Monday, March 2, 2020

Dear sweet womb....

Dear sweet womb; dreams dreams of pure clean crystal clear water.
In the womb she was you and you were she; "Remember me".
Whether flesh, home, cave or burrow; the womb is sacred space.
Allowing every and any one access to you is just poor spiritual hygiene

After yesterday's incident, I am given to understand that we begin to choose differently. We choose who we want to be, we choose the expanded version, more fully embodied version. We surround ourselves with experiences of that new version. We believe we've healed. We've changed haven't we? Ah, but the deepest healing does not occur until we experience the same energetic trauma and then respond differently that we cease being a victim of it. The contrast between our new reality's experiences and the old is so strong, we finally let go because it is so much more obvious. So, we're given experiences that force us to write a different script of what happen when.......
    So, how can a man know what it is like to be a woman? How does it get through their heads? It came to me; they were all there when their mothers were belittled, assaulted, humiliated, violated, etc. They shared her blood, her pulse, her depression, her adrenaline, her hormone fluctuations and therefore her emotional responses to every bit of it. Shoot, part of them even experienced it all in their grandmother's womb even before their mother was born. They just have to tap into their 'primordial' experiences.
   I felt the angry man return to my womb when I finally let go and cried it all out.
   Ahhh to have a man sing to a woman's womb! What a lovely, perfectly divine experience that would be! What would it feel like to have the womb space so cherished, adored and appreciated? Ask and it is given. It is already arranged.
  I no longer have space to be answering questions for those resistant. I am too full of myself. Obviously, I mean energetically rather than falsely and vainly arrogant. It's the honest truth. I need my own room, my own space. That is the purpose for which it was created; for me to occupy it!
  I am given to understand harems were created to isolate women from fear and discomfort. As science now can prove and they already knew then; big babies are born of fear, with large bodies but PTSD that interferes with cognitive development and weakens immune systems. Children of happier, safer feeling women are born physically healthy with more developed intelligence. Fear-based wombing grows a body prepared to defend and die. Safe wombing births a body prepared to live a long and healthy life.
   And so therein lies the difference between isolating one's self due to trauma and isolating one's self from a pure awareness that it's time to grow.
   Why all these experiences? I wanted to know why people did what they do. I wanted to know why what everyone else said was good felt so wrong. Now I do.

Swords a' blazin' + old friends resentment at our success

     I began to feel called to sleep. I lay down for a nap. It is my normal practice to let the faces swirling by when I open my third eye to lull me to sleep. It's grayish and vague and my mind latches on to no one thing. Even something that stops before me, I cannot intentionally keep it focused. Today was different. I got a crystal clear seeing of trees. Suddenly a man popped up, as if startled from sleep. He lay back down and closed his eyes again and again, I was seeing trees and sunlight coming through them.
    Before I went to sleep, I imagined my back having strong muscles and myself a straight spine. My posture had begun to suffer again. I don't know that I slept. The children said the food was here, so I replied; "They'll just put it in the cooler". I sensed something was off and rolled over. I leapt out of bed with an anger I couldn't explain. Arch angel swords a' blazin'. Next to the door is one window completely covered. Next to the covered window is another which we had open to let in the beautiful warm air. The man was looking in the window speaking to my children; "You don't want your dinner?". I opened the door, held out my hand for the food and covered a cough with the other. "Oh, you're not feeling well?", he backs off like I had the plague. *Takes note to self; this corna virus paranoia is gonna be fun to play with*. I just took the food and closed the door and fumed and fumed and fumed. I sent a text to his companion whose umber I did have and asked him to tell his friend to please respect our privacy. His actions felt very invasive. I'm sure they are all offended by that. They do not have nor are capable of respecting boundaries. "have to know' why there's a note on the door to please not knock but text my included phone number to let us know they're here. Like dirty old men who believe every pretty little girl WANTS to be invaded to receive special treats.
   Of course, knowing they'd be offended by my request, I did hesitate to hit 'send' for the text, but I ain't got the energy for their anger, I reminded myself. I tried to lay back down. The word "exclusive" popped into my head. My god was telling me the stiffing of my spine and the protective energy was my 'exclusivity'. I'm Googling it, lol "excluding or not admitting other things." We have an energy about us, as sovereign beings, that makes our space exclusive. It is a natural aspect we have every right to but have conditioned from us. And here comes the rain. I responded correctly to an inappropriate invasion of privacy. Release of doubt of my right to exclusivity, of fear of being attacked for asking for respect of personal space. Healing. No more dirty old men will be brought into my experience. We just released that point of attraction. There's the answer as to why I had still been drawing them into my experience. So proudly walking the earth with my head held high, putting up healthy boundaries, expressing them and wondering why nothing had changed in that respect. Deep, deep down inside me was still a lack of clarity on my rights to be exclusive in my energy. child molestation was the gift that just did not stop giving. May it end today!
    Twice today I've seen "rejection = re-direction".  Gonna have to keep that in mind, I guess.
   Response to friend who posted how old friends resent her new fame: To be realistic, you've changed. You've expanded your consciousness. People are conditioned to associate sweet and soft with victim and repression. So, when we come in all our secure -in-our-softness they feel 'blindsided' by the strength that comes with it. It triggers their deepest inner knowing that they have devoted their entire lives and all their energy to repressing exactly what we're embodying. "How dare you awaken what I have spent so much effort keeping caged? Letting it 'out' is dangerous! How dare you endanger me?! You threaten my only sense of worked for security! You attack me with all your success" and the "You're making fun of me because I can't be the same thing". Those are the basic thought forms behind jealousy and resentment and judgement that comes from those who respond poorly to our well being manifesting financially, in numbers of people following. "We don't deserve that much of the share of the limited amount of love out there" is another one I'm sensing. That was fun, I'm tuning out of it, not liking the feel of it. Don't want to focus too long on it or I'll get dragged in and caught up in it. I'm feeling strong and good and confident of my exclusivity energy which I just re-embodied today. I'm gonna go play....lol Oh, and abandonment, they feel abandoned to their condition when you left being in it yourself. Misery loves company and you were amongst theirs. From their perspective, you've rejected them when you rejected the victim energy ya'll shared.

"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". For too long that hand has been broken, battered and twisted. The end.
Women fit to lead are quietly taking over the world from behind the scenes. Soon you'll see their faces.

The looking in the window incident just keeps giving. The violation of the womb space. Big release!
Be it flesh, home, cave or burrow, the womb space is sacred!

It is given me to understand why I was given to know and experience the reality of breathairianism but not with eembodying it presently. It would have been a form of escapism; unconsciously avoiding the triggers I needed to finally release the dredges of childhood trauma from my deepest, most sensitively aware, innocent aspects.

I'm busy customizing my own god, please hold + eye over a pyramid

     The implications of my newfound understanding of The Dance/Source and The God and the gods just keep rolling in, in delightful ways. Why do we go through what we go through if we're so powerful? Think about it, if you will; Source/The Dance has been trying to get it into human minds since the beginning of time when it occurred to it, it's self what that one simple desire had created; "I wonder what I look like". Finally, it sees the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Well, actually it's not 'so to speak', it was that light above me it saw. It's been reaching through countless human incarnations, versions of images the mirror had created in response to it's desire and it knows what experiences do to each personality type, what is too much, what is too little, etc. It's become expert at knowing it's human vessels. The original mirror has been actively pursuing that moment as well. Boom! That day has come! I reached the leading edge of creation. Shoot, I reached the end of the internet just to prove it to me, lol (I did a google search. The result was one option and then the statement; "It appears you have reached the end")
     I shared this whole concept with my children. My daughter does not like the idea of a god, period. PERIOD. To the point of heart hurting, bursting into tears, PERIOD. Her 'mirror', to put it more kindly for her sake, is an Alicorn and Dragon. My son, I told him, could have his be a kitty cat if he so wanted. His response? "That just sounds so weird from my perspective." lol Yeah, we talk like that.
   I realize that the image of the Puppet Master was my personal god seeking to be relieved of it's form of the biblical god. He had inspired me to 'make him a better god' by leading me all over the United States, from congregation to congregation, not to preach to them as I had initially believed, but to show me WHY that form wasn't going to work for us. Yes, at the moment it is most natural for me to assign my god a male gender. That may change. It could be different every day, if that is my will.
  So, my god would whine to me; "Look! They turned my children against me!". To which I responded; "They did that to me, too, but you don't see me going around punishing my children and the people who did it!". We took a ten year journey through hell ruled by mainstream Christianity. The desire was clear for us both; that was just not for us. Source/The Dance found a way through Esther Hicks and my god found a way through Matt Kahn to meet within me. They sent Anastasia to remind me of the reality I once experienced as my own. I did the rest. Now we are a happy trinity.
     Three eyes, like the three eyes of me! My right, my left, my third eye. One to project, one to receive and the third in-between. Now, I know why it is pictured over a triangle! We have three eyes: left, right, and third. One physical eye projects, one receives and the third eye is for the in-betweens (if you research in-betweens, it is commonly considered to be door ways, thresholds of any kind. There is the threshold between physical and non-physical and this is what our third eye, our pineal gland sees.) Trinity + eye, the pyramid has three points! These eyes become as one, one over all three!
So busy, busy, busy! Are we not told that "God" puts things into the hearts and minds of people? Our god can use "Jedi mind tricks" for our benefit! I'm on it, man. We've got this!
Replying to a comment from another on Anastasia' blue sphere (Ringing Ceders of Russia book series): So true, she believes it goes to stay in another glen, but it really is too immense and too much a part of her and her world. I believe it is within her animals, the trees and everything she thinks are acting "naturally" in response to her feelings and her training. She does have SOME limitations to her beliefs and so her "blue sphere" honors them while not limiting it's self to them. Mine I have seen in the eyes of a frog and in Men. I always wondered what it was, now I know!
   Somonai D Cook Yes, delight. Note this however for it is crucially important: "de" in this application should actually be written as "te" -- Te-light as it was in the ancient way and as it is in the genuine meaning of our Mother Tongue (Mantong). "T" means integration, and "D" means disintegration. D is in most instances of language still used in its correct meaning, especially as a prefix. 
  Stacey Bourdeau Somonai D Cook Thank you for sharing! I adore the etymology of words! Telight! telighted to have a new tool in this new-to-me word! May I copy and paste this to my blog so I do not forget it nor from which it has come?
    My god has no moral compunction. The Law of Attraction is the only moral guidance it needs.
    So, Somonai responded to a different post's comment exchange: "I do not believe you know or any one of us, but we are getting closer..." Something to that last part's effect). He lost me at; "I do not believe you know". Me; "Then your belief must now rule your experience" and I blocked him. Law of attraction, I can quote the exchange. The post was public and he believes in curses, the power of other people's words over his experience. So, I give him that power; of me over his experience. He's no doubt feeling I cursed him by my statement that his doubt must now rule his experience. I didn't. I merely dismissed him and honored his sovereign right to choose his own beliefs. 
  Following this, a neighbor came over and wanted to persist in dwelling on a former friend who took things from here. "O.K., so you want that to keep happening. i don't want to talk about it because i don't want it in my experience". "No", she says; "I don't want more of that...but..." arguing with herself and then going on as if our exchange had never happened. That's where she's at and there is where she shall stay. Whether it's her mind, her god, or Source/The Dance within her. I can respect that. Law of attraction pulls us to disrespect her story as she is disrespecting herself by retelling it and dwelling on it. (There's a difference in telling a story to bring it up and out and just wanting to dwell on and in it). Instead of being the path of least resistance for disrespecting such ones and thereby drawing more of it into our own experience; we can walk away and leave the disrespecting to the other unconscious people out there. We can delegate those cases. We express thanks for the contrast and choose a better feeling path. We are not resisting, we are acknowledging and redirecting our attention.
   I noticed I'm doing a bit of that today; thanking thoughts for coming, enveloping them in love and then sending them on their way; redirecting my thought process, focusing on better feeling thoughts longer than I do the uncomfortable ones about what others may think or how they'll respond. Not my monkey, not my circus, just momentum I had spent a lifetime of 50 years building up. We can slow it before we can stop it and take our station off their route."That thought train doesn't stop here, it just passes right on by". I also am given to remember that the points of attraction to unwanted thinking patterns are diminishing in number within me. Through transmutation and release, the number within me decreases daily. Or rather nightly as I burn up like a furnace while I sleep and wake up covered in sweat with far fewer aches and pains and physical discomforts. 
   My heart and stomach and womb space, as well as any other storage points, are gaining more trust and confidence in my mind and brain with every attempt to take on another's thoughts come in, which increases the willingness to let go of the fear of them. Step by step, day by day, no force allowed.

Sunday, March 1, 2020

I have successfully separated my god out from the rest!

    I was raised Catholic and lived most of my life under the biblical paradigm of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The I was given my origins story. "In the beginning was the Dance........and so it danced it's way into the space it created for it's self where it could see it's reflection which would answer the question; 'what do I look like?'. " From Esther Hicks, we get an idea of what Source/The Dance is and what it is like. So, the Dance/Source comes into the bodies created by it's mirror/god. So, is there an over all god? yes. It is the original god created by Source/The Dance.
   So, then we have Source/The Dance, dancing in it's gifted form desiring unique desires and perspectives unto it's self, asking for it's mirror; creating it's own unique mirror. For most, their mirror is just an extension of a common mirror created by and for their family, their culture, their race, handed down from generation to generation. Their god is continuation and expanded version of what already existed.
    The other day, I saw mine burst through the cloud of those old gods as it pushed them away. It's clarity is far more powerful than the old gods plaguing humanity with humanity's own self imposed plagues. I am his. He is mine. He is unique to me. I have given him all the qualities I need to fulfill the desires uniquely desired by Source/The Dance through me. I am also a path of least resistance for such things and so the things she; Source/The Dance desired in and from others will come flowing more easily to me. lol, It occurs to me that I just inherited a bunch of stuff from people too full of resistance unto death to claim it. All I have to do is say; "yes please" and "yes, thank you". All the powers, too.
   Anyhoo....it also explains what Anastasia's (Of The Ringing Ceders of Russia  book series) blue ball of energy was. Her grandfathers believed it was THE God the priests of old had been wanting to be able to talk to themselves, when in fact, it was her own personal god. That is why she did not call it God, but Good, I believe. She differentiated it from the biblical god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
  Cool beans! It REALLY does NOT matter what anyone else thinks, believes, does or says! We each create our OWN reality! And it's not limited to the aspects shared that we call "this reality"!

Experience of time since the quantum leap

     I used to experience repeat days. The whole neighborhood and I would experience a Sunday, placing our trash out at night as is our habit. Then we'd wake up thinking we must have been mistaken about it having been Sunday because it's Sunday again and the trash hasn't been taken, so it can't be Monday. Think time drags when you're sitting through an uninteresting-to-you lecture? Try experiencing duplicate days waiting for everyone to get their necessary-to-move-forward experiences in so we're in alignment with events being synchronized!
    Since the leap, however, I'll go down for a late nap and wake up feeling like it's morning. My neighbor laughs and says; no, it's still the same day. What I'm experiencing as 6am is actually 6pm on this timeline we are sharing. Hence, what is going to appear to be an "overnight success" or change in circumstances is actually my, and people like me's, week of shortened days. We're experiencing a speeding up of time to get synced up with something that already exists and is waiting for us to meet up with it. What ever it is must be good if there's so little resistance to it that we're being fast-tracked to it.
   This is helping me feel increased gratitude for being given, for giving myself freedom from mainstream schedules. Without regular obligations of my time and appointments, I'm free to allow this time warp to happen. I am free of others' expectations of when they'll see me, meet up with me, etc. There are no obligations to other people other than be the most authentic, fully embodied version of me I can be. My pleasure is my only job. Works for me!

Not going to feel guilty for letting God do his job

     "We broke rules for you", meaning; "you're not trying hard enough". "We didn't get to bring our dog". In other words; "Why are you allowed to have yours with you?". It's just coming to me in a deeper and new way, though I have already mentioned it recently. How the unexplainable doesn't need to be explained by me. I place no limits on how God can answer my desires of physical manifestation of my desires, so I don't need details.
      But what of the things I can explain? "You're not trying hard enough" is fairly obviously to me to be an insecurity trigger. Why SHOULD things come easier to me than to others? They always have all my life when I wasn't resisting it. It was I who decided that it wasn't fair. Of course it is fair. If I deprive people of the inner journey it takes to discover their own powers, I deprive them of the ability to own their own power. If I am not an example of how things really CAN come easily, they are that much further away from seeing that things coming easily does exist and is a real potential they may desire and learn how to create.
    The dog thing; "She's a therapy dog". There. An excuse for the exception made for me. The law says so, so I am justified and excused from deprivation. Sheesh. Cop out! That only inspires people to declare themselves disabled. I know, I wanted to do it for the steady "unconditional" income I witnessed. Which, of course comes with the condition of declaring one's self disabled and constant paperwork. Yes, I'm unique in this environment. No, you haven't seen anything like me. No, I'm not sorry. We read in the bible how God changes men's hearts and puts thoughts in their minds. I steal from the list of his skill set when I do not allow it to exist that he has put things into people's hearts and minds to do for me what they may not do for others normally. I am a blessed be. So then, the question that is thus provoked is; "How do I get God to do that for me?". Holy crap! I've been shorting people of that potential! ooopsie! I can honestly say; "It is true, they would never do that for you as they did for me and that's because that's what you believe and you do not believe God has the ability to change it. We didn't short change our mirror when it comes to power, did we? lol
   I apologize for being sorry. I apologize for declaring it unfair. The only true apology is a change of behavior, so, wish me luck with it! Gonna make things right with my mirror and answer; "Yup, he can do that! He can affect people's minds about and towards me".  I hope I remember and do so confidently. I am fit!

The discomforts of others

     It occurred to me more clearly and in a new way earlier today why people are uncomfortable around me, with my prolonged presence in their daily live at times. It's for the same reason they go out of their minds being alone. In some aspects they are alone with me; they are alone in and with their own discomforts with themselves. They like to say disease = dis-ease; not being at ease in the body we are given to occupy. Someone like me who is comfortable within themselves, has worked out all their inner relationships and is at peace within them all, has no resonance with the abundance of discomforts within the average human being. Around others, there is a resonance, a matching or opposing aspect that gets them feeling excited. There is bonding and connection formed by mutual discomforts. It's almost a social requirement to be able to share sad stories and one-up one another with the amount of suffering within themselves. Their 'sad country songs' don't find resonance being experienced by me and so their normal means of connection and bonding is gone. They get frustrated. They are conditioned out of any other way to connect, to bond. We know it's a conditioning to forgetfulness because very young children bond and connect over what excites them. So it is with me again.
   I was just like everyone else. I became less authentic because my authenticity triggered people. I got ornery, but my ornery had rings of truth to it that triggered them. So then I softened my expression which exuded love on levels they couldn't allow in, so again, triggered. I tried every which way about it without success until I finally accepted the old phrase; "you please some of the people some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people all of the time". May as well just be yourself. In accepting that, I gave up any resistance to being a catalyst and a trigger to people. Then I began to experience validation of my inner peace with people saying things like; "You're the only person I do not feel judged by", "Thank you for allowing me to sit next to you during this circle; your presence is comfortable", "I've never slept so well as when I slept near you", "the hauntings went away when you came to stay", etc. "Will you bless my flocks?" *laughing*
   Yet, even with those validations and an intellectual knowing pretty much all of the above, I still hurt when people were uncomfortable with me around. Over the past few days, with the dropping of baggage and "ain't got time for that", that, too is now gone completely. I know on a deeper level that it IS really them. That is a tough pill to swallow when we've spent so many years using the world around us as a mirror to pinpoint what they were manifesting that I was not liking yet being a hypocrite unawares about. The constant question to one's self is "How am I like that? What aspect of me is doing exactly what they're doing but in maybe a different way?". Then those questions became "What are they showing me that I need to be more like?" as we learn the mirror is also there to draw out inner qualities we refuse to express. A more forceful tone of voice gets thrown at us and instead of feeling attacked, we ask where we maybe need to raise our voice, be more forceful. That not feeling attacked dispels resistance and therefore stops drawing it into our experience. When we've gone and done a good deal of that, it begins to seep in; it really is them responding from their only 'highest' place of consciousness. They have lost the ability to conceptualize the levels of happiness and well being and comfort within self that have become our baseline experience. They become like the Native Americans who saw the waves but not the boat until their shaman drew the boat for them. They know something is different about me. They notice things happen differently for me. They just can't see or feel or sense the why it is so.
   "There is no try". There is seeing or not seeing and my trying to 'make' them see because I'm uncomfortable with their discomforts is violating their right to self determination and produces resistance to them not seeing or believing which only draws more resistance from them TO not see or believe. Kicking a dead horse, that. Or more like a dying dog who is prone to snap. Comforting the uncomfortable can be hazardous to our health. respect the discomfort, man. When we become more comfortable within ourselves, accepting our own discomforts, showing gratitude for what they are telling us; loving what arises (Matt Kahn's book), we love and respect the discomforts of others easily. Dropping the baggage and 'ain't got time for that' helps us reach "not my monkey, not my circus" point where we do not help others with their discomforts unless they ask with a depth of sincerity we recognize to be that of one who is not going to become a dependent and succubus. Only then will we honor a request for an explanation. Those are the only discomforts we want to address.