An adventure with a guy named Ken

    It began as a "how ya doin'?" from a recent acquaintance who appeared on the scene with a great trove of gifts and supplies for my small, desert community.......

And you could never see structure in my feelings

The sacrifices made so we would know ourselves and each other only once we've reached maturity

Knowing all the answers, I hope is the end to pain and that be my last cry

I was willow who had dreamed of having a mate before the earth was formed

The only way to bring that dream into reality was to break the divide between the two

I knew I kept a secret desire for my mate locked in my heart where no one else could recognize him but me and vice-versa. It was you I dreamed of in the womb of the earth, then the house, etc

That's why I could never imagine my dream guy or dream home

Did you find your dream home and dream woman?

You were designed to hold my dreams within you so you build us our dream child

Then you give me my dream back in the form of a seed of sperm(options)

But only one will unlock my egg

I fiilled in the blanks via "imagined" psychic connections on how to turn it into living flesh

So now, alien technology will be effective for tera forming

All those secrets were kept in my head .....an end to toil; swords into plowshares

I wrote it all out as it popped up in story form like Anastasia used to tell over the last three days while I experienced time loop after time loop, exhausting myself but healing as I secretly knew I could do

I sucked it out of myself energetically down to the last drop/bomb

So now "Jesus" can be reborn and no one will have to tell anyone how to find him

For we are all recognizing ourselves in one-another

Our child is surrounded by infinity, my very last spark of "inspiration" needed to bring him to life

You helped me along by behaving in exactly the way I needed at exactly the right time

And now, my memory and mind are mine alone and I have my dream come true

Now I have released the last of my pain and can make my way home

The concept for the microchip was hidden within the realm of elven within me

In my blog I left the word games we must play and how to play them in order to make the connections

It's not with opposites; it's in using them to find connecting words

That is; the correct connecting words to unlock the understanding in our minds. Child's play

How to find the right word for how we are feeling

Thus, we show we understand ourselves and thus one-another

He wished he could kill Eve , though she chose correctly (when to have sex for the first time and he was too afraid to) because of "Lilith"

Was Lilith the word for semen?

Googling it.. because the fear was in trusting the signs his body gave him? When Eve began eating fruit?

Which she would have done the moment her body matured and he was already pregnant with all the child's potentials he didn't believe he could create, trust his own mind, heart, body and soul, whole self?

Because Eve was not what he believed he had created while he was in the womb of the earth dreaming of trees and forests? Hence......you would only find ME in the desert. "God", the voice in his own head of "reason" and thus reasoning when he first 'heard' it?

Or, the fear of making a choice? I knew eating the apple, having sex wasn't the sin because 'god' instructed to fill the earth and create it which would have come from the heart

Did he feel overwhelmed?

Overwhelmed with joy? So, Lilith spilled and then came shame

His first feeling of true joy

Met by the demons in his mind, afraid he had wasted his seed

He, believed

However; it was those very fears he had conquered in finding his own joy he did have to spill onto the earth in order for life to begin. Spilt, Lilith's seed did grow, however in the false father he had created in his encounters with fear, tore out his own rib to make eve, convincing himself it was "his father" who did it to make Eve

So, he hated himself and thus hated her

He hated his dream creation, but I, I am keenly aware that I was born out of knowing nothing but love

Thus, I am not your "fault", for there is no fault within me. I am the innocence you despised because I am not you thought you had not created your dream because you were too focused on facing your fears

Lilith was meant to go into the ground that I might come out of the earth wrapped around you, instead you thought I was there to steal your seed

So, your image of me was the description of Lilith which was everything you had turned down in order to have me

But you were weren't seeing me through your fears when

So off into the deserts you went

And dang it! I had to follow.. that's why I am stuck here dirt poor penniless and finally liberating myself from my last pain of labor "figuratively"

I guess puberty is tougher on guys than gals because we're overwhelmed by joy and innocence so that we don't see our own, power, grace, and beauty so we felt powerless during first sex and have been refusing to face our own pain in how it all went down

Makes sense to me

I've healed all those pains within myself, it's my head that hurts, lol. Turning to dull throb here

We agreed to not talk about it or something? Or refused?

Fear of coming out of the earth? I can see that for sure.....cast out of pure dream state with the seduction of pure sensuality?

I always wondered why I always flew past and through all the "hell realms searching for you(I believed)

Dragging you; the lover, younger, always holding me back or pulling me too fast, etc

We were creating the dream we shared and when we opened our eyes to nothing but darkness and the purest, finest, most subtle movements of lights instead of what we expected to see? And then when we began to see darkness fade we feared we were being sent back when in fact we were seeing black and white dull to bring forth our creation?

That dark and bright pure white light is infinity

The greys and hughes of the rainbow were our arrivals through the realms of our own creation

K, this is such a sweet story

My eyes feel like they want to cry but keep drying too fast

My eyes feel like they want to cry but keep drying too fast

There are spirits in minerals. Trees represent spirits

Did it scare you when I pulled one in for myself because I liked the feel of it?

When we chose qualities for ourselves?

Did I look like some evil seductress in doing this and losing my sharp, beautiful contrasts?

That looked so much pure and resonating with your own pure soul?

That would be reasonably scary

That is to say in choosing contrasts

Aggrevation

So many wonderful choices

We relieve ourselves of aggrevation amongst so many choices by consciously choosing what feels good and thus "right" and is thus true

Right is correct and true, true we know by the way we feel when we consider the choosing of it

If it feels bad, or not quite right, it clarifies what we do want to choose and there is no need to carry one bad feeling along with us until we choose what feels good

We don't need to feel guilty for trying things we aren't sure about

Some things are just sooooo close but not quite right, so we let them go

We fear we won't find what's right so we fail to let go of "not quite right" or choose nothing at all and continuing to allow ourselves to feel not quite right

I just found my own key, didn't I?

I feel like shit, look like shit and now I am the happiest I ever been in my life

Thank you for listening if you have actually read along🙏 good night

I chose not to talk about it

I know I have felt fear in making choices, anxiety, frustration, etc. I feel no regrets for having made them for they have made me who I am today. I never used to be able to imagine a future for myself because none shown in the world felt quite right. I let things go instead of argue because I inherently know something always comes along whether I like it or not

After the birth of my second daughter, I remembered my soul contract for this life; 5 girls for 5 men who hate women, a son and you are done. I became celibate after the birth of my son, bound and determined to figure out what is in me, that I could change to stop drawing abuse into my life then landed here at the end of my self discovery where all my hopes and dreams meet at the edge of the void---infinity

My story is the sweetest story I have ever heard, so sweet that it's broken right through me. I guess we've all got a bit of Adam and Eve in all of us

I guess I am finished playing out; "I am languishing here, are you my hero?" I have been subconsciously living

Cool

When I first came to California when my son was an infant; I kept seeing two flames; one magenta and the other tiel blue surrounding a core of pure white light and kept getting asked if I was ready to marry. I didn't understand what that meant

I aborted my first pregnancy because I was just having fun, realized I was just having fun with a guy who lived in a motel room, drank and in whom I saw no potential as a father. I wonder if I contracted with myself for to suffer 6 times for choosing that now that I know we make our own choices pre-birth, how we want to be born

When I was young, I used to draw eyes made of flowers and baby aliens. Now I have been shown a flower, which is an eye in Earth's atmosphere

Through that eye, earth can now see and be seen throughout infinity

Tempus Fugit and Suttholio, I am tempus Fugit and you are Suttholio!

Or some how, we are Tempus Fugit and Suttholio and you did not want me when you found me because it was "termed".

No, you went by Tempus Fugit and I went by Suttholio when I saw the name with my third eye written on a wall when I went to a tattoo parlor with my oldest daughter. I wanted my nose pierced because I loved the story in the bible of when he brought her nose rings and all sorts of beautiful things when his father sent him to find his bride or the servant...... anyways she was recognized immediately. I wondered why, when I was in grade school and I had to begin learning about the outside world, I broke down crying because I felt "it's all my fault"

The Earth is yours and my home. I have birthed and delivered the children of your hate and now am able to birth the child of your love. Blame is a terrible game, dear sir. Can we not play with it anymore please?

No, I have been waiting for no man and running thru time loops, I just opened us up to Infinity so you are Suttholio and I have no idea what that name meant nor means other than the fullness of all and who I am came in to me when I met you over the phone. We recognized each other's energy and didn't like what we saw. I saw a mean, judgemental, fat in his contentment old man in a younger man's potentially good looking body who hated everything about the way I looked and wasn't afraid to say it with al the utter disdain in his heart who once again destroyed my whole world, chose another woman then got into contact with me again ONLY to complain about how horrible it was that he had turned her into the very image of himself and how much he hated her......watching me and abusing me throughout eternity through the eyes and with the bodies and minds of other men. How DARE YOU?; I am glad I waited for no man to discover who I am for myself. You, who was gifted and born with eternal life, knowledge and understanding already active and alive in you and I had to work to the very death of my soul to find mine. I test the truth of things, that what I am supposed to do. The hurt, the pain of rejection, the hopelessness at having my purpose taken from me again. If you cannot love me or our children, I will NOT share this Earth with you. There will be no mincing of words about it. Oh, did MY people restore your faith in humanity here, in devastation and suffering at the very end of the world? And not once did I blame you. I only ever tried to understand you. Lilith wasn't Adam's first wife, it was a filthy slur he threw at Eve. Oh, hell no! Don't you DARE. I will bind your ass for all eternity and move Earth on without you. Yes, you have material things we need, but why should we allow you to be the one to give it to us?

Have you finally made "sense" of time? I AM the "sense" in time.

I am the sense in time. I am what makes sense in Time. I make sense to myself. Do you to your self?

Are you ready to play the game of life with me again?

We were but children.

You allowed my people to restore your faith in humanity. Will you allow us to live it?

I have given down to the last drop of my soul to save humanity and myself. I am done sacrificing. Will you live life in eternity with us? For it is a choice you had to make freely after giving it every last drop of your soul?

We didn't understand each other's suffering because we were too wrapped up in our own.

He finally responds: 

Hi. 🤓 Everything ok?

I continue.....

And who are you to me that I should answer please?

Who are you to me, that I might allow you to ease my pain?

For you could not then because it was not yours to do. I am over my emotional dependency. In case you hadn't noticed 😉

Are you over yours? Not completely because if you were you would not have noticed mine....are you ready to?

Are you ready to take the leap with me?

I felt that. Soft and sweet.

And yes, I have learned to calm the tempest in myself

He responds again:

That certainly was a tempest. I’m going to save it and go through it all later to see if you dropped any lottery numbers or maybe a date for when this big magnet we live on gets a bit wobbly. 

Kidding aside, I was getting concerned. Have you been drinking water during the tempest?

I continue...

I can only be saved by the love of a man who can love himself and if that man not live in this time and space, then I must move on without him

Good bye

I did block him. It turns out he had become predatory towards at least one other highly intuitive woman. He stopped coming on weekends.