Psychology of the Heart Runs Deep

     Sometimes we love somebody. We become afraid to admit it, to do what it takes, to jump in. So, we harden our heart against the person. Due to hardness of heart, God tells us our purpose lies elsewhere, to fulfill certain responsibilities. Then we have lost the love of our life, the one person who really meant anything. We become the brave soldiers, harden our hearts and proclaim we were, after all, right. But it keeps popping up and we feel we are stuck, because God has given us our purpose to stay where we may be. So we go to God, our Father. We plead our case. "I was mistaken", say we. I really do love her (or him, respectively) but I hardened my heart against her out of fear of what it might mean. "That was all I wanted", replies the Father, "For you to see your own purpose. Go to her, my son and be free".
  We may be confused by this because in the past we have felt regret and tried to return to a lover only to find we are too late. Fact is, if we admit, it was an immature, shallow attachment. We gave ourselves to another, to their family, maybe, but it was not a God ordained yoking. Only our own invented obligation with strings. We allowed ourselves to become ruled and consumed by them , their way of thinking. So, this new event of love in our life does not really apply. It is real, it is a God-ordained yoking.
  And so I realize this is the end of that Prince and Princess story I was given. He refused initially, which was probably a good thing. She still had to do some growing as did he. maybe they could have done it together, but maybe that they didn't it is better. They do not have the record of their relationship marred by experiences of conflict which could have led to greater challenges of releasing repressed feelings.
     Reflecting upon such immaturities I realize fully how whenever it is that we are judging something, condemning something we are being hypocritical almost absolutely and if we look hard within we will discover how it is we are doing the same thing, have committed the same sins or we are lacking understanding of the situation. Regret is not repentance. So many times we say we are sorry. But we are not sorry for our actions. We are sorry we are not getting what were wanting or we are sorry we got caught doing something. We are sorry we are suffering the loss our choices have brought upon us maybe. But regret is not repentance. So, I pray it is sought out within me, all these ways and sins I have been committing so that I may be aware of them and release them from me. To fully understand the consequences of my actions, choices, feelings and perceptions that I may repent of them. And yes, we may resist this. Yes, it may be difficult but nearly every sin can be forgiven for such asking. So much of it is simply from being youthful and ignorant, of which any mature entity has an understanding. And then when we stand in righteous judgment, we first have compassion, let it soften our hearts and then add the sins to the package, discern whether the nature of a person has been proven and always sorrow and maybe regret that it has to happen for our own protection. And yes, we do right to ask, why are we so worth protecting? To question our own value in the grand scope of things. And if we do not have such value as the place our welfare over that of another's freedom to pursue self destruction and destruction of others, what about the welfare of others who ARE worth saving and preserving and protecting? It is one thing to allow a curse to fall upon ourselves, but to allow it fall upon others out of a selfish desire to not be too judgmental? To be self-effacing? To be too self-righteous, maybe? To stand in judgment is a VERY serious matter, a responsibility one should never take lightly or self-righteously. Definitely a responsibility someone would not be wanting from my perspective.
     We are given these great mountains to climb and free enlightenment, all the while with these huge warts on our faces. Makes one realize how freely these gifts are given and taken, for granted so often. Helps with bringing in some appreciation.
     And not until we reach these depths do we fully begin to realize how inept we are when we are children. When we are young we cannot even begin to imagine, begin to fathom our deep our ignorance. And then we either take on the world and it's perceptions or begin to form our own opinions based upon gut feelings that there is a problem with something, not even realizing how limited we are in and by our perceptions.