More dream work with Mr. Beast

     In my dream I was invited to work for a company. Mr. Beast's company. The office rooms were empty. We set up a presentation, which was left largely for me to do. Then they looked to me to provide the meal. I pulled stuff out of my fridge to feed the ones we were presenting to as well as the rest of the staff while thinking to myself;" This really isn't my job". We got in a limo and I asked the driver if we could pull over because I saw a group of guys I used to associate with drinking my favorite alcoholic beverage. "Anything you want"; the limo driver replied. I pulled out the old cup I used to use just for my alcoholic beverages, asked the guys for some and they were all in. I got back in the limo and Mr. Beast said we were getting dropped off while he went to get the money for the job. I wondered if I was even going to see any of it. I woke from that dream then. I smelled that smell. That smell of giving all for nothing only to have someone else profit from it.
     Before sitting to type this out, after I woke up, I went out onto the porch where I ran into my neighbor. I told her the story of what my brother did to women; moving them across country to California, only to leave them there and bring another woman clear back across country to Connecticut again to abandon her in my mother's home. My neighbor was appalled. I told her; "But you won't allow yourself to be appalled by the very same thing being done to you over and over again". I cried for her and hugged her until she could finally cry for herself. I know when my "content" is being valued.
     I am in the feeling of that dream in a relationship right now. I answered an invite to volunteer for three months and if I fit in, showed I was a valuable addition; I'd become part of the organization. I was prepared to be intimidated by the movers and shakers of women's empowerment. I ended up providing the "meal". I wrote deep, soul stirring posts, shared my blog. Response? Someone else posts; "Where are you from?". What happened to that meme; "I don't care where you're from, I want to know what moves you....."? I'm not spilling out the best of my soul to have the content used for someone else to profit from while I get the tire kicking leftovers. I won't eat crumbs from my own damn table where all the food came out of my fridge, by my means, prepared and consciously arranged by me while someone else creates memes from it and takes all the credit. That's not judgement, that's discernment at it's best.
   I used to feel full of self doubt when I chose to walk away from that which didn't serve me. Not so today. Loving the sound of my feet walking away.
   The guys and the alcohol? "Happy juice", the joy I live in. I got it from somewhere else other than the guys I was with in the limo, working with and could have been sharing with instead. Any happy juice they had, they were going to keep to themselves and portion out among each other when I wasn't around. And isn't that the way it goes? Or at least, it did in the past. Yeah, I'm meant to have my own platform.
    The self doubt always came not from the choice, but with the question from others in response to it; "What are you going to do?". My answer was inevitably; "I don't know". Not this time. My answer is; "I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing; feeding myself and fueling my own fire of self awareness and full embodiment. I've got it made. And that's what this experience was about.
     My son means "Mighty counselor of men". I gave him that name because the spelling of it was given me in a dream. I told him after all this that our lesson for the day is this: "We can only be mighty counselors among those who want to be counselled". Counsel is worthless to those who don't want to do anything with it. It is worthless to those who don't know what to do with it. It is to precious to be given to those who know it's value and instead of applying it for themselves, sell it. No longer wasting breath and resources where it can't be appreciated or is capitalized upon. Building my platform.

After I came out of a dream today, I learned a big lesson for myself: I'm not eating the crumbs off my own prepared table while someone else eats the meal and sells the rest. My son's name was given me in a dream. It means "mighty counselor of men". I told him today; 'Always remember; you cannot be a mighty counselor of men among men who do not want to be counseled". Don't waste your breath, don't waste your time, don't waste your energy, and don't throw your pearls to swine. Sometimes we take lessons from nature way too far. Predators are mighty and yet they're fragile. They've yet to out populate their prey and yet their prey can populate plentifully without them. In absence of fear, prey animals don't procreate as much and so balance is retained. Inner strength doesn't belong only to predators. Brute strength is for the fear-based vulnerable and weak who have no other means of strength. They lose their value in a love based ecosystem.