Fear

    I wake this morning full of the aches and symptoms of fear being released, the exhaustion that manifests as a common cold. I wonder why I am suddenly worried about tomorrow, as in winter and heating bills, etc. I reflect on how fear stored in our bodies is like a magnet, drawing fearful experiences, people, places and things. I reflect on how I have learned to welcome those dark evil, hungry things which come in the sight of my third eye. I relax and allow them to just suck any fear ready to be released out of me. For example, if psychically reaching out to a specific neighbor's specific dog, it always snaps at me. So I allow it to psychically latch onto the back of my neck or my throat and tear out any "infection" that has come out from the core of my body and is awaiting release at the top of the spine or in my voice box, neck glands, etc. Darkness becomes one's servant at times like these.
  Then I realize the thoughts of worry are gifts to trigger the release of fear in me, so I do not feel the fear while focusing on thoughts of tomorrow, which would project that energy into tomorrow but rather allow the feelings to initiate the release, which for me comes in the form of crying and imagine the darkness of that fear just spilling out into a pool on the ground in the here and now. Maybe I could send them back in time from where they came, but I would have to know the original source of that particular pocket of fear. And then it comes to me: the source of the initial greatest fear I ever experienced: looking upon the great pool of darkness, of lack of understanding, in the world around me, in the world in general as I first glanced upon it. I felt the hopelessness of even beginning to wonder how it could be penetrated, intimidated by all the avenues and rabbit holes and tunnels and mazes it creates. But I know how to get understanding out of the darkness now. Wonder about something, ask the question in my heart and mind and just wait, let it go and allow the answer to come in.
  For example the Lilith question. I let that go the last evening I thought about it. While explaining something else, pop! there it was as a part of it. She is one of the wives of God, Adam having ben intended to be a vessel for God amongst men, Lilith then would have been in that manner a wife of God but a wife of Adam as well. And in Spirit incest is not a problem as higher level spirits are full of potential and thus a mating can produce any number of variables, healthier understandings. And it occurs to me in this moment: that is exactly what each of is: the manifestation of an understanding or rather the manifestation of a particular state of understanding.
  So, in the human gene pool so deep in darkness, with such limited understanding, the potentials for states of understanding are so limited they become corrupt/sick/deformed states of understanding and incest thus produces offspring barely able to survive, hardly alive. When man originated, the potentials were so great for the various states of understanding that incest could produce plenty of viable states of understanding. And yes, as one increases their understanding, comes up out of the darkness, cleansing the darkness from the entire family history stored in their blood, thus their gene pool, the potential states of understanding they could produce are more unlimited and children are born healthier, more viable, more alive with growth potential. Then again at the top, the highest level of understanding is limited in how high it can go and can produce only children of lesser understanding, so unless one wants children with less potential than they, the stop bearing children. And why Gods may have feared their offspring's potential for becoming greater than they: if Source is unlimited, the unlimited potential of higher level spirits in touch with source would produce children in touch with source who could expand into even higher awareness than their parents.....if the parents were to believe they themselves were limited to their immediate state of being/understanding. So, the lowest form and state of understanding within creation has the creates potential for change whereas the highest has the least potential for change except to lose understanding. And this is only so if the levels of understanding are limited. That bears the question: is this so? and we let it go and allow the answer to come in.......
  If the states of understanding/states of being are upwardly unlimited, then so it the potential for more and more children unlimited ;) Also explains why "opposites attract" and the potential for happiness and fertility increases. This would be one aspect of why the oldest child may be most rigid in their thinking as they are the release of a lowest state of consciousness for two parents and the youngest can be the most enlightened and loving as the consiousnesses of the parents has continued to be raised through their interactions. But anything could change that such as trauma that lowers the consciousness of a parents or something. No hard or fast rules of what MUST happen guarantee anything.
  God's own fear as He imagined what a child greater than Him could do to him created the potential for such a child and His refusal to release that fear, instead relying on reason and possible actions he could take to prevent it, guaranteed the experience was drawn to Him........bringing those like me into existence. And so I must let go of the fear: now that He knows this, could I suddenly blink out of existence as punishment for existing? For against Him I have no intention.  but His fear may just make me a vessel of vengeance as he draws that experience to Him.....though I do not have ot be, He could be the source of His own destruction should one such as me release all fear surrounding such imaginations. And so we release the fear of even "going there" in our thinking.
  I guess if one is going to stop the chain of abuse, the cycle of fear, anger and dysfunction, one must address and release the fears of one's WHOLE family. Past, present and future. And so one welcomes the idea of children of higher consciousness willing to help by taking their own journeys to help in such an undertaking and releases the fear that they might be unwilling and instead perpetuate it.
  And I marvel and struggle with how they must really want me to hurry through this for some wild and crazy reason, to avoid something big that is coming. I can't get a day off from this and I am soooo ready, soooo exhausted. And of course I care about the rest of humanity, but sheesh, I am but one woman and I am but exhausted. But I see the wind blowing, I hear the news stories. Flooding, tornadoes, volcanos.....The darkness in humanity is definitely drawing something truly big and scary. And release the fear that a sudden stop and clearing of absolutely everything could never be a possibility while the fear for them of such happenings comes into me.
  Then the remembrance of the statement "I will cut those days short" and it hits me that time IS limited for me to bring in this consciousness that is trying to be birthed within me. And I begin to labor and to breath, like a woman in labor my body is doing it despite me, feel helpless for a moment before it and then I remember: I just have to allow it. I can dance and sing and allow it to come into me....
  So I dance and I sing in whichever way is needed, I sense the flowing in of energies and consciousness, of observers who fear me, men who have been the standard for highest consciousness previously set, according to their beliefs. When I sense my dance and song are complete, I sit and comb out the tail of a pony. The thought hits me: I am entering a consciousness greater than that which I was born in. I feel a moment of shifting, as if the whole world has just rocked and swayed on it's feet. And now a sense of maturity I have had glimpses of recently.
  Over excitement in little ones can be resistance as they lift themselves up above into higher vibration so the new level of consciousness cannot reach them...a method of avoidance. Or just ignorance. Inexperience. Discomfort. Fear it is punishment/injustice. And children have their own fears and methods of intimidation as their upper handedness is threatened a a parent becomes enlightened. Then they allow for that enlightenment, accept it and become dismayed once again as their parents soars even higher than them: look what happened at the highest levels of consciousness, in our forefathers in spirit. And the doubt that a consciousness can exist where nothing bad ever happens comes in and we allow it because for us it simply hasn't existed and we cannot imagine it, so we let our fear of it bring it in. We allow uncertainty in.
  At one point recently when body was so full of heat from changing, I understood how spontaneous combustion could be a potential problem. Then this morning as I felt the exhaustion of my body, I realized it really can't always keep up with everything we are doing. Now I realize that some of this consciousness may just have to be stored up within me temporarily (though not too long or it would become corrupted) as we allow a consistent flow of outward bound energies and understandings to happen from within the body. I know something like surgery wouldn't be helpful except in an emergency because it would simply just manifest elsewhere in the body. That is what happened with my teeth. The infected ones were pulled and all of a sudden all the rest that had been healthy all along started decaying. Swapped one problem for a bigger one. But that infection was heading to my brain and now, my teeth are beginning to heal. Which, to me is amazing because I had heard the teeth were the most difficult to heal, restore and regrow. Yet that is one of the first things coming or being given me. And, I am smiling.
  Today I let go of the pain of suffering, of having been cold and hungry, of not having the things that make my heart sing, of not allowing my heart to sing. A reminder received today about "security", not to purchase those things we believe we need to protect our security like anti-virus protection, lol. Independence. More money coming. I dance with these things, dancing away the pain and suffering, the fear and anxiety and dancing in taking things seriously like not just "going with the flow" of needing security without being rebellious about it.
 Allowing shopping to teach me about my habits, fears and anxieties, how and where I spend my money showing where and how I invest my energy.
  Learned that no resistance and no resonance= no need. No need to do what is presented, offered, suggested.