Following my own advice

     The meme at the bottom of this posting came across my Facebook timeline. I was drawn to it when I read it, then checked myself. I had outgrown this. Then I remembered I was 'checking on' someone via their FB posts from my past with whom I'd had a recent interaction . True, I never felt whole when doing something like that, it didn't feel good. It developed in my post as follows: 

This chapter of my life is over. Men who remember their ability to sleep better by my side but had no interest in knowing if I slept at all. Men whose sickness made them come to me to be served and getting angry because I had to tend to my own sickness, never mind be the one to bring me soup when I was sick and they were well for when they were well, they were out making their own money to use on themselves. A year after sending a fat red headed vulgar woman to physically threaten and run me off, he sends a Valentine's flower and wants to share his fond memories with me. I was gracious, as is my nature, always responsive to loving gestures. I let him off the hook. I forgot the "fuck you". I gave him the quiet kiss to the forehead. I forgot to close the door behind me and not look back. I'm taking care of that here and now. Blocked. His name is not worthy of my lips. I gave that advice to another today. I now give it to myself.

    I laid down for a nap after this and had two dreams that I remember. All the characters were represented by TV actors. In the first dream I am in the energy of a young woman whom I had met that had been on a two part episode of Homestead Rescue. Part of a depressed couple. The host was Mike Rowe. The husband didn't know that while filming this show, I am wanting to leave him. As the husband and Mike Rowe separated from me for a break, I discovered a wooden board with a variety of crushed evergreens on it with words carved in it. In a grey toned dream, I suddenly saw crisp, clear color of green and smelled the pungent odors where I hadn't been smelling anything at all before this point of the dream. I knew they were being used medicinally. I looked to see that Mike Rowe was doing a show within a show that had to do with that board and he was making off with me.
    The next dream segment was much shorter. I had an appointment with a writer, represented by a nerdy Jewish actor whose name I do not know, who was doing a public presentation before an audience of women in the hopes of getting funding. He got off the stage and threw his script on the ground, papers everywhere when I drew him away from there. I had something I wanted him to work with me on.
   Now, what I get from these dreams full of famous faces: True, my relationships have been those I just want to leave at some point, even when it appears to suddenly have a good thing happen. It only appears the relationship is going somewhere, but it really isn't. He's not waking up to it's dysfunction. He's sleeping in his patterns; still unconsciously projecting the advice he needs to internalize. My response from Baret after a year was an example that would qualify in that role. Mike Rowe obviously represents a more fruitful masculine energy taking me away from that old relationship pattern I could never shake myself out of, a cycle I could not break no matter what, no matter how high I tried to set my standards and thought they were being met. Turns out it was only a different version of abuse. The going from grey (which I normally experience as prophetic) to technicolor (which normally is merely an entertainment dream I never get a message from) turning out to be medicinal is a shift of experience. This dream was medicinal, a shift in my consciousness and prophetic of just for fun choices to come. That the evergreens had a message for me is signified by the words having been engraved on the cutting board. The medicine the evergreen represented I found in the first hit of a Goggle search: "To dream of an evergreen tree represents an area of your life that never fails ever. Positively, it reflects relationships or situations that can always be relied on no matter what. An inability to lose.......To dream of evergreen trees that are cut represents feelings about a stable area of your life that was impervious to change no longer being impervious. Difficult people that are not difficult anymore. Some area of your life that was permanent that isn’t anymore."
Link to site below meme.
    My waking up to my actions concerning Baret, and taking my own advice of how it could be in such relationships, has finally broken that cycle. If a man of more fruitful masculine energy sweeping me off my feet and taking me away from all this is the lemonade of this lemon; bonus! I may be prematurely seeking to to resist that pattern of making lemonade from lemons I wrote of in my earlier blog post today. Most likely Mike Rowe is representing my own inner masculine. 
     The second dream is easier. Today I interacted with someone on Twitter who was trying to get a message out there but had a gag order placed on him. I made him laugh and gave him some insights to consider that may inspire him to change his focus. I may be recruiting him to my purpose; dunno. He was the one who I told his perpetrator's name was not worthy of crossing his holy and sacred lips, anyways. 
   The following came through in response to a friend posting a public statement of their friend who had been working in a politically high place they had just been betrayed in, locked out, and came to realize he was the token Native American. It appears my role these days is to "rally the troops":
Ah, and this is a theme we are seeing across the globe by we catalysts, we game-changers, we burners and up-lifters. This is fabulous, though it feels traumatic when we look at what we believe is being lost. We feel like we are abandoning children so precious to us, who need us. This is not a sending away, it is a pulling out by life, the universe, by Source, by God, to now live that higher purpose and make that real impact. It is time we step out of what only served to show us how NOT to do things, and the WHY something doesn't serve the whole by our presence, our participation, the wasting of our INVALUABLE contribution which we do indeed have. Now is the time we bring the new we have created into physical embodiment. Now is the time our platforms, fully complete, can be created here in the physical. When it is created, it will draw and support those children we believe we have abandoned selfishly or have 'lost custody of'. Now is OUR time. This is the beginning of an absolutely fantastic rise. Taste the lemonade we ourselves have made and allow it to nourish us. We won't be selling it for pennies on the corners, we will be supported for our ability to create it without expectation of our sharing it by those who are relieved in witnessing that it even exists. It will be out of our overflowing abundance that we choose to gift it as an act of our inherent quality of generosity. It is a good day to be you and me ;)

     

link to dream meaning of evergreen and evergreen cut up: https://www.dreams.metroeve.com/evergreen-trees/#.XlNTsMhKjnE