Putting on Our Own Maturity

       We who are souled children are too terrified by the presence of a world full of soulless and so we turn a blind eye to this possibility. We see the horror movies: just a few people living surrounded by zombies or monsters of one sort or another, an overwhelming army. So, we blind ourselves and limit our psychic senses so we do not have to see such things. And of course the world lights up around us, we are the center of attention. We are the targets in this reality. Wherever we go, the spirits enter the empty bodies around us and animate them. But we cannot fool ourselves completely for we begin to notice people will act as if they have understanding then not be able to follow through. We realize they have simply become imitators of souled beings. They do not have the ability to apply principles to things. The more practice they get, the more convincing and so we fall for it over and over again, meeting up with bigger, convincing challenges.
    We rebel against being different. More is expected. We cannot just take it easy it seems. Why can't we just be one of everybody? Why do we have to be so complicated? Why can't it be easy? So we ourselves become imitators.
    Then we decide to get some maturity and put on that of our parents. But it is an act, a foreign energy, not our own maturity so it becomes burdensome. We yearn to burst forth from under it and once again be carefree children. So you see adults so ruthlessly mature suddenly crumble and retreat into a very childish condition on the weekends and lunch breaks, when no one they need to be an adult in front of is watching. Little do we realize that we can put on our own maturity and it is not the least bit burdensome, tiresome, make us the least bit weary. We remain invigorated. This was emphasized to me this morning as I felt something come in that was familiar but not really wanted by me. Ah, yes, my mother's "maturity". I did take it on when I was young and it is angry. I had been reflecting upon that the past two evening, given glimpses of understanding. So many men stay young and vigorous in one manner. Cold does not affect them. They have physical strength and endurance. And yet they are so full of hatred. And that was the answer: their hatred and anger is the fire they keep burning that gives them the passion that invigorates them perpetually. It feeds their body regular, consistent doses of adrenaline. They keep it simmering just below the surface and that is why they are prone to snapping suddenly. It is always there waiting opportunity to rear it's ugly head for a feeding, even when the person looks all carefree and happy, usually drinking.
    Last night I remembered an understanding of how extreme insecurity and self-loathing is arrogant. I wondered how that could be when I was young and I would get all negative, thinking I was the worst person ever. Then my conscience would condemn as arrogant and I wondered how that could be. It is true though. Do we really believe we excel so much more at sinning than anyone else could ever be? Do we really believe we could be the most unworthy and undeserving? How conceited to believe we do sin better than anybody. lol Yup, just another extreme version of the same energy, an element of duality. But we have seen extreme arrogance, the evils of it and so have retreated to the other extreme because we have no clue how to embrace and develop our own maturity and simple self-confidence.
    But to the souled child, the world is like a horror movie, dead bodies suddenly coming to life around them, grabbing them, trying to scare them, demons acting sweetly to try to seduce and tempt them then accuse them of not just being friendly, polite or generous. To the souled child, the world is overwhelming. We have put in place our own defense mechanisms. But if we are to come into our own maturity and be able to use real judgment and discernment, we need to release them. We need to once again begin seeing honestly, feeling honestly and step up into our authority never doubting we might be mistaken about something. For we got that idea from our possessed parents.......who forced us to interact with them. And so we become adults and realize, we are no longer subject to them. We can unmask the demons and not worry of speaking it out loud, of pointing it out to them. they cannot deny it and when they leave the human's brain, the soulless human has no memory of it. The soulless shells are the prisons for the rebellious spirits, the animal skins made for Adam and Eve to exist in to dwell outside the garden of Eden, and the souled ones are the prison wardens in the end. We are the keepers of the outer garden. It is time for me to take off my rose colored glasses and move beyond just surviving. I am no longer a child in an alien system. Of course there are fears associated with this. The adults who have treated me badly are no problem, wouldn't be surprising. I will see the souled who are but misled and maybe I will see bright lights like me. But what will I see when I look at my own children? And once the masks become transparent, how will they respond to me? Are we but soulless demons with spirit inhabitants? Are the only truly souled beings in "middle earth"? Am I a souled spirit inhabiting the skin of animal, the body I identify myself with? "Down here" are we wardens of nothing, simply souled beings or spirits on a journey?  One breath at a time, one day, one small step, one moment.
  I had noticed spirits use humanity as dumping stations. When they take on too much negative energy, they crash land into a human being, dump their refuse and take off again, leaving the darkness for the bottom feeders to feed. Am I but a spirit come in to reclaim and deal with her own garbage? Would appear to be practical, to have this whole little ecosystem, convenient unloading, brief rest and off again, talking ourselves into a clean conscience because, look, it serves a purpose. What else would the bottom feeders eat? A way to reason ourselves out of our own responsibilities. And isn't that the way of things? Just when you come to terms with a situation, even begin to embrace it, you are asked to leave it. It has served it's purpose.
  And so begins the season of depression, the "winter", which always follows the season of enlightenment, the fall harvest season. This is where we face the demons the light has raised up within us. And as we acknowledge and recognize and admit each of them, the light received fills the place within us the demons had occupied.
  I laugh as I imagine us like children who really believe upon being told to clean their room that they have. They shoved a bunch of stuff in the closet, under the bed, swept stuff up under the rug. Looks clean, doesn't it. So we shoot back to heaven and declare ourselves enlightened, ready for our reward, to go on our field trip, whatever cleaning up was a condition to be met so we could participate in. And the parent points back behind us at the hidden piles of laundry and dirt and garbage. Then we return to our rooms all pouty and claiming to lack understanding, we did what we were told, didn't we? Why oh why do the parents have to be so darn picky. And then as we pick through things properly we begin to see: yeah, that dirty sock would have gotten stinky. And yeah, the gross mold is on this thing already forming and if I tried to find something to wear, it would be hard to find and hopelessly wrinkled sitting on the bottom of the closet all dirty and stinky. Yup, got to do the work to truly accomplish anything. A thorough job is even better. And then there is me, little miss perfectionist, summoned back to heaven, parents demanding, Aren't you finished yet? yes, but there is just this one more thing.....lol. Yeah, that would be me. Parents at first impatient and then humoring me, seeing that yes, that speck of dust might be important and does indeed detract from an otherwise clean environment. But the worst is when you notice a stray hair, give it a tug and turns out to be attached to a whole soap scummy clump clogging the drain, ewwwww disgusting, but something needing attention, obviously. Was probably causing problems probably and would have only gotten worse eventually......that is where depression comes in. So, we cry our way through the cleaning we thought would be a quicker affair. We miss out on a party but keep on going. Best to miss a party here and there than be amongst those who end up drowning in overflowing houses full of clogged drains while they are sleeping off the after effects of the party....yeah, take the cleaning seriously for very good reason.
  oooh, and I forgot, this is Friday and thus a part of Sabbath preparation....for on the Sabbath we are instructed to "set my people free", it is a time of healing and rejoicing and being set free. ;)
  Will it be from all the above reflected upon things I will be set free this weekend? That would be exciting. Not a bad work week. I accomplished a good many things.
  And then we shall have an eternity of parties without the hangovers, doing of stupid things we end up regretting, embarrassment or drunken brawls, enmity and arguing, the flat broke mornings because we spent it all on the weekend, aimless and hopeless, trying scheme our way out of the holes we keep digging falling victim to others doing the same thing. I'm a momma on a mission and there is no stopping me ;)
  Sometimes, it's when we are truly ready to let go of something is when it is given to us fully.