Self Whispering

   I said to my cells "Whisper to me of your memories of the future we've created, of a valley and forests, of streams and trees. Whisper to me of fluttering fabric on a canopy, of settees upon which my children will wake with me. Whisper to me of french doors open upon a balcony, curtains blowing upon a breeze, of tropical islands and clear blue seas. Whisper to me of mountains, covered in a blanket of snow, of a cabin at the base of them to where we can go."
   My cells whispered me to sleep. In that sleep I dreamed. A younger woman in a bed at whose side I sat as a servant. On the other side her betrothed and before her an older woman in a chair. The older woman wanted the place of the younger...they began to confer, one with the other, and the presence of the man vanished as I found us in a restroom. I slipped on urine soaked floors and did not want to touch the clogged toilets to lift myself up, I dreaded my state of appearance. "Do not focus on that, you are clean." the older told me. They decided they would make us a fellowship and break out on their own. I was touched by their boldness, felt their independence which they proposed. They gave me a title and attributed to me certain qualities, certain abilities. We would venture forth creating our own destiny.
   I woke, remembering the feelings of the state of being: bold, independent, self-supportive. "Whisper those feelings to me, of boldness and daring", to my cells I instructed.
    When I stepped outside I noticed the wind had continued blowing. All day the clouds had been by rapidly and at a steady pace, yet the weather was unchanging. I "smelled" war, the sense of which I remembered obtaining when one's consciousness focused it's self into my body upon it's waking a few years ago. Through it's consciousness I saw and felt it had been in the Middle East amidst bombs falling, guns firing and the smell...the smell of war. The energy of that war is upon us. Because there was no fear in 'her' when that smell first came back then, I felt no fear in response to it now, today.
    Focus. Focus on keeping up the whisper as I continue my day. By IT we shall be saved.
    Living playscapes for my children in our future...they reached to attack them, I tamed them immediately, choosing a different response from them....why would this be? The left brain had introduced it, interfering with my right brain imagining. Ah, yes, the part of me I developed to distinguish disruptive behavior so that I would disturb or offend anybody, always taking negative responses into account. Lately the children have been "breaking out" in response to the energies, laughing, rough playing compatibly but loudly late into the evening when down below as well as above neighbors would be sleeping. All my cells must open, nothing can be hidden, I must be aware of the existence of such things. I must allow in the innocence, the light, the freedom. No longer concern myself with possible disturbing or disruptions; no else will exist to disrupt, disturb or offend where we are going.
   I sensed a part of me, an organ in my midsection reaching in memory and it was stopped immediately. Where ever it was going was somewhere we were no longer going. There was not even time for the thought of who it might be that part of me was wanting to consider.
  Again I tried to reach for images of the future to be attacked by a great darkness, to which I responded with a smirk "There is only me"....it left immediately.
   There was sinking in my stomach as I realized there was no longer a male entity present within me or to take into consideration.....like a ship that cut it's anchor to to make it's own way upon the sea. Sense of security must now live in me.
   Bouts of a crying breath here and there, an inner scream of energetically tearing out unwanted aspects that I considered parts of me.
   So, it was left: a fellowship of three boldly setting out to their own galaxy..........
But then I began to think: why would I ally myself with one who wanted the place of the other and one who would abandon her position, swayed by one who would take it? Just what did they covet? Of whose making is this galaxy? Was it not me? Have I not been set free, been given my sovereignty?
   And is it not so that if people are engrossed and distracted by war, they will be too busy to notice a shift in their state of being? Would they only be able to imagine the limitations they began the war with, unable to fully realize a new state of being, new abilities, new ways of creating? There would be no time for processing.
   Things worth considering........though I shall instead go back to feeding and focusing the whispering......