It was a busy night of alchemy and clearing, remembering and revealing. We'll begin with the 'magic'. Our household's sleeping schedule has shifted, as is normal for us during this season. We happen to be living in an apartment building this time with neighbors above and below us. I do not worry about us being up at night with the neighbors above. They sleep in the room at the end opposite where the children are playing. Downstairs, however, they sleep in a room at the same end as where the children are playing. I used to never worry about the children running or dropping things or scraping chairs as they move them until we began staying up later and later. I did not want to oppress them. They were doing nothing wrong. I did want to be considerate of my neighbors downstairs, however. The self-arguing was becoming relentless: "when I sleep nothing disturbs me and as a rule, it is only on the edge of sleep anyone IS ever disturbed by noises. Once asleep, people are asleep unless they are having trouble getting to sleep due to something going on within them." Then comes in;"Most people don't sleep as well and easily as I do" and "It's impossible not to hear that!". Of course law of attraction kicks in and the children get bursts of energy no matter how much I try to affect it by getting them out while it's still light and holding off any sit down entertainment for later at night. Then I would resist THAT because I knew it wasn't going to solve it because it was not resolving the root issue. Then the neighbor said it was starting to bother her. Then I noticed I could hear them louder and louder as if the floors themselves were becoming thinner and thinner. I knew it was me creating this but it had gained too much momentum, Some aspect of me was too resistant to my wanting to change it. Vibrationaly, the neighbors were primed and ready for conflict: she's toward the end of a diabetic pregnancy, just took the pacifier away from her two year old so her days 4 times a week are doctor's appointments focused on why she should worry about her diet. Stress like that on top of pregnancy leaves her exhausted and then she's dealing with a son who is suddenly liberated from repressing everything which leaves alot more energy to express: less sleep and more active. All that stress and exhaustion is leading to eruptions in the marital relationship. They're primed to explode and I'm making myself a very good target.
So, I'm holding space for Halloween, terrorized children and inner children, focusing love on that idea. It begins to get later and the nightly routine of "how do I deal with this?" begins to set in. I asked my "team" for help with this and immediately a song began to form. I could feel the sweetest, most innocent and loving energy filling me. I could sense a "bubble" forming made up of this energy to redirect the anxiety and thoughts surrounding this to. My inner most child-like aspect was at the root of this. It had been taught that to love was to be considerate of other people's comfort zones. So, to try to make it stop being sensitive to the effect the children's noises would make on the neighbors was telling it not to love and to not love is against it's nature. It had been ingrained with it's constant infringement on parental comfort zones, etc. It was a habit too ingrained for it to just stop and so we were creating a "buffer zone" where the thoughts could get all the love needed to transmute them and the inner child-like aspect would be relieved of any pressure to change. OMG! The relief began to change it immediately and hours later as it changed, it revealed a "higher" aspect dwelling just below the collar bone on the right side above my breast that had always responded to anything new the inner child-like apsect learned by wanting to "sharpen it's teeth" on something: created an experience ot use whatever new coping method had been introduced and practiced. It's thoughts were redirected to the bubble as well. I realized through all this that these dynamics had ALOT to do with my relationships, especially amongst peers as I got bolder in expressing "my truth". I could begin with love but I would harden my heart during expression and end with love once it was expressed. This kept me kinda distant and unperceptive. Now I know I do not have to "turn off the love" nor force that child-like aspect to embody it. Everything will pass through that bubble of love, coming and going for as long as it is needed.
Relationship style sign language: 1) when they speak of those they are most familiar/intimate with (parents, children, lover) they will look upward and maybe even raise a hand as if to heaven. Energetically they have placed the other "above" them. These are those that idealize others and those they 'love' are usually acting out at not being fully acknowledged or recognized. The devotion to that idealization is so strong, the unaware will wonder how the other could be acting out so "unreasonable", "un-appreciatively", "inexplicably". 2) These are those who energetically place those they are familiar with behind or below them. When they speak of them they are either pointing dramatically downward at their side and a bit behind or have a chest puffed out protectively. They ar either playing the hero or victim, depending on their needed perception at the moment because they are trying to convince another of their abilities and/or rights in the relationship or they are trying to get pity or some sort of assistance/attention. They decide what the other is supposed to be and do it so intensely others who are unaware that the one expressing 'protection' is being defensive due to insecurities about their effectiveness as parent/responsible or loving child/lover. They may not, therefore believe the other's perception of being controlled, neglected, betrayed, or abused. If the one expressing is playing victim in order to get attention, they are so intensely the victim their victim is perceived by the unaware as so ungrateful, unstable, or even crazy, unappreciative, neglectful, abusive. 3) This is the one who will speak well of the other in a relationship but when you speak well of the other they shrug the shoulders or turn or lift their head removing eye contact, maybe even adding that it's not important. They dismiss the other as soon as something "more interesting" is wanted and that is usually just someone they haven't found fault with yet. They dismiss anything unwanted until it's unavoidable and then they dismiss the person. So, to get into a relationship with any of the above, you can expect to be 1)idealized and neglected 2)"saved" and victimized or 3)easily dismissed. there is a fourth option, however: 4) this is the one who when he speaks of children, parents, past or present lover they hold them before them, spread their hands open and maintain eye contact easily as they speak of them, They know and appreciate every nuance of the person and that person's preferences. If a relationship didn't work out they'll be honest but not resentful about the other's dysfunction and know exactly what in themselves drew them to the other one without self-degradation. Number 4 is what I want. Won't settle for less. It is what I deliver and practice. That is how I know about number 4, it's how I express my relationships ;)
