Me and MY Vegetarianism

  So, an interaction came which allowed me to more boldly examine my reasons for being a vegetarian. Love and acceptance will do that, FWI. (yes, it's the cowboy thing, stop watching me blush, get your own cuteness, focus!focus! heehee) A bit of word wandering through my thoughtscape.....
  I am a mother. I give up parts of my body with love and affection, joy and pleasure in the doing. To take leaves, seeds, nuts, beans, fruit from plants, bushes and trees feels alot like that to me. A partaking of a part of the body that is also a part of the consciousness of our mother, the Earth, is like partaking of her milk in my perceptual workings. I know not everything we eat in the grocery store is so "humanely" harvested, leaving the body of a plant to continue it's full life cycle. It's the best I can do without land of my own and the green thumb to nurture it.
  I was purely vegan for a while and then circumstances came that did not facilitate it so I considered adding dairy. As I felt whether or not adding cheese to my diet would be appropriate for me, I was completely enveloped in love. It was profound and immediate. Animals WILL nurture us from their bodies in all the love, joy and pleasure I would do the same with my own children for. I know not every dairy product in the grocery store is humanely created. It's the best I can do without a yurt and tribe with which to follow a herd of goats or cattle around.
  I, in myself, came to the result that we exist for the pure engagement and joy of it. When life stops becoming engaging for us, we die, we give up on it. We're just another plant, animal, mineral with senses that relish our environment and in that relishing, we send appreciation into the Earth from which we come and she shares in that with us. If the Earth needs anything right now, it's a relishing in her qualities and textures.
  So, I ask myself, I ask nature, mother, animals (this is not an "You should all ask or we should all ask", it really is purely me asking): why would you give your breath for mine? Why are my eyes worth ending your own pair's use to the mother? Does your skin relish in the elements less than mine? I think "hardly, we humans spend more time fretting than relishing anything really".
  Things such as a young deer leaping out in front of me, looking at me squarely, then leaping back and forth in a clear invitation to chase......is not the joyful vibration in those hooves hitting the Earth's surface engaging to and delightful for her? Can't we stop at making it a game of tag, maybe at worst a playful tackle instead of an arrow in the side or bullet to the head? We can take each other's breath away without ending our ability to breath another day. Is my moody breath worth ending your joyful one so much more in tune with the elements? Why would you put my life above yours?
  And frankly, I know breathairianism is real. So, in truth, eating is not needed for my life to continue. You're not giving your life to preserve mine. I only eat as much as I do instead of simply tastes here and there for the communal pleasure of it because I smoke and when I smoke, I drink fluids to keep my throat hydrated. The fluids drown my digestive system so I eat food to absorb them...a whole chain reaction. I have felt my system kick in, a burst of energy go to my stomach from the core of my being when it began to feel hunger and then immense peace. I was burning the energy I myself was generating. My digestive system died completely the last time I was in Maine and when it came back online, it was functioning very differently, a new system completely. Not everyone who has become breatharian has had to experience that extreme of a change. I was raised in an extreme that did not facilitate the transition. Others transition much more gently.
  As for other people; they believe their lives depend upon eating, especially meat and whether or not animals are giving up their lives to sustain the human's, well that's between them and them (human and animal). Who am I to determine permission? Don't make me, I won't like it! To some it's a holiest of communions, being a part of the circle of life. I've killed enough sacred cows in my time, I don't need to go around murdering everyone else's. Don't make me responsible for killing yours. I won't like it!
  I'm just putting myself out there because doing so is engaging ;) And maybe someone else could use it as a "you're not alone, you're not crazy".
  The biggest determining factor before these questions came was when a neighbor said she was going fishing and she'd leave a fish from her catch in a bucket of water downhill from my camp. I prayed she wouldn't. That would mean I'd have to kill it. I'd been fishing before and the idea of decapitating that fish.....I just couldn't do it! ones crunching....cringe! Too many horror movies! If I couldn't do the the killing, how could I do the partaking? I have had fish as pets and those darn things would follow us from one end of the tank to the other. They nibbled our fingers and let us pet them if we stuck our fingers in. They're quite the little characters! They'd group up in the corner of the tank closest to where my children would be playing and watch for hours. I swear, they were more doting than I was! I've had similar interactions with fish in ponds when swimming. And now I am to cut off a head and watch a body flop around in shock? I just couldn't do it.
  I've had a pet rabbit that would play 'fetch' with one of our pet cats. There is no natural law that governs "predators" absolutely. The longest living pet dog was fed a vegan diet...seriously. I've had a skunk put it's front feet up between mine on a step and just brightly look at me one night before it did it's skunky waddle off. The neighbors who were gun-toting hunters with an obnoxious dog that barked threateningly at everything...well those skunks backed right up to their screen door and sprayed right into their house another evening. You're telling me animals don't respond according to our personalities? lol The next day when the hunters were moving their shed boasting about how they knew that skunk nest was under there and they were going to shoot 'em...guns aimed as the shed moved....yeah, I just watched entertained, not giving up that I knew exactly where the skunks lived and it weren't there! *mischievous grin* Animals are enchanted with us completely (either that or we're just the biggest, freakiest show in the circus....wouldn't blame them , there, really lol). That scene in the movie "Babe" where all the animals are watching the man dance for the pig through the window.....not an exaggeration, in my experience, I swear. And the mother even loves her little ticks. seriously. I camped out in someone's lawn for a night. Woke up with a whole herd of the little critters nestled in on me. As I saw them I was completely enveloped in love, felt just like I did when breast feeding my children. "I know you're enjoying this", I said the the mother, "but I am not, so they're going to have to go with what they've already sucked out of me" and I painstakingly removed the things. sheesh! creepy! but true and adored by the mother of all. If you took one of my children from my breast, cut off it's head and ate it, I wouldn't feel like a part of the circle of love. I can guarantee it! Though I know if it was some requirement, the mother would fill me with that love that feels nothing but it's warmth instead. When I came down from that manipulation, I wouldn't be happy with anybody, however, I can tell ya that! You'd have to keep me perpetually wrapped in it until the day of my last breath!
  So, obviously not everyone has the experiences I do of animals and thus I am fully aware my choices are my own, for me only. I don't even decide for my own children, who do eat meat, knowing where it comes from exactly. I don't feel condemned by them and they don't feel condemned by me. I like to think I can have the same nature of relationship with the entire human community. For those who don't find that possible with me, well, let's just say, it's an honor to be found so engaging and thus life affirming ;)
  Oh, and yes, population control: research has shown that animals NOT under duress reproduce less. So, overpopulation is due to stress. Instead of killing, a less traumatic relationship within creation solves that problem, I haven't any more questions.