So, despite a governor's shelter-in-place order and a social responsibility brag, the hotel is bidding us adieu. This, after an employee talked about how they just kill and bury black people who come here. Survivor island, for sure!
I'm giving myself permission to bitch, to say something is not right.
Got to dance and make out with a guy last night-yummy!
Monday, March 23, 2020
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Calling in the money and letting the guard down
Of course, I could only do it in *certain* energy. I'm picky. Letting the guard down as I begin to feel the vibe of big money paired with unconditional generosity. "We can make it happen, easy", is the vibe I'm channeling in with.
I also realize that 'closed' circles of money are a natural development. I had seen how landlords donate to organizations that pay security deposits only to get it back when they manufacture a reason to evict the new tenants with tax cuts. I just learned hotels donate to organizations who pay for hotel rooms for homeless, thus returning their own money to them with tax cuts. Christian circles donate to church who donate to homeless who show gratitude by joining churches and donating time and money.....tax free. New agers aren't any different as one pays for a seminar and then the one doing seminars buys the stones and tarot decks from their clients. They also register as religious institutions and money moves tax free.
"Corruption" is just what one circle accuses the other of when they want the money traveling in the other one or they don't like what the money is going toward.
I am resonating with a home. There are two stories and a cast iron railing around spiral stairs.
I am sensing that while I am behind isolation (for consciousness reasons), there is no hiding from this virus. A wild animal carrying it is going to breath in the space of even the most remote people.
FB and Twitter have seriously quieted, though. people ARE going in and appreciating the isolation. They're in their own spaces, able to own them completely (unless they have children, but still, it narrows the circle). The inner circles are becoming the only consistent, familiar spaces. If those spaces are half way decent, they won't be in a hurry to leave them.
I also realize that 'closed' circles of money are a natural development. I had seen how landlords donate to organizations that pay security deposits only to get it back when they manufacture a reason to evict the new tenants with tax cuts. I just learned hotels donate to organizations who pay for hotel rooms for homeless, thus returning their own money to them with tax cuts. Christian circles donate to church who donate to homeless who show gratitude by joining churches and donating time and money.....tax free. New agers aren't any different as one pays for a seminar and then the one doing seminars buys the stones and tarot decks from their clients. They also register as religious institutions and money moves tax free.
"Corruption" is just what one circle accuses the other of when they want the money traveling in the other one or they don't like what the money is going toward.
I am resonating with a home. There are two stories and a cast iron railing around spiral stairs.
I am sensing that while I am behind isolation (for consciousness reasons), there is no hiding from this virus. A wild animal carrying it is going to breath in the space of even the most remote people.
FB and Twitter have seriously quieted, though. people ARE going in and appreciating the isolation. They're in their own spaces, able to own them completely (unless they have children, but still, it narrows the circle). The inner circles are becoming the only consistent, familiar spaces. If those spaces are half way decent, they won't be in a hurry to leave them.
Saturday, March 21, 2020
A study of the word; 'ma'am'
"Yes, ma'am"
It's a southern thang.
The first time I had ever been addressed as "ma'am" was when I was 19 years old and the roadies from the band "Alabama" were ordering meals from me at the restaurant I was working at. "Don't call me that",; I said, "It makes e feel old". "Oh, no; it's how we show respect"; the roadie answered.
In northern Florida, I had heard it used by children as a "Yes, mommy dearest. Please don't hit me". I had heard it from a grocery store bagger who did not like me telling him not to put canned goods on top of my eggs in a bag.
Here, in Louisiana, however; it is used at the end of nearly every sentence and sometimes is the sentence it's self. "Ma'am?" They didn't understand what I said.
"Yes, ma'am"; you're interacting outside your class, a reminder from hotel employees.
In a conversation I overheard taking place on a phone, Yes, ma'am" went from "I'm listening and understand" to "Reminder: we're acting civilly here", a corrective tone. It's all kinda like Guardians of the Galaxy's "I am Groot".
It's a southern thang.
The first time I had ever been addressed as "ma'am" was when I was 19 years old and the roadies from the band "Alabama" were ordering meals from me at the restaurant I was working at. "Don't call me that",; I said, "It makes e feel old". "Oh, no; it's how we show respect"; the roadie answered.
In northern Florida, I had heard it used by children as a "Yes, mommy dearest. Please don't hit me". I had heard it from a grocery store bagger who did not like me telling him not to put canned goods on top of my eggs in a bag.
Here, in Louisiana, however; it is used at the end of nearly every sentence and sometimes is the sentence it's self. "Ma'am?" They didn't understand what I said.
"Yes, ma'am"; you're interacting outside your class, a reminder from hotel employees.
In a conversation I overheard taking place on a phone, Yes, ma'am" went from "I'm listening and understand" to "Reminder: we're acting civilly here", a corrective tone. It's all kinda like Guardians of the Galaxy's "I am Groot".
Spirit of generosity
I had gotten tastes of it recently; unconditional generosity. It came in strongly this morning, from the right of me. The result, less generosity towards others. That unconditional generosity can be fully embodied and my baseline experience, I realized. Yesterday I was full of sadness, probably to make room for this. Before it arrived, there were a whole lot past embodiments that wanted to come in. It occurred to me that I was not subject to these energies that had governed my experience in the past. Those, from the left of me, were the things I could choose from. I was reminded of the "Thank you for playing" in response to the feminine from the right hand side throwing my lottery ticket in the trash. The left responds to the right's requests. I've just been playing the boat blown about in the middle of them, feeling like I have to just simply accept what was given me; accept the punishment from the left for what the right was choosing for me. It is not so. I realized this much more fully this morning.
Part of that was not receiving the money orders from Russ Bus today. It occurred to me that there must be a different way to get that money. The money orders were made out to me from me by me. They can't cash them. So, I turned around and went back to the post office. It'll cost $6.50 up front and 60 days to get the money back. Not good enough. Mention law suit felt correct. Their resistance to me must draw what they are resisting. Long ago I understood that we resist the Law of Attraction when we return good for bad, love for hate. Even Abraham-Hicks mentioned that in a recording I listened to this morning during all this; it's nothing about you if people elicit negative responses from you when you're flowing. I am often reminded of when my boss grabbed my butt and I slapped him before thinking about it. I suffered no negative repercussions. He was aggressive and got aggression back. What one gets from me is not necessarily the same as what is coming from within me.
I am noticing many different responses as those previously embodied experiences threatened from the left this morning. No longer feeling insecure, deserving of it, not caring what the impression of others is. I realized that I don't care what it looks like to anyone else, I'm getting what I'm wanting. I know my own motives, the energy I'm embodying. I'm staying here for the summer. It doesn't matter what that looks like to others; charity or 'of course it makes sense'. Doesn't matter how it happens, what matters is that it does happen.
I laid down for a nap. In it I kept closing my eyes to rest while I was driving. I knew my third eye would take over while I rested my physical eyes. I had had enough of that, however, and admonished the guy in the back who has always just been along for the ride to get up front and drive for a change; do his share. I'm not doing it by myself again. I woke hungry with that to-the-bone exhaustion again. Every fiber of my being is being stretched and transforming. Another big leap in consciousness with the body coming into alignment. Everything before this has been small steps. It has been on the thinking and feeling levels which I had not been expressing in the physical. I had kept it all isolated. Truly, that IS where it all begins. The misalignment is painful, however. I'm such a perfectionist! lol
Part of that was not receiving the money orders from Russ Bus today. It occurred to me that there must be a different way to get that money. The money orders were made out to me from me by me. They can't cash them. So, I turned around and went back to the post office. It'll cost $6.50 up front and 60 days to get the money back. Not good enough. Mention law suit felt correct. Their resistance to me must draw what they are resisting. Long ago I understood that we resist the Law of Attraction when we return good for bad, love for hate. Even Abraham-Hicks mentioned that in a recording I listened to this morning during all this; it's nothing about you if people elicit negative responses from you when you're flowing. I am often reminded of when my boss grabbed my butt and I slapped him before thinking about it. I suffered no negative repercussions. He was aggressive and got aggression back. What one gets from me is not necessarily the same as what is coming from within me.
I am noticing many different responses as those previously embodied experiences threatened from the left this morning. No longer feeling insecure, deserving of it, not caring what the impression of others is. I realized that I don't care what it looks like to anyone else, I'm getting what I'm wanting. I know my own motives, the energy I'm embodying. I'm staying here for the summer. It doesn't matter what that looks like to others; charity or 'of course it makes sense'. Doesn't matter how it happens, what matters is that it does happen.
I laid down for a nap. In it I kept closing my eyes to rest while I was driving. I knew my third eye would take over while I rested my physical eyes. I had had enough of that, however, and admonished the guy in the back who has always just been along for the ride to get up front and drive for a change; do his share. I'm not doing it by myself again. I woke hungry with that to-the-bone exhaustion again. Every fiber of my being is being stretched and transforming. Another big leap in consciousness with the body coming into alignment. Everything before this has been small steps. It has been on the thinking and feeling levels which I had not been expressing in the physical. I had kept it all isolated. Truly, that IS where it all begins. The misalignment is painful, however. I'm such a perfectionist! lol
Friday, March 20, 2020
Impending...and America is housing it's homeless!
Last night the word came through the grapevine that they'll be stopping the ferry and isolating the island. Turns out my springtime vision was the hotel, the hotel 'dream' wasn't the domestic violence shelter idea that inspired me to allow me to see the fancy hotel for me. The men working on the island and staying at the hotel are checking out. I had a feeling that the ferry shut down was going to wait until Friday after rush hour. We got our dog back and said our good-byes-for-now.
On the news it's being reported that America is housing it's homeless. Profound!
It occurs to me that if it be so that one 'awakened' consciousness affects a 2,000 mile radius and one soul in alignment with their 'vortex' is more powerful than a million not; that makes this island mine,; as in my consciousness will be dominant. Woa. Life didn't just give me a nice hotel to pass the time in; it gave me an island!
On the news it's being reported that America is housing it's homeless. Profound!
It occurs to me that if it be so that one 'awakened' consciousness affects a 2,000 mile radius and one soul in alignment with their 'vortex' is more powerful than a million not; that makes this island mine,; as in my consciousness will be dominant. Woa. Life didn't just give me a nice hotel to pass the time in; it gave me an island!
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Playing Armageddon and the angel of death passing over
Today I am prompted to remember playing "Armageddon" during power outages with my oldest when we were Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm getting a strong sense of preparing for the angel of death to pass over. Just as the Jews prepared the Passover lamb and painted their doorways, we are all prepping for isolation while we await the peak of this virus to pass through.
It occurs to me that isolating entire populations for a season is a perfect way to ease the separation of timelines: some will leave isolation back into the old paradigm they've chosen to revisit and continue another cycle in having death from a virus as a 'logical'(mind graspable) reason for those they were used to seeing regularly to be missing. Those moving forward into a world of greater compassion and gentle expression will leave isolation into a new paradigm most likely understanding why neighbors are 'missing'. I feel like a huge reset button is about to be hit and my nervous system is feeling it as old fears try to be embodied and just can't be as my peace vibes are overtaking the nervous system.
It occurs to me that isolating entire populations for a season is a perfect way to ease the separation of timelines: some will leave isolation back into the old paradigm they've chosen to revisit and continue another cycle in having death from a virus as a 'logical'(mind graspable) reason for those they were used to seeing regularly to be missing. Those moving forward into a world of greater compassion and gentle expression will leave isolation into a new paradigm most likely understanding why neighbors are 'missing'. I feel like a huge reset button is about to be hit and my nervous system is feeling it as old fears try to be embodied and just can't be as my peace vibes are overtaking the nervous system.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
5 days on the road and innocence creates a new world
So, the Russ Bus asked me to go but backed off when I spoke. Instead, they resorted to pettiness to make me so miserable that I would choose to go. Of course I would! They told volunteers I didn't want food delivery when that was not the case at all and they knew it. They could count on someone having too much self respect to put up with their shit to choose to go. They did what they should have done to begin with; fixed my van. Then they applied pressure by asking when. I was so disgusted that I left the apartment key with someone standing outside, leaving my money orders behind. It was raining.
We traveled for 5 days after that. We slept in Walmart parking lots; heading south. My son had said he wanted to go to the ocean when we had left Slab City last year, so to the coast we headed. I followed the feeling of "Destination- love and adoration". I had cranked up my energy so much that my neighbor went bat shit crazy; fluctuating between loving and hating me. I listened to Abraham-Hicks who said to just answer with the feeling as a destination rather than trying to make up and come up with a physical location. We ended up traveling along the coast of southwest Louisiana. We got gas money as we went. I noticed the air smelled so much fresher and more clear down here. I had some of the sweetest dreams.
We spent the night at a boat launch where we had spent the day enjoying the view of an authentic shrimping boat at dock and an air motor pontoon boat. The mosquitoes got to us at night when the breeze died down, so we tried to leave in the morning. The van battery had died. A man went to a neighbor who had been a mechanic and got it going again. I feel we were destined to meet the man who went to look for the mechanic as he had never left the area and had always wanted to see Montana and snow. How much more motivation against restrictions could a man be presented with than a single woman with two children with no money making her way into unfamiliar territory following a feeling?
The next day the van's fuel light came on just before we reached the ferry to take us across to where an actual sandy beach was waiting. I chose to keep going anyways. The fuel light went off and we had our first ferry crossing. It was awesome. We rested at the boat launch just off the ferry. When I opened my eyes after a bit of a rest, I immediately saw dolphins cavorting just off shore. Magic! A gardener snake headed toward me while I peed, but shadow frightened it away. Protection with dolphins, healing with snake.
When we stopped at Holly Beach, something dropped from my midsection and I felt "home". We stayed there in a tent n the beach for three days. I asked a few people who stopped by who I should ask about getting work and place to stay deal. one man stopped to retrieve floor mats he had used the day before to get his truck unstuck. His wife showed up somewhat guarded the next day with food and an invitation to stay on a houseboat near their home in Hackberry, LA. I told them we'd come the next morning. The dog and children could run free without me having to worry about anyone complaining. Dreams time was full of spirits trying to terrorize me in the in-betweens, but one sweet spirit and another just like me.
While we had been travelling, the corona virus had escalated it's threat and children's spring breaks had become a month long. That's why us being there was of no great notice. I was reluctant to go, but knew it was probably best. When we got to Hackberry, the houseboat had fallen through. The church that Renee, who is the wife of the man who had come to get his floor mats, goes to put us up in the local hotel for a week. Because we had food stamps and didn't need groceries, she got us $100 in gas vouchers from the local grocery and laundry and dish soap. The hotel is GORGEOUS. No doubt, expensive. Renee is keeping the dog, which made me cry, but the hotel doesn't accept pets and I needed the break, anyways. Travelling with a shedding dog, two rats, the children and now full of sand is taxing!
We spent yesterday with Renee. I bought them a steak, sausage, and shrimp cocktail dinner. We stayed late but her husband came home with terrors and fears about the corona virus shutting everything down. Sure enough; businesses and entire cities were shutting down other than essential services. Renee told her husband how I was the first person to tell her she was a good influence on them. He confessed to me that he had challenged God to prove himself via me and there I was; proving God's existence and fulfillment of promises. He had also called his son to apologize to his son for not having been there for his son and his son's mother. Seeing a woman abandoned with children by a man not wanting to pay child support drove home exactly what he had done to his ex and child. They brought a beer and my cheese cake to sing me happy birthday because I left when it got uncomfortable, leaving cake behind. Besides, which, they were coming to buy out the local beer supply as much as they could because they had heard all the bars were being closed down.
We went to visit Shadow (dog) at Renee's this morning. I knew the vibes weren't good. It was the whole adding water to a glass full of oil thing. The negativity was being displaced and the angry, unfriendly side was coming out today. I could feel it before we got there. Turns out that not only was the oil overflowing; her husband had used the last of Renee's money to buy the Collar General out of it's beer supply. We didn't stay long and I cried. Even understanding; being unwelcome and put in lose-lose situation was hurting. Renee went to talk to the neighbor, knowing I wasn't feeling welcome. I f I left without talking to her directly, she could have held it against me. If I interrupted her conversation with the neighbor, she could have held that against me. It occurred to me leaving a note would be a third option fulfilling all expectations. The moment I started writing it; she returned. I got to leave off the hook, knowing the bitching that was potentially happening if Renee decided to embody the thoughts that were hovering.
I had contacted the Russ Bus to have them send my money orders general delivery, so on the way home to the hotel, I stopped at the post office to let them know I had mail via general delivery coming. The woman working there was grateful. She pasted my number up so she wouldn't forget and co-workers would know. Oh; Theresa who works at the Baptist Church that is putting us up in the hotel was wonderful. Totally Jesus freak, but wonderful. I did laundry.
So, raw from visiting Shadow at Renee's, I checked facebook. My innocence has been close to the surface this morning. A post got the following response out of me:
My most innocent heart was so wounded upon reading a post of a landlord not requiring rent for this month and challenging other landlords who can afford to, to do the same. I had already assumed all landlords and banks, etc had already made that decision, whether they could afford it or not. I had assumed utilities would have already been required to remain on, etc. That was even *the threat*; government taking over everything to keep it all going; become some communist state keeping everyone on food rations and limited utilities, if anything. Rescue the people and the people will patronize the companies. What good is subsidizing companies that no one can afford to patronize? So they get all the money? To do what with it? The people will just learn to forage for food again, build shelters, use fires, purify water and live without them. Whatever. I'm sure there's an argument against that reasoning, as there is with everything. My heart's innocence believed that, for better or worse, people would be ordered isolated in residences and so couldn't be forced out or leave. It hurt to read it wasn't already happening and that it was a 'mercy' rather than human nature or at least common decency we should be able to take for granted. Then came the whisper: "Dear, sweet, innocent one; this is evidence of what you believed becoming reality. It is your innocent taking-for-granted, belief, that is creating this". Oh. I wasn't 'imagining' naively, I was believing and my believing was creating and so it is coming into being. It is reality. It is reality because I believed it was already happening.
We traveled for 5 days after that. We slept in Walmart parking lots; heading south. My son had said he wanted to go to the ocean when we had left Slab City last year, so to the coast we headed. I followed the feeling of "Destination- love and adoration". I had cranked up my energy so much that my neighbor went bat shit crazy; fluctuating between loving and hating me. I listened to Abraham-Hicks who said to just answer with the feeling as a destination rather than trying to make up and come up with a physical location. We ended up traveling along the coast of southwest Louisiana. We got gas money as we went. I noticed the air smelled so much fresher and more clear down here. I had some of the sweetest dreams.
We spent the night at a boat launch where we had spent the day enjoying the view of an authentic shrimping boat at dock and an air motor pontoon boat. The mosquitoes got to us at night when the breeze died down, so we tried to leave in the morning. The van battery had died. A man went to a neighbor who had been a mechanic and got it going again. I feel we were destined to meet the man who went to look for the mechanic as he had never left the area and had always wanted to see Montana and snow. How much more motivation against restrictions could a man be presented with than a single woman with two children with no money making her way into unfamiliar territory following a feeling?
The next day the van's fuel light came on just before we reached the ferry to take us across to where an actual sandy beach was waiting. I chose to keep going anyways. The fuel light went off and we had our first ferry crossing. It was awesome. We rested at the boat launch just off the ferry. When I opened my eyes after a bit of a rest, I immediately saw dolphins cavorting just off shore. Magic! A gardener snake headed toward me while I peed, but shadow frightened it away. Protection with dolphins, healing with snake.
When we stopped at Holly Beach, something dropped from my midsection and I felt "home". We stayed there in a tent n the beach for three days. I asked a few people who stopped by who I should ask about getting work and place to stay deal. one man stopped to retrieve floor mats he had used the day before to get his truck unstuck. His wife showed up somewhat guarded the next day with food and an invitation to stay on a houseboat near their home in Hackberry, LA. I told them we'd come the next morning. The dog and children could run free without me having to worry about anyone complaining. Dreams time was full of spirits trying to terrorize me in the in-betweens, but one sweet spirit and another just like me.
While we had been travelling, the corona virus had escalated it's threat and children's spring breaks had become a month long. That's why us being there was of no great notice. I was reluctant to go, but knew it was probably best. When we got to Hackberry, the houseboat had fallen through. The church that Renee, who is the wife of the man who had come to get his floor mats, goes to put us up in the local hotel for a week. Because we had food stamps and didn't need groceries, she got us $100 in gas vouchers from the local grocery and laundry and dish soap. The hotel is GORGEOUS. No doubt, expensive. Renee is keeping the dog, which made me cry, but the hotel doesn't accept pets and I needed the break, anyways. Travelling with a shedding dog, two rats, the children and now full of sand is taxing!
We spent yesterday with Renee. I bought them a steak, sausage, and shrimp cocktail dinner. We stayed late but her husband came home with terrors and fears about the corona virus shutting everything down. Sure enough; businesses and entire cities were shutting down other than essential services. Renee told her husband how I was the first person to tell her she was a good influence on them. He confessed to me that he had challenged God to prove himself via me and there I was; proving God's existence and fulfillment of promises. He had also called his son to apologize to his son for not having been there for his son and his son's mother. Seeing a woman abandoned with children by a man not wanting to pay child support drove home exactly what he had done to his ex and child. They brought a beer and my cheese cake to sing me happy birthday because I left when it got uncomfortable, leaving cake behind. Besides, which, they were coming to buy out the local beer supply as much as they could because they had heard all the bars were being closed down.
We went to visit Shadow (dog) at Renee's this morning. I knew the vibes weren't good. It was the whole adding water to a glass full of oil thing. The negativity was being displaced and the angry, unfriendly side was coming out today. I could feel it before we got there. Turns out that not only was the oil overflowing; her husband had used the last of Renee's money to buy the Collar General out of it's beer supply. We didn't stay long and I cried. Even understanding; being unwelcome and put in lose-lose situation was hurting. Renee went to talk to the neighbor, knowing I wasn't feeling welcome. I f I left without talking to her directly, she could have held it against me. If I interrupted her conversation with the neighbor, she could have held that against me. It occurred to me leaving a note would be a third option fulfilling all expectations. The moment I started writing it; she returned. I got to leave off the hook, knowing the bitching that was potentially happening if Renee decided to embody the thoughts that were hovering.
I had contacted the Russ Bus to have them send my money orders general delivery, so on the way home to the hotel, I stopped at the post office to let them know I had mail via general delivery coming. The woman working there was grateful. She pasted my number up so she wouldn't forget and co-workers would know. Oh; Theresa who works at the Baptist Church that is putting us up in the hotel was wonderful. Totally Jesus freak, but wonderful. I did laundry.
So, raw from visiting Shadow at Renee's, I checked facebook. My innocence has been close to the surface this morning. A post got the following response out of me:
My most innocent heart was so wounded upon reading a post of a landlord not requiring rent for this month and challenging other landlords who can afford to, to do the same. I had already assumed all landlords and banks, etc had already made that decision, whether they could afford it or not. I had assumed utilities would have already been required to remain on, etc. That was even *the threat*; government taking over everything to keep it all going; become some communist state keeping everyone on food rations and limited utilities, if anything. Rescue the people and the people will patronize the companies. What good is subsidizing companies that no one can afford to patronize? So they get all the money? To do what with it? The people will just learn to forage for food again, build shelters, use fires, purify water and live without them. Whatever. I'm sure there's an argument against that reasoning, as there is with everything. My heart's innocence believed that, for better or worse, people would be ordered isolated in residences and so couldn't be forced out or leave. It hurt to read it wasn't already happening and that it was a 'mercy' rather than human nature or at least common decency we should be able to take for granted. Then came the whisper: "Dear, sweet, innocent one; this is evidence of what you believed becoming reality. It is your innocent taking-for-granted, belief, that is creating this". Oh. I wasn't 'imagining' naively, I was believing and my believing was creating and so it is coming into being. It is reality. It is reality because I believed it was already happening.
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