He came back and bought me a new ride

      I woke from a nap wherein I dreamed of an ex who came back, so proud of my accomplishments, ready to defend me in court, and bought me a gorgeous grey brand new SUV to drive around. When I checked my FB pages, in my peripheries just above the horizon of my toolbar, (subconsciously) I kept seeing a video taken of myself and the lover I had when I was feeling youthful and free kissing, frolicking, playing, swimming and dancing together. I wondered why we weren't doing that together anymore. Why was it kept secret? Why was it a hidden time? So, I visited him. As I did, I was suddenly with the ex again, driving to a court appointment. He said while he was driving the new vehicle he had bought for me that he noticed I was VERY different, that people tell him I hadn't been drinking. He said it as if he doubted it. The lover I had during my hidden times didn't care that I drank. I was uncomfortable that 1) he had held it against me that I had been drinking alot at one point and 2) that he had had people watching me all along, spies. It was time to leave the courtroom with my ex by my side to whom passersby noted; "Oh! I see you got a new ride!". I smile and nudged the ex; "But we're getting the old one fixed in case it doesn't work out, right?" I did't trust that he wouldn't take that new vehicle away if I went out drinking and freely frolicking again. I knew which lover I wanted.
     The ex was my day to day god who ruled over me and was constantly with me in the past. He was the only one in my existence. We left each other for a time, each to take care of our own business, development, healing, explorations. Of course I would continue to live freely with my new vehicle. Of course I'd go back to my fun, frolicking with me lover. Yet, I sensed also that my hidden time lover was just as content with me moving on. So, I journey on alone with a new SUV or in my old van that has been repaired.
    I feel no sting of rejection as I would have in the past. I feel uncertainty up ahead as I would have in the past. I feel no fear of what might befall me. There lies within me only a sense of confident, certainty and safety. Having both the new SUV and my old van doesn't present a problem.

    I  recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'. Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as I speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings! 
    A friend announces she is remolding herself again. My response: recently became acquainted with how 'de' denotes a deconstruction of the element denoted by what follows and that the appropriate prefix is 'te'). Taking back my power in every aspect of expression, especially language/words as i speak my truth into manifestation and cast my spellings! Thank you for sharing your journey alongside mine with such a similar trajectory! We increase one another's momentum! A true blessing!
So it is, I speak it into my own reality.

As I learn to have with all these imaginative conversations in my head; I am adding 'parlor tricks' to my customization. magical endowments. miraculous manifestations, instant manifestations.

In response to ongoing comments about the pagan food pantry: Without judgement, because I was amongst the most fundamentalist of the Christian sects and can still share and appreciate the positive personal growth I experienced due to certain practices; I do not give them too much credit. I will endeavor to be brief because those who get it will and there is no reason to try to prove anything to those who won't: I graciously perceive it as dealing with their own mess. To sin means; "to miss the point of what it means to be human". In contrast, the message is to hate the flesh, hate the strengths they are taught to judge as weakness, etc. They are the result of generations of conditioning, so it is not their fault entirely. We all want permission to say we are good people and Christianity gives them parameters where our inherent belief in our own true, natural goodness can be expressed. They are gifting themselves with it. That, I can respect. It's believing all the rest of us need these parameters is where I must object for all of our benefit.

People say I'm brave. I tell them a slow suffocating death is not an option. Make it quick or let me LIVE