And I say to you "REAP!" what I have sown......

This morning has been huge. It began a couple days ago when I closed my eyes ans saw a beautiful being sat before me. From behind him a being pulled forth a form-fitting cloak of pure black, shiny. It molded to him completely, concealing his face from me, placing claws at his fingertips. he reached forth to the center of my forehead and with the black claws began drawing strings of black and grey string. i thought to myself "now, what could this mean? Am I to expect another human catalyst coming across as unpleasant, stimulating expanded thinking?" Then I saw an image of my own finger pointing directly at me and from behind the veil of grey from which the finger came I saw an alien in appearance little being with big black eyes emitting a very clear energy. "What do you want to tell me?". It giggles the shit out of me that I can see things like these that would send most people fleeing in terror and remain in a completely neutral feeling, in a state of simple observation, detachedly watching a movie.....and go into a complete whirlwind of emotion, of panic delight, excitement, timidness over the realization that my neighbor wants to give me a kiss! It is a delightful contradiction!
   Which leads me to knowing this is so exciting and alien prospect because it has been four years since being kissed, but it has been forever in that my journey through levels of consciousness is one that would normally take "forever"-lifetimes. And I know time was created to experience the deliciousness of alienation, the newness of an already experienced experience. We don't have to end this human life to experience that sensation of newness of an experience we have delighted in! First love over and over again. First kiss, first taste of passion, an eternal state of bliss experienced all over again and again!
    So, my life has energetically been passing before my eyes. It began slowly with being reminded of a childhood friend. Her name was Jody. She lived with her mother and siblings above someone's garage in an apartment. Her mother worked two jobs or more and always apparently single. One day Jody came to my house off the school bus. That meant the long walk up our quarter of a mile long driveway, past the riding ring and pastures of horses grazing, looking up at a fine little castle surrounded by decks leading to a swimming pool, at big barn, tractor, dirt bikes and Odysseys that were in there, the rabbit cages, goat pen and two-story play "fort". Jody was crying. "Why are you crying, I asked?". Her reply was "You have everything". I looked at her like she was crazy, her mother loved her and her siblings. She did nails with them, perms, every Saturday they were all required to go to the laundromat and help do the laundry. I envied her life experience! As I moved about my present apartment I experienced that memory of seeing Jody's life and desiring it for me. I realized it was that desire I was now living as a reality.
   Since then, especially over the past few days, the energetic re-living has been occurring at a rate rapidly. (I am getting words wanted and then filling in the blanks for reader's understanding and so my manner of speaking may seem strange...hang with me). I reached the point in my childhood where I was sitting out in our field curled up crying as the realization hit me in oneness with my creator that "This is all my doing!" Presently, I quickly scrolled passed all the thoughts that went with that and reached for my present state of being "I am free". Then it all came to me as I remembered how every one of my daughters at one point or another would lament loudly "No one loves me!" and run off into a closet or something. When I experienced it with them in the consciousness I was in then, I went into a panic: it is so not what I was wanting for them, how could they believe such a thing?! There was nothing I could say to them, I believed. Now I know exactly why they were they thus feeling! When realization hits within us is the truth of all things: within us is our creator experiencing it's own reality: we go through the process, quite often of, that means I'm alone, I have been deceived with these people telling me they love me, they think constantly "I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm defenseless"......and I see all we really need to hear in that moment is someone looking at me directly, holding my shoulders firmly and in complete conviction stating softly but clearly "But I  love me". And in that loneliness-logically- is born the desire for company and so IMMEDIATELY that must become reality. We CAN NOT be alone in the "universe" of experienced reality.
   And in support of this revisiting energies, emotional experiences of my youth, I have the most awesome of neighbors: a two year old absolutely over-excited about his existence. He picked up a piece of pavement this morning and said "high rock". I accepted his description "yes it is" and just to help him relate with his parents, I said "We would call it pointy". Realization came ot me: part of that rock juts out higher than the rest when he holds it pointy end up. He loves the feeling of energetic height. To him, anything that rises above is "high". In that experience, that rock and anything in his experience will never be "sharp and pointy or dangerous", it will always be "high and elating". So long as no one contradicts it convincingly. And this triggers more and more understanding and realization of understanding. From childhood they ingrain in us the need to learn to compare and contrast. Just this morning I was asked the question "Is there a God (like the one of the bible most people believe in)?" and I said "yes, but he's over there (and as I felt toward 'there' I began to feel it draw closer) killing and torturing people in the name of martyrdom" and quickly returned my awareness to "I am free" within, reminding myself I am over here (not "but, I am over here"). To qualify, to contrast, to compare is to bring it into existence within our experience. And to teach children to contrast and compare is deceptive and discouraging to them for it enforces limitation and deprivation. Here we have 1 cookie, is that more or less than 2 cookies? The child becomes depressed and doesn't want to answer. They want to see cookie! and believe in the limitless abundance of such delicious experiences! Stop depressing our children!
   Speaking of depression. Law of Attraction teachers say we will begin to wake every morning elated. I did experience that for a while upon my first awakening. Now, I am expecting this again and wondering, why is this not true for me this time? Because when I awake it is silent within, something that only happened before with depression. So, it occurred to me to decide: "That is NOT depression, that is quiet. Quiet is contentment and awareness of everything being quite alright, at peace, in a state of no resistance" From that space, I can begin my day of creating or if it so chosen, I begin my day of experiencing what I have already created: we shall have seasons of quiet for creating and seasons of excitement for experiencing! It used to be I would wake feeling excited and my brain and body would go "Oh, shit, she's at it again, here's comes the test or challenge, the proving and grounding". If I woke depressed my brain and body would become elated "Yay! it is going to be a day of ease grace!", lol. Now that I know that I have arrived, the differing experiences of waking into this reality, this physical experience can be redefined as "Yay! Today I am lounging around creating/imagining wonderful things!" or "Yay! Today I am going to be experiencing some of the wonderful things I have been creating!". We're god to go.lol, love the misprint, meant to write "good to go". The quiet coinciding with the headaches is what made me question it...the headaches are the "dark covering" of my brain/thinking expanding/changing.
     In all this, experience has taught me that once in a while, we are going to be dragged out of our chosen physical experience at least energetically. This does not need to be disturbing. Upon my first awakening I connected energetically with a drummer of a heavy metal band. He wanted me. His groupie wanted him. In a moment when they were having sex, he was desiring it was me and she was desiring to be the woman of his dreams. Immediately I was seeing through her eyes as she was on top of him during sex. Oh my! I withdrew my consciousness back to what I was doing. I took a smoke break after beginning to write of this when the realization struck me: people will be reading this blog and tuning into/praying to me (has happened before-seriously.). But what they will be tuning into is the name "Crystal". I left that entity with a lame little girl who endeared herself to me. It was nabbed by her mother, a very cruel lady. They will have to go within and get this knowledge for themselves or follow the chain of energy. Even those reading this who know my legal name will picture me in their mind for tuning in. I have not been physically seen by very many people during this time of transition so they will be tuning in to what they last knew of me, the last pictures they saw of me. As this awakened state settles in, my physical form will be changing, my hair becoming either more straight or more curly, from light to dark or dark to lighter. I will be given a new name. I am aware of people from this physical future trying desperately to tune in. These words will be all they have of me and THAT is a good thing for myself and my children. we will not so often be dragged from our new reality. I became aware of this principle in action after my initial awakening and return to that present state of being...homeless, on the road, reached a point of stability, perfect peace and contentment. I saw a beam of light shoot straight up from my head as I lay in bed. I saw from that beam a "flying saucer" disc rise and fly off and heard(sensed) the sudden frenzied exchange of information: "quick, her name is ------- and her daughter's name is--------". I became aware that I had been whisked away "into the wilderness" just before the birth of my son (with whom I had just become pregnant), my cover was blown. It was not long before my circumstances were once again upset and I experienced constant movement and 'concealment' so my trail could not be followed readily. I saw a vision of me heading through the mouth of a dragon into a green valley under the skies (influence) of a wicked woman. At one point I was made aware, more recent year "they are looking for you"........entities are becoming aware of the prophesy I am fulfilling or maybe is fulfilling within me as it has and will many before and after.
   I laughed at the story of the man who turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend. Laughing at the irony that, in fact, people believe imaginary friends exclusive to non-real existence--they are laughing at the ridiculousness of absolute reality! It is they who are the imaginary reality!
   and BTW, you CAN only reach this state of being through the emotional body: "Look!", scripture says, "I am creating something new; a woman shall encompass a man!".