We don't just drop by, what today is showing me about me.

      "Drop by and we'll talk"; he says. Single moms with two children in tow with no vehicle don't just "drop by" on foot. Especially those who have just been traumatized. Even the strongest of us retreat to isolated places to reclaim and regroup. We may lay landmines and booby traps as we do, for those who would pursue us too soon while we retreat. Retreating is what we'll do if we know we need to take care of ourselves if we're going to be able to take care of anyone else and any more self defending ahead. We don't want the overly concerned to increase the aura of concern already around us. We don't want to even hear from those who want to diminish or even dismiss our trauma in an effort to make us feel better. We don't want to hear from those who want to soften our stance, be more understanding of the attacking party's perspective. We'll only lend ear time to those who want to empower us. Those who choose to use their own resources to empower us with getting our vehicle fixed, standing up for and with us in a manner that doesn't make us a victim beyond that one single moment of unexpected assault. We're thrivers. We aren't victims or survivors, both terms on the opposite spectrum of an imbalanced, unstable state of being. The thrivers are grounded and on center through it. We aren't knocked off balance by an attack and lashing out or coiling. We're just "Oh, hell no and I'm about to tell you allllll about it. Sit down".  We'll do our self healing with ourselves. We've got plenty of aspects about us to do a whole village's role. Now that I've said that, I realize we aren't victims at all. The attack never hit home. Our defenses were functional and responded perfectly. We've learned the art of energetic self defense. Oh, we're good and have so got this. It occurs to me as well: we don't need to be a victim to justify correcting a wrong. Wrong is wrong is wrong. We're not soliciting for pity parties, and wrongs shouldn't be righted only because someone is too weak to use their own voice in self defense. There is no need to play the role of the victim or make one of ourselves. Further: we're not getting special consideration, allowances commiserations or having rules bent or broken for us; we're receiving what is appropriate for circumstances involved. No more feeling sorry or bad or undeserving for requiring appropriate adjustments and responses. It's a given that something different comes with different actions. When it's raining, we get an umbrella. It's doesn't take being handicapped to want or need an umbrella during a cold rain. We don't feel guilty for asking for one. It's compensating for weather conditions. We get compensated for our experience. We don't make room for it, we occupy our natural space. We don't apologize for taking up space; no matter how much space that is. We adapted. Everything in our environment needs to adapt or go extinct. Those leaving our experience are those who cannot adapt and facing extinction. They were endangered to begin with and probably knew it on some level when the environment decided to include me and my environment in it. "I knew what I was getting into", the spirit in him said to me. Adaptation.
    An employee of his organization stopped by. It was good for us. It was empowering. After she left, my daughter told me she didn't know why but every time someone comes in here, she her head and sinuses start getting stuffed. It's no wonder; we never know what to expect except that everyone who is allowed in is not by my choice and thus far always include criticisms, ultimatums; attacks on us, our needs and our choices. We truly need our own space where friends are allowed in and unwanted guests need a warrant. We need to leave.
   Phone rings. School. Usually just a recording. I don't want to answer the phone. I don't want to answer the door. I don't want to see what texts might hold. Every contact means is a potential assault as far as I know. This is wrong, so very wrong. I don't have to deal with anyone. I need to be here for me and my children only. I need answer to nobody else. I'm here for ya, inner child. We won't answer right now. We're allowed. We're adapting.
    The empty places in my experience aren't vacancies. They are reserved seats for people who are fashionably late because, well, those kinda people are MY people.
  Submitted home school notification, called superintendent's office to notify them in case question arises about children not in school, emailed link to blog to someone in superintendent's office and hung note on the door "Please do not knock, call (phone number) to let us know you're here and we'll come out ASAP". Not answering phone. Remembering little things add up to big things, so we need to be there for ourselves and our children for every little thing. We don't dismiss those little frustrations or upsets we think are petty and/or unimportant. If they matter to one, they matter to all. Doing the inner romance with the inner 'she'; Every little thing she does is magic.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxkMFgFjC8E
    Woke from a nap to hear again; it would be easier for your daughter to protect her from perverted boys if she wore a bra. No. It will make it easier for the continued control and perversion of the human body, especially the female bodies. It will make the boys more perverted. Wearing bras hasn't slowed perversion down, has it? (rhetorical, the answer is obviously no)
     I have found a note of appreciation for this experience: it is showing me that my wobbles are only on certain levels and very brief as the better feeling thoughts swarm in, lifting me up and wow, are they ever increasingly intelligent! This experience has gifted me with going from broad brush creating to filling in the details. I'm getting very clear specifics! It's amazing! A precious gift!
     It occurs to me; all this insistence by the women in the community that all the little boys in school are perverts invalidates the need of my children for socialization with them. Oh, well.