I realized something about me this morning when wondering how to maintain a certain state of being regardless of another's inability to continue to dwell in it with me. Yes, it took a hard blow to awaken me to it.
I had grown up with the experience of a pattern: alone and wandering freely as a youth, innocence was easy to embody. It's when it began to get dark and time to go home innocence met with hardship. But innocence noticed something: hardship softened in the face of it. Of course hardship noticed and learned to hit innocence before it could be influenced and softened when it's mind was set upon an action. Innocence only learned bad things came into power in it's absence and it had no way to counter this. Then innocence noticed in romantic relationships where resources were shared: abundance would flow as they embodied innocence together, but the moment the other partner left, abundance was stolen from the other, thus from both partners. Innocence learned to be "serious" instead of "frivolous" when alone, doing cooking and cleaning and protecting resources instead of singing and dancing and playing. It learned to shine when with others as a form of self-preservation. It learned to never say no when in the flow, even if the request it felt "no" in response to WAS part of it's "flow". It knew what would transpire when it became absent and payback for the no would have been plotted. Innocence was pimped out effectively.
So, now I must practice embodying innocence alone, allowing the practice of dependency upon the presence of an other for it's expression to fade out, becoming steady presence and practice regardless of companionship or no.
I do not know what diamonds have to do with any of this, but they have been synchronizing their appearance with this revelation. Blessed be! I'm off to become even more fully embodied, with consistency!
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