Countdown to Armaggedon: my own personal revelation/new world beggining

     The more I see, the more I learn our visions are self-applicable. The people, places and things in them just representatives of our own inner world. This is what has been happening within me recently:
I call it "my own box of hungry ghosts
they are what I took on to feel like an adult.
all sitting in dark cave, waiting to be ejected into space, for a monster to devour them, the enemy to come kill them like trapped animals. I fear their loss because when they go, I will once again be a child. A helpless child with no appetite. Sex was tasty, devouring, I drew in the very essence of another. Now i must draw in my own essence and live off that, what is my essence? In this box, packed floor to ceiling, this dark cave in which they have all been led, to which they have retreated, trapped area ll the faces of all my appetites, all my decisions to cling to almost the point of hoarding, to let go to the point of almost throwing way anything that means anything to me. It is the desperate acts that brought change to my circumstances. it is the acts of simple confusion I did not understand. All I can do is look at them and cry. What will I do without them? From where will I drive. And so I just sit with them. I identify them. I am prepared to let them go. But I am afraid. Not too afraid to fight it. I just sit with it. I will allow it to happen. I will let them go. We but await the destroyer, them and I, sitting together side by side, waiting, quietly watching for the transformation. On the edge, on the brink of change in which we shall over a cliff, we shall fall over a cliff I shall fly. I shall fly free and this makes me cry. I am afraid to fly free again. But I will do it. I will release. Armageddon is upon me and I am free. Today is a day to be quiet, to not panic, to not jump into something, take on distraction. It is a day I must let myself heal, not panic, just breath and let it happen. To allow the urge to teach to pass through me. To let it go, to not share my journey. I am free. I am not bound to anybody. I don't know what free will look like. And all the scriptures keep coming to me...we do not know what we shall be but will be changed in the blink of an eye to meet the Lord in the sky, lol. All prophesy from the prophets is the inner journey being complete, the oneness with our maker a divine revelation. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, rather than resist the process. The tendency to say "but", the argument, not being ready....released, just by looking at them, by seeing, they all come up for inventorying. Are they yet all in the cave? Ah, that sexuality, craving, delightful, hungry, it is she, let her go. The panic, the knot in the stomach, the release. The urge to jump into anything but me. The urge to flee. The panic. The seduction to hide it from  me that I am trying to flee "I am not running, I am seducing!" I argue me, I deceive me. Oh, the depths of our own trickery, upon ourselves alone, never mind others, I could not even be concerned or preoccupied with deceiving them, it was hard enough deceiving me, coming up with the plot without my own self recognizing, setting up those inner traps and pitfalls that snag me when I am not looking or expecting. People outside were just tools of my own self-deception. No, they are not an illusion, but suckers of their own delusions, wanting to be used, devoured, distracted, eager parties to my own self-deceptions. Too, eager, too happy to fulfill my needs to punish and harm me. And so I hate them, resent them. Take on an air of superiority. Another face, another hunger, that of revenge which I could never act upon or entertain because it was too evil though they would enact it upon me, wouldn't they?, ah, unfairness, whining, another face, the victim powerless because she would not succumb to vengeance, feeling she lacked reason/sanity for not enacting vengeance,.... to add to the cave of deception. Passion, powerful passion, master of all things, delusion, strong, empowering coming up within me. Unstoppable, unreasoning, logical in it's thinking, evil in it's inability to question, always right seemingly. It is a big thing to put in that cave with all the rest, so small and tiny and powerless. It is cold-hearted, without compassion, distanced, uncaring, unfazed by things. It is what I used to fear and envy. I do not want it. It is mean, it is non-responsive, behind it is always a plot to destroy me. I see it, I defy it. I release it, into the cave of contrition. They are a burden, all of them and their cave, the sickness that wracks my body, the pain in my stomach that taunts me, persecutes me, robs me. I look forward to relief, though I don't know what that will be. what will it be like to be healthy? For each day to not be clouded by pain and confusion? To not have suffering on the brain? To be released of burden? To be free, set free, to fly so freely? I cry and release. This is the journey the prophets relay with such urgency because they are on the edge, right there on the brink of disappearing from humanity, the need to teach or preach, no longer bonded and bonding. The exist simply. They simply exist. They disappear off the radar of need and greed, of consumption and presumption. They leave the world behind to feed, feed as it is always feeding, groping, reaching, clinging, devouring, controlling, manipulating, beating, punishing, stripping and raping. The world of mankind is ugly and with this I am at peace. I am finally at peace with it. It is what it is. It is what they say. It is evil, it is corrupt and it is dying, it is always dying, it is passing away. Into the realm of hungry ghosts it goes and out of the realm of hungry ghosts I am free. Free is where I will be staying. At only 43. This is what can be achieved. In a soul that is willing. In peace. Wanting to be free innocently. Lovingly. I am rising above these things, being lifted up above them, surveying the sheep, the mutton, the fodder that is humanity that I love. It is God speaking to me. Calling beckoning, allow myself to receive, be free. God will just be with me. Simply be in me. Be. "Be" in all it's simplicity. In this moment, this critical moment, I just need to "Be". Allow myself be, to just be, to sit silently. Allow it to happen to me, for me, through me. The day of my release. The voice demanding "what are you doing?!" passes through me. Visitors from a far country who would always come to make me question me and what I was choosing. When I was a child, when I was innocent and "getting into trouble", making trouble for them unwittingly. The derider, so witty, snarling humorously, ridiculing me, that stranger who derided me, made feel stupid, we thought to be empowering. Moving through me. Temptation to latch onto them, these strangers passing through me. I must let them be. My life passing before me. This presence is loving, endearing, enduring, entertaining, available, liberating, understanding, patiently, maturing. It is free, free of me, free in me, freeing for me. serving and deserving, always worthy, letting things just be, never questioning yet always asking questions of me, understanding. It asks for what it needs, never disappointed with me. It doesn't want to be anything, it can be anything, but it just likes to be, to be in something, to be a part of something, to be free indwelling. Intelligence, it cannot be in everything, it cannot be in limitation, in limited thinking, so it must shy away, bow out gracefully, incompatibility, but always willing if only it could be, but it won't be and that is ok with me, acceptance...that is what we need, acceptance that we cannot be in everything, it is not what they need. It mocks them, as they see it, it taunts them and teases, it is unattainable, they believe, it accuses them and their conscience, in it's presence they feel ridiculous, a torment that would be never ending. Compassion upon them, warmth and rain shining, a light to the nations they cannot bear to see but lightly. A brush of peace, a tickle, to set them free and invited with a whisper "Come join me". Months, days years, no matter how long it takes for each, maybe one will join me eventually, if they make the journey, accept it, allow it to happen within their programming, it's perimeters must allow for it. It is not up to them entirely, they have been set in motion, unthinking, not considering, no intent but to see, to see where it would lead. Like a child with a toy asking "what will I see?", "What will this do" "will this set me free?". These are all things that will never again touch me. They will no longer be a part of my experience. Of these things passing through and in the cave, I am free. They cannot be used against me.

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In scientific terms, it is the left and right brain merging and working  in unison. In the reading of "The Realm of Hungry Ghosts", it becomes clearly evident that true mental health comes only from divine intervention and that physical health and immortality is absolutely tied to physical health.

I also received the gift of knowing what the true message of the kingdom is that we were to be preaching: grace is available, we need only let it in, allow it in for ourselves, give it to ourselves, ourselves that grace.

I was given the whole purpose of man as well: Be, be in a quiet state of appreciation. A quiet heart and mind full of joy and thanksgiving.
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Another day, another development:
This morning I woke too early from a dream. Because I woke too early in the day, I know it is because it was wanted that I see and remember this dream. In it I have gathered all my children together. They are all at the ages at which their fathers took them. Their fathers brought them to me. One, the most emotionally self-sufficient, was reluctant and crying but had fun once she arrived. But when I looked around for her, she was gone suddenly. Her father had become afraid, insecure, and taken her away again.
So, I am wondering what this dream means. After a while it hit me: intelligence has emotions, it fears! We see left and right brain thinking, believing intelligence and emotions are separate, one superior than the other. But My intellect has been learning that my emotions have intelligence and now it has revealed that it has emotions. It was fear of losing the strong, emotionally self sufficient little girl to her emotional mother that caused him to steal her away. My emotional security was taken by my intelligence because it was afraid of losing emotional independence it's self.  We are not so different after all, apirit and soul, intelligence and emotion, we may be masculine or feminine orientated, but ti does not mean we are not both smart and intuitive. Fascinating.