A whole new reality dawning on me

     Wasn't feeling all that well today. I was nauseous while having cravings. Lately I have been exhausted yet unable to sleep due to the humming of energy running through my body, burning, consuming, aching, dehydrating. I have been sad. I have been confused. I have been angry. I have been uncertain of what do with certain things. Masculine or feminine/think and protect or shower with love, allow and accept? I have been letting go of old relationship patterns, people, places and things. I was thinking that despite all this, my circumstances weren't changing, that I was still falling into the same old things. I was noting further changes I wanted to make in me, my reactions and responses to things, to improve my relationship with me. I was compelled to part that sea. Where my mind would have begun to reach for all the reasons to be depressed by listing off what is wrong with my life, honesty compelled me into my experiential reality and this is what I began to see, triggering an opening of the flood gates of tears of release:
   I had arrived at my destination. I am having a completely different experience. Those in my immediate experience trust me with their innocence, the most tender, vulnerable place within them. They trust me implicitly with their families and possessions. I am appreciated. I am acknowledged. I am SEEN. I am understood by them without a need for explanation. I am accepted. I am given to generously, even without me asking I am given what I am needing and wanting. I am included and significant. I am respected highly.
     And I am simply being me, breaking free into authenticity.
     I am breaking. My perception is cracking. I am wrenching at the energetic retching going on within me. Allowing more of what I am wanting in, to "hit me", occur to me, to SEE. Exhausting before it becomes invigorating and settling into sublime ease, knowing I will know and be given what to do and what I need in each and every given moment, an even greater sense of peace.