Resolving Lonely

    *Due to lack of internet access, this entry became a three day account of journey and prophesy.


    If anyone had asked me if I ever got lonely, I would have honestly replied "Not usually". But deep within me there was a pocket of lonely that came up last night. I realized that the lonely felt as a child never found resolution. There was nothing that ever came into my life to help resolve lonely as a child. Realizing lonely had settled in my womb, I knew it affected my children, too, and sure enough, they needed help in resolving lonely. It's a tough thing to do, to take on the emotions of another who has been alien to you. To break down the barriers they have had against you as well as your own. Fear of attachment runs deep in me. Not surprising, really, we live in a war zone but discouraging to say the least.
    But incoming came something of a sense of royalty and sense of the word loyalty. Loyalty would never have been a problem I would have felt a need to confess to, but it must be. But the most common affliction one would suffer is lack loyalty to self rather than a lack of loyalty to anyone else. And yes, the men in my life have been disloyal to me, an all too common quality I have run into. So there you have it: truly the world around me, the people in it have indeed been a reflection of the deepest hidden parts of me.
    For the first time my male aspect was not pictured as another man I would have known. Instead it is of a tall man of slender build, hair long and dark w/grey mixed in. He looks a whole lot like me. Makes sense doesn't it? So, upon the inner landscape, things are definitely changing.
     And incredibly, children understand all these things. And unfortunately, I deny myself my children. Not an uncommon problem or children wouldn't be spending all day in school and every hour after socializing filling in the hole that would have normally been filled with familial interactions, bonded, together growing, learning, connecting, nurturing, and so on. Instead parent and child, we have a world full of lonely children competing for attention. Those who don't compete for attention are deemed anti-social and unhealthy. Pot or kettle, we're all unhealthy in the middle until we overcome lonely and all these other issues.
    Incidentally, the idea behind the New World Order is to create an order for the new world, one they intend to govern. Their problem is: they won't even be in the new world if they do not share an energetic alignment with it. Instead they will just bring in a government of an old method of ordering an old world that is collapsing inwardly, one that is only new by it's glossy painting. Different extreme views by same method: control, same vibrational equivalency.
    As I reflect on a counselor's preliminary analysis of my condition, I reflect on how sick people are a symptom of a sick society, a sick society a symptom of the world in general and then it strikes me: a symptom of this very planet. Interesting theory. What if we are but a symptom of the condition of the planet it's self? Acknowledging, first off even allowing one's self to perceive inner illness is a powerful thing. Rather than disheartening, which it is in the beginning, it becomes empowering. But, an unhealthy planet would imply an unhealthy creator, and our very source of being to be instability. Which would make sense if Source and Observer were in conflict with one another when the world began.
   So it is that emotional stability is what is going to save the world. Emotion/feminine/represented by woman, what "man" representing masculine/intellect/observational detachment needed to bring about perspective and Divine Intelligence.
   Bringing up loving feelings from old attachments must be a theme as I felt a lot of emotion when we visited a river today. The woods, the water and the living things around and in them have deep meaning for me. Especially when I saw a chipmunk; they are exclusive to my childhood. How much of it will live in the world we are creating? Time to detach from old and root myself in new I am guessing.
      Also presented opportunity to observe a "soul thief" in action. This would be someone who steals the soul connection a parent should be making with their own children by injecting themselves into shared meaningful moments. They create a bond, a soul connection inappropriately. I often see people doing this with other people's children. It's a connection they themselves do not have with their own children. I have seen this very evident in women without children especially: one Ms. Erika Davis was one who tried to steal soul connections with my children. Hopefully her clients are now safe as she finally has a couple of her own, but it does not necessarily mean she will connect with them. As was made obvious to me today: people who do have their own children and don't connect with them steal that connection with the children of other people anyways. I always thought I would be a bad mother simply because I never bonded with other people's children. I was never comfortable with it. But it turns out to be the opposite. I was simply not comfortable with an inappropriate relationship with other people's children. I do confess, though, that at a certain point I had speculated about if a man cheated on me and got another woman pregnant. That was when I speculated I might want to have a child not born to me. Other than that, never cared much for other people's children.
     While in the woods and a bit overwhelmed for a moment at tuning in and being bombarded by the energies present, I realized lonely is often what we feel when we miss our own company. It would be the reason we would be lonely in a crowd. So we make a mistake when we feel lonely and reach out to someone outside of us. We can learn to be in a crowd and still stay intimately connected inwardly rather than allowing our inner selves to get lost in a crowd.
    Later in the evening as I am preparing to go to sleep, I remember the statement about the other wife and her children being none of my business. It does not concern me. and this came:
    Around every cloud she is the silver lining.
    All she has to do is draw herself in tightly
    And squeeze the life out of all within it.
    She can fashion for herself a new lover,
    One who has never known another.
This came with calm assurance, no vengeance in it. Yet it did not take long for evil spirits to come to try to attach their vengeful selves to it. Not going to happen. I shed you like a skin.
    And in the last of this energy I ask the clinician: the enlightened ones, the ones you call Jesus and ascended masters; when they speak are they not euphoric and their thoughts apparently disconnected? And how many eyes of enlightened ones have you peered into and diagnosed illness, infection?
   So I release for that one any affection. The Buddhist who would misdiagnose their own Buddha as having mental illness.
   Then she reveals to me my intellect. What instead could have been written? "That she is already showing progress". O.K. But she didn't. Yet she knew it WAS progress and wrote her diagnosis anyways. Ah. Sin against the holy spirit. She did recognize it and condemned it as death. So for this, the Buddhist is sentenced to death instead of incarceration. That is how it happens.
   We are into the next day, what was revealed to me in a vision/dream bleeding into yesterday's events as I hurried to convey them before they are drowned in what is coming. For it is like a drowning. This innocence that is coming in, in it's presence all else simply ceases to exist. I saw it working, melting away the past and the present, peering into a future it is preparing for me to dwell in, within it's presence, it's presence within teaching me to be like it. Filling me, overwhelming and overcoming everything within me. There are a few things it is leaving for me to accomplish, to know I can do this.
  Her journey was like my journey and so she has given me her journey to experience, a gift. To experience all the same things, if a bit differently but the same journey all the same things, all the same. So my intellect and I , I reach out for him. Holding hands at my invitation we press forward in this journey of enlightenment, determined to meet together what is coming to finish it.
   The Buddhist did it because I had exposed her weakness, the imperfection of her thinking, her methods, her hypocrisy. And so my life is filled with those such acts of vengeance. So they will all come for me with any authority I had given them, to enact their vengeance for what I have exposed about them. They will twist everything I have written, Oh yes, I see it coming. "See, I told you she believes women are better than men" rather than seeing I was writing about emotional body/being/woman vs. intellect/"man". Oh, yes and the prediction that was made about me believing in inbreeding of children will somehow be gleaned from this which they will say is evidence and even more evil things, things preposterous. But I am to tallow this to happen, that their condemnation may be death, sins against the holy spirit through me which is speaking clearly and they all know and recognize it, the truth of what they are doing and yet helpless to stop themselves from doing it, so enveloped are they in hatred and resentment. And as each one acts on their intentions, proving them, they will be "consumed by fire from heaven". It is the last mountain I climb, the final battle to enlightenment and punishment and condemnation of the nations surrounding him, the child within.
  So, the vision, dream on the edge of sleep, I could barely hold onto it's memory because I was so very relaxed and am finally being able to let go of things. My body is healing and to do this it needs sleep and so I keep relaxing back into to sleep readily. But, the vision dream is important so I keep repeating it, what I was shown of it. This innocence, it began to fill everything around me, transforming it, everything to white and fine and linen and clean. I looked behind me and there it was filling everything, replacing everything that had been behind me until then. I looked forward and saw my new place of dwelling, my guppies were in a manmade fish pond already waiting. It was covered with boards. "to keep the birds from swooping down and eating the fish maybe?". The fish respond; "No, here, nothing like that happens". and I felt within me, the aches and pains melting away, tough not yet completely. I am aware they are there but I do not feel them completely. It is a different sensation, of a death that is quick and temporary as healing begins. Replacement of illness instead. I am shown to be preparing to prepare dinners for people. Tomatoes sauce, I realize, is probably going to be a key ingredient in many of these dishes. Then I am shown that tomorrow I am scheduled to prepare a meal, steak and corn on the cob would go well with it, be bright and cheerful, I think. And then once again I am shown tomatoes. The fruit that eats like a vegetable, sweet yet acidic, eating away at things. And as I later reflect on this vision of a dream, I realize that my entire past is being wiped clean. When I reach back into memory I will only see innocence and purity. Of anything else there will be no memory. I can feel the innocence filling me, my body completely and I am relieved. I get to relax fully, completely, finally. When I first awakened I felt a sudden complete innocence with no past memory of anything different. But it was more shallow because I had no understanding of what had happened. I did not know what it meant. I did not know what to do when it was challenged. Like an ignorant child I just danced in it oblivious to everything but the feeling. So now in comes another innocence, more grounded, more mature but in this that much more innocent, deeper an innocence. It's virtue is in it's knowledge rather than it's ignorance. It knows and understands WHY it is innocent and thus has every right to forget the rest of it. No one else can question it because I do not question it, they may anyways, but I do not need to buy into it. And THAT is the key to this way of being. To question it is impossible and yet probable because they ARE that stupid but to question it brings death to them. They realize it. They still do it. And so it simply replace them with innocent, it's own innocence and it's own innocents. It is like the flow of Grandmother lava, but instead of sudden, passionate, angry or vengeful, sporadic and forgotten; this flow is steady and regular and always awakened. It is immovable yet always moving. And yet I still do her no justice in the describing. it is futile and beyond writing.
  But I can say this: I am her when She is in me. When She is in me, I am Queen. I am THE Queen of Heaven. And when she is off being queenly and cavorting, I am just me, Stacey or Morningstar Crystal, the crystal clear channel of life flowing water that comes from her, the Queen of me, the ultimate authority. Sovereignty.
  Another "clean-up" issue: the soul thief's, stealing meaningful moments with my children. Just because you're paranoid, it does not mean they aren't out to get you: a quote that is famous. Are they not the ones who set you up to play mind tricks on them and then tell you that you are paranoid for believing them? And they know it. They do it consciously. "Tell me why I should be frightened", say they. From experience of having been treated thus by them, I tell them the consequences. They then respond by saying I am just paranoid and put fear into them unnecessarily, because look, it did not happen to them. And yet it was a trap from the beginning. They tricked me. They punished me unnecessarily then convinced me it was necessary then......picture is coming. Sick, twisted and deep, is all I am thinking.
  So they give examples, illustrations, other people's experiences to show me suffering, the reason for which I am not aware. They convince me it was unnecessary, uncalled for, unwarranted, a conspiracy, something that happened for no reason. There WAS actually a reason those people brought upon themselves suffering I learned in the end. But I did not know it then. Instead I screamed to others: conspiracy for no reason! Then that gave them reason to do the same to me and showed me the "justice of it", this entrapment due to my ignorance. Then I tell others what happened and that I fear it happening again and so they get to say I am just paranoid and begin to attack for no reason which is thus dismissed as paranoia while not allowing it to happen to other people. They allow them to do the evil without suffering punishment for it. This leads to my confusion and giving up on trying for understanding, enlightenment about anything. I just want to keep my head low and not think about anything. Depression, sadness, lost, alone feeling. But I snapped out of it and began to see things because in that depression I was at a safe distance. And so in the end, their overwhelming served me and worked against them. Just when they thought I was sleeping, had forgotten and they began to rest, not even aware I came again full force and unexpectedly, when they were unawares. Interesting. It would appear to have been a big scheme by me, but it was truly only me acting in innocence, as a victim in hiding, given up, relenting everything, relenting, abandoned. And so that is why I am accused of scheming when it isn't even in me. It seems to be to them a plan that overcame them and must be so smart and intelligent and powerful and evil, and yet it happens quite by accident, a result of THEIR own thinking and methods. They underestimate the innocence of innocence because they are so unfamiliar with it. They forgot their own one day. And then come the pouting accusations "You got what you wanted". No, it's what YOU wanted and so convinced yourself it was what I wanted and became what you got in the end for your own wanting of this end.
    And then there is the claim of having visions. Does it make me crazy? Well, you will then have to arrest every psychic and cleric. Sorry, they propose they have understandings above the common man. You would have to arrest the president and take away his children because he has consulted with psychics/clerics. You would have to arrest and remove children from anyone who did anything based on the claim of having a "gut feeling" or special insight or intelligence. Anything original or "unreasonable" would need to be questioned. There could exist no human authority based upon anything other than "because I want it". Well, why do you want it? I was born wanting it. Are you saying something supernatural caused you to be born with a desire I haven't, because I don't want authority over anybody. You can't say that is normal. Arrest him! Take away his children! Even instincts are unexplainable in their origins. Arrest him! Take away his children!
    So in the end, there are those who under God were sentenced to incarceration, but under Goddess: to death. That is referring to spirits. As for people, only those who failed to subject them. But all that will occur in other dimensions. In this one, things will just begin to work correctly as if nothing untoward ever happened. It did happen, just to them in another dimension. And it will apear all my efforts here were just wasted, had nothing to do with anything getting better, had no effect whatsoever. I will know better and maybe so will a few others, I guess, just for my own reassurence. It is in this dimension I experienced all the emotions. Which leads to me wondering: in this dimension, everyone else has always received all the benefits for efforts expended while I do all the suffering of consequences in this dimension. Shall I continue to suffer because I didn't know the difference? Because I could not keep things seperate? Am I delusional to think my life might suddenly get better? No answer is forthcoming.
    Then for a moment I feel a bit like Frodo. The world gets it's healing and all it's forgetfulness of it's sinning and what joy could I find in it then? I would remember, but no, I wouldn't because my memory of bad things happening leaves with the innocense. But is it yet fair, to just disapear into forgetfulness? In forgetfulness is there any justice? No, no there isn''t. So it is that here, too, people must experience justice. Justice and THEN forgetfulness for the rest, the ones who were chosen, the ones doing the working who give acknowledgement-openly: "Deny me before men, I deny before my Father who is heaven" it was once said. And so the apostles experienced justice. They experienced death and non-existence. A part of this circle back into justice included acknowledgement of another symptom of illness: the resentment the sober spouse of an alcoholic experiences when the drunk becomes sober and because the drunk admits to sin and demonstrates humility the sober one suddenly feels inferior due to their years of condemnation, a feeling of superiority that was an overcompensation for feelings of insecurity. So attachment to any perception of uniqueness that might have been born from insecurities and fears of inadequacy must be addressed and THEN we come back to true justice. For if we held that inadequacy held at bay by arrogance, we would believe ourselves a hypocrite and doom ourselves to the same sentence. The dance is circular in fashion, always has been, hasn't it? It is a spiraling circle, higher and higher into understanding and enlightenment, visiting and revisting a situation or topic as we gain more and more understanding. Of course at these levels it just happens more quickly, a full spiral in a single moment.
    When we slip fully into forgetfulness the only thing we will know is a consort and his Goddess. The only reference to a God will be a female diety that is sovereign. All beings will be "men", females will not be "women" because it is not from males that they get their identity. From here, it will be a strange world we live in. Men will be "womb-men" or "women", for it wil be from the womb of a "man"-a sovereign woman- that they came. Males will be sovereigns as well, there will be no second class citizens or anything like that. But there will be no "husbands" or husbandry in action except for parents over children, parents who are very strict and no-nonsense so that their children may know complete freedom in becoming sovereigns. Sounds straight out of acience fiction doesn't it? lol
  A third day is beggining and with it knowledge of the c-section. God the Father was only Creator in that he performed a "c-section", withdrawing from Her children prematurely. He did not allow for natural developement and that is why "His" children have so many problems. That is why they do not reach maturity. If he hadn't, Her children would have all been born perfect, able to reach full maturity naturally. One does not "create", one gives birth to something.
  I see a consort at Her table, but I see another given pre-eminance over him to keep his perspective appropriate. Her consort will over him have a captain. To the Captain, she will give more authority. The Captain will be held bound by a sin he committed for which there is no forgiveness, thus he will be faithful into eternity. He betrayed the innocense. He will always remember he owes his existence to an act of kindess.
  Source does not need protecting. She WANTS defenders. It is about loyalty. She assembles an army not to protect her, not to give her power, not to give her authority. No. She assembles an "army", a group of volunteers who wish to be given an ooportunity to demonstrate their loyalty, those who want to be proven, who want the challenge. She can kill her enemy with a mere squeeze. That is easy. It is an honor to be given opportunity to be allowed to do some of the squeezing with her, for honor. "Because it pleases me".
  Even sovereigns need to recognize authority, know what subjection means. Do not assume the right to decide what someone else wants or needs if you are not that authority. If rendering service, you are not the authority. Learn when to shut your mouth and listen. Do not argue with somebody with "I'm just saying..." or "I'm just asking a question". Learn to accept a voice of authority rather than accusing it of yelling. Strong does not always equal forceful and abusive. It can be quite firm AND loving, affectionate.  I am definitely irritated with the budding sovereigns. We exist due to mercy, nothing more and nothing less. Lack of acknowledgement or appreciation and all it would take is a single moment of squeeze. Learn that lesson. First recognize that you ARE nothing, you are nobody, then accept that you are something special. And only then because it was given, never taken. We live in a world where we have only experienced disrespect from improperly managed authority. We need to accept and learn proper respect for legitimate authority, how to recognize it and express it.
  "My voice thunders. Get used to it. Love it. Appreciate it. Know it as respect and authority."
  "I am not weak just because I am subtle."
  Agree to serve me then decide it to instead do what you want to do, you WILL make me angry. There WILL be a turn-about.
  Now we work this authority into the innocence.....the authority is the defender of the innocence.
  And btw, my revealing of inner journeying is not a revealing or admitting of weaknesses and need for anything from anybody. It is a demonstration of my strength and courage. not many have the courage or strength to even face themselves and undergo this process, never mind do it publically. And if you do not take away from this a deeper respect for me that you can openly acknowledge, your attention is worthless and unappreciated. If you believe you do not have these same issues: you are sorely mistaken. You are children of the Dance, but you are seeds sewn in corruption, born of those taken by "c-section", prematurely. Your destiny is life from the living, but  your past does need releasing that you may be released from the death that is so tightly gripping, nipping at the heels of your existence.