Moving day-a dream

  Woke from a dream in which we were in some sort of "witness protection" program. We had been in a house being looked after by one man. The man who is in charge of our program came and told me it was time to pack up to leave. We had very little stuff and plenty of room in the suitcases. He let us know a place had been found for us, I would be reunited with my son, and we were able to leave the program. As I packed, there was more stuff than I had thought and it was taking a long time, yet the man in charge was not in a hurry, paying attention to his cell phone, even though he initially implied it was urgent we hurry, the one watching over us was standing quietly.
  True I'm in a house and would love to stop living out of suitcases. My physical son is with me always, so I know it is not all literal-physical. All I can get from the dream at the moment is that things are going to change for myself and my little family. I feel a slight sense of confusion at urgent or not urgent. I know it happens in non-physical before, if ever, happening literally in the physical. 4 months between the last dream which was and it's actual physical enactment. This may take even longer with preparation and not actual event occurring. We shall see!
  It took me a minute after writing this for the connection to my last dream to register in my head. Condom=protection, I am being prepared to leave a protection program. So, this dream was actually an answer to the question from the last dream: will I be allowed to move forward without protection? The answer is YES!

Condom or no condom?

    I fell asleep for a nap feeling cherished and sexy. I took that feeling with me into a dream.....
"What if he asks me if I want him to wear a condom?" My ex was excited to be with me and off he went to get a condom. "What if I refuse to have sex with him if he wears the condom?". His brother expresses interest in me. My ex comes excitedly back into the room.....
   I woke still feeling cherished and sexy, pondering what if's and what the dream could mean when the question came; "What if I said yes to money?".
  Spirit speaks in metaphors when it comes to visions and dreams. The condom was a metaphor for poverty. People generally see me as so free. They see me as brave. I have, however, not seen it in myself because I've known I haven't been truly living. If I had money I would no longer have the excuse to not be out there exploring, spending, creating, loving......living.
  As I release the limitations to my vibrancy such as insecurity, shame, self-judgement, fear, and such; I feel more free. That embodiment of freedom, my generosity in sharing it more openly as I step through fear of not being accepted for my most authentic self expression will, will draw money into my experience. As I unleash the abundance that is me, abundance shall return to bless and reflect it.
  So, what if I say no to the condom of poverty?  What if this time I say yes to money?
  For those who do not know, wondering gets an answer and sets manifestation into motion immediately. It's the most potent creative force I'm aware of. When the Divine wonders, creation begins.....
How appropro?! A condom with 'toad' on it! (yes, I know it's a tree frog---rolling eyes at the technalists- and yeah, I just made that word up...creative licence, baby, creative license!)
  Still feeling cherished and sexy.

What I want you to do to me

        This blog post is for informational, educational and spiritual development purposes only.  Warning: sexually explicit descriptions necessary for complete, honest conveyance of the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual mechanics of sex ARE included. Clicking on the link to this post is agreement to expose yourself to it, declares you over 18 years of age or having parental consent.
        We allow the inner mechanics of thought and feeling to be blasted on radio waves when it comes to murderers, rapists and women abusers under the label "RAP music", paying millions for it...I think we can handle allowing the following!
       My boyfriend asks what I want him to do to me. I freeze. I don't talk 'dirty'. "It's just not me", I think. My re-embodiment of my innocence wants that changed. I WANT to speak it as it immediately comes up what I want him to do to me. I'm a mature woman with plenty of sexual experience to have narrowed down my desires quite specifically. I know what I like to do and I know what I like done to me. The question and response come from a place of purity and honesty as "children of God" with physical bodies in the excited, eager stages of a new romantic relationship. This is me coming un-frozen. I do this for me with complete awareness that in sharing the doing so the potential exists for the liberation also of my sisters of the world who have been programmed to be afraid to allow themselves such a full pleasure of the physical experience as well as those who have allowed it within themselves but have been too afraid to speak it like me........
      "I want to wake slowly while I use my tongue and hands to make love to your scrotum, sucking them into my mouth tenderly, and penis until it is good and hard, leaking and slicked with my saliva. I want to climb atop you and slowly insert your penis into my vagina after I rub it's moistened tip around my vulva sensuously. I want to ride your penis, oh so slowly, until I begin to orgasm. I want to feel every inch of it and let the shape of it be imprinted in my body. I want my orgasm to cause my vaginal muscles to squeeze and draw your penis into me, as deep as it can bring it, so that your ejaculation strikes my cervix like a drum being beat with the rhythm of life. I want to feel the shudders and 'after shocks' that tickle and make their way through my entire body, bringing awakening, bringing to life and joy and ecstasy my entire being.  I want to collapse upon your chest as we catch our breath, our hearts pounding at each other through our skin. As our breath slows, I want to nuzzle your neck and breath in deeply of your scent. I want to exhale into your ear, blowing into your brain and body the ecstasy this scent draws from within me. I want to friskily bite and suck on your neck until your penis swells inside me again, raising within us a more primal passion. I want you to flip us over then and make love to me with this primal passion like the lion you are for me.
And then maybe I'll let you go to work ;)  I say playfully".

Proving a breakthrough and another toad

Today's "proving" a break through has happened----

Some people think we're tested, tried by such experiences. I usually meet them as if in a game. They are opportunities to practice a new response to normally intimidating or confusing things, (something we normally struggle with) in alignment with whatever consciousness I have been exploring. The world/life responds differently, my experience of life becomes easier and I'm celebrating this discovery of a new ability/aspect/acceptance.

Normally when anything happens with my children, I "respond" rather than react because it's the "spiritual guru" thang to do. I feel inward and wonder "How will this affect their psyche? How will they perceive themselves in response to me? How will this affect my reality", etc.

Oh, hell no.

My daughter is urgently drawing my attention to her brother. Reluctant to look because I was busy interacting elsewhere, I turn to see my son standing there grinning with a squashed toad by the toe, guts hanging out all fresh and juicy, clean from the rain. I just screeched and screamed and did the "ew" hand shake thing; "Throw that thing in the grass!" (more screeching and laughing). nausea, chills, delight.....just plain reaction and we're all emotionally fine, untraumatized by it.

As I reflected I realize the law of attraction business, "don't resist or it will persist" can predominantly be applied to one's own reactions more than what we see in the world. The more we suppress our own honest, authentic feeling about/reactions, the more life is suppressing/limiting. With the return of the fire to my belly, my "badassness", filters and inner control mechanisms are leaving, setting me free to live even more authentically a more mature version of the divine child in me. Life has thus begun to meet me more generously and freely.

And yeah, them toads keep showing up in my experience, but the cats and dogs of the household are usually playing with and chasing them or they're dying in the streets....a more 'natural'/flowing order of things.......

Raspberry kisses and prairie spirits

Last night he spoke of a raspberry flavored drink we shared and so raspberry was the taste of our kisses. Only today did it occur to me: in February of 2016 I had written of my dream. In the dream a man kissed my shoulders sweetly and then had to leave because work required he travel from me. For some reason I described the sweetness to be like raspberries, of all things. So it came to be that a sweet man kissed me tenderly while we tasted of raspberry flavored drink and had to leave because his work requires he travel away from me. Didn't see that one coming when I had the dream! It was no insignificant incident, my meeting this man!
    The children and I sat upon the prairie and it was as a scene straight out of the "Avatar" movie: "spirits" alighted on my head, shoulders, arms in the form of dragon flies. My daughter tried to swat them off of me. We sat under an umbrella to shield us from the sun as wild horses mated in the brush. We sat later relaxing upon a platform and heard a roar of sorts. We looked around and finally spied an alligator floating among driftwood. When he saw we had noticed him he nibbled at some of that floating wood. He began to swim out from among it, all the while watching myself and my children. He snapped up a lily pad and continued on, having strutted his stuff to impress us. Later as we pitched our tent a wild stallion came to stand right in front of us under a tree watching what it was we were doing. We lived two little girls' dream of seeing wild horses upon a prairie! And my son tells everyone he sees about the alligator who ate the lily pad and just might be a vegetarian like me!
   Before this experience I ran into several synchronicities letting me know I was divinely living: toads on a shower curtain (land of par boiled toads) where I stayed in the "Susan B. Anthony" room (shelter in Connecticut that is only one even remotely close to what I believe women's shelters should be) in which there hung a poster of Lakshmi (Facebook friend on a spiritual journey much like me). Then we stayed at a hotel where I saw a man I thought I'd never see again after spending the night in a building near a gorgeous spring, given unexpected permission.
  It's a miraculous journey we have been having! We walked to the right place at exactly the right moment to grace us with a place in a home way out in the country where we are resting peacefully and eating wonderfully! "Life" is being VERY good to me!  

Toad in the Road, Unicorns Freed!

     It so happened one day a choice was made. "Opt out", chose me. As I walked right then straight rather than straight than right (which would have been "more logical" decision) across an intersection I saw it all dried and belly up in my path: a toad in the road....synchronicity! The storms had flushed many a thing into the roadways the previous day, so no toad was killed just for me but synchronicity, a smile from a man which had me crossing right instead of straight in distraction, and a breeze probably all conspired to bring the moment to me.
   As I've written before and practiced so previously, the modern prophet knows when asking in response to such "omens" and things "for whom the bell tolls", that prophet's answer should always be "firstly, me". And so it is and so it shall be......illness over ran again, the mucus was green. So for two days I slept when I normally couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't have listened to my body. I woke refreshed, my heart wide open, my mind clear again. "Oh! How toadish I had gotten! How toadish I've been!". Only in the exaggeration of my own behavior under extreme stress could I see that little par boiled toad that had always existed in me. So the days that followed I kept awake to me observing without judgement what par boiled things would come from me. I opened the space, hesitating their expression to see what other things could come through this expanded clarity. "Indeed, indeed!" croaked me as I allowed the waters of clarity to flow freely. And like the wicked witch of OZ when watered by Dorothy, the par boiled toad in me began to scream and writhe "I'm melting! I'm melting!".
   A couple days later I sat in repose as the mucus began to run clear from my nose. A big black snake did meander on the hunt straight towards me. Previously the toad in me would have broken out in a cold hot sweat and begun shaking immediately! I sat instead, calm as could be. I made a tap with a metal thing so that it would notice me. It noticed me indeed and simply doubled it's length back by half giving me ample space but continuing on it's path. I felt a great etheric movement that flowed with slither of the snake as it passed by me. It stopped of a sudden and pulled back just a bit as if something had jumped up before it before continuing smoothly upon it's way. Did it sense the etheric joining of it and me? Maybe, maybe, says me.
   In the mean time, my little she goat offspring had drawn more unicorns. The kids had slept those two sleepy days same as me. This time her unicorns had heads held high and were untied, untamed beneath the sky. With "cutie marks" in place, their renewed, expanded, state complete.
   The goats' mucus, also clear, they did romp and play again through their days. Which left me back to my beneath the local trees, daily dancing myself clear and then just for the joy; I am even more free!

Blood Spilled in the Land of Par Boiled Toads!

      Blood has been spilled in the Land of Par Boiled Toads.
      It's true!
      The trail led across the leaking containers of food, across the court and straight into the bathroom. The sink was covered and no one cleaned. That left the deed straight up to me. I went to the kitchen to find liquid to make it sanitary and oh! what did I see? The dishrag partially submerged in the water for washing the utensils with which they intend to serve was also bloody........and they're angry I won't eat? That I won't allow from contaminated dishes and surfaces my children to feed? Woo hoo! heehee! I dance beneath the local trees, laughing and loving to clarify this ridiculous scene of one perfectly divine comedy-joke's on me!- within my being. I bless the gods for showing me how sacred I view blood really. My body, my temple, a sacred thing!
      A chaotic air lent to the schizophrenic with bi-polar personality disorder snapping and barking and swearing at the children as well as adults throughout the day when addressed she'd say "Me?! No way!". Already warned we must not complain or "I'll take your bed away!". Like the Queen of hearts in Wonderland shouting of Alice "Off with her head", the threat does come "Away with her bed!" and as the witch in Oz does add: "and your little dog,too", the queen toad with the wig that is fireproof, her threat does say "and your little kids, too!". Caught up in the chaos the goats do Frolic, the goats do romp and the goats do play until one bleats from the slice to it's leg. Just another casualty of those beds that do roll away......every Sunday where a new gauntlet of spirits and personalities is faced......
  So, I dance and I sing my sweet little soul clean beneath the local, moss draped trees.......the rainbow keeps dancing, the waters always churning above the gold of serene divine being...and we sing and we sing. We keep right on dancing below, above, around and beneath those glorious trees!