This day's realizations

  When I say this day, I mean they have been developing over the past few days and today I am expressing them. They are soft releases, not rants or pleadings or justifying or excusing, soft realization rampages.
   Lately I have been twisting ankles, stubbing toes and such things unusual to my common experience of graceful and presice movements. What once would have been the common reaction to such pain would have been anger, embarrassment, frustration, aggravation, impatience, etc. Now it's "Wow!, OK, hang on a minute while the pain recedes and sheesh that is kinda funny, guess some energy there needed adjusting". After years of reacting differently my body has finally revealed it's self to me. That is because I finally used it.
   I was playing ball with my son. He asked "Why don't you try to make a goal, Mom?" As I bounced the ball from one hand to another I felt as I said "My goal is to move energy in a way that is pleasurable..." and as I tossed the ball to him and he caught it, meeting my gaze directly, I finished "and to see your face." In that moment I achieved my goal/made the goal and realized I had "used" my body. That is when my body began to open up and "speak to me".
  The body had perceived all my previous reactions as anger with it, frustration with it, etc. Which is reasonable: I was reacting to it's own perceived actions/failures as would a very sensitive child. I was an emotionally sensitive child. I was my body. It never "grew up" as conflict between, heart, mind and divinity and the world around me became the normal. It did not feel safe or trust that which I call me so it hid. I am 45 years in this body, this group of cells programmed to be fresh, new, unlearned, inexperienced, clean, innocent being. We objectify the body, control it, manipulate it......it is a body of consciousness independent of our soul awareness, it must be related to.
    When the ball play began my son laughed and heckled every time he kicked the ball and it went past me. I let him go get it. I was playing for the interaction. He was playing to best me. So, I let him and I let him go chase after his own 'besting'. There was no judgement. I played the game I wanted to play and he played his. Then his sister joined in and they decided to play "monkey in the middle" arguing over how the one in the middle is decided, crying when they ended up there in the middle, changing the rules again so they wouldn't have to and then it hit them: "Mommy, why are you never in the middle?". "Because I never agreed to the game." "Set your own terms and let life rise up to meet you." Make no mistake: life wants to play with you, that is never in question. How the game is played is yet to be determined. The loving vibration emanates and life comes into your field and succumbs to that loving vibration, it cannot meet you any other way.
   All of this came on the tail end of realizations that come softly as deep knowing of what is and is not appropriate. And that is not with any judgement about what is not appropriate, what I am experiencing nor any imploring/pleading for understanding, validation, justice, etc. It simply IS. And what comes is not an ultimatum, it is a given reality. And this is that reality:
  People pray to me. That means as I go about my day thoughts enter my head with questions and I answer them. One of the world's top psychics in astonishment noticed "you're doing more than one thing in this moment" as he perceived what was happening. Yes, I was speaking to him, writing something on my computer and answering questions in my head that had nothing to do with our conversation nor what I was writing.  had an email request for information with a "please hurry for I am a spirit guide and the person I am serving will soon be waking". Your spirit guides? They come to this human incarnation for answers to their questions on how best to serve their 'clients'. As I go through my day thoughts come with the imprints of gods and goddesses, containing questions. I have ceased answering everything in my head, I take them into the center of my being to receive the resolution. It is there in the clarity of my being they find resolution.
   Shall I become a "life coach", taking money to impart spiritual well being? Shall I work minimum wage just to touch a single soul whilst taking in angels, gods and goddesses, giving my children to someone else to raise and educate?
  I met a neighbor today who asked if I was a "believer". "No, I am a knower". I know Jesus as a brother, we are in contact perpetually and would a god have anything less than a goddess as a sister. Of course I had not said that to her, I only offer it here where I know those reading are able to receive. She no longer identified herself as Christian, she told me, because of all the stigma attached to it. Today, she got a new word with which to connect the relationship as she knew it. She kept apologizing to my daughter who was eager to leave. I responded with patience "What is more important than showing love to a neighbor?". She will learn this thing eventually when she is open to it. I will not force it on her, but allow her to receive and notice a new perspective can be taken. The love I emanate is a very grand thing, warm and soft and subtle and easy. To share it is easy. There are no burdens, only opportunities. I am obviously open to all opportunities to contribute positively to the human condition and those who are working tirelessly to improve it.
  It was brought to my mind why the English keep their royalty. They WANT kings and queens. They want extravagance present in their experience. They need to have it for themselves, they like having present in their environment. By being royalty, that family gives a gift to their people, they honor that by being what people expect of royalty. And so what do people want to see for a goddess? Do they really want a woman on welfare with not even a car and washing machine? Do they want to see a queen struggle and meet conditions of degrading appointments at welfare offices where she has to provide excuses/justification, prove she is in need to receive life's basics? Do I serve mankind in this manner? And it not a matter of "better than", it is a matter of being able to witness something more, something exciting and inspiring, something to dream about and aspire to engulfed in physical representations of an abundant state of being. It is the presence of beauty. All things created equal; we like to be beholders of majesty as much as we like to be majestic and so certain aspects were created to behold and others to embody it.
  I am self-generative. I can manifest my own food, transportation, housing, etc. I thought it would be nice to have morning glory vines climbing my fences and within a few days, even the house was covered by them. Every where I live edible and medicinal plants sprout and flourish. So, as this happens in my present circumstances, the landlord mows them over. If I manifested a car, it would be seen, tags demanded, etc. If I manifested a house, the owner of the property would object to it. Our present system does not ALLOW for manifestation. WE do not allow for it. If I had a pocket full of money: "Where did you get it?". When people meet: "What do you do for a living?" What would the response be to "Nothing, I manifest it. I manifested an island to live on and everything about me." A government would claim the island and I'd be plugged up to wires to supply power to the electrical grid or some sort of insanity.
   I cannot any longer restrain my state of being. I'm too big. I LOVE my circumstances as for me, as a young teen, they were lofty. A single mom who shares her experience with her children, does nails and hair and laundry....I aspired to experiencing a close knit family. I'm living the dream. But the reality is: it does not fit.
  A gate is soon to be open. A choice must be made. My 'planet' is already ready. This human consciousness has been made an over soul. I am a part of the grid surrounding this planet. That is where "all that is" has placed me. Unless "all that is" can come to terms with the fact that my circumstances must be far more expansive, I must choose the place that has been prepared for me and disconnect from the grid. all these guides, gods and goddesses will not have access to me unless they can rise and match my vibration. That which I had revealed to me 10 years ago as 'new understandings' are only now, 10 years later, being presented to the general population of 'enlightened' humanity. They have yet to embody it. So, what I bring forth now will not even be introduced to them for some time. The over souls must figure out how best to present it so it can accepted by their assigned humanity, their humanity has to allow it in, process and then begin to practice it.......yeah, time is needed.
  Though shalt appear before the assembly once a year to water the seeds you've planted. One thousand years.
  So it shall be.

And it continues

  Last night I wrote of the integration of the 'he' aspect that had become separated from me, 'possessing' men in whom I had come into relationship, mistaking my being in love with him being in love with them. I was reminded of the name "Melchizedek", the order of Melchizedek. ?As I watched the beginning of a movie on you tube called "Human" where I normally would have been moved to empathic tears at relating to the stories.....I wasn't. I 'looked' toward 'my past' and felt a fog there. I have become detached from it. Timeless, no beginning.
    This morning I woke and began to feel intense 'I cannot remain in these circumstances all winter!'. Panic and anxiety wanted to take hold as I could feel something rising up from within me. I reminded self or was reminded 'embody this, don't project and empower powerlessness and victim hood again. Embody the energy and allow the universe to draw it's equivalent to you'. I could feel it expanding within and molding it's self to me, if my energetic/etheric body could be painted green, the illustration of what was happening would look like I was morphing into the Incredible Hulk. Just breathing and allowing. I noticed it had been raining and I should go inside. As I turned to look where I had been standing, it had been raining all along. I simply hadn't noticed it for where I had been standing, that 4 foot round area was still completely dry when the rest of the pavement in the entire area was wet.
   Went shopping with the children. A cab that was supposed to arrive in an hour came earlier. A woman in the check out line commented "Leave some for the rest of us", referring to my two carts full of groceries. I could not sense her meaning but relaxed, tapped my finger to my lips, sighed very loudly and replied "I suppose". Then after a moment of her not knowing how to take that, I said with a big grin "Isn't it beautiful we live in a country we can do this?" I explained why I had purchased a month's worth of groceries in one trip. She simply replied "A month?" and she disappeared to be replaced by a gentleman who went on and on about how gorgeous I was, how nice I looked today..didn't think he was going to stop but then he disappeared.
   On the way into the cab for the ride home, the panic started with my children: one of the stuffed animals they had brought with them was missing. The cabbie agreed to wait while we ran to the service desk, I left a description of the stuffed animal with a girl there, my name and number and ran back to the cab. On the ride home I explained to the children: we did what we could (were given to) do and the rest is up to the angels, that's their job.Sure enough once the groceries were unpacked the phone rang: they had found the stuffy and were holding it for us with the name and number pinned
to it. I aksed a neighbor if she'd be going to that store soon and she said no, BUT she WAS going out for a doctor's appointment and she would get it......she had a 'stuffy' of her own.
   Carved pumpkins with the children, the neighbor brought the stuffy up, horse-played with astounding physicality and presence that a martial artist would envy, baked and decorated cake and brownies....completely focused and present in every moment. So vivid and clear.
   Went down for a smoke and was reminded again...no beginning and suddenly I became profoundly aware: I am already one of those jumping into a foreign timeline. I did not incarnate here, not really. I became present as a body when that from which I originated projected it's focus here to serve and remember. And that seed of her presence remembers she had no beginning and therefore I am aware of not having a beginning. And now we leave this timeline for eternity.
   I had the conversation with my daughter as she brought up birthdays and she cried but then got into it......she is remembering. And my son is no problem what so ever: for weeks now he has been going on and on about how he misses the grandfather he had before he was born here, of having Rusty come into being with him there until she was born here and on and on, tings he 'should not know'. The past few days he keeps repeating "I want to go to our new house NOW". We are all ready. We are being prepared for the journey. Shall it be made easy for our physical being like a car arriving and 'driving us' there. Shall we simply awake one morning to a different setting? Shall we be 'lifted up' miraculously. "Beam me up Scotty!" lol Mission accomplished. No longer a need to be here and truly, my beingness does not fit here any longer. What I would have fed off of, been delighted with as a message needing hearing, something to be shared just a day or two ago feels so irrelevant today, so empty. I like to imagine a computer sitting on a desk at my next environment, of course it's not plugged into anything, but it would be used as an illusionary tool to respond to anyone who wants to contact me. Won't need internet where I am going, I am already telepathic, lol. I only have to think of a time and place or have someone begin to present it and I'm 'channeling' it instantaneously.

When He comes dancing back to Me

To love He who could not have me as his own but was twisted by his love to become the one whose twisting was used to oppress. To love each one whom he possessed thinking I was loving a person rather than the one whose presence is what drew me to them, allowed me to believe I loved them. To have both of us discover, here at the end, that it was love for him not realizing what it was that drew me. To realize his love for me was returned to him every time. The past fades away as it all makes sense and ends this day. Nothing was before him and nothing was before me. The Dance knew. It knew the end from the beginning. And yet I still have no idea what it all means.

I Am Woman

I,
I am WOMAN.
When we consummate this union
I will take your essence into me.
I will welcome in ALL OF YOU into ALL OF ME.
Your being will fill me.
I will begin to emanate ALL OF YOU, from within me.
I will reflect back to you everything you do not see.
In me you shall see.....
Everything you love about you, everything you hate about you, will be everything you love and hate about me.
You will be reacting and responding to ALL OF YOU appearing in the face as ME.
I will take in all your pain, all your sorrow, all your confusion.
It shall be healed in clarity, compassion, affection, acceptance, appreciation, understanding.
Forgiveness lives in me,
My body becomes your temple where I catch fire and consume all aspects of you.
As you honor this process, as you care for this temple,
You will be transformed within me before your very own eyes.
And if you continue to observe in honor, in grace, in affection, in appreciation,
The body that is you shall transform before my very eyes.
It is I who then gives birth to you, expanded and cleansed in love's consuming fires of life.
It is within me that we become one body.
I take in a boy, we create a man.
That is my magic.
In this contract, all that is required of you is that you allow and receive.
That is your magic.
You, you are MAN.

Riding the Waves

It has been given me to understand a about the principles of the waves of energy we exist in and as. With that comes understanding in how to navigate them. The two major fields are those which arise within us and those that flow through our outer reality. So, for example, from within me comes a wave of "purpose" and I feel driven to accomplish something. Then I 'look'/feel/sense/smell the energies around me and they are not moving. So, I direct the 'purposeful' energies into my body so they can begin to vibrate with purpose. When the outer waves pass through to match that, I can then move effortlessly. For example: yesterday I felt the inner wave, matched it to outer and an information request I made on a website had my phone ringing in response before the "successfully completed" page loaded. It was instantaneous. Yet, I knew it was something that needed doing for days. I have come to appreciate I am not a lazy procrastinator, I was simply always aware of what works and what doesn't on a subliminal level. That is why the world of schedules and appointments doesn't work so well. Our body can become for us (and really is naturally) a storage battery for energies we wish to embody. By allowing this to happen instead of running every time we feel an energy burst within, we can focus it into the body until the outer wave it is calling with it's vibration then matches and ride the waves effortlessly.......and by storing it, we don't have to 'pick ourselves up' when opportunities come knocking. Sometimes even if waves match, inner knowing tells us whether or not that particular wave and opportunity it is presenting is on our desired path. We 'see where this is going' and can choose a different direction or continue to wait.

Danceing in the land of the Free

The Island of the Eternal Kiss

                                                     The Island of the Eternal Kiss
                                                                     by Stacey Bourdeau
    They are the sun and the land, the eternal he and she. They meet each morning upon rising and again each evening upon setting. It is that point on the horizon where they meet and know love's embrace. It is there at that point, in that moment that the eternal kiss happens.
   It is there on that island in the middle of the sea where the eternal kiss happens that a child lives. Eternally pure and innocent, eternally clean, it is by virtue of that child's existence the keeping of all other promises happens.
     They are her keepers and she is the keeper of the eternal kiss. She is the daughter of the dance, the gift given so the eternal kiss could happen. The gift given to bring eternal peace.
   The kiss it's self is shrouded in silence, drawing forth the joyous fountain from within the core of the body, the fountain in which lives eternal hope and the body, upon it's awareness of the kiss feels happy.
   Each sunrise and each sunset,  in each moment of silence, the child on that island becomes home to the eternal kiss, the fountain of joy in which lives hope.... bringing happy to the entire body.
   There on the island of the eternal kiss.