An Armageddon of my very own! I'm such a lucky lady!

Hey ya hey ya heeeya ho, hey ya hey ya hee ya ho, hey ya, hey ya, hey ya hey ya ho, hey ya hey ya hee ha ho

A week or so ago I got the message I would be getting my 'clypticle'. A couple days before I was being given a key card to hotel room on the top floors and experienced concern about having what it took to use it. I was reassured I did.

I have spent my days imagining greatness for myself, ease, luxury, overabundance flowing money, tropical islands, horses, estate..the best of everything I have been given to imagine. I could feel their energy, being as 'intuitive' as I am, a could connect with those energies and having cleared myself, I could allow myself to experience the feeling of being in circumstances that would allow those things in. As I agree to make grandiose statements chills run up my spine. Daily I experience such 'tickles' from the universe of recognition.

I bring smiles to all around me, loving them so deeply, delighting in every possible thing with depth and sincerity. Allowing all mine and everyone else's feelings. Allowing life to get "messy".

Yesterday came a culmination of incoming 'smells' of previous experiences of complete destitution and the courage I expressed during them.

I had created a nice, tidy cocoon for my transition which included food stamps, cash benefits, something steady.

I have won prizes in three car dealership mailings, of gift cards but suddenly things aren't working out. I had moved to let go of all the assistance I had in getting around,  moving about in this cocoon of circumstance. I had been being moved to say no to anything that was less than what I had imagined for myself.

Now, my freezer is empty and my food stamps are not going to be put on my card this month, I just found out this morning. That means no more cash benefits will be coming.

Yesterday I had what would have been considered a string of bad luck, using last of cash for cab to get to grocery store where I could not do the grocery shopping I had planned because a big sign at the front of the store notified us food stamps were late. I had to use the bathroom when I got there and it was closed being cleaned. My son got lost in the store, somehow going from the back of the store in the blink of an eye to being lost in women's clothing.

That $1,000 gift card I won but couldn't find transportation to claim would have been real handy right now! lol Now I've got the third winning flyer and have no ride to claim. All these resources slipping right through my fingers!

But I have been here before energetically, being devastated completely and brought into unbelievably abundant circumstances polluted by an abusive man and I remember wishing I had gotten for myself, by myself. We were paid an entire winter's accommodation in a hotel with spending money, Christmas presents for the children and when it was time to go: a freakin' car! But due to the guy I was with in whose name everything was given because I had no driver's license or ID, we did not benefit from any of it. It was all lost to his poor choices.

So now I have accepted I can make good decisions. I see the value in being choosy about with whom we partner up.

So in the same moment I am screaming within at the devastation, the memory, the pain, the confusion and singing in ecstasy as I realize what it all means:

This not a personal attack of deprivation, this is a shedding of all polluted energetic connections, I am rising from the sea of confusion and abusive control onto the solid ground of immortal, unlimited, abundance. I have made it to shore! I am letting go of the life jacket, man-made support that allowed me to feel the experience of floating, swimming, making it, not having to worry about staying afloat until I could trust the feeling of stability, security that comes from within me.

And so I strip naked, I paint my sacred body and dance a dance of relishing my liberation. Do I know how that abundance shall arrive? No. Am I hung up on the lottery and these car dealership winnings? No. They are all a part of the 'bread and circus' illusion. I dance and I sing triumphantly. No, the joke is not on me for in leaving me "destitute", the only thing they have divested me of is their energy stain.

And before these energies/agents let go, I poisoned them with hope. I stated clearly what it means to be truly free in writing, sending it to all levels involved in 'social services' and distribution of wealth, authority over 'abundance' illusions.

Which means there is no reason to turn around. It won't be landing upon my head as it comes crashing down.

I may be moved quickly and suddenly at the first opportunity. I may be allowed to leave gracefully and leisurely.  Either way, I know the Universe has got me. It has already been arranged. I only know I no longer resonate energetically with any part of these circumstances, this placement--whoopsie!And "lord knows" I always leave a wake anyone open to expansion can follow.

Is this easy? No! This is where the warrioress in me comes in. Not to fight anything or protect me
 from anything, but to give strength in allowing everything within me to happen that needs be, to "play catch" with the urge to fall into negative thoughts, to be on her toes constantly to catch negative thinking and comfort it, love the aspects that feel insecurity, skepticism, doubt, fear, aggression, etc. To coordinate and direct attention...the battle field makes a warrior dexterous, aware, far-seeing, intuitive. In the state of wholeness where there is nothing to fear, THAT is the role of the warrior.
In the meantime I browse an unsolicited catalog of equine products, western wear, etc knowing it is note from the Universe to let me know it hears and is answering. I continue to envision and dream and imagine and feel where I want to be energetically and more and more it is the only vibration I am emanating.

And while a part of me thinks there couldn't have been a worst time for the inspired choices I've made that led to this......I'm willing to bet on an energetic level, the timing couldn't be more perfect! Dependency is quite often nothing more than an illusion. Practical means are simply presented to trigger our allowance of the feeling of "possible", because 'practical' means are anything but practical ;)
This is my circumstance exhale, clearing the bronchial tubes for a greater inhale.....just breath, watch circumstances come and go like the breath that flows through me, breathing ever and ever greater depths of clear, clean, abundant, unconditional.
At the end of it, I think the only thing that really COULD devastate me more completely IS unconditional love in all it's expression. It's the only thing I refused to allow in and as with everything else, I have a habit of first discovering things for myself before allowing others to bring it to me and unconditional love for self is what I have been practicing. So, I guess I know what is coming. And yes, that scares me.


Every once in a while, we get our very own Armageddon. It is a blessed event.

Not long after all the above I felt an energy in the right side of my brain that "wasn't supposed to be there"...it usually only entered the left side of my brain.  And not long after that "it" happened. And 'it' was pleasant, stirring out and flushing up to be loved even more of that which I had experienced as me.