We don't have to die so another can take a turn

  I looked into my own eyes in a mirror as I cried the cry of a life, only deeply inwardly knowing why. I thought of a moment when all that was wanted was realized: loved, embraced, worshiped.....something for which we have waited for our whole lives. And then death comes. A thought entered to explain "that another could take a turn at incarnating", my reply was knowing: lie! We create our own realities, self sustaining and generating. Earth is but a meeting place of which we need not drain or be dependent. We honor her just fine. And then I knew.........so many of us deny love, push it away, put it off to get all the understanding we can get in this life, leaving the best for last because a subliminal message has been ruling over us: when we are fulfilled we must forfeit our lives. Doesn't matter from where it comes, it's here now, the understanding: we don't need to die. No one else "needs a turn", we live in abundance, bubbles of realities self generated and self sustained.....room for all "on the earth"-meeting at that place,a common ground, a common space, a common aspect of each reality..... without doing her any damage what so ever. We CAN live our happily ever after forever in our physical form. Just like children who watch movies over and over, laughing at every turn as if it's the first time they've seen it, so can we. First love and first kiss, over and over again without end because that's just fine.
  My womb is freed up of something as is space on the right side of my body.....I am even more free!

My pre-teen love-of-my-life story

      I have been zeroing in on my soul's desire and using a dating site to do it, I realize. I thought it was the strangest thing. I had reverted to breathairianism, supporting my innocence....yet I could not give up smoking. That is strange in it's self because any time in my life I felt safe enough to express my innocence I gave up cold-turkey without a craving or lingering health affects. So, what is the problem? I didn't bother to focus on it.
      So, there I am interacting with a guy who is wanting someone with whom to re-create the way he was brought up. I was exploring what that means and how it would affect me. Waking from a nap it all came flooding in.........
     When I was a pre-teen my brother brought a friend home through the woods named Jeff White. He and I hit it off and so we would meet in the woods after school. One day my brother told my mom and dad and I was ordered not to meet him again. Always obedient, I listened. Insane that I did not even consider that my brother, who was nine months younger, walked off every day and got into trouble. My parents were absent and would never know if I obeyed or not. 'What would posses my brother', I wondered, but didn't dwell on it.
     Then in high school I saw him again. He was one who took shop classes while I was stuck at the other end of the building taking college prep curses I didn't want to be taking. In order to get close to him, I started smoking. It was the only place we could meet, where I knew he would be-in the smoking area during lunch. I was hoping he'd ask me out. He never did. I ended up over there standing alone just I had been standing alone at the college prep end.
    The captain of the baseball team asked me out, though and we were a thing until he went off to college. I broke up with him because I figured he'd find someone in college and wouldn't be interested in keeping a relationship with a high school girl who had no idea what she wanted to do. It wasn't all insecurity, though and it wasn't all a mercy letting go for his best interests. I wondered often why it just didn't matter 'as much as it should' to me. Until now.
  It hit me like a ton of bricks this evening: I had been holding out all these years for Jeff White. I continue to smoke hoping he'll ask me out, lol. And yet I know the intelligent thing to say is, oh, I just need to reclaim that part of me which I left back there with him: simply loving like a pre-teen. Without question about his qualifications, his plans, his relationship intentions, no drills, no questions...a simple yes, this is him. But my soul doesn't want to go there yet. It wants to be where it is: loving Jeff White because he is a simple kid just like me, liking being liked just like me and yet it must have been so much more than that because plenty of guys have liked me just fine over the years. Men have obsessed, climbed fences, played knight in shining armor........while all the while I only wanted a simple boy from a small town in Connecticut.
   I'm probably not the only one. Faithful unto death to a pre-teen 'fancy', not realizing that at that age, we really DO know what love is and that yes, that love CAN last a lifetime. heh, who knew? Jeff White.
   And voila! I allowed it to sit and it was released on it's own, in it's own time (a couple hours, lol resiliency!)

The Sounds we make

  I was walking down the outside stairs with my children and our snow sleds. I noticed I was stomping my feet, like deliberately. I felt a great sense of relief. Huh? The neighbors had been complaining about my children running to the bathroom in the middle of night, running too late at night or too early. They're just miserable fucks who wouldn't sleep in a soundproof room and are just looking for a target for their misery. We are all telepathic and empathic, negative thoughts themselves are irritating "noise" we hear at the deepest levels our being. "My feet"/my subconscious were loosing months of psychic pollution being directed through the floor at us.
  Why do we speak at all? I mean we can send pictures, thoughts, words, emotions, feelings to one another without uttering a sound. Turns out sound is mostly used to block out/stomp out the quieter sounds of telepathy and empathy. We hum to ourselves to sooth ourselves with the healing vibes of our own voices. In a world fed and sustained on fear and control, we are in pain from birth and sound distracts us from the pain being administered on psychic levels of the sound spectrum.
    The best we can be to ourselves is to live on the fringes of society unless we become breatharians who can maintain a physically comfortable state of being without clothing and shelter. The problem with the fringes of society is that it is mostly occupied by those who are ANTI-social. They're hateful of everyone. I don't want to be amongst the hateful, that would be just as bad as being in society. Maybe we can draw something different once we are relieved of fear and anti-social tendencies ourselves. Self-loving people might just be out there as well. Who knows? It's coming down to: the only way to save the Earth it's self is to walk away from humanity completely.

Desires spawn personalities

 Seriously. Every desire spawns a personality. We desire something because without realizing we are perceiving lack within ourselves, so we must then become something we believe we are not: we spawn another personality to become the vibration match of that which we believe we desire. So, as a child you may wish you were like such and such super hero, a personality is spawned. You wish you were like your mother; a personality is spawned. The average human being as many, many personalities, some we may never see actively but they are there drawing the people and things we may not like or may simply feel lack in the presence of. So, yes, in a way desire is the root of suffering, but it is a normal response to a young one in a big world where our smallness and inexperience do not adequately reflect our qualities, leading to a perception of lack. Just like PTSD, you put a normal, healthy brain in this world, you're going to get someone with PTSD...same with desire: you put a healthy, whole complete soul in this world and you're going to get the desire for things and self to be different.  The cure is awakening, enlightenment, embodiment and all-out clearing. Take alot of dedication to turn into someone whose full time job is simply to "love what arises within us" and trust in our eternal immortal innocence.

Our only job in this life

What do I think about lately? Those moments when I knew I did not have to do or be anything and I could just look at someone and appreciate their beauty, wide open appreciation of a feature, a gesture, a talent, a grace.....to trace the lines of a back, a neck, a cheek, a brow..... when they weren't trying to do or be anything, when all we know and feel is our eternal innocence in full presence..........

  Our only job in this life is to make choices in alignment with what feels good to that presence at the core of our being: eternal, all-knowing, completely aware, innocence. Only it..... it's joy, delight, affection and appreciation....... is relevant to our experience. 

Sovereignty-further in

    This path is the turning of one's self "inside out": that which was governing consciousness becomes the "subconscious" and that which was "subconscious" becomes governing consciousness.  Because this shift is made during a single physical experience within time and space, that which is now subconscious has all the attention it needs from that which was once in it's place and now serves as governing consciousness. So, all is conscious and aware of all in every moment with the responsibility of the governing consciousness to make sure awareness, love, compassionate "I know" understanding be given in sincerity to every response and reaction. Loyalty and commitment and faithfulness to the "inner kingdom" of subconscious absorbs our focus more than anything outside us in order to see the success of a life-long harmonious relationship. It becomes our romantic relationship, in a sense, for the separation of the aspects in order to sustain physical experience is necessary....so far anyways.

    So, even after "the powers that be" grant you your sovereignty, they really don't think you want it because they don't want it. They believe it to be a quaint little request of something silly like a hair ornament, not really changing anything. So, you did in deep, claim your spine and stand in it. The psychic huffs and puffs and ominous warnings and feelings of urgency need reminding: "I'm on the path of greatest allowance and alignment, I have all the time in the world, this is my focus, no I'm not settling in order to something. no I'm not playing punching bag for someone else's issues in order to help them for you......" and on and on it goes. They'll bring the threat right to your door even and see how you do. "I have nothing to fear but can accept it if it works out for you". I remember the glow of radiance that dissolves all evil when a threat exists of which I am not aware. Not being PTSD, on high alert, it's like a dog whistle: we do not hear the screams of incoming evil, there is no resonance for "danger". Stand in it.They'll even try to take credit for your own liberation if you let them, which you cannot even allow as if giving them a token trinket.They receive it as they gave you your sovereignty....it only means something to them to gloat "over you"....and over means psychic overshadowing. It's a subtle dance of dis-allowance without resistance: a simple lack of permission.
    As this one goes through this process it's relief of realization "I'm in full alignment!" felt at the same moment aspects within scream like voices on a drowning ship off in the distance. There is ecstasy like after surgery and years of pain....pain is gone but discomfort and pain from the surgery that removed it is present and you don't mind it because this pain brought relief and won't be nearly as long lived. Woke knowing something preventing whole body alignment was removed but I can't remember what it was and don't want to look for it and call it back again. At this point I've gained enough insight to share to be OK with certain details not registering in the brain.
   I know deeper how we are seasonal beings and meant to exist like "ships passing in the night"....we observe one another with wide open appreciation until there isn't. One might be in a season of liking a cuddle bunny until their personal spring hits and they're rabid rabbits. The thing with sex is this: a woman takes in a man's DNA/his consciousness and it radiates back to him even after a thousand miles have placed them at a distance. She is contending with his consciousness, expanding hers or expanding his until the process is finished and the changes we make in one another might go unrecognized, though some are aware enough to mention a year later: "Now I know what you meant!".......not even aware of where the credit goes, to the one receiving or the "sperm donor". If a consciousness refuses to evolve within a woman it can be ejected from her system. If it has potential one parent is resisting, it will be born to embody the expansion where the parent can't or won't do it. That may take someone else's DNA to be contributed/another sperm or egg donor for it to reach it's highest potential of success in embodiment. So, it radiates it's self into the new donor from any cell holding the original DNA, across time and space, even to physically incarnate.
  Things to be conscious of: those who get a high out of healing will seek out sickness, see sickness in anything or draw it into you to embody so they can get their kick and feel good feeling of elation at accomplishment. Those who say they can take it when you know they're out of resonance.....they WILL resent you. And while it won't hurt you permanently, it doesn't feel good and is brings you out of alignment temporarily. If it's an expanse you accept, you'll get more of. So, an end to "whatever floats your boat, I'll get what I want out of regardless". Not worth the cost when your target doesn't require it. For those of us who tend to expand on everything we're presented with, expressing it may bring injury as the party upon whose beliefs, thought tracks, experiences you've expanded resent your ability, aren't ready to leave it, or feel their condemnation in not themselves getting it. Doesn't feel good so a gracious acceptance and change of focus (walking out/away without excuses or explanation) is appropriate. Especially if they identify themselves as healers or teachers, sent to save, heal, educate or inform. Were appreciating until we aren't becomes the golden rule. And remembering: only a practicing sovereign can bring sovereignty anywhere. It's presence is all that is needed for the briefest of moments for the energy to be shared.
   Was wondering why I couldn't summon a sense of the feeling of "companionable" within me.....it's because it is associated with a sense of security in numbers. Any chain is only as strong as it's weakest link......whomever you "connect with"  is going to have their weaknesses linked to yours and whomever's weaknesses are greatest will determine the strength of that relationship...as well as your own.
  As I witness others getting "sealed in" to their new circumstances for their new seasons I tend to feel left out and lacking until I realized: I go SO much further, SO much deeper, turning away from so many circumstances no longer resonant as my energy changes daily, even more often on certain days...I'm not yet sealed in completely so I cannot be sealed into circumstances, unless I choose to by giving up on the clarification and embodiment process, thinking I'll have to settle. Nope, I have a goal, a base I want to work from this moment on, we can count on synchronicity, even if we think it's late in coming. Standing in it, standing in it, eyes on the prize or pleasant distractions to be integrated into experiences of a later date. We've got this!

Cashing in your chips to follow the road home

    To become aware of your "extra-sensory" perceptions (aka "psychic senses", "intuition". "paranormal experience") is to become mentally, emotionally, and physically enabled to bring ourselves into full alignment. One wants to take the path of greatest allowance to the embodiment of their "There's Only Me" presence at the core of our being, (felt just below and behind the stomach area and rising from the tailbone up the spine into the brain).
    We choose this when our greatest and only real enchantment is with health and well-being, peace, love, joy, excitement and delight. We learn acceptance and allowance and to choose our focus. We're ready to "cash in our chips" from the sense of gambling on our environment to bring us joy and intelligence in the absence of awareness. It is the road home to complete well-being and perfect capabilities, to our immortal innocence and all the 'magic' that goes with it....the ability to create a world perfectly in tune with our eternal bliss and richness of experience.