prove something to me. I am to sit around and allow her to make things happen for me. Be the big fat fat husband sitting at the town gate bragging of how his wife is so capable, lol. (Book of proverbs about capable wife ilustration). But at least I understand what is happening so I don't get all frustrated that things aren't working for me. Roadblocks aren't anything working against me, but reminders to allow things to happen, to come, to be brought to me. Allow for 'magic' and miracles to happen. Seems so unnatural, lol.
   The interesting thing to me is that we have been previously instructed to get our human consciousness up to speed on these things. So, I am wondering just how much the people around me are and will become fully aware of what is really happening. Who will share a knowing smile and who is left in complete darkness/imprisonment around me. Like the four points of a pyramid, we all have four faces: the spirit, the intellect, the body, and the human personality and four for each of these....making up the merkaba and the tree. And I do not know how I know about these things because I have never studied them, taken courses or read anything on them. Spirit has led me correctly, I do believe ;)
  After the thud of last night and the return of an old familiar feeling this morning, I thought I was destined for a rather mundane day today. And look what I had coming! lol Not what I was expecting, but once again very happy to be living. And once we travel through this phase of spirit being proven, we become one magical, miraculous being working in unison on everything and we shall see what THAT means for me.
 Napping became deep, hard sleeping.
 Evening: the tests are now coming. Do I believe I have no choice for a bad spirit to be with me, has been given authority over me or am I a sovereign being? Do I believe I have been misled about today's adventures, and even if I am, what harm did it do to me? They have shown me a potential I can be and thus have empowered me to be that exactly. Oh, yes, the tests are coming. Glad I got some sleep.
    So that spirit of today has to become me. Like a child who has always relied on parents to fulfill certain responsibilities, it is my turn as a spirit walking into adulthood and sovereignty to take upon myself a few things I would view as unpleasant. What are the types of things God does? He puts things in the hearts of men, he holds courts and attends hearings, all those types of things. And who am I to do those things? Is it not a father's responsibility? Only until we grow big, only until we grow big. So, we overcome a childish reluctance, some insecurity, immature judgment about doing such things, fear we may not do them appropriately, expecting resistance to such things, more testing, waiting for things to become firmly rooted inner knowings. Ah, the little girl easily overwhelmed by the thought of tackling new things. Here in me, reluctant to enter adulthood, wanting all the freedoms but none of the responsibilities.....we believe we can act like adults, be free and take on only certain responsibilities. We are mistaken. This is where hard love comes in.

The Bra: An Illustration

In a courtroom I am questioned. "In the blog are the things you think and you believe". "No, they are not. I do not believe these things nor do I think them". How can this be if I speak honestly? They are simply things I have been given. They are not what I believe nor are they what I think. If I were given an invisible bra, I am but walking around with a bra no one sees or perceives. So, I draw a bra on a piece of paper and hand it to the lawyer doing the questioning. Now HE has a bra drawn on a piece of paper. he calls people on the phone and tells people I have given him this bra drawn on a piece of paper. His friend believes he has a bra. His wife thinks he has a real bra. Having another woman's bra is scandalous. The bra is not a problem. What other people think about that bra or believe about that bra are the problem. What they think I might think about the bra and what they believe I might believe about the bra is a problem they might create for me, believing or thinking it might be a problem wiht my ability to function in society, as a parent, etc. However, the bra is not a problem and really, what trouble could an immaterial and invisible bra be? Could I hit and hurt someone with it? No. So, what I write is simply something I have been given. It is not what I think nor is it something I believe. What I write really is not a problem unless I choose to make it one or someone else tries to make it one. Emotionally honest journeying through the potentials of things.

A bit later it is given me as I slightly fret over my constant inner reflections:
"Self awareness is the beginning of intelligence".

Intelligence is born of self awareness. Intelligence then gives the awareness perspective. Intelligence is based on thinking and beliefs about a thing and does not give it perspective until it becomes self reflective and objective.
"Together we heal what we have created"
He does not heal me, has no right to it. Nor do I heal him independently. "Though I am not worthy" says he "please allow me to be a part of your healing process". She consents graciously.
The Golden/brown state of being that was taken by the darkness was born of it and thus rightly returned to it. The state of being, child still held inwardly, that came before, existence was "in the beginning" will be returned to it. And that which came after will live in the "Happily Ever After" 'movie experience'.
The child's parting was heart breaking.
 Now the neighbor's dog returns the dark energy it had been snatching and holding. Guess I still have stuff to process that would have interfered with the release of "what was in the beginning". So the new child really is new potential development/expanded understanding. Dang. It gets better than this?!
O.K. So she just stepped out graciously to them, the legions of angels both light and dark, carrying with the darkness the dog was holding to balance out the new understandings she had been given. And back in comes the girl crush thing masculine energy experiencing from my dream. Oh, good grief I'm giddy.
The enlightened one returned to highest levels of duality with darkness and new understandings will be there for my children to adopt in turn each. The new child will be the even more enlightened one just without the experiences I now will experience and gain even more enlightenment from. That is how things keep going from this point onward I am receiving (and guessing?).

Know Your Own Motives

 Today's assignment came "under the sign of the white dragon", in the form of a dream/vision on the edge of sleep. It was my birthday party. I was asked to come up and be the announcer for the commencement of the event, announcing the DJ. I thought "how silly, everyone knows who the DJ is and he is already speaking in the microphone, he himself can be announcing the event." But I consent in the spirit of sharing the joy. The DJ is Sam Elliot. His on-screen presence from what I have seen is always characters who are warm and soft in their energy yet strong and steadfast in their character. Long hair, a bit grey at least and just all around my kind of sexy. This DJ asks if I want a picture. I consent and just melt right into his arms, so warm and comfortable in his energy. We exchange merriment as I tell him of the "crush" I always have on him and how the first thing we both think is not just poor him to be the object of so much romantic attention, but first and foremost his poor wife! He asks if I want to be kissing him in the picture, to which I reply no thank you, he is after all married. As we are enjoying a pleasant exchange I notice an ex entering. In the back of my mind I realize this would be making him jealous potentially because he is of the sort who was always jealous of everyone and everything. Suddenly the photographer runs out of film and makes excuses. She refuses to take the picture. It comes out it is because she has judged me and my motives for wanting the picture, claiming I want it just to make my ex jealous.
  So, I get out of bed and ponder this. In life I had frequently fallen victim to this: believing the motives other people (used by demons obviously) have attributed to my actions. Did the scene begin with me simply agreeing to a picture being taken? Did I not notice, just observing, the possible consequences of this event? Innocent observation of potential consequences does not make one responsible for those consequences. The consequences are in fact incidental. And secondly, we are not responsible for other people's emotions. thirdly, maybe these events are arranged so people could address their emotions. If one is emotionally involved in a situation, it means it is significant to them spiritually. jealousy means either 1) you have a problem with insecurity or 2) you need to be with that person above all things and all others to be right in your journey. No feelings whatsoever, whether lack of fear, lack of excitement or it's wholeness, healthy form of lack of resonance (an inner echo of verification, a harmonious union, consent, agreement with a thing or person's presence) and there is no benefit for you in your journey. jealousy is a strong emotion. There is definitely something in there needing exploring, respectfully. But knowing our own motives is vitally important to emotionally honest journeying and being able to assert our own true intentions instead of continuing to allow ourselves to suffering accusations, punishments and an unnecessarily guilty feeling/perceived conscience. A falsely accused and believing conscience will continue to bring us into worse and worse circumstances and bring upon us illness. That shock to the stomach we get when receiving an unexpected sentence of righteously executed judgment. Sure, it might have been just and righteous if the accusation was honest, but because it was not honest, it was a manipulation of the conscience through false accusation of motives, which we have not yet learned to be self-aware of, have self-confidence in, there is no justice in it and yet because of our self-deception we fall under just condemnation and judgment. We prevent that by being aware of our own motives, clear about them, and then asserting them in the presence of these demons. I have thus had my teeth sharpened under the sign of the white dragon this morning. I am sure more opportunities to perfect this practice are in the wings waiting or not maybe. maybe my lack of guilty feelings was enough to prove me in this aspect. And the scenario is a lesson for another in this reality anyways as well so it may not just have been an opportunity for me to "sharpen my teeth" so to speak, but an opportunity to bring the illustration and it's lessons to another who could use them at this point in their journey.
      Using the emotional tools of wholeness are my most recent points of practice and I can honestly say I am stumbling. So accustomed to having had to navigate with strong emotions. I am fine-tuning my method of journeying. Where there was fear, anger and resentment now comes a mere reluctance. Where there might have been love, passion and great shallow excitement, now there is the heart singing. Instead of longing for a situation one craves and is deprived of, one learns they can project that energy of a heart singing in enjoyment of the experience and know that one day that experience is coming. Shopping yesterday provided an opportunity to fine tune my ability to use such subtle tools of navigation. diapers: reluctance in the decision, neither option was ideal or a bargain. I have a habit of not letting my mind show me potential positives because it might rob me of the emotional experience of making the wrong decision, so in punishment for not completely resisting the mind's positive potential presented, the handle on the box ripped and landed on my toe, crushing pain in it. Ow! I hate that when that happens. Bought the box of diapers instead and now understanding what happened have a clean conscience about it. Then the hummingbird feeder I wanted. Both this year and last, once a day a hummingbird comes to visit. It simply buzzes my hand, sometimes startling me into the present while I am smoking a cigarette or sitting on the clothes line until I notice and acknowledge it and flies off again. My heart sings at the potential of it enjoying the gift I get it. My mind interjects with a negative potential of bugs filling it instead, keeping me grounded about the situation, but heart singing about the positive, honestly acknowledging the negative emotions I would experience if the bug thing happened, instead I purchased the more expensive yet very pretty feeder because the less expensive one (which I would have planned to purchase) was not in stock. I do this now with complete confidence.
    Last evening I danced to allow in strength, power and authority, reflecting on how that which we categorize as evil and that which we categorize good, black and white, black and white thinking on things, angels and demons are neither really. For everything created there is a situation in which it is appropriate. I conveyed to another yesterday the parable of the wise man who reluctantly took on a pupil. Walking past a boat, the wise man punched a hole in it. The pupil corrected him on the evil of destroying another's property. The wise man stated that if he had not done so, a young man would have been pressed into service to use the boat for work and ended up drowning in it. That young man had a destiny of enlightenment. Not that we should go about interfering in people's journeys, but we should never judge actions based upon limited perceptions and assumed consequences. So it is with angels and demons: did God himself not use Satan to put lying spirits in all the prophets except one of them? Did he not allow Job to be proved by Satan and his methods? Was Satan not still in heaven after the rebellious angels had fallen? So if one has "authority over demons" and righteously attuned discernment, can they not use them to accomplish righteous purposes? Are they not amongst our brothers and sisters, hunted and hounded and rejected? Could they not go where angels may fear to travel and be powerless? Archangel Michael backed down in an argument over Moses's body: "angels" are not all-powerful. And so they are all angels, simply some of the darker persuasion. And really what is the difference between a "being of light" and a "demon"? There are evil/imbalanced/rebellious version of both. Satan being self-righteous, suffering from fear and insecurity is a being of light. the innocent in the darkness of ignorance and lack of understanding fear their ignorance and became rebellious. their acts were not necessarily wrong or inappropriate, but their self-doubt, lack of conviction condemned them just like the falsely accused but believing conscience above mentioned. God Himself interbred with a human woman to produce the offspring called Jesus. Is not that the same thing the rebellious angels were condemned for, mating with the daughters of men? It some matters- it's all a matter of perception.
   I am still contending with the whole lying about me and disguising me aspects of my journey. naiveté maybe. Resentment probably. Jehovah's Witnesses call lying in defense of the kingdom, their version of the truth to prevent outsiders "worldly" people and courts from interfering with their religious practices by lying about their true beliefs "Theocratic Warfare". Not a problem if a Witness, but definitely a problem to the one they might use it against- a hypocritical perception of it quite possibly, unless we do not fear their use of it, knowing our righteousness is above theirs and so in this instance, their theocratic warfare is inappropriate applied and will be condemned and judged as unfit/inappropriate. A fine line to be walking: righteousness using "tools of evil" in this darkened system. But a walk one who has mastered it can walk effortlessly once proven and practiced. Just don't forget to make, allow for the journey through the potential of guilty conscience to happen ;) Emotional honesty vital to our experiences!
   Watched "The Golden Compass" and reflected upon the idea of indecision being the mark of maturity and the point at which "the dust" begins to cause all sorts of troubles. "Maturity", the inability to transform, be "magical", fluent and flexible in our being comes with indecision-inability to be clear and decisive because we have taken upon us too much baggage and fear, pain and suffering, causing self doubt about decisions inwardly driven. "The Dust" is not the problem, it is the baggage which causes the naturally occurring "Dust", having magical properties, to be problematic to our worldly perceptions and decision-making properties such as "common sense", "logic" and "reason". And yeah, Sam Elliot, lol. Sorry, Sean Connery never got sexy to me until he got, grey, long-haired and a gruffness to his speech. Those are the men I consider sexy and whose arms I would melt right in. Of course those are just on-screen presences. In real life they are channellors of entities and energies, not much depth in their own person, easily "possessed" most likely (unless they make the choice of characters they play with discernment). So, I am not infatuated with any, never have been really because something in me knew this about them, the celebrities, but heart sings at the potential of some of these characters in those energies with those qualities existing.
  We shall see what more the day has to bring......Oh, and I told the photographer to take the damn picture, lol.

     Ah ha! A little while later more comes in on this. The consequences might have been unintentionally coincidental, but what of our feelings attached to such consequences? Would we rejoice or be disappointed by any jealousy created? emotional dishonesty-not confronting those emotional attachments would be what the "demons" would have been sent in to address. At his point I think "If I were to come with a warning label it would be: Sovereign in development. Beware: can handle the big decisions, but panics over the small and seemingly unimportant. She constantly adjusts and fine-tunes her thinking (may be perceived has changing her mind about things)", lol. A whispering in mind of reassurance "those are faithful in the smallest or least of things..." Should post at end of day or week even, maybe. The it occurs to me "is that what happened to the 'fallen angels' ?" Did they see the potential of their impregnating women killing them and secretly rejoice over it and for that receive judgment?". a very strong maybe indeed that is what happened. So, check in later for there may be additions to this posting as the day progresses.....

ooooo, and there are even deeper insights to be gathered inwardly for me: my intellect was jealous of my emotional, spiritual and physical bodies which ended up being the center of attention. "Princess Pink" in her Catholic school, so kind and considerate, she was always adored and rewarded. As a teen the mind by then depressed by PTSD and unable to function in it's highest abilities was frowned upon by teachers and parents. The budding woman getting the attention of base men and jealous women, neither of which ewe were even interested as I craved to be recognized for my intellect, to have meaningful interactions, wanting grey hair instead. Then we became Jehovah's Witnesses, a highly intellectual religion in whose care and keeping the emotional and physical beings once again flourished. Yup, jealousy has been an issue within my various inner aspects. We are resolving them as we become one unified being: emotional, spiritual, physical and intellect.

And the hummingbird came to visit, took a sip of it's gift. My heart sings. So now when it visits and I am not in attendance, it has the gift, an expression of my appreciation for these visits, to avail it's self of. The wee ones noticed as I was busy typing and brought it to my attention. And yes, there is already a spider web on it  and a big flying ant was earlier on it.

     Still later I am reflecting on what went wrong with being a Jehovah's Witness. Yes, my spirit, emotional and physical well-being began to flourish with the satisfaction and rest of the intellectual mind, relief was found for it. The spirit was gaining a sense of integrity and happy about it. But being an intellectual religion it's members could not help but persecute me. Their wives were all depressed on personality altering meds and suffering a host of physical ailments. The men oppressive and controlling, suppressed and suppressive. Like the runt of a litter due to my innocent, naïve emotions, I fell victim to their predations.  They are wolves in sheep's' clothing. But like a wolf himself and like those families where the siblings are constantly fighting yet let an outsider have a problem with one of them; the whole pack falls upon the outsider. So it was with my inner aspects; the spirit and intellect will use their strengths to fall upon any who threatened the emotional and physical perceived weaknesses. And so it was that I went through a phase of vehemently opposing them, the Jehovah's Witnesses. Of course the other aspects also needed to feel justified in leaving, so there were other issues with it as well as these. But the focus today is the intellect/emotional inter relating.
   As an emotion passes, I realize "wonder how much of this emotional releasing is for the sake of the pair as he gets opportunity to express understanding, experience in supporting her". It's OK, it's passing, probably old stuff just coming up for releasing like an inexperienced but doting lover....and she can in turn gracefully receive it.
    I realize fully today how we believe when we outgrow fears, anxieties and issues with people, places and things we don't really release them. We get excited about it, put them in a box and put them in an inner closet. Then we move forward in our newfound maturity and forget about them. We forget they ever existed. And then we wonder why people bring them to our attention. We think? I don't fear that. I got over that relationship, it doesn't bother me. But we haven't. We simply stored it away for safe keeping. So as we go through our inner closets we end up resurrecting those old thought long dead things and emotions, some we might not even be able to identify with anything in particular, a particular event. So, we just allow it to happen, feel that fear, cry out that pain, express concerns over things in our own minds and hearts. No need to project them on anyone or anything, don't have to believe them, we just need to allow them to happen. Then. We are free.
  Apartment vacuumed, bathroom scrubbed clean, Febreeze candle, dinner cooking, gorgeous weather, soft breeze sunshine, smell of fresh cut grass, open windows, all being appreciated.
  And now I am inspired to watch the movie "Happily Ever After".

Fear

    I wake this morning full of the aches and symptoms of fear being released, the exhaustion that manifests as a common cold. I wonder why I am suddenly worried about tomorrow, as in winter and heating bills, etc. I reflect on how fear stored in our bodies is like a magnet, drawing fearful experiences, people, places and things. I reflect on how I have learned to welcome those dark evil, hungry things which come in the sight of my third eye. I relax and allow them to just suck any fear ready to be released out of me. For example, if psychically reaching out to a specific neighbor's specific dog, it always snaps at me. So I allow it to psychically latch onto the back of my neck or my throat and tear out any "infection" that has come out from the core of my body and is awaiting release at the top of the spine or in my voice box, neck glands, etc. Darkness becomes one's servant at times like these.
  Then I realize the thoughts of worry are gifts to trigger the release of fear in me, so I do not feel the fear while focusing on thoughts of tomorrow, which would project that energy into tomorrow but rather allow the feelings to initiate the release, which for me comes in the form of crying and imagine the darkness of that fear just spilling out into a pool on the ground in the here and now. Maybe I could send them back in time from where they came, but I would have to know the original source of that particular pocket of fear. And then it comes to me: the source of the initial greatest fear I ever experienced: looking upon the great pool of darkness, of lack of understanding, in the world around me, in the world in general as I first glanced upon it. I felt the hopelessness of even beginning to wonder how it could be penetrated, intimidated by all the avenues and rabbit holes and tunnels and mazes it creates. But I know how to get understanding out of the darkness now. Wonder about something, ask the question in my heart and mind and just wait, let it go and allow the answer to come in.
  For example the Lilith question. I let that go the last evening I thought about it. While explaining something else, pop! there it was as a part of it. She is one of the wives of God, Adam having ben intended to be a vessel for God amongst men, Lilith then would have been in that manner a wife of God but a wife of Adam as well. And in Spirit incest is not a problem as higher level spirits are full of potential and thus a mating can produce any number of variables, healthier understandings. And it occurs to me in this moment: that is exactly what each of is: the manifestation of an understanding or rather the manifestation of a particular state of understanding.
  So, in the human gene pool so deep in darkness, with such limited understanding, the potentials for states of understanding are so limited they become corrupt/sick/deformed states of understanding and incest thus produces offspring barely able to survive, hardly alive. When man originated, the potentials were so great for the various states of understanding that incest could produce plenty of viable states of understanding. And yes, as one increases their understanding, comes up out of the darkness, cleansing the darkness from the entire family history stored in their blood, thus their gene pool, the potential states of understanding they could produce are more unlimited and children are born healthier, more viable, more alive with growth potential. Then again at the top, the highest level of understanding is limited in how high it can go and can produce only children of lesser understanding, so unless one wants children with less potential than they, the stop bearing children. And why Gods may have feared their offspring's potential for becoming greater than they: if Source is unlimited, the unlimited potential of higher level spirits in touch with source would produce children in touch with source who could expand into even higher awareness than their parents.....if the parents were to believe they themselves were limited to their immediate state of being/understanding. So, the lowest form and state of understanding within creation has the creates potential for change whereas the highest has the least potential for change except to lose understanding. And this is only so if the levels of understanding are limited. That bears the question: is this so? and we let it go and allow the answer to come in.......
  If the states of understanding/states of being are upwardly unlimited, then so it the potential for more and more children unlimited ;) Also explains why "opposites attract" and the potential for happiness and fertility increases. This would be one aspect of why the oldest child may be most rigid in their thinking as they are the release of a lowest state of consciousness for two parents and the youngest can be the most enlightened and loving as the consiousnesses of the parents has continued to be raised through their interactions. But anything could change that such as trauma that lowers the consciousness of a parents or something. No hard or fast rules of what MUST happen guarantee anything.
  God's own fear as He imagined what a child greater than Him could do to him created the potential for such a child and His refusal to release that fear, instead relying on reason and possible actions he could take to prevent it, guaranteed the experience was drawn to Him........bringing those like me into existence. And so I must let go of the fear: now that He knows this, could I suddenly blink out of existence as punishment for existing? For against Him I have no intention.  but His fear may just make me a vessel of vengeance as he draws that experience to Him.....though I do not have ot be, He could be the source of His own destruction should one such as me release all fear surrounding such imaginations. And so we release the fear of even "going there" in our thinking.
  I guess if one is going to stop the chain of abuse, the cycle of fear, anger and dysfunction, one must address and release the fears of one's WHOLE family. Past, present and future. And so one welcomes the idea of children of higher consciousness willing to help by taking their own journeys to help in such an undertaking and releases the fear that they might be unwilling and instead perpetuate it.
  And I marvel and struggle with how they must really want me to hurry through this for some wild and crazy reason, to avoid something big that is coming. I can't get a day off from this and I am soooo ready, soooo exhausted. And of course I care about the rest of humanity, but sheesh, I am but one woman and I am but exhausted. But I see the wind blowing, I hear the news stories. Flooding, tornadoes, volcanos.....The darkness in humanity is definitely drawing something truly big and scary. And release the fear that a sudden stop and clearing of absolutely everything could never be a possibility while the fear for them of such happenings comes into me.
  Then the remembrance of the statement "I will cut those days short" and it hits me that time IS limited for me to bring in this consciousness that is trying to be birthed within me. And I begin to labor and to breath, like a woman in labor my body is doing it despite me, feel helpless for a moment before it and then I remember: I just have to allow it. I can dance and sing and allow it to come into me....
  So I dance and I sing in whichever way is needed, I sense the flowing in of energies and consciousness, of observers who fear me, men who have been the standard for highest consciousness previously set, according to their beliefs. When I sense my dance and song are complete, I sit and comb out the tail of a pony. The thought hits me: I am entering a consciousness greater than that which I was born in. I feel a moment of shifting, as if the whole world has just rocked and swayed on it's feet. And now a sense of maturity I have had glimpses of recently.
  Over excitement in little ones can be resistance as they lift themselves up above into higher vibration so the new level of consciousness cannot reach them...a method of avoidance. Or just ignorance. Inexperience. Discomfort. Fear it is punishment/injustice. And children have their own fears and methods of intimidation as their upper handedness is threatened a a parent becomes enlightened. Then they allow for that enlightenment, accept it and become dismayed once again as their parents soars even higher than them: look what happened at the highest levels of consciousness, in our forefathers in spirit. And the doubt that a consciousness can exist where nothing bad ever happens comes in and we allow it because for us it simply hasn't existed and we cannot imagine it, so we let our fear of it bring it in. We allow uncertainty in.
  At one point recently when body was so full of heat from changing, I understood how spontaneous combustion could be a potential problem. Then this morning as I felt the exhaustion of my body, I realized it really can't always keep up with everything we are doing. Now I realize that some of this consciousness may just have to be stored up within me temporarily (though not too long or it would become corrupted) as we allow a consistent flow of outward bound energies and understandings to happen from within the body. I know something like surgery wouldn't be helpful except in an emergency because it would simply just manifest elsewhere in the body. That is what happened with my teeth. The infected ones were pulled and all of a sudden all the rest that had been healthy all along started decaying. Swapped one problem for a bigger one. But that infection was heading to my brain and now, my teeth are beginning to heal. Which, to me is amazing because I had heard the teeth were the most difficult to heal, restore and regrow. Yet that is one of the first things coming or being given me. And, I am smiling.
  Today I let go of the pain of suffering, of having been cold and hungry, of not having the things that make my heart sing, of not allowing my heart to sing. A reminder received today about "security", not to purchase those things we believe we need to protect our security like anti-virus protection, lol. Independence. More money coming. I dance with these things, dancing away the pain and suffering, the fear and anxiety and dancing in taking things seriously like not just "going with the flow" of needing security without being rebellious about it.
 Allowing shopping to teach me about my habits, fears and anxieties, how and where I spend my money showing where and how I invest my energy.
  Learned that no resistance and no resonance= no need. No need to do what is presented, offered, suggested.