Wolf Woman-The Rest of the Playground Story

  When I first moved here I wrote of how we went to the playground. My daughter stood up on an artificial rock formation and howled up at the mountains. I chimed in with a bolder howl from my place swinging on the swing set. I wrote of how it felt liberating. What I did not write about was what answered our howls. Wasn't it sensational enough, brave and socially daring enough to admit we're out in the public landscape howling like animals and relishing it? Did I not risk enough? Not if I am committed to full authenticity. Not if I desire to be fully honest. Not if I want to live my life's fullest experience in the fullness of which it has been given me.
  It was not wolves that answered from the mountains around our valley, it was Wolf Woman of this land herself. She came into me and she came into my children, officially initiating us into this land, to this community. I could feel her delight at the scandalized reactions of the male spirits who witnessed our primal reverie coming from female forms. She delights in reactions when she is deprived of aware responses. As we became one, she became tempered in me. In me is understanding of why it is scandalous, rejected and she persecuted. In me is awareness of how we create our own reality and cause our own persecution to a degree, and how to become more accepted, embraced  in our own bubble of experiential reality by embracing ourselves fully and not giving in to condemnation. So, she became playful. She likes to bark at you to engage you in play. You're supposed to bark back playfully and engaged in chasing or being chased. You're supposed to be fearless, unafraid of her.  If you are not these things, she becomes aggressive, full of disdain for the weakness. She won't try to kill you, but she will become predatory in intimidating you "out of her face".
  So it was my children gave voices to the stuffed animals they carried with them, barking, growling and hissing at a little girl who then came on the scene, all daintily dressed in fashionable clothing, carrying her dolly with all it's civilized equipment (stroller, bottles, etc). This newcomer to the scene did not get it. She cringed and got upset at the invitations to engage in play the animal way. She condemned my children as she went back from whence she came, looking over her shoulder fearfully. We may have been the newcomers, but it is we who are "native"/"indigenous" to it upon arriving and howling our joy of our primal experience in invitation to it's primal spirit. That often makes people angry: the favoritism we are often shown so quickly. They have been here for years and due to their own closed states of being, have not been showered and nurtured and accepted. I used to make myself small and refuse expressions of acceptance just to avoid making others angry, making them feel small and unlucky and especially unloved. I'm over it these days.
    In me, through me, around me, this Wolf Woman of our valley is an angel of light, playful, frisky, full of delight at the sensuousness of our primal life. She will look after us, nurture us, protect us, share with us, guide us, engage us and receive our knowledge. Her presence in the locals, however is a completely different story. As she comes to be as one with them, she meets the blockages, resistance, judgement from the dominant Christian conditioning and teachings.  In me, she is "Earthy", in them, she is "Salty" and mean, defensive. She cannot flow as one within them and so she outright posses them, "owns their asses", so to speak. Social discord, their rejection and judgement of each other, their abusive relationships are all her "vengeance". She causes them to strike out subtly, passive-aggressively, sarcastically which then causes their Christian trained consciences to then experience shame.....the rejection and shame they heap upon her every day. They don't get these lessons, though. To them, she is a demon who posses them, they've become victim to. They plead and seek salvation from her of a god who is a foreigner here. He can govern their minds. He can use the people to harm the surface of the land and thus the spirit of the Wolf Woman's feelings. But, no more. Not upon my arrival. In me her feelings cannot be hurt and in me, their god is already down on his knees.
  I figured out that is why I get so offended and disgusted and resentful and angry when people begin pleading to god, asserting his support of them. When I was a Christian and I read the scripture where Jesus said to pray "that you be one with Him as I am one with Him", I did. My prayer was answered immediately, just as Jesus promised "Who gives their child a serpent when they ask for bread?".No one wants to be pigeon-holed to their pasts for an eternity. So, when he sees what they say and do "in his name" he gets angry..."That is not me! My followers are like Job, they called me on my bullshit, on my cock-waving. Stacey saved herself from me!". Oh, yes, near and dear to that one residing in and as one with me. He handed over the kingdom, let him go, already, sheesh!
   This, of course, causes discomfort amongst my fellow humans with me. They see the Wolf Woman in me, but I do not shrink at their equal disdain at seeing it in me as they shower upon seeing it in themselves. I do not seek absolution from their idea of god, I do not see their demons, I see their idea of "angels" as demons not worthy of my time or attention, who I deny and dis-empower upon meeting. Their "angels" are false humility, prudish sexuality, constant fear of disease, judgement of themselves and others, and the "sin"/evil that they are told to believe lives in them.  Their "angels" are distortion and corruption of all that is natural and holy.
   What DOES come from these people of the Wolf Woman that DOES resonate with and fit in with their Christian conditioning is warmth and generosity, an eagerness to engage in community. They are protective of each other. There is a strong sense of taking care of neighbors....who aren't too offensive anyways. There is that old timey "Norman Rockwell" vibe to this place, a measure of innocence and "the good old days". They own their crazy-take care of the marginalized amongst them, who aren't too offensive, anyways. There's industrialized corruption, defense of ecological destruction just because "it was my daddy who started that company"....the clinging to childhood idealization, making them self righteous in the face of obvious need to change for their own well-being. With change comes a change in finances possibly, a change in status, a destroying of their idealization of their family. In their black and white world, anything less than a portrayal of their lives as perfection is calling them evil. They can't be evil if god is on their side and so, they are "righteous" and will defend it with their life. A simple: "oops, didn't realize we were poisoning ourselves here, let's do something different" does not exist in a good vs evil perspective. The devotion to family, in it's self, is a virtue of Wolf Woman, the loyalty, the longevity, the protectiveness, the commitment and dedication.
    The Wolf Woman is also present in the casual attitude toward the complying with the "machine". As long as it looks like their cooperating, they're going their own way and doing their own thing. There's a stronger inclination toward sovereignty here so far from overwhelmingly sized civilization. In the winter roads in and out are often closed, highways shut down. Winter lasts more of the year than any other season. Before internet and cell phones, they spent more time isolated and thus independent than a part of the rest of the country/civilization. That gives more time for wildness to get and keep a grip in them. That makes them, over all, a passionate and playful people slightly schizophrenic in the head. The seizures, migraines, etc are testament to it. They'll be possessed by the "salty" spirit one minute and honestly not remembering what they said or did the next. This leads them to be disorganized and "discombobulated". They may have jobs and status but hardly have "their acts together", but because having a job and status is the worldly definition of having one's act together.....they are more prone to look at me as needing help because I limit my job, haven't yet achieved status and live more simply. And yet, I'm always on time, if not early. I've always got my records when needed, I'm on top of things, organized and emotionally with "my shit together", available on the spot when crisis arises, not judgmental or overwhelmed, ready to laugh and quick to catch the crossing of a healthy boundary.
   Of course, this sort of analysis triggers anger in people who deny their demons, romanticize their lives and not wanting to take responsibility for their own problems, leaving all that to blame on god and demons "his people" and "those people".
  We'll see where Wolf Woman and me go in this valley. I'm in the process of shedding many things, finding my voice and the strength to use it. While I am doing this, Wolf Woman is learning from me and going to work on her people, her voices in this valley. Maybe their god as existing in me is even making headway in their conditioning, opening their minds to see the scriptures differently.
  In the mean time, if where I would normally say the eating of food is supposed to be an act of making love with the Earth instead of dependency, you instead see me writing "It is the licking of the Earth's clit and her sucking the dick of your lips"...well, you know The Wolf Woman Of Livingston is painting a picture for your understanding with me......