Rusty Lee and the Bumble Bee-oldie but goody by me

Rusty Lee and the Bumble Bee:

A life's lessons in a little girl's dream

by Stacey Bourdeau

     Rusty Lee is a beautiful little five year old girl who loves everyone and everything. She especially loved to take her children's safety scissors out into the yard and cut flowers. One day while out cutting up flowers rather than just cutting some for a bouquet, Rusty Lee was stung by a bumble bee. Mommy checked for the stinger and applied apple cider vinegar to the site of the sting, kissing away the tears. These things happen.
     A day or two later, Rusty Lee was out cutting up flowers once more when she was again stung by a bumble bee. This is no coincidence. Mommy begins to reflect while tending the site of the sting. "Bumble bees don't sting for no reason, because when they lose their stinger they die. " Mommy explains to Rusty Lee. "Do you think maybe the bees are stinging you because you are cutting up the flowers they need to make honey for their babies?", Mommy asks Rusty. "No!", Rusty Lee responds, hurt and indignant. How could her innocently cutting up flowers hurt anyone and how could anyone hurt her for a bit of innocent fun? "Maybe you could ask the bees tonight while you dream", Mommy tells Rusty Lee.
     The next morning, Mommy inquires of Rusty Lee; "While you were dreaming, did you ask the bees why they were stinging you?". "Yes", replied Rusty Lee. "They stung me because the wasps told them to because I was ruining their flowers so they couldn't make honey for their babies. The wasps wanted the bees to die so the wasps could eat the bees' babies.", Rusty Lee explained. "And did you tell the bees to stop stinging you?", Mommy asked Rusty Lee. "Yes", replied Rusty Lee. For the rest of that summer, Rusty Lee did not wastefully cut up flowers and was never again stung by a bumble bee.
     Sometimes in life, we can be a bumble bee-both a naive perpetrator and victim. We can be manipulated "for the good of the children" to harm others as well as ourselves, providing opportunity for harm to come to those we believe we are protecting with our choices.
     Sometimes we can be the child-like victim causing a bit of destruction without intending or realizing it. Due to this unintentionally destructive behavior, we draw harm to ourselves and make ourselves a tool in another's workings of harm to others.
    Sometimes we are the wasp, inciting others to harmful behavior to see to our own needs.
    Sometimes our choices, despite causing harm to ourselves and/or others inspire the asking of questions that lead to change, the interaction and education of two sides, a bit of insight to those ignorant of manipulation, and/or the adding of discernment to innocence contributing to the developement of another into maturity.
     Bumble bees can be more easily incited to attack a little girl picking flowers than a big man sheltered behind the armor of giant machinery tearing up entire fields of flowers every day. So sometimes in life we are dealt the injustice of harsher penalties for our minor naive crimes, innocently committed against humanity, while more violent criminals go without receiving any punishment at all.
     In the end, we all suffer and hopefully grow. The more we all grow, the less effective are the wasps' manipulations.  The more we all grow, the less we naively engage in destructive behavior. The more we all grow, the need for the existence of wasps to inspire growth diminishes. None of this is possible without open, honest communication. Sometimes that comes only when we assert ourselves when we are hurt. Sometimes that means allowing ourselves to be guided by those whose assesment of the situation hurts and offends us. Bad things don't always "just happen" to "good people". Where ever there is conflict, there is a good chance both sides need adjusting. And even a little girl's dreams can be powerful, having great meaning for all of humanity.

Waking to a new reality

   I woke in a dream in which I had waken in another "dimension". I kept noticing a leather key chain on the ground when I looked down. It had a different emblem in gold on it every time I glanced at it. I only recognized one face among the group of women I was waiting with. We were there to pick up our children from a sort of daycare/playgroup. They all knew me, but for me to have had a different past of which I had not experienced. I did not remember having the past they projected at me. To my self I wonder, "What do I do with this?". The response was "Go with it". I wondered if the key chain kept appearing because it held the key to a car; "Do I have a car in this reality?". As I looked at the key chain it became a smiley face as I received the statement "The keys to your car are already in your hand". Sure enough, there was a car key on a key chain in my hand! I awoke to physical experience with mixed feelings of panic, anxiety, relief and delight. I woke knowing three things:

1) Source WANTS to be unaware, awakened human beings living simple, uncomplicated existences. I have experienced that desire and so I know of it's existence. Some people are walking around with universal "Do not wake!" signs.

2) Source WANTS to have the experience of being gay and transgendered in communities against them. Source WANTS to have the experience of being gay and transgendered in communities coming to embrace them. It has already had the experience of communities allowing, embracing, accepting and making room, even special places for them in primitive cultures like Native Americans. This tells me there are many who are wearing universal "Do not disturb signs": do not hate those who hate the gay and transgendered community and do not hate those who love them and do not hate those who are neither hot nor cold about them, nor those who are simply tentative. That is why scripture says "interpretations belong to God": Source knows exactly what it wants to be within each human component. It is also why scripture says "let the evil doer continue to do evil and the righteous continue in righteousness". An overblown sense of righteousness is as evil as the evil it sees. This is all by Divine choosing.

3) The only past anyone will recognize and acknowledge of me begins today. If I try to bring up my past, I will be rejected. I shall be expected to be that which I am: a fully aware human embodiment of Divine expression. I am 'God's spokesperson' (As we all are, of course). If I hesitate, it will be demanded. I may as well get used to it.

   So, I got the words "solemn gathering" as I stood outside for a smoke while the children played in the mud. 'OK, guys, we are going in to clean up for solemn gathering. A candle on one side of a threshold and a candle on the other. Strips of toilet paper and another small square for each of us (the ritual coming to me moment by moment). We all gather around the first candle which is lit. I tell the children of a journey I took in meditation: "I walked down a path in the woods. At the end of the path I came to a house. I went into the house, the nice warm, friendly, cozy kitchen and sitting room. I explored the rooms upstairs and then I went down the dark stairs into the dark basement. In the middle of the basement floor there was a whirlpool of water. I jumped in. I went down into the water all swirling and swaying and pop! I dropped out of the bottom onto a beach by an ocean. I was told I would find treasures in the sand. So, I dug for treasure and came up with a seashell. I dug again and came up with a small chest. I wondered what I could give in return. "Give me your pain" was sensed. And so, I did.' Taking the single square of toilet paper I began to tear off tiny pieces, explaining these pieces were gifts to God representing all the pain of our past. They hesitated, so I began" this little piec is when someone called you a baby". I spit on that little piece and placed it upon the strip. "This one is when that boy was mean to me", I spit on another piece and placed it upon the strip. "This is when I was really, really scared", spit and drop. My daughter got right into it. My son suspiciously and reluctantly wadded up his small square and drooled a bit on it. He was waiting to see how it would feel. He hesitantly and suspiciously dropped it on his strip when encouraged. We folded the pieces into the strip and headed for the toilet. My daughter and I dropped ours right in, my son taking a second. "Who wants to flush it?" My son leapt for it. He had gotten a whiff of what was happening and was now excited. He wanted to blow the first candle out. As we sat around it and prepared to blow it out, a quick breeze blew it out in an apartment where all the windows are closed for it's rainy and cool. Before there could be resistance about the event, I pointed out "That was God blowing the candle out to let us know He appreciates the gifts.". My son looked up in amazement "Mom, I saw God's face in the candle!". "Yes, son, you did". We went and lit the second candle, representing the beginning of our new past that we would now live.
Ritual can be a very powerful tool!

The heated debate between two highly aware children

  Oh, it was full of passion and insistence. Bubby says to Sissy "No! You're walking on your bubble!". "I am not!", screams Sissy, "I am walking on the ground! Mommy, tell him!". Bubby sees his energetic bubble and knows he is walking within it. It is pure truth for him and that is where he is comfortable. He has a highly guarded sensuality and only he determines what will physically stimulate him. He sees the world outside his bubble and decides what to allow in. Sissy has a highly unguarded sensuality. She lets it all in. So, though she is the one who would tell people they all have their own energetic bubbles and she can feel them; Bubby is the one to keep quite on the subject with strangers.....so she does not see her bubble as stopping above the ground, hers extends below the ground. meanwhile, Bubby's extends only as far as just above the ground.
   We are definitely living in one of those rare households where a shared reality is allowed to be different in experience for everyone involved, lol.

You know when you're on the leading edge when.......(conversations with the human component)

   This meant to be funny, an exchange of laughter over the things we get ourselves into and the reactions of the human component to them!

     You're looking in the mirror every hour in amazement as the infection from a tooth swells steadily so the whole side of the face is swollen and heading north into the brain and yet there is not a stitch of pain, only a frustrated "O.K. What are you wanting me to do with this? Are we waiting for the miraculous healing to prove something to those around me or are you wanting me to go to the doctor's to introduce my energy to other people? And you know how I feel about that scenario, I don't want to be proving anything to anybody and I don't want to meet my soul mate due to a car accident or major trauma or anything.....lol" to the glow emanating from within and expanding all around you. "Fine, I'll go to the hospital-you bitch!" lol

   You awake from camping outside of Las Vegas touching the expanded aspect of self to see what she has been up to, getting a summation and responding "Girl, you have got to set some standards for yourself so I can have some of my own! You know you do this shit and I've suddenly got men coming onto me because they recognize you in me.....whore!" lol

   You're lying in a hospital bed, lung collapsed and other full of lesions so you realy are breathing "your last breath", digestive system shut down so there is no nourishment and you are literally starving to death and the only thoughts going through your head are "dammit, what is the good I'm supposed to get from this?! OK, the nurse was just mean, I told her I didn't appreciate it- I stood up for myself. Are we done yet?", not an inkling of belief death is next....lol And then when the digestive system kicks back in and the lungs astound the doctors because x-rays and everything show them to be like nothing ever happened to them......you're relieved that part of the journey is over with, it's time to get up and get going and everyone around you is treating you like you're still sick! lol My body just miraculously arose from the brink of death, you have x-ray proof and the return of physical fitness and you think I should be "careful?!" lol
   You're on the edge of sleep and see "the hand of God" present you with a gift: a picture of a beautiful white horse. "Thank you, it's beautiful", goes through your head. "I'm glad you like it, I told you I was going to get you the white horse you've been wanting." "Huh, what?! You tell a girl you're going to give her a white horse, you don't just give her a picture!" "Well, here, choose one from any one of these fine brown ones." "No, thanks, I'd rather have none". and to self "The nerve of the bastard!" lol Who talks like that to "God?!". Apparently a self-secure daughter......
   When you're dancing in a club and the expanded you is putting on the seductress glow while you have the conversation in your head: "How could I ever respect a man who would respond to THIS?! Are you serious, this is the one? fine. I'll just have the fun...... but I'm hating you for this"
   You're aware of the conversations of spirit and the arrangement of the interaction planned for today and the other human companant reacts explosively....."What the hell just happened?! What do I do with this?" Get the sense of how when the other human component woke, their brain felt like it exploded and it was too much to handle. "Well, fuck, fuck, fuck what do we do now? Never mind, I don't don't want to know. Not interested! Next!" lol
    You're interacting via vision, receiving suggestions on how to handle two differing male components: Have sex with the blonde one while the dark one is bound and forced to watch, that will get his passion flowing! O.K. Can't really get into that.....Oh, forget it, forget both of them. Both of you can just fuck off until you get your own acts together, one of you wants me to suffer deprivation to make me a martyr and the other steals all the abundance I generate because he's covetous. You both suck! In the mean time; I've got this. Who talks to gods like this? lol
   You're usually harmless son has scratched someone's car with sand and you tap into the owner's energy and sense a universal "kick me" sign. Then you tap into the energy of the car and see it carries a universal "scratch me" sign. You realize fully the Law of Attraction is absolutely real and darn it all, your highly aware child was absolutely correct in scratching that man's car-that will rack up some bills if the person is not like this guy who said "I take care of my own stuff!", lol

Life's Little Handbook for Enlightened Children.... Christian co-titled: "This is what being like Him looks like"

  In the beginning was The Dance. It was all feeling and flowing, inspiration to desire, a moving toward and into that desire, an experiencing of the fulfillment of that desire, which inspired another. Over and over, all formlessness and limitlessness. From within this Dance the desire to be seen was born: "What do I look like doing this?"....BANG! Creation began..........

Prelude
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  Firstly: you are created of feelings.
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   Not of emotions, but of feelings. Emotions are responses to feelings. Those feelings are responded to by thoughts which are translations and interpretations of feelings.
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    You are The Dance experiencing it's creation.

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    The body is your antennae where The Dance intersects with the physical world around you.

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 Your body has it's own consciousness and intelligence.
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    The feeling that created you is Desire.
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    And you, you are the answer to a question.
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    The question is: "What do I look like?".
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   Which is why we spend so much time preoccupied with how we look, which makes wanting to know what we look like perfectly natural.
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    Everything around you is also an answer to that question.
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    Everything with eyes is me looking at you through your body.
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    Everything without eyes is me feeling you through it's body.
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    The first thing you need to know is this: "But, I  love me."
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    You also need to know the feeling of being alone and "Oh, no, it's all just me, then I guess it doesn't mean anything..." created the desire to not be alone.
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 That desire IS a reality. You, you are NEVER alone. Never, ever, ever,

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 unless you want to be.
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The body is aware of everything going on within you as well as everything going on outside of you.

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The body is the veil through which non-physical becomes physical.

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The body IS consciousness and self-awareness.

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Hurt or deprive the body from either side-from non-physical or physical- and the veil grows thicker, more dense.

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Love or increase attention to the body from either side-from non-physical or physical and the veil grows thinner, more fluid.

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Each individual is three people: everything in the non-physical, the body and everything outside the body within the physical.
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So it is with everything else we are perceiving:rocks, trees, animals, angels and evils: they are each and all 3 people.
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To travel through veils is to travel through energy centers of a body. In the human body these energy centers are called commonly called chakras.

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Awareness begins from within the lowest chakras, travels to the highest becoming recognized and defined and then goes back down again to become created.

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The Earth has energy centers within it, as does everything upon it.

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To manifest something you want, one only needs to send their desire through these vortexes.
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We don't have to work at this. Desire is so pure and clean it travels at amazing speeds to amazing distances. It never gets lost.
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Finding the result of that desire can be a fun game of hide-and-seek where we use the directions of "hot"(feeling well) and "cold"(feeling not so well) to guide us in our thoughts and actions.
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Finding the result of that desire can be easy for that which you wanted also wants to be with you! You just need to be still and satisfied and happy.

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Some people call energy centers vortexes.

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One aspect of knowing what we look like is understanding what we are seeing.

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Knowing when we are angry or afraid feels like and invisible punch to the stomach from within,a terrible, ominous dread.

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Knowing when we are sad is a sinking feeling.

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 Knowing when we are happy is smooth and easy.
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Knowing comes right after understanding, sometimes seemingly right with it.

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Knowing almost always comes after a feeling of sadness.
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The sadness is because "not knowing" must leave to make room for knowing.

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So, we feel sad, then we understand, then we know.
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It is normal to be sad for "not knowing" to leave. It is a part of you. Do not worry about "not knowing" and "not understanding", they go to live with their friends who are just like them and they will feel useful again while living with them.
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Sadness has another purpose, too. It holds still our beingness so that understanding can inject it's self without hurting us.

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Gaining knowing is a natural process similar to physical growing. We take in information (food we eat), we process the information (digest the food in our bellies) and what no longer serves us(can be used by the body) comes out through the physical body (at the other end as a bowel movement).
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"Not understanding" and "not knowing" leave in various ways, depending upon the person, place or thing it is leaving. In the human they often leave with crying. Sometimes sickness, sweat, bleeding, or vomiting.
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When we are stubborn or ornery and hold onto "not knowing" or "not understanding" beyond it's use to us, that is when we feel conflict, become uncomfortable and develop dis-eases. We are no longer at ease with our bodies.

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When we release them easily and regularly, we experience complete well-being.

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   Learn what you need to at your own pace as much as possible in order to navigate your environment-the world-your physical experience, but ALWAYS be clear within yourself about your inner reality. They can co-exist as long as each perspective is respected.

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   You are here to play.

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   You are here to explore and choose your own preferences.
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    Preferences ARE allowed.
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    Hello, little one.

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You are unique.
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    Nothing is being done TO you.

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 Everything is being done FOR you.

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    Every circumstance is an offering being laid with reverence at your feet.
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   You are free.
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   I've got this!
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Glossary:
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I am getting the sense that in our modern culture, the word love does not carry the energy intended by prophets of old who told us that the answer to everything is love. I believe the modern interpretation of the word "delight" is more accurate in carrying the energy we are seeking.

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Our feelings are our own and originate within us, so we logically do not 'feel like I want to be with you forever'. It is more accurate to say to someone "The feeling of forever is in me while I am sharing this experience with you, and it is my desire to feel this feeling again and again!."

 

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To want something is to covet what we do not have. To desire something is to be in want of the experience we are having when we are feeling the presence of the feelings we believe we will have at the attaining of something. In other words: desire is wanting what we already have.

 

The Lion is Laying Down with the Lamb!

    It IS the present reality. The Lion is still focused on what he believes will make him happy, a good person and acceptable to divinity, but his body is drawn to the Lamb, resistance leaving, finding himself cozied up to it without perceiving his own actions and when he does perceive it, he is not feeling threatened by it and even delighting in it. It may still be prickly for the lambs when the lions aren't perceiving their own actions, but we endure for the sake of the plan.
   The Lion is laying down with the Lamb. We need only allow it to exist in our perceptions. We only need allow it to happen: take down the barriers where appropriate in our individual experiences.

Expanding and contracting

     I am contracting and expanding into a physical experience less physically populated by human beings.  

 If one is on a spiritual path, they expand out into the world, get into a "groove" and begin moving through their present physical experience(world). Then they become irritated or bored and less sociable or suddenly not being responded to, one day looking around them and wondering "Where did everyone go?". They are contracting-bringing in all they have absorbed in that journey, organizing, processing and integrating. They are busy little bees! and yet may hardly ever leave their dwelling. The divine will do it for them if they resist it, causing the "burning of bridges" if need be, leaving one feeling abandoned. Once we understand the process, we can choose it, initiate it and go about it more graciously without the feeling of abandonment.
   Then we begin expanding when the integration begins into a "new world", a cast of characters and experiences that help us ground what we had begun integrating. We gain new friends or establish new relationships with old ones. We have new experiences or old ones with subtle differences. We could see new places or simply discover new aspects, details, spaces in old ones.
   I am presently contracting in a world where abundance in all it's forms is siphoned off those who create it by narcissistic control freaks who couldn't create for themselves a pot to piss in. I am expanding into an experience of the physical(new world) where those who create the abundance are so good at it that they can first avail of it themselves, for it is born of self-respect and self-appreciation, to such an extent that it overflows out into the world so generously, no one is ever in need around them. They overflow so abundantly they can share with everyone without reservation, hesitation, condition or dependency upon a return of their investment.

Mishmash as we end the dance with death to begin our dance with life

      The inner "innocence" is so very aware of absolutely everything! There was so much buried there, overwhelmed by the heaviest of stuff we never even fully heard the more subtle pains. The inner innocence does not miss a single thing: like a child hearing things while watching TV in another room, we believed they never heard us utter. It is that sweet. We believe what we eat won't hurts us, "it's all just energy", but unless you're thrilled by the smell and thought of death, an innocence who has experienced living right alongside divinity knows it only as cannibalism and self-mutilation. Meat packaged in plastic does not fool it: meat is dead body, Meat is dead me. It hurts whether or not we perceive the pain so very, very deep it beyond the radar of most minds distracted and overwhelmed with self-concern.
     And so my mind has instead become preoccupied with the opinion of the innocence rather than that of the world of death which will never be pleased. The innocence delights and thrives in the attention and appreciation of all her subtleties.  She is trusted. I caught my brain training it's self with word association, an exercise played by psychics to sharpen their intuition: when a word is introduced just say the first thing that pops into the mind. Not only was my mind sharpening it's translation and understanding skills, we were all enjoying the entertainment value of this practice!
    Speaking of romantic: scripture tells us "God" put everlasting life in the hearts of men. Not that he gave them everlasting life, but he gave them the desire to achieve it. He did this knowing it would fulfill the desire of the dance! A "man" doing something grand, creating something that never before existed simply to fulfill his "woman's" desire! Romance is not dead-it is the essence of life!
    Deeply connected children, in whom The Dance is living the experience of it's creation, need to hear "But, I  love me!". There are other things they need to hear, as well. They need to know that the shear desire to not be alone and for it to be "only me" has indeed created the existence of other entities and physical beings! They truly are never alone(unless they want to be). The inner perception that everything is just me, leaves out compassion and acknowledgement and recognition of the suffering of anything else. Everything feels like excitement to them for they know very little fear: fear and excitement being the two sides of the same energy wave/"coin". They think the animal they are traumatize is as excited as they are and their sensing of more excitement than their own that they are generating is a wave it's hard to stop riding-momentum is rolling quickly! So many adopt a thought structure of compassion because they hear it from parents, but sincerity, true belief and knowing will only come from experience.
    Funny story about aware children: "The dinosaur story" Two children, a brother and sister go on a trip to an amusement park of some sort. There they see a dinosaur. The boy chooses to have his own experience but his sister chooses to have the experience society dictates. They come home and begin to play. Suddenly they are crying due to arguing. "Mommy, she says I did not see a real dinosaur when I did!". "They were just robots!", sister asserts. So, mother separates them after telling them "Brother, you saw the real thing, sister, you saw what you believed could be seen according to what you were told is possible". To her son, she offers comfort. He is correct, he saw a dinosaur. "And it rode on the roller coaster and everything!", offers excitedly and relieved. The easier task accomplished, mother goes to daughter, seeing she is in defensive mode, afraid to be told she is wrong, afraid she going to get in trouble. "It is OK, sister. Everything is all right. Sister, what is most important for you is to know what you need by listening to in here(hand spread across sister's belly). Sister, what do YOU want to believe?" Tears of release, she saw the dinosaur, not just a mechanized version of it. Peace. And two very liberated and excited children!
    Recently I had been given a "BTW" which was "Without separation, there is no unity". Then I got the explanation: Where there are less than two things working together, there is only singularity. Where there are two things working together toward the same purpose, there is unity and oneness.
     The stem cell is formed with a mother. That cell has the knowledge and ability to become whatever it wants to be (an ear, a mouth, a tongue, a heart, a leg, a toe-anything). The cells formed by the stem cell would have all the qualities of a stem cell stored in their memory. It impossible for the cell to NOT know how to become whatever it wants to be: to heal and regrow things. The desire to, is they key. Why would a body want to heal if there is nothing in store for it but increasing misery? It would seek oblivion and thus death comes to the body. Give it something to look forward to and it it will be all it can be!
    More on children in whom The Dance is experiencing it's creation: These children need to have their empathic nature explained to them. When they are playing with an animal and it squeaks and then suddenly the child has the urge to throw, shake or bounce it: they need to know that is the animal's way of telling them "you are irritating the hell out of me and I just want to throw you!". When they get whiny and irritated when you're needing a break from them, it needs to be explained to them "you are feeling my irritation and desire for a break". Too long out in the public IS going to drain them. They will begin to feel everyone else's misery when they lose their intense focus on why they wanted to go on the shopping trip. Get what you went in for, bring a list to keep focused and get right out again as much as possible. Distraction won't serve you when the children begin to be overwhelmed by those around them.
   These children also need to know their bodies have their own consciousness and should be treated kindly, respectfully.
   Another thing I forgot to mention about them in reference to trying to teach and schooling, shoot even in parenting: children feel things and define them thusly. They identify them energetically. They are growing up in a world where two things identical energetically are differentiated between. So, numbers, to the child, feels like strict limitation. It does not matter if it is one or three. Then this feeling of limitation is superimposed upon things that to them represent joy and freedom: cookies and trees. It teaches them not to trust their feelings or instinct. It draws them away from the energetic nature of things and confines them to limited and fear-based existences full of deprivation. So, vibrational equivalency is important to maintain. Shit is shit no matter how many shits you take or how big or small your neighbor's is. They can tell you whether or not it's a healthy shit-the result of healthy processing.

Mishity-mashity-moo!

And I say to you "REAP!" what I have sown......

This morning has been huge. It began a couple days ago when I closed my eyes ans saw a beautiful being sat before me. From behind him a being pulled forth a form-fitting cloak of pure black, shiny. It molded to him completely, concealing his face from me, placing claws at his fingertips. he reached forth to the center of my forehead and with the black claws began drawing strings of black and grey string. i thought to myself "now, what could this mean? Am I to expect another human catalyst coming across as unpleasant, stimulating expanded thinking?" Then I saw an image of my own finger pointing directly at me and from behind the veil of grey from which the finger came I saw an alien in appearance little being with big black eyes emitting a very clear energy. "What do you want to tell me?". It giggles the shit out of me that I can see things like these that would send most people fleeing in terror and remain in a completely neutral feeling, in a state of simple observation, detachedly watching a movie.....and go into a complete whirlwind of emotion, of panic delight, excitement, timidness over the realization that my neighbor wants to give me a kiss! It is a delightful contradiction!
   Which leads me to knowing this is so exciting and alien prospect because it has been four years since being kissed, but it has been forever in that my journey through levels of consciousness is one that would normally take "forever"-lifetimes. And I know time was created to experience the deliciousness of alienation, the newness of an already experienced experience. We don't have to end this human life to experience that sensation of newness of an experience we have delighted in! First love over and over again. First kiss, first taste of passion, an eternal state of bliss experienced all over again and again!
    So, my life has energetically been passing before my eyes. It began slowly with being reminded of a childhood friend. Her name was Jody. She lived with her mother and siblings above someone's garage in an apartment. Her mother worked two jobs or more and always apparently single. One day Jody came to my house off the school bus. That meant the long walk up our quarter of a mile long driveway, past the riding ring and pastures of horses grazing, looking up at a fine little castle surrounded by decks leading to a swimming pool, at big barn, tractor, dirt bikes and Odysseys that were in there, the rabbit cages, goat pen and two-story play "fort". Jody was crying. "Why are you crying, I asked?". Her reply was "You have everything". I looked at her like she was crazy, her mother loved her and her siblings. She did nails with them, perms, every Saturday they were all required to go to the laundromat and help do the laundry. I envied her life experience! As I moved about my present apartment I experienced that memory of seeing Jody's life and desiring it for me. I realized it was that desire I was now living as a reality.
   Since then, especially over the past few days, the energetic re-living has been occurring at a rate rapidly. (I am getting words wanted and then filling in the blanks for reader's understanding and so my manner of speaking may seem strange...hang with me). I reached the point in my childhood where I was sitting out in our field curled up crying as the realization hit me in oneness with my creator that "This is all my doing!" Presently, I quickly scrolled passed all the thoughts that went with that and reached for my present state of being "I am free". Then it all came to me as I remembered how every one of my daughters at one point or another would lament loudly "No one loves me!" and run off into a closet or something. When I experienced it with them in the consciousness I was in then, I went into a panic: it is so not what I was wanting for them, how could they believe such a thing?! There was nothing I could say to them, I believed. Now I know exactly why they were they thus feeling! When realization hits within us is the truth of all things: within us is our creator experiencing it's own reality: we go through the process, quite often of, that means I'm alone, I have been deceived with these people telling me they love me, they think constantly "I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm defenseless"......and I see all we really need to hear in that moment is someone looking at me directly, holding my shoulders firmly and in complete conviction stating softly but clearly "But I  love me". And in that loneliness-logically- is born the desire for company and so IMMEDIATELY that must become reality. We CAN NOT be alone in the "universe" of experienced reality.
   And in support of this revisiting energies, emotional experiences of my youth, I have the most awesome of neighbors: a two year old absolutely over-excited about his existence. He picked up a piece of pavement this morning and said "high rock". I accepted his description "yes it is" and just to help him relate with his parents, I said "We would call it pointy". Realization came ot me: part of that rock juts out higher than the rest when he holds it pointy end up. He loves the feeling of energetic height. To him, anything that rises above is "high". In that experience, that rock and anything in his experience will never be "sharp and pointy or dangerous", it will always be "high and elating". So long as no one contradicts it convincingly. And this triggers more and more understanding and realization of understanding. From childhood they ingrain in us the need to learn to compare and contrast. Just this morning I was asked the question "Is there a God (like the one of the bible most people believe in)?" and I said "yes, but he's over there (and as I felt toward 'there' I began to feel it draw closer) killing and torturing people in the name of martyrdom" and quickly returned my awareness to "I am free" within, reminding myself I am over here (not "but, I am over here"). To qualify, to contrast, to compare is to bring it into existence within our experience. And to teach children to contrast and compare is deceptive and discouraging to them for it enforces limitation and deprivation. Here we have 1 cookie, is that more or less than 2 cookies? The child becomes depressed and doesn't want to answer. They want to see cookie! and believe in the limitless abundance of such delicious experiences! Stop depressing our children!
   Speaking of depression. Law of Attraction teachers say we will begin to wake every morning elated. I did experience that for a while upon my first awakening. Now, I am expecting this again and wondering, why is this not true for me this time? Because when I awake it is silent within, something that only happened before with depression. So, it occurred to me to decide: "That is NOT depression, that is quiet. Quiet is contentment and awareness of everything being quite alright, at peace, in a state of no resistance" From that space, I can begin my day of creating or if it so chosen, I begin my day of experiencing what I have already created: we shall have seasons of quiet for creating and seasons of excitement for experiencing! It used to be I would wake feeling excited and my brain and body would go "Oh, shit, she's at it again, here's comes the test or challenge, the proving and grounding". If I woke depressed my brain and body would become elated "Yay! it is going to be a day of ease grace!", lol. Now that I know that I have arrived, the differing experiences of waking into this reality, this physical experience can be redefined as "Yay! Today I am lounging around creating/imagining wonderful things!" or "Yay! Today I am going to be experiencing some of the wonderful things I have been creating!". We're god to go.lol, love the misprint, meant to write "good to go". The quiet coinciding with the headaches is what made me question it...the headaches are the "dark covering" of my brain/thinking expanding/changing.
     In all this, experience has taught me that once in a while, we are going to be dragged out of our chosen physical experience at least energetically. This does not need to be disturbing. Upon my first awakening I connected energetically with a drummer of a heavy metal band. He wanted me. His groupie wanted him. In a moment when they were having sex, he was desiring it was me and she was desiring to be the woman of his dreams. Immediately I was seeing through her eyes as she was on top of him during sex. Oh my! I withdrew my consciousness back to what I was doing. I took a smoke break after beginning to write of this when the realization struck me: people will be reading this blog and tuning into/praying to me (has happened before-seriously.). But what they will be tuning into is the name "Crystal". I left that entity with a lame little girl who endeared herself to me. It was nabbed by her mother, a very cruel lady. They will have to go within and get this knowledge for themselves or follow the chain of energy. Even those reading this who know my legal name will picture me in their mind for tuning in. I have not been physically seen by very many people during this time of transition so they will be tuning in to what they last knew of me, the last pictures they saw of me. As this awakened state settles in, my physical form will be changing, my hair becoming either more straight or more curly, from light to dark or dark to lighter. I will be given a new name. I am aware of people from this physical future trying desperately to tune in. These words will be all they have of me and THAT is a good thing for myself and my children. we will not so often be dragged from our new reality. I became aware of this principle in action after my initial awakening and return to that present state of being...homeless, on the road, reached a point of stability, perfect peace and contentment. I saw a beam of light shoot straight up from my head as I lay in bed. I saw from that beam a "flying saucer" disc rise and fly off and heard(sensed) the sudden frenzied exchange of information: "quick, her name is ------- and her daughter's name is--------". I became aware that I had been whisked away "into the wilderness" just before the birth of my son (with whom I had just become pregnant), my cover was blown. It was not long before my circumstances were once again upset and I experienced constant movement and 'concealment' so my trail could not be followed readily. I saw a vision of me heading through the mouth of a dragon into a green valley under the skies (influence) of a wicked woman. At one point I was made aware, more recent year "they are looking for you"........entities are becoming aware of the prophesy I am fulfilling or maybe is fulfilling within me as it has and will many before and after.
   I laughed at the story of the man who turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend. Laughing at the irony that, in fact, people believe imaginary friends exclusive to non-real existence--they are laughing at the ridiculousness of absolute reality! It is they who are the imaginary reality!
   and BTW, you CAN only reach this state of being through the emotional body: "Look!", scripture says, "I am creating something new; a woman shall encompass a man!".

Fireworks

We burst forth into creation launched by a single desire, like fireworks shot forth into the sky. We formed paintings in space and time. Some of us launched forth, became part of a larger picture and returned, our purpose completed. Some went forth never having caught fire at all, leaving behind an incomplete picture and falling back to earth never knowing the spark of life, complete duds from beginning to end. Others burst forth strong and bright, fulfilling their role and still holding the spark of life upon their return. When returning to the ground their spark still burns and can grow even greater than it was ever intended.
   

Anger

Anger is our own resistance to our own discomfort. We fear we are wrong to be uncomfortable with an experience, that fear of being wrong becomes anger. We are allowed to have preferences! We do not need to justify them. We are not hypocritical if we are comfortable with a response with one person but not another. We are not hypocritical if we are comfortable with the same action in one set of circumstances while not being comfortable with it in another. By accepting our own responses without judgement, we allow in understanding and yes, we may then become comfortable with something we weren't comfortable with a moment before or we may find we are quite right to be uncomfortable! Love, compassion and understanding MUST begin with ourselves.

Detox time!

     Clearly (to those paying attention, who have eyes that see and ears to hear) the things holding us back are leaving and this can be a painful time. Physical dispelling of old, stuck energies...memories and the emotions they hold. It may be you're spilling it all to "the wrong person". It isn't the wrong person, they were placed there just for that specific moment and if you can observe the movement of the energies, be honest and frank about how you're feeling and state that without projecting/accusing/blaming, you set yourself free, you heal yourself. I have found a "heavy hand"-decisive decisions-are required. We must clearly choose without sugar-coating it.  
      After a lifetime, it seems, of my 'luck' drawing good things and having to sit and watch as they are intercepted, snatched away, pass to someone else near you who you know is not drawing such good luck.......sensing the floodgates opening so that luck can finally come in, sensing all that has been denied being re-routed back to you....is exhilarating which brings up relief which brings up the toxic emotions that come with witnessing and experiencing injustice. Crying, puking, all leads to places in the body that carried constant ache feeling light and empty, yet full of the cleanest, purest energy in constant movement. Old sagging muscles begin to flex and again begin to support the core of the body with renewed vigor.
     As the old goes and the 'bad luck' goes to those who deserve it, the world is going to see some major changes! Sirens are going like crazy in our small town. Those who wielded power by manipulation, control, abuse, etc are feeling it slip away.......they are about to begin getting their due. It is a silent time because it is a time of transition. As the transitions begin to take root, then the storm will come.....much needed "rain" upon those unduly deprived and "hail and brimstone" upon those from whom it's true due has been withheld.
     The world is about to be turned right-side-up again! Oh glory days! Do not look back at what is happening to those being "left behind", look straight ahead and keep your eyes on your prize. If you cannot see it as clearly as those of us who are intuitive, just close your eyes, sing a hymn, close your days and wait for the storm to blow over. Listen to no one, you cannot help anyone for to reach out is to be pulled off the boat, if they were getting on, they would be on by now. Just trust and love. Don't even pray, just listen and let go............direction is coming. You're in your life raft and it will carry those it is meant to,.
     We find ourselves saying things we used to and did not want to"warning our children to be quiet so as not to disturb others, etc.....all these things feel hollow, they were not our truth and so it is we must stop speaking them. When it feels hollow is when you know you're safe to let it go. Our fears concerning those things is are gone, we do not need to bring them back by repeating the behaviors back into habit again.
   By holding back the "bad" I have been holding back the "good" along with it. I am released from being the test; one of the "little ones" sent in for people to react to, feeling that undeniable gong of condemnation when they react poorly to me, the relief of blessing when they respond well. Released from crying at the judgement they've brought upon themselves, feeling like I was somehow responsible, should have/could have done more to prevent it, mourned their loss, the loss of them. Let the gong sound! I know who will die in a car accident due to their treatment of me and mine: I've already seen the headlines. I know who will die a miserable death of decay as they are harangued by the harpy they chose over me. I know who will arrested for raping a child, I have already seen their end. I haven't allowed these judgments to pass through me for I didn't want to be responsible, judgmental, not understanding, not compassionate, not kind. I have held back justice and reaped injustice. It is now time.

The making of a people and the return of dreams

     When I was young, I was keenly aware of my intuitive and creative powers. I began to realize at some point that I exercised them in vain for they were being siphoned off, invalidated, and intercepted, I simply gave up on them, began to distrust them, hate them even. Today I felt them returning to me, those dreams which I had created. I saw myself pulling out a clear plate to show someone that I had one: my awarenesses are served up with clarity.
     The whole "I am that I am" self declaration movement: I wouldn't fuck with taking on that god's name in vain. It's one thing to trigger the awakening of it within those it has been occupying, but to carry it beyond is to invite some serious consequences! He is real. He is the gateway to The Dance, no matter how brutal.
    The elven entity will be energetically compatible enough to associate on occasion. She will heal her world with what came of her journey here. The sprite will heal the garden from which she came. We'll be able to visit as well. We shall have our worlds as our essence flows forth into that which will have us and is willing to come into vibrational harmony with us. The power to imbue was bestowed a couple years ago, but really what was there to use it for? Now I know: it is meant to imbue one's world with one's essence.
     Free will is the choice to continue as slave to fear and thus an unwillingness to be one's own vessel or to choose self-determination, freedom and thus gain sovereignty. Those who have chosen to remain ruled have no say in where they end up, in who they are claimed by. So, if a goddess claims a vessel for a mate, there is no violation. One who cherishes freedom would not do so without consent, however. She will answer a prayer/desire for a woman to give purpose to a man. This is not a very uncommon prayer/desire, however for the masculine's purpose is to fulfill the feminine's desires. They say if you want to know how a man wants to be treated, look at the way he treats others. To see how a person wants to be loved, see how they express love to another. Men in general try to rule, establish laws, policies, rules, directions, etc. They are showing us how they want to be treated and that is why the tightness of "the good ol' boy's club" and patriarchal systems. They give one another what they want: a sense of purpose with rules and guidelines and rewards signifying praise. They seek approval, recognition. And yes, they can get that within themselves, just as we all can, thus becoming whole human beings whether a man or woman. The female determines where she wants the boat to go, but she does not take the wheel. There is the body of emotions, thoughts and feelings, but it's the feet that do the actual walking. The female creates the path, the male chooses the journey down that path. The female is content to be and create in the simplicity of beingness, the masculine is the active aspect creator-ship.
     Anyone who has loved a goddess in the making and given unconditionally is extremely blessed in the days ahead.

What about evil?

     My foray back into the world of channeling, etc has uncovered another play to ensnare truth seekers. Because so many have finally realized the whole "light worker" movement is agents of darkness appearing as angels of light as foretold, they've now started playing a third side: those who are aware of this light vs dark game must now fight them! um, no. We are to be seen and our job is done. Seeing as our "battle" is with "the spirits of the air" rather than with human vessels, we do not need to lead a high profile life to be seen. One true Daughter of the Dance in full bloom is a light that will be seen in the unseen realms for miles around.
     So, what is to happen to all these "agents of darkness" and their vessels when The Daughters of the Dance are brought to their New Earth? The final resting places of they who are not coming are already chosen and they are sealed to them. That's all we need to know. They are children of creation, beloved as any child regardless of crimes and offenses. Their places are prepared for them. As far as The Daughters are concerned, they will no longer exist to them. All will be in it's appropriate place. All is well.

My New World and the role of masculine and feminine reviewed and boldly, clearly admitted to

  The experiences I have seen of the new world I shall be going to:
Children by the age of 5 years old will be fully prepared to leave the nest and discover themselves and the world on their own. The earth it's self will rise up to meet them before they ever fall and hurt themselves. Before hunger even hits, they will stmble upon food, be brought to it or have it brought to them by an animal companion.
     I was wandering in the woods as is my custom when I sensed an arrival. I went to observe. A woman and her little dog stepped out of an otherwise empty apartment building. She looked about as if walking into a dream come true. As she released the last of her fears the apartment building disappeared. "Do I help her get orientated or something?" I wondered. Now I know the answer is no, let her discover it for herself.
    I got the knowing in prophesy form about 8 years ago that people would make their own way to the estate at the center of this new world on their own.
    My son saw me taking notes of all this and asked me to read it-he was very insistent he hear every word, not a brief run-down. My daughter came over to listen. They both began to cry, though each from a different perspective. He cried because he did not want to wait to go there. She cried because I told her "No, there won't be any cars, who would even want something so heavy, metallic and stinky?", she was afraid she would run across a field and be too tired to get back. I told her a horse would show up even before that point to give her a ride home but that she really would never tire anyways. What if she got lost? You would never be lost there, It would be your home. You don't get lost in your own home, do you?
   Soon enough she will have resolved her fears and be itching to go and he'll have his fears surfacing, lol. The crying will begin again.........


Within the Dance it goes like this: desire, dance toward fulfilled desire, dance in desire, new desire, dance toward that fulfilled desire, etc. The feminine aspect is the desire and feeling or experiencing of the fulfilled desire. The masculine flows from the desire, becoming the active, conscious moving aspect of The Dance. Thus, masculine comes from feminine inspiration. The desire of The Dance to observe gave birth to the "critical eye"/God/I Am. So it is that an 'ascended', sovereign woman desires and a piece of her being enters that of a man in fulfillment of her desire.

To have come from God and woman out of man is to do things ass-backwards and thus the reason for the complete failure of anything to come from that to be whole, healthy, and full of joy.
adding: Of course the feminine and masculine are within each of us. I saw it like this: "left and right brain" like two lungs, one indigo blue the other a violet/fuchsia. "her" thoughts transfer into the other "lung" and "his" into hers. Simultaneously, I understood this is the way it is with one's mate. However, it is the female which initiates the connection and he moves on it.

Of Pirates and Goddesses and Kings

     Governments will always preserve a segment of criminal subcultures. When a government wants a job done they know they won't get approval to use an army for, they call upon the criminal element to do their dirty work. Not news. While the criminal element may have a mother country, a government they were born under, they must be wise enough to know any loyalty they think they're displaying by cooperating with under the radar assignments will not be returned. Thus, a pirate demanding loyalty to a governing body is a victim whose life is only worth something until the job is done and possible loose ends must be tied up. If they kill off their above-board representatives, do ya really think you are anything more than cannon fodder? Please.
    There is the Dance, which dances it's way through all things. There is the "I AM", God. There are sons and daughters of God=gods and goddesses. Out of all that came a whole variety of creatures. Many of these use the human beast as vessels to inhabit physical earth. So, this is what I've gotten of my story so far. It will not be the same as anyone else's necessarily. We're a mixed bag of origins, agendas and destinations........
    This human beast was originally the vessel of an entity one would call a sprite while having the presence of The Dance very strong within me. I also became avatar to another entity with a body in a realm that looks like an eleven realm. Watching over her body while she focused her consciousness into mine was what main stream media calls an alien. I sensed dislike from the alien when my human consciousness went back with the one occupying my body as an avatar. When the "I AM" awoke in me (it had followed the sprite in) more became clear. The sprite's purpose was to find the source of dysfunction among the heavenly family and heal it. The elven entity using me as an avatar was sent to learn because her planet was dying. They were hoping to find a way to heal it. I underwent a 'quickening'= the spark of life of an eternal spirit was created in the human body. There was a change of shifts as my divine aspect got 'grounded' here and the human consciousness went to learn. Then there was the switch back. I began to get visions of The Dance and they include having the umbilical cord connecting me to The Dance being cut. I got the sense of sovereignty. Why me? I could sense on more than one occasion divinity would corner me and watch, expecting me to make one of two choices. I would come up with another choice and blow their mind. The Dance was strong in me and rather than subjecting to the "I Am"/Critical eye or "Satan" or "Jesus", I trusted in The Dance. The Dance liked that.
   At one point when hanging with the Shaumbra crowd and having had my "I Am" presence awakened within me, I began to pick up the universal downloads. One of the first was "There is no such thing as addiction". There was resistance to that message from Shaumbra. I began comparing my downloads with all the other channelor's monthly messages. My interpretation was the most clear, so I began to rely solely upon my own inner channel. Around that time I had a reading done with "Tobias" who informed me I(the elven consciousness) had some residual hurt left from Atlantis, they did not want to tell me what, but assured me they would help me release it. I spent a couple days puking. I later got the sense of what it was I had been carrying around for lifetimes from human avatar to human avatar: in my naive innocence and perfect faith and trust, I was betrayed by my beloved, who betrayed a father I adored. I was taken captive and shut up in a cell where I was injected with 1,000 lifetimes worth of fear. That is the fear capacity of a human avatar multiplied by 1,000. Need I say I was climbing the walls and desperately trying to flee my own skin?
   So then Shaumbra decided they wanted to do an initiation......I walked out. To bind myself to those who had done such a horrible thing, knew about it and refused to fess up to me but figured they could undo it and all would be forgotten?! Talk about lack of charector!
    Since the elven aspect left, I feel no attachment to shaumbra but wanted to see what they were up to, hoping to find association at least close to my own level of conscious awareness. They were just working on integrating what I had channeled 8 years ago! I have been increasing in consciousness since then, being refined, proven, underwent the "living death', ascended to the highest of heavens and every level between-formless- there and The Dance. And some of them really think they need to correct me. Back when I was unofficially shaumbra, I was embodied by "The Teacher of Teachers"....the one teaching the entities who were teaching "humans". I could sense back then that when I would light up with a universal download, the 'angels' would gather around, waiting for it to hit my brain and then make off with the thoughts that brought understanding triggered by the download as their new message of enlightenment to offer, just a bit foggied up by the belief systems they were attempting to perpetuate.
   I can still communicate freely and openly with The Dance and we come into oneness regularly but I know exactly what I am and the 'enlightened' would deny my existence. However, I know something from an understanding I channeled back then, 8 years ago: there were god/men on earth at one time, just like me but with a less evolved consciousness. They no longer exist in any way, shape or form. I also know I was vessel or avatar of one of "the Pure People" who was asked by 'angels' to occupy this avatar so that the "I AM" could perceive that which it could not perceive previously. It was asked to be in me because I had the undivided attention of "I AM That I AM". "I AM That I AM" did not believe in The Dance. Now it knows. Now the game is on..........

     Also, this human soul/ while avatar for elven was contracted out "five daughters for five men who hate women". I was to give birth to then lose them to their fathers. By the time number five came I was getting over my Pollyanna, love and light, ways. So, when her father dumped me off like an unwanted dog, knowing I was pregnant, and stole all my worldly possessions, I accepted his forfeit. A few years later I was warned "He" was coming("I AM That I AM"). I bowed down and a white light descended upon my youngest daughter and son with the extended understanding that "they have been blessed to go with you". My Earth is separating from 3D earth and my two youngest are coming with me. I will be the sole portal into that world, guardian of it. It is also separating from the other "new earths". I do have my own host of angels, whom I have begun to meet daily. I am beggining to feel exactly what I have become and it is wondrous.
       Ohh, an dafter years of being visited by various 'matriarchs' expressing a desire to have me paired with their sons, etc.........I got to choose my own mate! He'll be coming as well.