Wounds that needed attention in preparation for the blossoming

O.K. so one of my limits to leaving observational mode and "everyone's journey is OK", don't interfere, is seeing a woman being dragged across a parking lot by her hair being kicked and punched by a group of people. Yelled they better cut that sh1t, I'm calling 911.
Everything that runs through my head afterwards: remember the landlord who got pissed his property was on cop blog because I called when my upstairs neighbor was beating his girlfriend in front of their child. Landlord threatened to evict me if I called again because the girl lied and said nothing happened.
Dang it, what if there had been a gun that could have been turned on me?
What if they come back at a later date to get "revenge" for me calling?
Ugh. Be good to my brain. Things are different. Just breathe.
What it showed me about me: I normally would have felt the trauma of childhood abuse, fear, self doubt, etc. All that was absent. Somehow, I have my time in Slab City to thank for that. It is where my warrior and timid aspects came to peace and appreciation with one another. My warrior finally realized that the strength it took to be repressed by the timid was significant and admirable; it's self a powerful warrior in that ability to repress. Disgust for the timid from the warrior and shame for the warrior from the timid went away.
I have peace this day. I have no reason to fear repercussions.

Another part of my self perception process today was the rhetorical question to myself out loud in the presence of others who wanted me to ask for what I wanted: "Could a single mom living in a van REALLY ever ask for too much?!". She's grateful for a place to park unmolested and a hot meal. She's not inclined to ask for more than peace and sustenance. The things so many others take for granted, perceived as unquestionable needs are, to her, a luxury. She had undoubtedly learned to discern between a want and a basic nitty gritty need.
The same can be said for anyone on the streets. That spot where people throw down cigarettes from smoke breaks? Goldmines to them. They live a life of castoffs and leftovers. How does your family feel about leftover night? The most a person on the street would ask for is a fresh pack of smokes and a fresh meal.
If we're doing something wrong at that point, it's not asking enough of our world. We've left the realm of assumptions. We've left the realm of ingratitude.
Yes, there are some that are still hoarders and too worried about where tomorrow's meals are going to come from to realize their own appreciation, apparently bottomless pits of need and insatiable hunger. They just haven't been there truly and long enough yet, not yet accepting and surrendered yet.
For those who have been there long enough: you don't even have the capacity to ask too much left. It is a fear that can be let go of. It's OK to feel good.

This morning began with remembering my spirit interaction the last time I was in this town. It was expressed to me that I would be going from congregation to congregation. Being in that spiritual state everything feels wonderful and every idea you're presented with sounds wonderful. My physical mind, fed by the delight of the soul for being chosen for a mission, thought we were going to be elevated to respected spiritual teacher. Yeah, um no. We were dragged to every part of this country to live at the mercy of charitable organizations to experience their "charity". (That's what my friend recognized today when she said I need to be on even ground; "you have been at the mercy of other people all your life). The disgust, the suspicion, the unfounded accusations, assumptions of my charector and intensions, the moldy food, inadequate shelter, corruption, etc apeared endless. If scripture be true and how one treats the thirsty, naked, etc is how they treated God; they treated God with nothing but complete unmerciful disdain and proved to be nothing but theives. It taught me to be more grounded when interpreting my experiences in spirit. True disaster feels like being doped up agreeing to anything and horrific disaster, Earth splitting could just mean your zipper is down.
Now I am physically back in the place where living at the mercy of others began and watching the change in a congregation go from disdain to completely humane, honest, perceptive, loving and supporting; fully capable of and intent on lifting me up as I fully realize what that which is expressed as God believed me capable of being. When everyone around me was healed by my touch and went right back to unhealthy ways, I asked why bother with even giving me such a gift? The answer came : it was a sign for you, that you may know you have been chosen and are worthy. Well, the journey did nothing to back God's assertion of my worthiness! I had to find that within and for myself.

A friend asks rhetorically, are you doing anything wrong? No, head, core, heart have no fear in the face of this question, but fear in my womb space. I open to allow that energy to flow. I feel it move right up into my teeth. Aha! Of course! If one uses a clove of garlic as a vaginal suppository to treat bacterial imbalance, one tastes the garlic in one's mouth. (Yeah, I talked about it, if it's human, it's speakable and if it's speakable....). So, now I know what is happening in my life is bringing my womb space and (already knew) heart space into alignment with my "truth". As the womb space is brought into alignment, my teeth and sinuses will heal. As my heart is brought into alignment, my lungs will heal.
That is what life is showing me about me right now.

When ya know your soul needs to be perceived as being on even ground, friend says "what you need is to be on even ground", constitution says we're all on even ground:
I AM ON EVEN GROUND
Then it's not a need for me, it's a want. It's on the menu, I'm ordering it. It might be what those who want me to serve them need. Demanding. Yes, I this moment I am making a demand. Does that make me "demanding"? In this moment. That in no way means I am unreasonable, asserting myself with undue influence or coercive persuasion, assaulting anyone or anything. I am claiming ME.

Although I have been synchronistically blessed with so much validation of the preference for whole life unschooling, Rewilding experience, I cannot be "anti" institutional schooling. For many children, their school day is the most peaceful, safe, nourishing environment they will ever experience until they leave home. From the school will come the only meals they eat and the only Christmas presents they'll ever receive. Compulsory schooling may be the worst thing for the healthy and the best thing that could have ever happened to some of the population. So, while we post memes and references to research and studies that support our perspective, we can still acknowledge that another perspective is absolutely valid in certain circumstances. We need not judge ourselves or others for the educational path chosen. We can keep both doors open. Just because something is the best thing to happen to us, it can be the worst thing to happen to someone else. What's important is that we get for ourselves those "best ever!" experiences and leave everyone else's alone.