Emotional honesty and wanton kittens

       We all want that blissful, joyful life of abundance. We're told we get it by focusing on the positive, the positive feelings, the things that make our hearts sing. We're told we do it by governing our thoughts, making ourselves think positive things, thinking about things that make our hearts sing. It's all true. The thing of it is this: as we 'raise our vibration' nothing of 'lower vibration' can exist in the same space. So, if we've led a negative, emotionally dishonest and/or repressed life, all that has got to come up. The mind cannot process it for us. The mind must be trained/disciplined to let the 'digestive system' digest the inner things we call emotions and feelings.  Feelings and emotions are of a higher vibration than thoughts could ever be. As a matter of fact, thoughts get their 'power', their energetic charge from the emotions and feelings they meet. Emotional honesty is vital in this process of consciously creating our experience. Not the emotions of the 'adults' we've created but of the divine 'child' within at the core of our being.
   One habit I must stop should I want myself to succeed is to stop referring to emotions and aspects of being as "ridiculous". I may say it in my mind with soft acceptance, but it is still an expression of lack of appreciation and reluctance for what I am experiencing.
  This comes up now as many plans and expectations are being frustrated. They are being frustrated for a reason. That reason is to draw all of this out of me, to bring it forth from deep within, clear everything out of the pathways that had been hindering it ('adult' emotions) and letting the divine core of my being shine forth as the radiance it was meant to be. Everything has gone to shit and a part of me is divinely happy with it. I get it and that gives me an 'advantage', so to speak. No more groping around in the dark seeking some sort of working out of a plan to haul me up out of it and suddenly those dark places really aren't even dark. No fleeing for higher 'vibrational' spaces of detached light, we're hanging down here in the 'grey' right with them.
  We (or at least I ) have known only to be referred to as "emotional messes". Well, it is given to occur to me that my emotions are not at all 'messy'. They're in perfect order. Frustration is angry and/or crying, unprojected, simply in me. Neat as pin. Sadness at loss; crying within me, unprojected, perfectly aligned within. Hurt: same thing. Emotional messes are those of us(and even me when....) we choose the 'adult' emotional response instead of divine emotional honesty. For example: we choose righteous anger/indignation instead of admitting hurt, dissapointment or sadness of any kind. We may choose to govern our thoughts to trigger "higher" emotions to escape vulnerability we may feel in sadness and frustration, in hope, in love, in life.  The transition to living life consciously is like learning to ride a bike. We may not have it all coordinated during our first attempts. Sadness, insecurity, frustration......all these things may come with it.  We can only just let ourselves feel it. 'There it is, hello you, welcome to the party, let's get to crying because we know in the end, there is nothing we cannot do'. We've got this so we distance ourselves from "this" for a moment while we do our crying. Let go of the 'good' potentials you KNOW are coming. We have the luxury of time and space to do it, so let's get 'er done!
  As I do this process I begin to be given to notice certain things. My son, especially. I keep telling him his sister is not a squeaky toy. He spends days provoking his sister to squeal, cry, screech and scream. He doesn't want to express his own frustration, anger, fear, etc so he seeks to provoke it out of his sister. I've had alot of men in my life do that with me. I'm seeing a theme. So, I told him "stop provoking it out of your sister and feel your own feelings". Holy crap, it was dead-on and worked. His sister picked up on it quickly and is handing his emotions right back to him on a silver platter. More of us women could learn how to do this: "That's your shit, not mine, I'm handing it back, man".  Because we women are expected to be "emotionally weak" (which is really our strength, our permission to show emotion because we cry 'like girls' ) the emotional burden of humanity has been hefted upon our being. Men have been using women as emotional dumping grounds for ages. Pull out the bulldozers, girls, we're returning the burden. Men can be men about the whole thing and do their own crying and screeching and 'scene making'.
  Keeping in mind it is our most immature aspects that became physical (heart and mind, etc.) and they are that which has been ruling over our experiences, that which we call the divine 'child' within is actually the most mature aspect. So, I'm feeling about for a new way to reference it.....my inner goddess maybe. Yet that might summon association with the 'adult' aspects we created from the immaturity we bring. Even the immature 'adult' aspects are divine source, so to call it my inner divine would be a misnomer. Why separate them if we're bringing it all into expansion and alignment. Not much difference, if any will be evident between them. So there you have it. There is only "me". lol, we're back to that, are we? I've taken to saying "I AM with ME": my "I AM" presence joined to my "There is only me" presence, becoming one being.
  Amidst all this, comes a conversation with my son and I am given to realize: there is no problem. There is no such thing. There is only a not working out the way we believe we want so we meet and express our repressed and 'hidden' aspects. Energy comes in waves of light and dark so both aspects are addressed and get what they are drawing. Bring forth the darkness and the dark/negative flip side of the energy waves cease to exist because it's all 'grey'. The pendulum has stopped swinging, the spiral has shrunken and we have become a stable and steady light amongst mankind.
  The highly empathic nature of being human feels it needs addressing. We feel other people's spirits and emotions and ways of thinking. They cannot exist long in us if we are emotionally 'clean', be present with every emotion as it rises so there is "backlog". If it doesn't originate within our human expression, it goes right back to them all squeaky clean. There is resistance to this, I mean how much emotion is one human expression supposed to channel?! It would not be given if it couldn't be handled. Still no excuse for others to provoke in, project at and dump emotions on others. Do your own work, man! I do choose to address a sense of victimization in association with the idea of being a channel for/cleanser of other people's spirits and emotions. Just sitting with it, loving and accepting it's existence and we'll see where it goes.
  Oh, yeah, the wanton kitten part, lol. I remember on one occasion I was given to dance 'seductively' for a man. As I did I spoke to myself within; "How could I ever respect a man who responded to/bought into this?!". I did respect him, it turned out. We have an inherent respect for all things even if we don't act like it or feel like we do. We're just too busy resisting it to realize it fully. Now I know why it felt like I was 'not being me'. We begin life as children with no real sexual interests/drives what so ever. By the time we hit puberty, we have been ingrained with cultural,familial, society's "moralities". So, suddenly our reproductive/sexual aspects awaken and they feel like strangers have come to live in us. Not only strangers, but "bad ones" that want to play 'wanton' games of seduction, be exhibitionists. "That can't be ME" we think. "It does not feel like me or want to act like me, it wants to be everything 'immoral' and out side of marriage!". So we repress it or deny it or feel guilty for it and a whole mess of things.  It'd be nice if young people were told aspects of them will be awakened and added to their experience when their sex organs begin to wake up/come into maturity. It would be nice if it was presented as normal and healthy, exciting and worthy of celebration. There's a wanton kitten inside each human and it is safe for it to play. There would then be healthy, inborn knowledge of and awareness of healthy boundaries that come with it, I'm certain. Truly 'inappropriate'   only comes when aspects become exaggerated with repression or desperate assertion.
  So, me and my 'neat as a pin' sacred emotions and holy wanton kitten are venturing forth to learn how to ride the bike of life.........should be entertaining and interesting as well as fun and exciting. I feel like a kid again without the uncertainty and insecurity that used to come with it. i no longer feel "small". That was another thing I noticed. I used to , when I curled up to go to sleep, make myself "small", to shrink into something 'non-threatening' nor drawing attention so I could sleep in safety (that was the idea originally, I believe). The idea of going to sleep as the 'giant' I am was foreign. So, I am also playing with that.