Leadership and the Love Story

      I went with the older man who has been helping me to Calipatria for his mail run so I could stop at Dollar General to pick up dog food. We had made no previous plans to do this. He just came marching across the road in anger. I took a deep breath and got into playful mode in preparation for this encounter. He had messaged me two hours previously to see if I wanted to go. "Oh, hell no; we are not putting this on me!", I decided. I was writing non-stop all morning right here and my phone was inside where I couldn't hear it. After asserting a no fault perspective, he puts in(unwittingly) that he was busy fiddling with his neighbor's batteries all that time anyways. Toxic masculine can't approach a woman in anything other than self righteous anger, even if he has to make something up. A sad state of affairs I'm feeling I have to deal with before I can move along. 

      On the ride there, I was reflecting on my response to a Slab City community leader. This mashed together with my reflections on community earlier and it came to me; "To take a leadership role in a community, is to accept responsibility for our creation". Little voice piped in; "Even if it's a community of 2!". I initiated the community of the old man and myself when I asked for his help. I took the lead, he consented. I'm responsible for setting the energy. I'm the one in control. No wonder I get so put off by his controlling, abusive ways towards me! It's totally askew! I'm totally askew when I allow fear of deprivation and retaliation if I defend myself/right to determination. 

    No wonder our world is so upside down! Feminine (desire is an emotion/feeling) and generally the initiator. Feminine is thus responsible for the energy and thus it's results. 

     As I am doing all this reflecting, I am observing which body parts are resisting and not resisting to what. Wow😲 Thoughts come from brain and heart, feeling/intuition is associated with the stomach and womb. That means in a twin flame scenario when the masculine is male, he DOES literally think with the "other head" and emotionally responds with the brain! 

    No wonder the reminder of a past reflection and corresponding understanding about; "Why is it OK if you do it but not if I do?" came out of a baby daddy's mouth. It's the energy it's done in that makes a difference. In that case he was talking about someone else in an energy that created enmity towards that person. I was using someone's experience as an example to build up a situation. The problem comes in because a toxic masculine will only ever talk about a negative experience in relation to someone out of anger born of insecurity. He cannot fathom any other reason for doing so. Similarly toxic feminine wouldn't be able to fathom doing certain things for any other reason than their anger born of insecurities. Thus; they perceive the opposite sex as inevitably evil. 

      Thus, leadership in imbalance/toxicity of either masculine or feminine involves control by abuse rather than conscious choosing of energy expressions are made in. The old man was abusively taking control inappropriately. Upon understanding and realizing this; I assumed responsibility and consciously chose to embody energy more conducive to cooperation, understanding, compassion, etc as I took the lead in exchanging expressions. It ended well, if I do say so myself.

     During all this, I am picking up intuitively how mother and father energies are working out, how they are coming back into alignment within me thus "incarnating" in their original selves expanded in myself (daughter physical expression) and a male (son physical expression). So, yeah; Jesus and Morningstar incarnations on Earth.+ Crimson Circle's  "Heaven's Cross"/Revelation= New Earth timeline in effect. 

     I figure, if I can embody my desired state of being in my present energetic environment, I'm absolutely going to be able to do it anywhere. Song prompt:

https://youtu.be/2u1zK8AaHic

Every good story/movie has to have a good soundtrack 😉 

        I also realized doing all this writing of incoming understandings equals: harvest! The fall season is upon MS. Autumn 🍁 already. My physical reality is changing in accordance already as well,bid typically a bit slower...

      💥💡that physical is slower is just another spiritual/ religious belief! I CAN let go of it! I DO sense how changes can be immediate and that I AM intentionally doing it slowly with slightly increasing momentum to avoid shock to my system as well as enjoying and getting the most out of the process (now understanding the perception of the masculine/male lagging behind). We've got an eternity!

____________________________________________________

*Post by community leader on FB that I mentioned inspired my reflections above:

"BUILDER BILL SEZ: Special Series:

Slab City lives in a fragile, temporary bubble. In today's world, it's absolutely amazing that it still exists. Governments and Chambers of commerce have frowned upon us for decades.

 

So, twenty-some years ago when I built the Range, I built the whole thing in moveable modules so that if the day came (as I expected would only be a year or two), I could pack it up and move. 

Well, the day hasn't come.......But the bubble is as fragile as ever. Developers try and fail...but someday, one will succeed. A preacher wants to make Salvation Mountain his church. He'll fail... but someday, one will succeed. Town folks complain that we're a burden on society, not paying rent or taxes. they have failed... but someday they'll succeed.

About 10 years ago, State of California suggested that there might be a way for WE the People of Slab City to own the land we live on. A non-profit corporation was formed to preserve the land (Known as section 36) for all of us.

As always, fear rose above good intentions. "They're stealing or homes! They'll charge rent! They'll run us out!" were common cries. All bullshit but that's the way folks think of anything new.

Partners dropped out, fundraising failed, and the deal became less of a deal. The project stalled but it didn't die.

Last year, a new bidder appeared. Salvation Mountain Inc and Slab City Community Group Inc (Both are California registered non-profits formed by and of slabbers) made a new plan hoping to satisfy both Cal State Lands Commission and County of Imperial. Section 36 Community Land Trust was formed (of slabbers). 

Again the fear. Suspicion. Threats. Its not surprising that whenever a director or trustee quits because of threats, they'll be replaced by city folks living far away. Two quit already. ALL FOR TRYING TO SAVE YOUR ASSES."

*My response:

"If it was fragile and temporary it would not still be here. Hence; self deception leads to unconscious deception to others who would be so misled.

Something strong and long lasting doesn't need saving. Hence; more self deception which unconsciously leads to deceiving others who would so be misled.

We could all just make peace with our longevity and stop emotionally abusing one-another with our own fears."

Gateways, portals, solstice, etc.WTF!?!

      I sat here pondering once again how soon I will be able to experience that increase in ease and grace of abundance. The normal pattern of this experiential life timeline has been the god of Abraham, Issac and Jacob one. It goes like this: spring is renewal and rebirth, summer for growing/grounding the new state of being by practicing it, fall is for harvesting the full embodiment of it as well as any seeds for further expansion, and winter for the nurturing of those seeds. The Solstices, moons, eclipses, number/date gates, portals, etc were for greater leaps than slow, gradual expansion plans. (Heehee; sounds like I'm a salesperson 🤣). It's all that was on offer where I appeared to begin this life/incarnation experience, which I now know is an ever changing maze I created to keep my limitless, eternal mind occupied. 

     Back to the topic at hand; do I have to wait for fall, thus enduring another summer of over 120 degrees F in the fucking shade by making multiple trips to the hospital for emergency hydration where they hate people who live where I live (Slab City), getting flack from myself and others about who is going to care for my dogs, watch my camp, etc OR am I expanding greatly and quickly enough to draw the transition before we hit temps unfit for human survival? Recently, I had been led back to the Shaumbra spiritual family of the Crimson Circle ( https://youtube.com/@TheCrimsonCircle ) where they were gearing up for an event they were calling "Heaven's Cross" which was not associated with any astrological event but rather a result of expanding spiritual mass consciousness. Thus, the concept of expansion being dependent upon dates, seasons, astrological events, etc came into possible potential that I didn't fully realize the relevance of to my individual personal development until today. (I had dysfunctional family vibes with that group, so they never stick with me nor I them in the long run, though they did and do occasionally serve me extraordinarily well even considering the lack of overall resonance)

     The answer came with prompting from The Most Inspiring Person; Betty Guadagno in her video: https://www.youtube.com/live/s0L3RLpiBwY?feature=share 

     There, she just asked for the physical change (that I would call an experience of the tweaking of our full body VR suit because that's how I had experienced a similar reprogramming of my physical experience) that she wanted. 

     Ask and you shall receive, we've been promised. Response is immediate, we've been told. 💡: it's our belief system that determines how quickly or whether we realize/experience the answering at all and my belief system can change upon request! 

     So, I asked for a change in something and immediately, I felt the tweaking of my VR mechanism. It feels and sounds like creaks, cracks, pops,etc that accompany "inspired" movement (like the urge to crack a joint). These probably wouldn't even be necessary, however it's "god's answering voice", that we appreciate hearing. Always nice to have the reassurance that "someone is listening and cares" (even if it is personified aspects we blindfold/separate ourselves from so we can have this experience).

     As a side note; I used to get profoundly depressed upon each realization, or even suggestion, that it's all only an illusion and there is only one in existence. Presently, the gig is perpetually up, however I am able to ignore it due to the excitement of the engagement in the game. ( https://youtu.be/8z-T738ol0Y )

     Back on track: I have begun to see a speeding up of the manifestation of the desired increase of ease and grace in experiencing abundance. No, I do not have to wait until fall to get the hell out of Dodge (The Slabs), however being here IS serving me. It's the first time in immediate memory had felt like I had made friends and became a part of a community. It's the first time in immediate memory I imagined possibly taking a leading role in a community. It's where "I found the most forgiveness in the most unforgiving environment": self forgiveness, acceptance as well as the greatest amount of freedom of personal self expression of ALL aspects. I do have a "perfectionist" nature, which only means I enjoy being thorough because it's the very most exploring I can do in a specific set of circumstances/state of being😁 Absolutely nothing wrong with perfectionism even if we're exploring an imbalanced experience of it as a limitation 😉💝

    My personal quote of the day for myself inspired by this level of self acceptance is; "I'm just a god playing a game". I repeat it to myself when I accidentally knock something over, forget I didn't forget to turn something off, etc🤣

     And this is where the squirrel 🐿️ comes in for me synching up with Buddha Betty's squirrel (The Most Inspiring Person's squirrel 🐿️😄). During our morning walk, Anubis and I had come across a little dog that really just wanted to play with Anubis and she returned the sentiment. So, we played. When The Most Inspiring Person mentioned the role the squirrel played in her experience, I felt "synchronicity" and looked up the spiritual significance of the squirrel. Predominantly, it's appearance means "have more fun!". Play! My dogs have been helping me draw playfulness up out of myself alot, especially Bink. (See end for Bink story, I got a RFLMAO experience with that realization about her presence in my experience). At the moment, all this squirrel synching is asserting to me: this IS all just a game, so have some fucking fun with it! I came to be enchanted and by God I WILL! 😄 So, yeah, I picked on the guy with low self esteem and explosive aggression by not returning his "good morning" even when he aggressively repeated it then went on about how "fine, she doesn't say hi to nobody...."🤣 I may play with my"food" now and then (reow 🐈😺) I gave myself permission to be mischievous without negative repercussions 😁

     Back on topic (squirrel 🐿️ happened again; "but I digress" in deep, masculine gratuitous voice): I put down the Jehovah's Witness toy/experience of community (when I was 'supposed to' be fulfilling a soul contract 🐿️) to seek out an expanded version of spiritual community because I enjoyed it so thoroughly . That led me to expanded spirituality, which, in order to include the whole world, had to expose the game. It also meant including the difficult to put down toys like addiction, the ultimate in low self esteem and self respect....homeless, living in trash in an inhospitable to human habitation environment. Tag! You're it! 🐿️ An environment I will leave when I am darn good and ready. We're experiencing "unseasonably" "cool" (🤣 'only 105F) this year so far.....I wonder why😙 Could it have something to do with me being here in this state of being? (Yes, I am being facetious).

*Bink's role in my experience story:

     I woke horny AF one morning from a dream sequence where it was extended to me that a puppy had been left for me while I get appeared to be lifting a reddish-brown Mastiff-looking puppy out of a pen in which Anubis (my present dog) was. I sensed the extension to me that her name is Bink. It was extended to me that someone wanted to speak to me as a phone was extended to me. A sweet, feminine voice spoke in a sweet, "southern (U.S.A.) peach" accent, saying; "You are so beautiful". 

    I went unexpectedly that day where there was a puppy that looked just like the one in the dream sequence, I had great sex, and another woman told me she had always thought I was beautiful. 

   When Bink was old enough, I brought her home. She is the goofiest puppy I have ever known in my immediate memory. She's extremely large, lanky, puppy clumsy and always with the tongue lolling out. The tip of her tongue even continues to protrude, all dried out, while she sleeps. She's timid and runs and hide when another human or dog approaches, at sudden noises and movements, etc; even if it's behind Anubis, who is 1/4 Bink's size. 

   So, I was sitting on the toilet the other day when I did the usual response to her having to be in that tight space with me; recite her nicknames. For some reason (apparent now), I said; "Ja Ja Binks" and 🔔. Jar Jar Binks! The Star Wars character that just cracked me up! The ancestors/higher self (how I perceived those aspects of self I have myself presently blindered from) had given me my very own Jar Jar Binks 🤣 "How rich!"; I rolled around laughing repeatedly as hit me throughout the rest of the day 🤣 Me laughing that hard made me laugh even further 🤣 I do delight in myself these days 🤗

The King and Queen Discover How They Work Together ; a love story of eternity, why we personify qualities , why we forget things and why community

      Yesterday I wanted to experience a state of being; "I am surrounded by spiritual community". I couldn't remember what that felt like in order to create that experience for myself. I didn't know what it would feel or look like for me. That's what usually prevents us from changing/expanding; fear of the unknown. I got over that fear because being conscious of my intentions, it's always guarantees to be better feeling than what I am already remembering experiencing.

      I observed the subtle play within as the mind/masculine summoned the wanted through it being unwanted and thus buried very deep, summoned the feeling of being surrounded by spiritual community so it could be desired by the feminine/heart/feeling aspects and thus created/drawn into "our" experience. 

    The masculine/mind declares it's self "I Am"(summoning aspects into "the light", forth for experiencing, witnessing, observing, etc) while the feminine aspect simply is.... everything and complies because his wants ARE his desires and they exist eternally in service to one-another.

      So, back to the want that became a desire that is being drawn forth as an experience:

     The next morning, the process of rectifying ourselves(we personify various aspects so they are relatable experientially and thus attainable/understandable💥💡) and that was followed by remembering we had been Jehovah's Witnesses at one point in this experience timeline. We DO know what it feels like to be part of a spiritual family! What ours looks like at this state of consciousness is the only mystery (which we likely intentionally keep 'unknown' so we can authentically experience surprise and delight💥💡)

     We can only remember the feeling of being surrounded by spiritual community if we've rectified ourselves to the experience of being Jehovah's Witnesses, which we had! 🎉 I and my daughter were the darlings of the congregation, the example the elders wanted their children to be around. I felt perfect🤗 I HAVE felt that within myself lately 🥰 

     I had felt the reaching down deep, as if something was squeezing down from the higher aspects/upper portion of my body into my belly/womb area (triggers genitals, BTW, which we duly warmly embrace but refocus on intended task at hand). The JW experience was drawn out of there as well as the "Rectifying Myself to Love" blog post before this one. 

     I woke to a FB friend request being accepted and message response from same person*; that was the person who reintroduced me to the concept of how beneficial being surrounded by spiritual community can be. It's fortifying to our chosen experiential reality. It sustains the integrity of our reality bubble. 

    So exciting!

    *I did obtain permission to mention the Most Inspiring Person (title of honor I choose) whose interview triggered this community experience for me:

On Facebook- Betty Guadagno

The interview - https://youtu.be/d012lxq7rOw

Rectifying Myself to Love

      One of the most challenging things we face, pretty much impossibly in youth, is knowing that love is there, feeling it, sensing it and yet the listener doesn't understand us, a thing we're doing, a thing we're saying. We get so focused on the frustration of not being understood (perceiving that we are being prevented from sharing our full self, which is love) that we cease to feel, know, sense love at all. 

     So it is that we get stuck in the belief that no one understands us. We then believe that's because we aren't good/smart/evolved enough to understand or that they are the lesser ones. We fail to see the forest for the trees and separate ourselves, isolate ourselves from everyone even in close relationships. 

     I released myself from that this morning and as I did, the sense that not only will I be at peace and able to sense/share love with those who don't get a word I am saying, but that someone who DOES understand can now come in.

    Unconditional love 💝

It came in during mischievous play with my dogs. They're so good for me 🤗

And the above is why we are told no one needs to understand us other than us😁

As a side note; just because they don't respond how we want/expect them to (we don't even respond to things the way we want or expect ourselves to) it does not mean they don't love or understand. They can understand the frustration, even if they can't understand what we're trying to explain. Maybe they need it explained in a different way (which denotes no inferiority on either part) or they want/need to discover it for themselves or even at a later date. We can just love and move along to the next topic. 

Memory snippets

      I used Facebook as a journal while wandering the national forests during my exploration of my inner dark forests. Binders full of writings couldn't be carried in a backpack😉 (aka rucksack)

     Facebook likes to suggest memories on the daily and I finally got a phone I can tend to this blog again on. So, here are some of those insightful (for that time) posts that came up in FB memories of late.

 -    When we are young our heartfelt requests expressed by the question "why?" are the childhood prayers answered by our adulthood. When we find ourselves acting like our parents or ill like someone we saw during childhood, etc. we are walking in another's shoes....... for that which we call God knows understanding only comes when we walk in another's shoes. Once we realize this, we can remind ourselves the shoes we are walking in are not ours, we placed them upon our feet so we could understand those who wore them before us, and we can begin walking in our own shoes again, creating a life walking on our own unique path of purpose and personal joy. -

-Of course, it had to get worse beg it could get better, 🤣 Love them highs, though and love remembering what a good mom I am.(today's comment on the following memory)

When you're a 45 year old woman who has seen and experienced it all in a worldly way, with a body that shows it and you're walking down the road joining the song your children made up in the moment: "we love walking down the road holding hands, I love my mommy and she loves me".....and hot younger men stop in their tracks to wave at  you until you wave back.....you know you've hit your spiritual stride and the face of this world is changing to match it. And as you experience this perfection of experience with deep abiding appreciation, it can only get better than this.-

    -True; not disturbing it, just triggering the awareness of the ignoring of the disturbance😉 (Today's comment on the following memory)

One cannot be guilty of disturbing the peace of an occupied area of consciousness if the area is not at peace within it's occupying consciousnesses. (Whether it be a home, community, state, country, etc)-

     -Fuck, yeah... getting blunt🤣

People used to comment on my patience in admiration. I told them it wasn't patience at all, it was a talent for distracting myself, self entertaining. I do not want to be admired for how much suffering I can endure. I would rather be admired about the ease and grace with which I create a life of vibrant abundance of love, joy, health, well-being, wisdom, perception, etc. 

Wow, I do so love me🤗 (Today's comment on the following memory)

Patience is another word for endurance.

Does our self-proclaimed "strong", "grown" ass have the strength and maturity to endure our perceived suffering supposedly caused by awaiting an answer, result, end?-

    -Holy crap! The subconscious has been trying to tell me we're in a virtual reality rpg for years now and it's my purpose to discover how we got here! 🤣 (Yesterday's comment on following memory)

How strange:

From my sleep I brought with me a series of letters I thought I should look up when I woke.

They were: "eresi".

Upon doing a search, it turns out to be the name of a reverse engineering software interface.

Also is one letter shy of a word or name associated with an apocalyptic movie series.-

-Back in June, 2015

"I no longer choose righteousness, I choose "rightness", as in "this feels so right". "-

What's up in the universe?

       Upon my first awakening to oneness experience, I became a clear conscious channel for each monthly expansion of consciousness (every 29 1/2 days that green energy goes down and brings more christ consciousness back up to the third eye). I would wake each morning and first thing record in my Yahoo blog the understandings coming through. The one who was to be my twin flame in this life would be messaging me; "I know you're awake; I can feel you". I would not answer him until I had written everything down that the energy was bringing in within me. He said he read my blog each morning like others read the newspaper to see what is going on in the world. I used to lament that all the other monthly channels were corrupted by their belief systems, whereas mine were not and not only that; they were making a butt load of money and I did not!

      At the same time, I was wondering what good it did for us on Earth to know what angel is whom and plays such and such a role. I wondered what would ease our walk on Earth, stop the suffering, etc. Give me something practical, damn it! I also wanted messages for myself instead of just being able to channel messages for everyone else whose lives improved thanks to the messages I channelled for them; "what about me?".

    I was led to get the book "Women Who Run With Wolves" and went into the "dark forest" of my soul to find the answers within (where we're always guided to look for anyways). The book was helpful in guiding me in how to do that. 

   I received the message that was shown to me this: I was summoned by one to go to "Jesus". I asked why I didn't receive the message directly. She pulled my right hand toward herself, turned it palm up to show me the wound there. The wound, it's pain was the message being sent. The pain was the summoning. (The pain is the calling, our calling, our purpose; in seeking release from the pain, we show the way for others out of their own....we bring forth the answers we were seeking, our seeking is the service we are called to...first to our own and then to others)

     I received the awareness that I was a guide to the spirit guides. The ones guiding humanity were looking to me for guidance/answers. 

     I had an experience of the clan leader of "The Pure Ones" revealing to me how and why my purpose was to be the object of obsession for the god of Abraham, Issac and Jacob to wake him up to the fact that the Earth has it's own consciousness; it's just too subtle for him to sense/see/be aware of. My making third choices where "he" could only see two and believe he had me cornered would also introduce him to/make him aware of the divine feminine that is his mother and I know as "The Dance". (Now I understand it to mean that I was to demonstrate the existence and wisdom existing in intuition/the divine feminine aspects to a divine masculine aspect).

    I went and got lost in the literal, physical, Earthly forests as well. I got out of the spiritual guru business. I experienced the darkest of dark nights of the soul; suicidal thoughts and eventually an attempt. I was broken out of it with fresh perceptions of myself and people around me. I experienced a first twitch of sensation, a first breath.....rebirthing. The latest was the release of the father God figure reaching soul recognition within me and my recording my interactions with a man and how I was handling it. 

    If I was still in the state of being as when I was in my channeling 'what's up on Earth' phase; I would have written that the Earth could rejoice because it was now free of that abusive god of Abraham, Issac and Jacob (and Jesus and Mohamed and....). I would have still been whining; "What about for me?". 

    Now I know that all that "seer" stuff is what is going on in me as I become one with the moments in which they are occurring within that one moment of realization of the desire to know what "I" look like. Not everyone is an extension of that desire. Some came in as desires triggered/initiated by that desire or another. It is only amongst those who have been birthed by the "Wonder what I look like" desire, directly or indirectly, (such as my twin flame) who will experience seeing the things I "prophesy" as coming true. Others could be on completely different timelines, bumping into our own due to brief common vibration, soul contracts, desires to serve, desires to understand, desires to experience, etc. Otherwise we all exist in our own, solitary bubble; whole and complete as is. 

A Happy Father's Day story for Rusty and Cort

(And for any children and biological parents in separation)

This was the Happy Father's Day story I wanted to gift you all with:

My Facebook memory prompt for the day was about Rusty running around the apartment yelling out how she was feeling so free. It reminded me, as well, of how Cort would climb to the highest point he could find, raise his arms high and shout at the top of his lungs; "We have the best life ever!".
After 10 years of my intentional celibacy for the purpose of becoming self aware, more emotionally healthy, rewiring my own neuropathways from negative to positive..... Cort and Rusty came to me and asked why it was just us three. " Because I wanted to wait until I was able to attract a man that would be good to all of us. You want a man to be part of our family?"; I asked. "Yes"; they answered in unison. I tried the online dating, I tried to date men I met who were interested. None of them fit the bill. After I had given up hope of finding one, life stepped in and made Rusty and Cort's dream come true and there is no greater joy in the world than to see children's dreams come true 💝 Especially if making the children's dream come true makes a family of two adults dreams come true all at the same time!
Blessed Father's Day to you all!