If swamp lands be the digestive system of a continent, is it any wonder the people they possess are inclined to want to break you down, chew you up and spit you out?
As I headed to my destination in Florida, where I intended to dwell, I had to pass through a swamp on a long raised road far between settlements. I could feel the swamps tapping into me and following me to my destination. Theirs was a sweet, endearing psychic 'smell'. As I dwelled there in "civilization", the middle of a housing development in a rather large city (comparatively, according to my experience), the swamp was right there with me in my quiet moments. The swamp lands surrounding the area let me know how delighted they were with my presence. They would do no real harm to me. They loved me for my strength of mind, my charector, my ability to see the beauty and appreciate things despite the tearing forces that came upon me.......to see myself in the vessels being used, the strength and charector in them while still not taking any shit as appropriate.
I had learned from the spirit of the land in Maine to allow darkness come take it's quarry....the darkness in me that was resonating with the dark nature there. I had learned from a story shared with me by the land in a holler in Kentucky that just because it kills you, it does not mean it does not love you, it's love can be quite true, innocent, sincere. So, I had been prepared for the "dark" forces of the swamp, just performing a natural function of dismembering, dissolving, carrying away, creating something nourishing. I could allow it to have it's way with me. I processed much, I let go of much more. I was finally carried out of there nourished and able to nourish. I came out raw and naked and in many ways purified, closer to my natural state and thus nature....which is what had us howling at the mountains around us in Montana, drawing the attention of "Wolf Woman". I had been very much re-wilded, made feral in the swamps of Florida.
My trust that the swamps would not allow me to come to any real harm was not misguided, as was proven to me via an experience one night while we stayed in a ramshackle shack made of scrap wood on the banks of a local creek which flowed through an area of swamp . I had gotten into the habit of leaving food scraps out for the "campground's" neighborhood cat, away from our site because it had been coming in to try to get some anyways. When I saw eyes reflecting light in the dark where I had left the scraps, I spoke out loud to what I thought was the cat. I heard deep growls, saw another set of eyes higher and behind the first set. It was some local dogs known to attack. They ran at and leaped straight at me, teeth bared and the idea of my face being torn off being projected at me. I stood perfectly still in a state of somewhat wonder and WTF! Holy Shit! Is this happening?! And they simply disappeared in mid-air right in front of me. I stood there in the dark in the silence of a swamp at peace and the trickling of the creek flowing behind me. Errr, that's one way to show me that I'm protected!
On the banks of that creek, under the trees, amongst the snakes, gators and poisonous spiders, I cried, I sang, I danced, I sat still in perfect serenity just breathing, simply BEing in those moments, and I used my body more bravely than I had in many a year. As one with those swamps I let the land of parboiled toads under the rulership of the queen toad with a wig show me things, I learned to speak my truth, stand my ground and see so clearly I had to respect my own way of walking this world. As one with the swamp, I learned I didn't have to be clingy to a lover, I could hold to what I wanted and let go gracefully. I witnessed my love being seen through what would normally be expected to be ugly and enemy-making. As one with those swamps, I lived out a long time fantasy of being made love to by two men at once and it was delicious! When one wasn't doing it for me and I said enough, that was respected without the usual bad-mouthing and resentment. He simply didn't have "the touch", respected it and I got to enjoy further attention from the older one who did. I learned that yes, even after penetration, a woman's "No, this is not working for me" CAN be respected. When they say "Once you go black, you never go back", I suspect it has nothing to do with the size of the dick as is a common assertion. When asked "What is love?", I answered "Love is the bursting forth of the abundance of life in spring". In that answer he was impressed and I learned something about me. As one with those swamps I saw the fulfillment of a vision I had the previous winter....the raspberry kisses, sweetest I ever had experienced and as the vision had shown me, we were parted by his job which required traveling. I got in touch with my innocence and it's energetically/spiritually pure sexuality. I fell in love with my body. Those swamps saw me stripped and naked on so many levels in so many ways. Like the rich compost to come out of them, I was fertilized with the richest experiences a summer could ever offer. The "smell" of them is never very far away. As I had learned from the land in Maine, a land remembers you. It can connect with and look after you, gift you even when you're thousands of miles away.
We ARE expressions of the Earth beneath our feet. It will birth us, nourish us and teach us just like any mother. The only "demons" out there are the spirits in us twisted by our own perceptions of them, their ways and their purpose.
Friday, January 13, 2017
A Shattering of Realities Coming to Bare.....
I saw an event sponsored by a domestic violence organization. I thought "this isn't going to work. These people are experiencing 'normal' relationships with the same type of interactions for generation upon generation. They aren't going to self-identify as abusive. They don't perceive the need for such an event, despite a local young woman killed by her intimate partner just days before this. What we need to do is show them a non-violent relationship in action, something they can aspire to (when they're done calling it corny, weak, sissies) and thus inspire a desire for change, a reconsideration of their perception of their reality". As is, you show them what an emotionally and intellectually violent relationship looks like and their response is "that's not abusive, that's fucking normal! My father never killed my mother. My mother never killed her kids. I never hurt anyone! These people don't know what they're talking about. They're the ones with the problem".
I saw a young man resentfully grab his girlfriend's tit because she was being 'needy'. A few days later the pre-teen she tutors did the same thing. She brushed it off as nothing. He was imitating her boyfriend and that's just 'normal guy' behavior. I, of course was appalled for a moment. It's true, it's their normal experience. Notably, she kept it from the boy's mother because she knew the boy would get in trouble for it.
Recently when this young couple was interacting; him beating her on the head 'playfully' but obviously frustrated, with a rolled up paper calling her stupid, etc. "Just do what I tell you to do!".... I said in a mock official voice "I'm a DV advocate, I'm a mandated reporter of this partner abuse stuff, so I'm just gonna turn my back here so I don't see this". Also, recently, a neighbor was criticizing the young woman's housekeeping habits, meal preparations, etc. I said I believed she's depressed. "Yeah, because she's cooped up in that apartment all day", the neighbor said. "No, because so are we, but we're not depressed".replied I. Synchronistically, the same young woman went to see a doctor recently who said she is depressed and asked if her boyfriend is abusive. The doctor nailed it and she refuses to hear it. She doesn't treat her child any differently than how her boyfriend treats her. There's a whole lot of ego on the line and a perception of herself and her whole reality being challenged.
The thing is, none of these people are evil. They are not the "bad guys". They're good-hearted, good natured, loving, outgoing, generous, attentive. They'll drop everything to help a neighbor who needs it. They're young and vibrant and brighten the world around them. They're simply conditioned to be frustrated, critical, and energetically violent. They're conditioned to lack emotional intelligence which leads to a fragile over-intellectualized ego. They're no different than the rest of mainstream western society. They are, in fact 'normal' with a greater sense of community contribution than city shut-ins.
"The Powers That BE" are, however, obviously pushing for an awakening. I believe they have the grit and love flowing through them to survive what is being asked of them: to become pioneers of social change in their community.
I saw a young man resentfully grab his girlfriend's tit because she was being 'needy'. A few days later the pre-teen she tutors did the same thing. She brushed it off as nothing. He was imitating her boyfriend and that's just 'normal guy' behavior. I, of course was appalled for a moment. It's true, it's their normal experience. Notably, she kept it from the boy's mother because she knew the boy would get in trouble for it.
Recently when this young couple was interacting; him beating her on the head 'playfully' but obviously frustrated, with a rolled up paper calling her stupid, etc. "Just do what I tell you to do!".... I said in a mock official voice "I'm a DV advocate, I'm a mandated reporter of this partner abuse stuff, so I'm just gonna turn my back here so I don't see this". Also, recently, a neighbor was criticizing the young woman's housekeeping habits, meal preparations, etc. I said I believed she's depressed. "Yeah, because she's cooped up in that apartment all day", the neighbor said. "No, because so are we, but we're not depressed".replied I. Synchronistically, the same young woman went to see a doctor recently who said she is depressed and asked if her boyfriend is abusive. The doctor nailed it and she refuses to hear it. She doesn't treat her child any differently than how her boyfriend treats her. There's a whole lot of ego on the line and a perception of herself and her whole reality being challenged.
The thing is, none of these people are evil. They are not the "bad guys". They're good-hearted, good natured, loving, outgoing, generous, attentive. They'll drop everything to help a neighbor who needs it. They're young and vibrant and brighten the world around them. They're simply conditioned to be frustrated, critical, and energetically violent. They're conditioned to lack emotional intelligence which leads to a fragile over-intellectualized ego. They're no different than the rest of mainstream western society. They are, in fact 'normal' with a greater sense of community contribution than city shut-ins.
"The Powers That BE" are, however, obviously pushing for an awakening. I believe they have the grit and love flowing through them to survive what is being asked of them: to become pioneers of social change in their community.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Wolf Woman-The Rest of the Playground Story
When I first moved here I wrote of how we went to the playground. My daughter stood up on an artificial rock formation and howled up at the mountains. I chimed in with a bolder howl from my place swinging on the swing set. I wrote of how it felt liberating. What I did not write about was what answered our howls. Wasn't it sensational enough, brave and socially daring enough to admit we're out in the public landscape howling like animals and relishing it? Did I not risk enough? Not if I am committed to full authenticity. Not if I desire to be fully honest. Not if I want to live my life's fullest experience in the fullness of which it has been given me.
It was not wolves that answered from the mountains around our valley, it was Wolf Woman of this land herself. She came into me and she came into my children, officially initiating us into this land, to this community. I could feel her delight at the scandalized reactions of the male spirits who witnessed our primal reverie coming from female forms. She delights in reactions when she is deprived of aware responses. As we became one, she became tempered in me. In me is understanding of why it is scandalous, rejected and she persecuted. In me is awareness of how we create our own reality and cause our own persecution to a degree, and how to become more accepted, embraced in our own bubble of experiential reality by embracing ourselves fully and not giving in to condemnation. So, she became playful. She likes to bark at you to engage you in play. You're supposed to bark back playfully and engaged in chasing or being chased. You're supposed to be fearless, unafraid of her. If you are not these things, she becomes aggressive, full of disdain for the weakness. She won't try to kill you, but she will become predatory in intimidating you "out of her face".
So it was my children gave voices to the stuffed animals they carried with them, barking, growling and hissing at a little girl who then came on the scene, all daintily dressed in fashionable clothing, carrying her dolly with all it's civilized equipment (stroller, bottles, etc). This newcomer to the scene did not get it. She cringed and got upset at the invitations to engage in play the animal way. She condemned my children as she went back from whence she came, looking over her shoulder fearfully. We may have been the newcomers, but it is we who are "native"/"indigenous" to it upon arriving and howling our joy of our primal experience in invitation to it's primal spirit. That often makes people angry: the favoritism we are often shown so quickly. They have been here for years and due to their own closed states of being, have not been showered and nurtured and accepted. I used to make myself small and refuse expressions of acceptance just to avoid making others angry, making them feel small and unlucky and especially unloved. I'm over it these days.
In me, through me, around me, this Wolf Woman of our valley is an angel of light, playful, frisky, full of delight at the sensuousness of our primal life. She will look after us, nurture us, protect us, share with us, guide us, engage us and receive our knowledge. Her presence in the locals, however is a completely different story. As she comes to be as one with them, she meets the blockages, resistance, judgement from the dominant Christian conditioning and teachings. In me, she is "Earthy", in them, she is "Salty" and mean, defensive. She cannot flow as one within them and so she outright posses them, "owns their asses", so to speak. Social discord, their rejection and judgement of each other, their abusive relationships are all her "vengeance". She causes them to strike out subtly, passive-aggressively, sarcastically which then causes their Christian trained consciences to then experience shame.....the rejection and shame they heap upon her every day. They don't get these lessons, though. To them, she is a demon who posses them, they've become victim to. They plead and seek salvation from her of a god who is a foreigner here. He can govern their minds. He can use the people to harm the surface of the land and thus the spirit of the Wolf Woman's feelings. But, no more. Not upon my arrival. In me her feelings cannot be hurt and in me, their god is already down on his knees.
I figured out that is why I get so offended and disgusted and resentful and angry when people begin pleading to god, asserting his support of them. When I was a Christian and I read the scripture where Jesus said to pray "that you be one with Him as I am one with Him", I did. My prayer was answered immediately, just as Jesus promised "Who gives their child a serpent when they ask for bread?".No one wants to be pigeon-holed to their pasts for an eternity. So, when he sees what they say and do "in his name" he gets angry..."That is not me! My followers are like Job, they called me on my bullshit, on my cock-waving. Stacey saved herself from me!". Oh, yes, near and dear to that one residing in and as one with me. He handed over the kingdom, let him go, already, sheesh!
This, of course, causes discomfort amongst my fellow humans with me. They see the Wolf Woman in me, but I do not shrink at their equal disdain at seeing it in me as they shower upon seeing it in themselves. I do not seek absolution from their idea of god, I do not see their demons, I see their idea of "angels" as demons not worthy of my time or attention, who I deny and dis-empower upon meeting. Their "angels" are false humility, prudish sexuality, constant fear of disease, judgement of themselves and others, and the "sin"/evil that they are told to believe lives in them. Their "angels" are distortion and corruption of all that is natural and holy.
What DOES come from these people of the Wolf Woman that DOES resonate with and fit in with their Christian conditioning is warmth and generosity, an eagerness to engage in community. They are protective of each other. There is a strong sense of taking care of neighbors....who aren't too offensive anyways. There is that old timey "Norman Rockwell" vibe to this place, a measure of innocence and "the good old days". They own their crazy-take care of the marginalized amongst them, who aren't too offensive, anyways. There's industrialized corruption, defense of ecological destruction just because "it was my daddy who started that company"....the clinging to childhood idealization, making them self righteous in the face of obvious need to change for their own well-being. With change comes a change in finances possibly, a change in status, a destroying of their idealization of their family. In their black and white world, anything less than a portrayal of their lives as perfection is calling them evil. They can't be evil if god is on their side and so, they are "righteous" and will defend it with their life. A simple: "oops, didn't realize we were poisoning ourselves here, let's do something different" does not exist in a good vs evil perspective. The devotion to family, in it's self, is a virtue of Wolf Woman, the loyalty, the longevity, the protectiveness, the commitment and dedication.
The Wolf Woman is also present in the casual attitude toward the complying with the "machine". As long as it looks like their cooperating, they're going their own way and doing their own thing. There's a stronger inclination toward sovereignty here so far from overwhelmingly sized civilization. In the winter roads in and out are often closed, highways shut down. Winter lasts more of the year than any other season. Before internet and cell phones, they spent more time isolated and thus independent than a part of the rest of the country/civilization. That gives more time for wildness to get and keep a grip in them. That makes them, over all, a passionate and playful people slightly schizophrenic in the head. The seizures, migraines, etc are testament to it. They'll be possessed by the "salty" spirit one minute and honestly not remembering what they said or did the next. This leads them to be disorganized and "discombobulated". They may have jobs and status but hardly have "their acts together", but because having a job and status is the worldly definition of having one's act together.....they are more prone to look at me as needing help because I limit my job, haven't yet achieved status and live more simply. And yet, I'm always on time, if not early. I've always got my records when needed, I'm on top of things, organized and emotionally with "my shit together", available on the spot when crisis arises, not judgmental or overwhelmed, ready to laugh and quick to catch the crossing of a healthy boundary.
Of course, this sort of analysis triggers anger in people who deny their demons, romanticize their lives and not wanting to take responsibility for their own problems, leaving all that to blame on god and demons "his people" and "those people".
We'll see where Wolf Woman and me go in this valley. I'm in the process of shedding many things, finding my voice and the strength to use it. While I am doing this, Wolf Woman is learning from me and going to work on her people, her voices in this valley. Maybe their god as existing in me is even making headway in their conditioning, opening their minds to see the scriptures differently.
In the mean time, if where I would normally say the eating of food is supposed to be an act of making love with the Earth instead of dependency, you instead see me writing "It is the licking of the Earth's clit and her sucking the dick of your lips"...well, you know The Wolf Woman Of Livingston is painting a picture for your understanding with me......
It was not wolves that answered from the mountains around our valley, it was Wolf Woman of this land herself. She came into me and she came into my children, officially initiating us into this land, to this community. I could feel her delight at the scandalized reactions of the male spirits who witnessed our primal reverie coming from female forms. She delights in reactions when she is deprived of aware responses. As we became one, she became tempered in me. In me is understanding of why it is scandalous, rejected and she persecuted. In me is awareness of how we create our own reality and cause our own persecution to a degree, and how to become more accepted, embraced in our own bubble of experiential reality by embracing ourselves fully and not giving in to condemnation. So, she became playful. She likes to bark at you to engage you in play. You're supposed to bark back playfully and engaged in chasing or being chased. You're supposed to be fearless, unafraid of her. If you are not these things, she becomes aggressive, full of disdain for the weakness. She won't try to kill you, but she will become predatory in intimidating you "out of her face".
So it was my children gave voices to the stuffed animals they carried with them, barking, growling and hissing at a little girl who then came on the scene, all daintily dressed in fashionable clothing, carrying her dolly with all it's civilized equipment (stroller, bottles, etc). This newcomer to the scene did not get it. She cringed and got upset at the invitations to engage in play the animal way. She condemned my children as she went back from whence she came, looking over her shoulder fearfully. We may have been the newcomers, but it is we who are "native"/"indigenous" to it upon arriving and howling our joy of our primal experience in invitation to it's primal spirit. That often makes people angry: the favoritism we are often shown so quickly. They have been here for years and due to their own closed states of being, have not been showered and nurtured and accepted. I used to make myself small and refuse expressions of acceptance just to avoid making others angry, making them feel small and unlucky and especially unloved. I'm over it these days.
In me, through me, around me, this Wolf Woman of our valley is an angel of light, playful, frisky, full of delight at the sensuousness of our primal life. She will look after us, nurture us, protect us, share with us, guide us, engage us and receive our knowledge. Her presence in the locals, however is a completely different story. As she comes to be as one with them, she meets the blockages, resistance, judgement from the dominant Christian conditioning and teachings. In me, she is "Earthy", in them, she is "Salty" and mean, defensive. She cannot flow as one within them and so she outright posses them, "owns their asses", so to speak. Social discord, their rejection and judgement of each other, their abusive relationships are all her "vengeance". She causes them to strike out subtly, passive-aggressively, sarcastically which then causes their Christian trained consciences to then experience shame.....the rejection and shame they heap upon her every day. They don't get these lessons, though. To them, she is a demon who posses them, they've become victim to. They plead and seek salvation from her of a god who is a foreigner here. He can govern their minds. He can use the people to harm the surface of the land and thus the spirit of the Wolf Woman's feelings. But, no more. Not upon my arrival. In me her feelings cannot be hurt and in me, their god is already down on his knees.
I figured out that is why I get so offended and disgusted and resentful and angry when people begin pleading to god, asserting his support of them. When I was a Christian and I read the scripture where Jesus said to pray "that you be one with Him as I am one with Him", I did. My prayer was answered immediately, just as Jesus promised "Who gives their child a serpent when they ask for bread?".No one wants to be pigeon-holed to their pasts for an eternity. So, when he sees what they say and do "in his name" he gets angry..."That is not me! My followers are like Job, they called me on my bullshit, on my cock-waving. Stacey saved herself from me!". Oh, yes, near and dear to that one residing in and as one with me. He handed over the kingdom, let him go, already, sheesh!
This, of course, causes discomfort amongst my fellow humans with me. They see the Wolf Woman in me, but I do not shrink at their equal disdain at seeing it in me as they shower upon seeing it in themselves. I do not seek absolution from their idea of god, I do not see their demons, I see their idea of "angels" as demons not worthy of my time or attention, who I deny and dis-empower upon meeting. Their "angels" are false humility, prudish sexuality, constant fear of disease, judgement of themselves and others, and the "sin"/evil that they are told to believe lives in them. Their "angels" are distortion and corruption of all that is natural and holy.
What DOES come from these people of the Wolf Woman that DOES resonate with and fit in with their Christian conditioning is warmth and generosity, an eagerness to engage in community. They are protective of each other. There is a strong sense of taking care of neighbors....who aren't too offensive anyways. There is that old timey "Norman Rockwell" vibe to this place, a measure of innocence and "the good old days". They own their crazy-take care of the marginalized amongst them, who aren't too offensive, anyways. There's industrialized corruption, defense of ecological destruction just because "it was my daddy who started that company"....the clinging to childhood idealization, making them self righteous in the face of obvious need to change for their own well-being. With change comes a change in finances possibly, a change in status, a destroying of their idealization of their family. In their black and white world, anything less than a portrayal of their lives as perfection is calling them evil. They can't be evil if god is on their side and so, they are "righteous" and will defend it with their life. A simple: "oops, didn't realize we were poisoning ourselves here, let's do something different" does not exist in a good vs evil perspective. The devotion to family, in it's self, is a virtue of Wolf Woman, the loyalty, the longevity, the protectiveness, the commitment and dedication.
The Wolf Woman is also present in the casual attitude toward the complying with the "machine". As long as it looks like their cooperating, they're going their own way and doing their own thing. There's a stronger inclination toward sovereignty here so far from overwhelmingly sized civilization. In the winter roads in and out are often closed, highways shut down. Winter lasts more of the year than any other season. Before internet and cell phones, they spent more time isolated and thus independent than a part of the rest of the country/civilization. That gives more time for wildness to get and keep a grip in them. That makes them, over all, a passionate and playful people slightly schizophrenic in the head. The seizures, migraines, etc are testament to it. They'll be possessed by the "salty" spirit one minute and honestly not remembering what they said or did the next. This leads them to be disorganized and "discombobulated". They may have jobs and status but hardly have "their acts together", but because having a job and status is the worldly definition of having one's act together.....they are more prone to look at me as needing help because I limit my job, haven't yet achieved status and live more simply. And yet, I'm always on time, if not early. I've always got my records when needed, I'm on top of things, organized and emotionally with "my shit together", available on the spot when crisis arises, not judgmental or overwhelmed, ready to laugh and quick to catch the crossing of a healthy boundary.
Of course, this sort of analysis triggers anger in people who deny their demons, romanticize their lives and not wanting to take responsibility for their own problems, leaving all that to blame on god and demons "his people" and "those people".
We'll see where Wolf Woman and me go in this valley. I'm in the process of shedding many things, finding my voice and the strength to use it. While I am doing this, Wolf Woman is learning from me and going to work on her people, her voices in this valley. Maybe their god as existing in me is even making headway in their conditioning, opening their minds to see the scriptures differently.
In the mean time, if where I would normally say the eating of food is supposed to be an act of making love with the Earth instead of dependency, you instead see me writing "It is the licking of the Earth's clit and her sucking the dick of your lips"...well, you know The Wolf Woman Of Livingston is painting a picture for your understanding with me......
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Time travel happens all the time
Time travel happens all the time. It takes no fancy scientific equipment or elitist training. Story tellers, actors, psychics, they do it all the time. The story tellers are conscious channels who bring spirits and souls from the past, an alternate present dimension or a future dimension to embody while telling. The best actors are conscious channels who embody a spirit we call a charector during their hours on set. Psychics call it "remote viewing". Begin to even think of where and when you want to know something from and I will be embodying the results already. I will already be there, seeing through the eyes of some one who is present in that time, at that event, and I can tell you exactly what they are seeing and feeling.
This is all normal. If we were part of a tribe in any culture just a few hundred years ago (if not native to one today), we would have been prepared for this as part of our "coming of age" training. You see, if you did not get a vision of your own, you were not a mature adult, equal part of the community/tribe. Walk-abouts, vision quests, red tents.....those who had no "super natural" experiences were the "freaks",unequal, incapable of being sovereign and contributing in taking the lead.
It is the experiencing of another time/space/dimension/ with our bodies still in the present that is normal. Scientifically it has been proven that observers effect that which they observe. So, the other time/space/dimensions are constantly churning with observation according to the consciousness of the story tellers, actors and psychics. The insanity is trying to bring a physical body into another time/space/dimension. It would be destroyed because it is not as fluid as our consciousness. It would constantly be morphing as a pile of goo, a caterpillar in it's cocoon, changed by every observation of the conscious story tellers, actors and psychics from every time/space/dimension.
The only thing abnormal about believing in time travel is believing it doesn't happen.
This is all normal. If we were part of a tribe in any culture just a few hundred years ago (if not native to one today), we would have been prepared for this as part of our "coming of age" training. You see, if you did not get a vision of your own, you were not a mature adult, equal part of the community/tribe. Walk-abouts, vision quests, red tents.....those who had no "super natural" experiences were the "freaks",unequal, incapable of being sovereign and contributing in taking the lead.
It is the experiencing of another time/space/dimension/ with our bodies still in the present that is normal. Scientifically it has been proven that observers effect that which they observe. So, the other time/space/dimensions are constantly churning with observation according to the consciousness of the story tellers, actors and psychics. The insanity is trying to bring a physical body into another time/space/dimension. It would be destroyed because it is not as fluid as our consciousness. It would constantly be morphing as a pile of goo, a caterpillar in it's cocoon, changed by every observation of the conscious story tellers, actors and psychics from every time/space/dimension.
The only thing abnormal about believing in time travel is believing it doesn't happen.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
They are the whole world to you
My wholeness is only a blip on his radar, something he wanted to be fully present for and until he could be, he had to tend to that which burned up his phone constantly, relentlessly.......he calls it his abuser but I now see it is his greatest lover..... and that is perfectly OK with me because it showed me what I need.
The following came across my fb news feed in August, 2015:
Lalit Arora with Sally Profota Scarborough and 2 others
2 hrs ·
Perfect explanation👏
Husband: I love you
Wife: I love you too, infact I love you so much I will fight the whole world for you
Husband: but you fight with me the most
Wife: because you are the whole world to me😳😂😂
add to that the concept that what we manifest in the outer world is reflection of our inner world. What we fight is that which is embodying our own inner "demons"...we are wrestling with ourselves when we are wrestling with someone else. They truly are your whole world. If your inner demons are your priority, then so is your own personal development. That's a good thing. They wouldn't have your attention if they weren't resonating....
I want to be "the whole world" of someone whose inner world I am embodying. The one they can't ignore. The one they always respond to immediately. I want to be the most provoking, blood rising thing they could be doing. And why shouldn't I be? I am present in all I do, un-distracted, fully devoted to engaging, knowing, understanding, appreciating. I do believe I am ready to have that mirror turned on me..
The following came across my fb news feed in August, 2015:
Lalit Arora with Sally Profota Scarborough and 2 others
2 hrs ·
Perfect explanation👏
Husband: I love you
Wife: I love you too, infact I love you so much I will fight the whole world for you
Husband: but you fight with me the most
Wife: because you are the whole world to me😳😂😂
add to that the concept that what we manifest in the outer world is reflection of our inner world. What we fight is that which is embodying our own inner "demons"...we are wrestling with ourselves when we are wrestling with someone else. They truly are your whole world. If your inner demons are your priority, then so is your own personal development. That's a good thing. They wouldn't have your attention if they weren't resonating....
I want to be "the whole world" of someone whose inner world I am embodying. The one they can't ignore. The one they always respond to immediately. I want to be the most provoking, blood rising thing they could be doing. And why shouldn't I be? I am present in all I do, un-distracted, fully devoted to engaging, knowing, understanding, appreciating. I do believe I am ready to have that mirror turned on me..
Too soon to be a priority?
The romantic realms have been difficult for me, simply because I know what feels natural, unefforted, smooth and sweet. This is met with the patriarchal governed way of relating, the rationalization of everything, the need to justify, to explain. The lack of unity, of oneness, of awareness of the inter-connectedness of all existence had no words to translate my way of being. "Justification" of it was missing. The only words anywhere near a description of a woman who recognized potential immediately were "whore" slut" and "easy".
Add to this my training in how to prevent one's self from being a victim of domestic violence, and I was further denied what came natural to me. The reasoning goes "If they want to move fast, have commitment too soon, they are dysfunctional and controlling, dependent, co-dependent, disabling". So, my confusion set in with boundaries and standards and testing that did not resonate with me.
So, one day a man expressed great interest in me. How profoundly deep my writings! He would drive as far as needed. Was I ready to at least have a phone conversation. OK. "Today?", I asked. "No". errrr O.K. So quite some time passed and he apologized for not getting back to me for some time because of such and such a thing. He wanted to meet. I said no. He had 'led me on' with expressing intent on being ready to meet, even if only over the phone and then dropped me like a hot potato. His reasoning was that people have to be more involved for great lengths of time in order to become a priority. It took me some time before I could translate how wrong this was and why it so did not resonate with me.
Turns out, if our own personal development is a priority, the attendance to that which it flourishes in should be a priority. Our commitment to those with whom we experience growth, is a commitment to our own self love and growth. We can only love the world as much as we love ourselves. We can only pour love into the world according to that much that is within us. We fill ourselves up greatly by giving ourselves the environment to do that in. If we neglect that environment, we deprive ourselves of it. hence, our commitments to others, even if we've just met, must be our highest priority, be treated with the utmost consideration if they are obviously someone who is clearly a part of a nourishing environment.
You wouldn't no-show a doctor's appointment, nor should you no-show a woman who feeds your spirit and soul's development.
Add to this my training in how to prevent one's self from being a victim of domestic violence, and I was further denied what came natural to me. The reasoning goes "If they want to move fast, have commitment too soon, they are dysfunctional and controlling, dependent, co-dependent, disabling". So, my confusion set in with boundaries and standards and testing that did not resonate with me.
So, one day a man expressed great interest in me. How profoundly deep my writings! He would drive as far as needed. Was I ready to at least have a phone conversation. OK. "Today?", I asked. "No". errrr O.K. So quite some time passed and he apologized for not getting back to me for some time because of such and such a thing. He wanted to meet. I said no. He had 'led me on' with expressing intent on being ready to meet, even if only over the phone and then dropped me like a hot potato. His reasoning was that people have to be more involved for great lengths of time in order to become a priority. It took me some time before I could translate how wrong this was and why it so did not resonate with me.
Turns out, if our own personal development is a priority, the attendance to that which it flourishes in should be a priority. Our commitment to those with whom we experience growth, is a commitment to our own self love and growth. We can only love the world as much as we love ourselves. We can only pour love into the world according to that much that is within us. We fill ourselves up greatly by giving ourselves the environment to do that in. If we neglect that environment, we deprive ourselves of it. hence, our commitments to others, even if we've just met, must be our highest priority, be treated with the utmost consideration if they are obviously someone who is clearly a part of a nourishing environment.
You wouldn't no-show a doctor's appointment, nor should you no-show a woman who feeds your spirit and soul's development.
So they could not love you like you wanted them to
When we go back far enough in human language, it has been discovered, there is a time when there existed in any language no word for the color blue. The human eye-brain system was simply color blind to it.
Again; I was once exposed to the story of how indigenous people on a beach were baffled by waves they were seeing on the ocean. What could be causing such an unusual wave formation? They brought their shaman to get an answer. In the sand, the shaman drew a picture of a European ship. Only then did they see the boat causing the waves, which were it's wake.
So it can be with the love we embody. When I say "I love you", I mean that I am delighted with your characteristics. What the one receiving may be hearing is "I need you to become dependent upon me and for you to allow me to be dependent upon you". They are hearing they must live up to conditions that they have come to understand would make them the receiver of love in a relationship. They cannot conceive of a devout, passionate love existing as is being emanated to include them and capable of walking away, leaving them as a flower unpicked, allowed to grow where planted. Some would go as far as believe because we did not try to pick it, put it in a vase, control, manipulate, reform, prune and sheer it that we did not share love at all. Treat some people with deep respect and they think you're mocking them.
So, keep growing and don't fret over those who "don't get it"...those who do know how to receive our love, who are capable of perceiving it's depths and appreciating it's presence in their own experience, are growing in number every day...get hung up on them
Inspired by the following fb meme.... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1212113158903606&set=p.1212113158903606&type=3&theater
;)
Again; I was once exposed to the story of how indigenous people on a beach were baffled by waves they were seeing on the ocean. What could be causing such an unusual wave formation? They brought their shaman to get an answer. In the sand, the shaman drew a picture of a European ship. Only then did they see the boat causing the waves, which were it's wake.
So it can be with the love we embody. When I say "I love you", I mean that I am delighted with your characteristics. What the one receiving may be hearing is "I need you to become dependent upon me and for you to allow me to be dependent upon you". They are hearing they must live up to conditions that they have come to understand would make them the receiver of love in a relationship. They cannot conceive of a devout, passionate love existing as is being emanated to include them and capable of walking away, leaving them as a flower unpicked, allowed to grow where planted. Some would go as far as believe because we did not try to pick it, put it in a vase, control, manipulate, reform, prune and sheer it that we did not share love at all. Treat some people with deep respect and they think you're mocking them.
So, keep growing and don't fret over those who "don't get it"...those who do know how to receive our love, who are capable of perceiving it's depths and appreciating it's presence in their own experience, are growing in number every day...get hung up on them
Inspired by the following fb meme.... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1212113158903606&set=p.1212113158903606&type=3&theater;)
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