The man of the house

     You won't find another woman who loves men more than me. I DID, however have to give up on them. There was enough for me to discover about my own psyche, I had to choose to leave theirs alone. After 4 years of focusing on myself, clearing, unraveling, undoing, clearing.......becoming more loving and accepting it still baffled me that the men drawn to me were of the very same nature as the men who motivated me to give up on them. Still wasn't going to focus on it. I was building stronger relationships with women and delighting in it. My energy was changing profoundly. That journey is just way too exciting and fulfilling to worry about what or why men are doing anything. They were free of me; my expectations, my judgments, my worry for them. So why are they still being so damn creepy? None of my business! I don't want to know. I tried my best and failed, got nothing. Leaving that shit alone.....
     Then the other day I got fed up with the whole financial abundance thing. WTF?! I don't want to hear another "There's not enough". I don't want to hear another pep talk. I don't want to hear another meme. I don't want to understand it. I don't want to fix it. "Just let it be already!". I am letting that shit go!
     That's when I was given a peek behind the curtain. "REALLY?!"  Behind the mask of a man who has a right to 'his' money, special privileges when there are resources and then plays the hero who goes without eating so he can feed his family is one who feels separated and alienated by this role he must play in order to be good and righteous: "The Man of The House" fulfilling his "responsibilities". When he's overspending on things he does not need, he's doing it so he can fulfill his responsibility as "man of the family". Women reinforce this obligation to take selfishly with their insistence "Daddy worked so hard today, let's give him the best cut of meat". Then when he's fulfilled his responsibility of taking special privileges, leaving his family in poverty it's martyr time. The stoic hero goes without while his family pigs out. The "sorry for him" and further special coddling comes which eats away at the pride he's supposed to feel at fulfilling his responsibility of being the martyr and going without. Behind all that mess and baggage is one who is crying out "I just want to be part of my own family!" They become isolated physically; retreating to a man cave, hunting, drinking, the garage, working, sitting perpetually in front of the TV, etc. Meanwhile, the unfilled aspect wanting attention goes through a cycle of being oppressive (insecure assertion of authority which they do in order to be a responsible head of the household) and an up-your-ass, give you no privacy, clingy, needy, insecure child (fulfilling his responsibility to love his family). The resentment polluting his "interest/affection/loving attention" feels sadistic to the women who feel attacked with it. Instead of nourishing, he's draining.
   So, my gift to all men everywhere ready, wanting and able to accept it: it's OK to let that shit go! Ya know what? We just want you to be a part of the family! It's OK to simply be a man who is a part of a family, who is a part of a household. We WANT you to feast when we feast, bleed when we bleed and share in what we are sharing.
  With all the love in my heart: "Let that shit go!" or don't. The concept of a man being simply a man and a part of the household, family, community sounds VERY good to me.