Woman Waking

  As I wake this morning, I remember to note that just as he must stop turning to "mommy", she must stop turning to "daddy". They work together to practice their new found skills,the guiding principles of maturity. And the woman begins to make the emotional journey through sadness and fear. I have told the story of the nature sprite, so innocent, naive and brave who saw the illness and conflict of her family of heaven and those who had fallen. The little one who felt all their suffering and pain and vowed to do whatever it would take ot bring an end to it. So, over the cliff she jumped into the incarnational pool of darkness. Unbeknownst to her, she did not jump alone for her father, mother, brother, the evil brother and his evil mother all followed, none of them feeling safe about her going alone. The father for his sometimes dysfunctional attachment and sense of loss he would feel without her. The mother for distrust of the father and some little love for daughter that often became tainted by jealousy. The little brother who saw himself as her protector who loved her dearly and passionately but could be self-righteous and boastful. The evil oldest brother with the overblown sense of righteousness and disdain for humanity. His own mother who is the Litlith figure, concubine, second wife of the father, the king. The evil brother and mother would not let her go without them because they knew for some reason miraculous things just alwas sort of unexplainedly happened for this child. With her will alone she could move mountains and in her were locked the secrets of how. No, they could not let her alone, could not trust it she was naively always a threat to them.
      She was the first to jump and last to wake, refusing to come out until she had covered every little detail, even when hopelessly surrounded, she refused to come up, not allowing herself or others to allow her to miss one single dot, tittle, jot or bit. She would have a spotless house, every little corner swept, and all she needed or she would die doing it. But in their journey they took this human woman. Who has, yes, been priviledged to share the story of the very great spirit journey. And not out of self pity, but out of fear and sadness I wonder what will beomce of me? I suffered that the father would allow my children would be taken that I might empathize and have compassion for his perspective there inthe garden of eden where his children were stolen and misled. My human experience used as a living reflection of their issues, battles, manipulations and strife. Yes, it has been joyous being as one with them, who have been since time began, to feel their feelings and learn all the secrets they have learned on their journey. And yes, my soul is lifted. And yes, I remember the lessons and teachings and know it will go with me. But I must make the emotional journey through abandonment in the ruins of a normal human life whose potentials were destroyed by them. A mother without children, hated, distrusted by them. A shamed woman who had 6 children by six different men due to some insane soul agreement concerning this matter. Absolute poverty and deprivation, near death due to starvation for a destroyed digestive system, nerve damage and overscarred uterous due to 5 c-sections, PTSD as I relive the memories they created for me so they could expereince in me what they needed to experience. The suffering I suffered when I simply refused to cooperate with it, knowing in my heart of hearts that somehow things had gone way too far, surviving on the sneaked in tidbits from Grandmother, the Great Source, the Dance and beggining of all things as she let it all happen so they could learn their lessons but did try to look out for me, sharing with me secrets she would not even let them know. Indeed, what is to happen to such a woman as me who has been the fool, allowing her life to become the physical illustration, letting their voices be heard as if they were me speaking, looking absolutely crazy to family, community and those who might could have been friends to me. And what of my children who could have optherwise grown up with a strong, independent capable mother to love and guide them instead of themselves taking on abandonment, abuses and PTSD? And my two grandchildren, one abandoned and the other emotionally tortured? What of their destiny as the canon fodder of creation? I have shared the message with the people, given them what they need at the risk of greeat embarrassment and even more hardship. I have made the emotionally journey through this fear and sadness and anxity about possible abandonment and I breathe. What will be will be. Resilient I am reminded to speak.