Spirit of generosity

     I had gotten tastes of it recently; unconditional generosity. It came in strongly this morning, from the right of me. The result, less generosity towards others. That unconditional generosity can be fully embodied and my baseline experience, I realized. Yesterday I was full of sadness, probably to make room for this. Before it arrived, there were a whole lot past embodiments that wanted to come in. It occurred to me that I was not subject to these energies that had governed my experience in the past. Those, from the left of me, were the things I could choose from. I was reminded of the "Thank you for playing" in response to the feminine from the right hand side throwing my lottery ticket in the trash. The left responds to the right's requests. I've just been playing the boat blown about in the middle of them, feeling like I have to just simply accept what was given me; accept the punishment from the left for what the right was choosing for me. It is not so. I realized this much more fully this morning.
    Part of that was not receiving the money orders from Russ Bus today. It occurred to me that there must be a different way to get that money. The money orders were made out to me from me by me. They can't cash them. So, I turned around and went back to the post office. It'll cost $6.50 up front and 60 days to get the money back. Not good enough. Mention law suit felt correct. Their resistance to me must draw what they are resisting. Long ago I understood that we resist the Law of Attraction when we return good for bad, love for hate. Even Abraham-Hicks mentioned that in a recording I listened to this morning during all this; it's nothing about you if people elicit negative responses from you when you're flowing. I am often reminded of when my boss grabbed my butt and I slapped him before thinking about it. I suffered no negative repercussions. He was aggressive and got aggression back. What one gets from me is not necessarily the same as what is coming from within me.
   I am noticing many different responses as those previously embodied experiences threatened from the left this morning. No longer feeling insecure, deserving of it, not caring what the impression of others is. I realized that I don't care what it looks like to anyone else, I'm getting what I'm wanting. I know my own motives, the energy I'm embodying. I'm staying here for the summer. It doesn't matter what that looks like to others; charity or 'of course it makes sense'. Doesn't matter how it happens, what matters is that it does happen.
   I laid down for a nap. In it I kept closing my eyes to rest while I was driving. I knew my third eye would take over while I rested my physical eyes. I had had enough of that, however, and admonished the guy in the back who has always just been along for the ride to get up front and drive for a change; do his share. I'm not doing it by myself again. I woke hungry with that to-the-bone exhaustion again. Every fiber of my being is being stretched and transforming. Another big leap in consciousness with the body coming into alignment. Everything before this has been small steps. It has been on the thinking and feeling levels which I had not been expressing in the physical. I had kept it all isolated. Truly, that IS where it all begins. The misalignment is painful, however. I'm such a perfectionist! lol