Sexual expression----the awkward years

As I hit the point of ponderence I am about to share, a weather worn $5 bill was brought to my attention, all camoflauged in the dry dead grass it had to have recently blown there from where ever it had been hibernating under the snow that has now melted......I must be onto something! Fair warning: has to do with human sexuality, is for educational spiritual self exploration purposes.....continue on if over 18 or have parental permission...trigger warnings and all that disclaiming (insert eye rolling) Don't put me in facebook prison again! lol
I am given to begin where my reflections hit their stride. The illustration in the bible where Jesus' disciple walked on water just fine until he realized what he was doing. How many times in life have we expressed amazement at what someone was doing only to see them then drop the ball, fall or lose it?
Our sexual responses can be the same way. If what to expect is not explained to us, we have someone witnessing something completely new, unusual, foreign and thus possibly even frightening about us. The first warm gush of female ejaculation...."did you just pee all over me?", embarrassment, you bet she won't be doing that on you again!
Add to that societal view of mentruation, wet spots on pants....
I have extremely strong vaginal muscles and it ain't from doing Kiegals. Thos emuscles do not EVER truly relax unless on a toilet and even then, just as soon as urination is complete, they're automatically clenching again.
Now what if your observation is open, in a state of wonder and delight at the body's obvious openness and pleasure and that person in whom you are so impressed shrinks from it? What has happened there?
Our society, especially the school system and insecure people in social settings are focused on dumbing down, on making small again that which shows unusual talent, stands out. One can quickly learn good attention draws abuse. Especially if someone has been sexually abused, they wil begin to shrink into themselves and shut you out because they can't be awesome and then stay shut down and push you away because they are remembering they are "dirty" and their sexual parts are not safe.
So now we have an absolutely dynamic adult ready to stop playing small, allowing themselves to stand out, allowing responses of delight and expression of affection, all the attention you want to shower on them..........and they meet the old nemisis...violence. Not intentionally meant to be so, but so many expect their partner to lose themselves in them and their vision and their needs and their wants. For example the man who experiences the absolute freedom of an open woman and begins to share with her his picture of what he wants the relationship to become "You'll cook for me and have my babies and rub my feet after a hard day's work"......bye now!
So free flowing to hear "SHHHH! No! I have a girlfriend, she'll find out!"....bye now
They ALL begin as free flowing...something new, something unusually beautiful......until they reach their limit of where they'll allow themselves to go for their own reasons, due to their own wounds, their own insecurities and then they shame you, condmen you, shut you down...if you let them.
So now we must stand up for ourselves, state our assertion and conviction that we want a different reality. Challenges to it are simply the universe asking "Are you sure?"
"Hell, yeah, I'm sure!"
It HAS to get better than this because I am no longer accepting anything less!
"Is this less"
"Fuck yeah, that's less!"
lol
The universe can be an ornery old man at times........
Dude, I want all in!
I'm no longer afraid to ask for it. I know I have "the right" to ask for it.
I'm sure there's more to that story, but for an afternoon, we've gotten onto something which might could be very healing!