Isn't She So Regal looking in Her Indignity?

 Summer sweat lodge continues....

Traveling through indignity this morning. When bound in duality, we must choose between "I am unworthy" and "How dare you do that to me!?". One who is good at things and doesn't get poor treatment are questioned accusingly; "You think you're better than the rest of us?" So, we shrink because we do not. We know we are one. We make excuses for others. "Autumn, you're always minimizing things, why should we believe you?"; I have been accused. I would think it obvious; if I say it is such and that is me minimizing things, imagine how much worse it actually was that they did. But no, they were pointing out that I was stepping out of character. That means they are invested in my character and stepping out of it, to them, is me stepping out of integrity.

No. Me minimizing was stepping out of character and compromising my integrity. When young, we don't necessarily have the words in such confrontation to say; "No, I don't believe you should be treated that way either". We see it is socially accepted behavior. It's the way they treat each other. We stand up for ourselves or our children when we protect against unwanted affection and we are labeled abusers for depriving our children and ourselves of their definition of love and affection. We become the depraved and deprivers. 

Thankfully, that is changing for me as I create a new paradigm within me.

My inner little actress is still fighting me. She says; "All I have ever known is love" as if it's a lament. And truly, it is like a drug. When we free ourselves from the body and enter the realm of "vision", we are filled with such love that we agree to anything because we feel so good, and nothing but. There's no self preservation present. It feels like our free will has been taken from us. And now I know why men fear love of a woman, why it makes them feel powerless, and why they feel like they need to exert control in keeping us in need of them. I know why they'd rather see us dead than suffer the indignity of what they feel is loss of free will. 

So now I can balance this within and let that shit go. 

I do love that I can now share laughter with the men in my life, born of true connection. We're all being humbled by life, this in which we are all in it together.