The Hodge-podges of clearing-My day is perfect

      Woke this morning and began as most of us begin: looking ahead into the day. Anxiety began to come up and attempt to direct my thoughts into the mix. I remind myself; "This is not about my day ahead, my day is perfect" and that which was attempting to push the anxiety away from it's self into the head draws it back in. There are no words for it,this anxiety. I cannot help but think of how this must be like what is to be like as child. Change comes, we have no word for it. It's growth spurt, an expansion of perception and/or awareness. We see it in children: unable to grasp a concept no matter how you try to explain it to them-something like time, distance or some aspect of physical living. Then one day they wake up grasping it perfectly and we realize it had nothing to do with the teaching we did/attempted but with their "stage of development". So, that which is within me has reached the cusp of a new stage of development, change to it is coming in and it's painful but it's hanging in there, allowing the expansion to happen because we know what it is. It's a natural process so it's going end up well quite naturally. So, it is acting wisely and not projecting, not pushing to have it projected into this reality, this experience, the day ahead. It really is only all about me. ......a gesture while before a mirror, the sense of my mother's face reflecting back wants to creep in which always haunted and disturbed me: "she was young once, full of hope and love, she fell into traps of consciousness and that's quite a normal thing. No need to be disturbed by the idea that this version of me with renewed youth, love and hope might look like her then. It's a beautiful thing. She was always told she was beautiful, pretty, good at dancing. To be a reflection of her in that state would not be to be ugly." The anxiety is drawn back in. "A prophet is never accepted in his home town" tries to get projected toward upcoming interaction with family...."no, that was because when love for self is absent, the belief that anything good could from within the group 'self'' was impossible but now we live in age where love for self is a priority and people believe they can do great things and people who believe they can do great things accept that one from among them can as well". We will or won't be accepted on an individual basis and then it will be about them and how much love they have for themselves.
   Last night I realized I had a personal stigma/unproductive meme of my own about physical health, strength, well-being. Something about limiting it only to physical work, labor, productive within my circumstances and working out in a gym or to workout videos or structure of any sort was just 'vanity' and thus unable to actually truly contribute to health. It came so naturally as a child, without efforting, I was looking for a way to bring that back into my experience. So, we are releasing that bit of jazzed up junk consciousness this morning.
  Integrating, integrating, integrating!
  I remind myself again: my day is all arranged and energetically perfectly aligned to me. If I am vulnerable due to integrating, extra support is already there waiting to be given. The child who would have chimed in as we do when tying our shoes or zipping up our own clothes during those stages of development "I can do it myself!"......the melting away of resistance to letting support in. Some times we need the extra hand when in these stages of development and we give up struggling with the tying and zipping "Let Mommy do this for you, your coordination will come when it's ready". Again "my day is perfectly aligned to me...." wanting to creep in is "even if a wake-up call is needed", oh, doesn't that just feel juicy? NOT! but sure, come on in, it's whole anxiety party, why not you, too? It would not have been given if I wasn't able to handle it......those hurt especially, knowing that something needs "correcting"........it's simply an expansion, an "awakening to" and we can take this thing and we can accept it humbly and it can be delivered softly, non-threatening, not embarrassing: we're all still learning, more than ever before greater and greater aspects are awakening and needing alerting to, A "You can do better does not mean we haven't been doing the best we can do, it simply means that now, today, in this module, this moment more is available inus and thus from us and we CAN keep the pace or it would not have been given, so take a deep breath, don't focus on it, simply allow it to be integrate. it does not need to be 'personally' taken."
  The day ahead is perfectly aligned to me: in service to, in support of my development. Not one bit of it is meant to be "mean", O.K., so a vessel used might only be able to be used if they can bring it through ina tone that is mean, but that is them, the meanness it's self has nothing to do and is not meant for you....and oh, look, I have my period-delight comes in at this validation: it is a time of clearing! A part of our natural cycle, I am in alignment with the natural me, clearing precisely when and how I'm supposed to! Resistance is absent and I am full of allowance and perfect timing. Synchronicity governs my world this and every morning. Ducks are all in a row for our journey. I can trust this, my, and every day perfectly. I am reminded I would normally get an ominous feeling on a mornings such as these, it is absent, but come on in and join the party tailor made for me, for this moment, this moment of clearing. Never again shall I have an "ominous" morning, full of anxiety for the day ahead, thoughts projecting forward into it to shake up it's perfect alignment with ease and peace and grace and joyful living. The path of greatest allowance is for me! Wanting to chime in on this is "both the positive AND negative" which would have been threatening but now I know even negative is positive and just there to trigger further expansion within me: not question myself, my maturity, my abilities, my intelligence, my capabilities but to draw my attention to a greater perspective now available to me......initiation into, facilitating of, bringing awareness to a growth spurt...that greater which I am now capable of-reason to be celebrating! I am capable of seeing a great variety of perspectives. I am capable of taking the 'good' with the 'bad', filtering so that I can focus on that which I do want while giving that which I do not what it needs for it's own expansion. An artist, an artist of consciousness and love and acceptance....that is me! It is what I be. Both grounded and elated aware of both levels and dancing in between as they spiral out in opposite directions, two side to the same coin of energy, holding this space as they draw back in, coming into a state of wholeness. Holding this space for myself as they become integrated....they are like yo-yos on strings spinning outward and back in again. The yo-yo queen!-light hearted playing. It's hands off the steering wheel morning....letting the "universe" do it's thing for me while I do my yo-yo queen thing. Pretty darn handy to have a universe in support of one's doing, don't ya think?
  And then I sense tendrils of essence, one might say magic, like smoke wafting up, being released from my tailbone to re-encompass me. The idea hits me that I had been walking through life stark naked, disembodied pieces......That is what will be happening to me this week: my re-encompassing. There is rejoicing with the re-encompassing, the restoration of my "bubble" with acknowledgement of sadness at no longer being amongst the naked (included in something, just like 'everybody'), remembering resentment at it being 'taken', the need for that to happen and all those feelings of negativity associated with this thing. Re-encompassing. Restoration. A beautiful thing, like a gown, a princess spinning in her new digs, delighted with her "bubble" of golden, magical essence, the gilding she so resented 'having' to see the world through. It is back again and it is NOT a problem. It is welcome in me. Somehow, my accepting it sets the world free. it is released of me, the 'problems' I used to bring. Free of me. Free of maintaining anything. I am re-encompassing.
We shall be weaving a magical being with magical experiences into a common reality of mundane/mechanical thinking and perceiving so we shall have to respect those in charge of keeping that shared reality coherent to a appropriate degrees for the sanity of those trapped in it while trusting the inner knowings that will here and there guide us to "blow it", blow holes in it for those ready for an awakening to expanding potentials of being. Intricate and subtle, harsh and demanding a dance of degrees and finery.