Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat

    Someone said to me yesterday: "You look so good! So well rested!". Yup, back up to my normal weight so that my face looks youthfully full and yes, I have had no other inclination but to get enough sleep. My existence has come down to "Eat, sleep, rinse, repeat" except for those occasional appointments/interruptions required by a system bent on making sure we do not have healthy sleeping patterns: a quality of every abuser everywhere, especially the elite system creators who have studied the effects of sleep deprivation. Did you know passive aggressive abusers will be late or not show for everything just to be in control of everything? Of course they learned to do so as victims subconsciously acting in self-defense....everyone's story.
   So, one of those appointments came up unplanned due to a 'mistake' someone else had made. I was in a funk. The moment I inwardly defended my right to be in a funk when I need to be: (shit! 'tis the inward season, we're supposed to be doing some degree of hibernating!)....an alternative perception came in and like a child given an ice-pop(hte sucker, pacifier popular with our neighborhood children), I forgot my funk. I went out and had fun. Thankfully with restraint, because, of course.... it was false fun. My consciousness triggers the highest in others who return to their lowest as soon as my presence is gone. Which means tasks entrusted to them are always full of "mistakes" when unsupervised by me. So, I inwardly voiced my lack of like for having to "put on a pretty face"/be in my highest state of being/out of my funk just to get food on the table for my children and a roof over their head. Yet I did it, I thought I participated in up-building shit until I revisited how quickly I was enthusiastically thanked and dismissed. My energy is wanted for the blessings it bestows, but not my presence for the depth it requires to remain in it's presence without an inward travel.
   Back to sleep and a sweet feeling dream. Of course it felt sweet as I'm in a "higher" state of being. This is where the intuitive/psychic healers are mislead. "Energy never lies" they assert. True. True at the same time is that those existing on more pure/clear vibes have "lower" vibes flying below their radar. That's when they have to entrust their brains with the lists of symptoms that one can use to trigger an alert system. It smells good because I smell good and goodness is thus all I can smell, but it does such and such and so I must decline......The new Earth/World is not a heart-based age. It is a core-based age. That means we experience the highest of feelings while using discernment when overwhelmed by "love and light" because we are flying too high to use anything other than an analytic brain for discernment. So the core triggers the brain to think. We collect a repertoire of psychic "smells"  for discernment and they do aid us until we are so full of love, we are incapable of "smelling" anything "lower" than us. One can get drunk on love, letting narcissistic abusers in.
  The dream went a bit like this:
In my traveling I hooked up with a young guy. We were hanging out at a type of social club to which he was a local. It was revealed he is 22 years old. He had decided he wanted to go to Africa to help as an activist for women's rights. An aunt figure shot him in the stomach to prevent his leaving (oh, so common in this patriarchal system: "hurt someone bad enough and they will not leave"...as if! but it must work for someone somewhere or it would not be so regular.....). His father was part of the rescue team. His father was not the type to interfere with his son's choices even if he disagreed with them. He didn't have to: the aunts took care of that shit. (The passive-aggressive will often remain silent as long as they have a feminine figure to enact their aggression/displeasure for them. They only appear to be benevolent). While my lover was recovering I returned to the social club for a drink. A "bar tender" noticed four gold coins spilling out of my bag; tokens I had earned for being there. The "bar tender" showed me each coin was worth a carton of cigarettes. a "benevolent" auntie figure said "Oh, no", as if it was not good enough and began to point out as if pouring out "the best" choices that which was far, far less. (Story of my life: follow their rules, prove myself according to their guidelines and get refused entrance anyways....I think we'll hold onto our coins).
   The four coins represent four sheets of paper I left completely filled out except for a signature and the word "office" which were needing filling in as instructed so very clearly. In real life, this was the "mistake" which was made: "office" was replaced with "crisis line". This forced me out of my sleep pattern producing a funk and spending a "good time" with those whose intentions to help the abused is simply a ruse. I was quickly exorbitantly thanked and dismissed.  (Auntie shooting 'him' in the stomach)
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat...played with local deer, bunnies and ooooo fox revealed it's self to me finally
 Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat...I went shopping.
 Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat..my daughter pulled the biggest knife in the drawer out and began to run down the hall as I came in to send other children home (holy shit!). 'It's the correct instinct to remove the presence of those who make us feel bad about ourselves (little kids didn't want to play with her as her brother decided she was the enemy in their video game role-playing), and the best way to achieve that is to leave them and to tell a parent. Pulling the biggest knife in the drawer, however, is not the solution. This is not a video game where the one stabbed gets back up again. You might accidentally kill a child which means they will lay down and never get up again, their parent will never see them again. We need your warrior, we need the one who is protecting you from opinions that hurt you. The warrior does that best by walking away.' My daughter says "I love you" and resumes her day in peace, relieved of all the self-condemning and blaming mumbling alternating she had begun as usual doing. The younger children were going home with their impotent parent anyways (impotent because the parent says no or make requests and the child does as they will, no matter how disrespectful, anyways).
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.
Held space for the neighbor whose mother just got dragged out of neighbor's apartment for hiding out from a drunk driving accident conviction...neighbor is hardly more than a teen....whole rug of her existence pulled out from under her. She still believes in justice in this system and confuses informing of alternative perception she'll likely be facing while acknowledging her perspective is correct is received as opposition. Youth has no wisdom to allow for the informing of what the opposition will be playing as a card. Then they lament being surrounded by "enemies".
 Dealt with my children who were rushed inside by a neighbor when the police pulled up. Found my son hiding under the couch (sissy had raised it so he could get under while she dropped a cloth hanging from a wall to cover herself). Traumatized by a cop showing up for something not even involving us because "law enforcement"/might is right..is embodied by the social workers they had governing us when I was in a nursing home sick and no family would claim them. My children explained "We did not know if you told them  you had no children (to take way)"......"Not for us, just better to not be around because cops inspire fear".
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.
Opportunity to offer validation of perspective without presenting what they'll face for opposition happens. Neighbor is sweet.
Sleep, eat, rinse, repeat.......'tis the season for crazy.
Spend wake time crying. My heart honest and open with no capacity for anger or resentment. Whole life unschooling group demonstrates my inability to entertain the hit and run advertising technique, even if in the end they're attempting to appear supportive of whole life unschooling. Comparing a woman's leg hair to cancer? So hurtful to protect the insecure ego! My boss had been so nurturing of narcissists over the damage they did to true victims because that is what she most identified with. She allowed them to steal from her while giving no mercy to true victims of them. She then chose to leave us for a job in police enforcement because she could not choose her conscience. I know when she is called as National Guard against citizens in protest against abuse, I will be the first one she maces from behind her riot gear as the embodiment of her conscience. I won't be surprised when the entire organization we worked for shuts down as false veneers of helping the victims are relinquished to egos unable to face the conscience. Oh, yes, my heart is open to nothing but crying as I witness the hurt people cause to one another on the most subtle of levels while comprehending why they do so.
Sleep, eat,rinse (take a stiff drink), repeat (and hope we last the winter here......)
We are inspired to action (help the women in Africa) and are shot in the stomach (by auntie figures as correction) and then choose something else entirely. Some might thus ridicule our inspiration to help the African women. What it is is this: we accept the correction from 'higher' aspects' while not condoning the method used to direct us. There is always a third option and we are those will take it. We shall end up where least expected that is core-directed and perfectly  synchronized in every moment!
As we sleep, eat, eat, rinse and repeat, we are embodying the answers to our prayers: oneness with god, upgrading our DNA, wholeness and healing........ sleep, eat, make a difference, rinse and repeat.....sleeping every chance we claim.
Sleep, eat, rinse repeat.....it's snowing, I laundered my sheets...it's the "spirits of the air" we nail while "making pretty" with humanity......