Isn't it time?

     With all the patience and softness in the world I was reflecting on how people who make a living doing "animal husbandry" really aren't doing anything different to those animals than most do to their children: give birth, send them to the sitter so we can work, off to preschool to "fatten them up" for school, and off to school to "fatten them up" for college, and off to college to "fatten them up" so they can feed themselves into the machine to make money to purchase goods to be "productive" "contributors" to "society" which is nothing more than a programmed way of interacting that keeps the machine running. No one who eats meat is a hypocrite, they eat goats just like the allow the system to eat their children.....we are ALL lambs being led off to the slaughter and for what? Because divinity wants to show the Dance what it looks like to it? So "we" can reach our "highest potential"?
   Well, here we are, call me what you will, do with me what you will, but dear divinity, isn't time? Time to cash in the chips, let go of the need to force perception, make another see, decide what is "highest"........
     Just a glimpse of the highly charged emotional journey and in between my son feels what is happening and trying to get my attention with silly antics so I dance into mommy mode; "You ARE enough. You DO bring happy into the world. Sometimes we have to cry anyways. It's not your job to make mommy happy", he acts like he isn't listening, doesn't want to hear. Give it a minute, it sinks in "OK mommy, I love you"
  Dancing back into reflection and conversation and the divine is searching my heart when I make a statement I've made several times before. Something clicks..."NOW you get it?"....the divine is sometimes slow on the uptake, needs things to it's satisfaction....
  Dancing back into mommy mode at "mommy I want to decorate for Christmas, can we get Christmas decorations" and I am wrecked "I think we have a couple things from last year, I'll dig them out of the closet" while my heart screams out "There will be no "Christmas" this year. How do I tell a child there is no tree coming, no presents, no big dinner? Mommy can go close her account and get $30 for groceries next week and then it's all shit's creek"......and nobody hears.
  Back to the weight of creation back on  my shoulders...the killing of joy in a child because we want to reach our "highest potential", so you can show me what I look like? It couldn't take a break for a week?
  Dancing back into mommy mode as the boy puffs out his chest and says "Look!". "Oh, big tuff guy". "No, I'm not!", he's upset. "Bub, it's O.K. to be both a little boy and a big tough guy, THAT is our MAGIC. We can be both things, we do not have to be one or the other. Love your magic, Bub. Love your big tuff guy and love your little boy inside". "OK, I love you mommy". Damn...another freakin' generation needing comforting, liberating...
  And now I am on my knees...isn't time? Yes, I am weak, yes, I am gorgeous, yes I am wise, yes I am talented, yes I miss things, I am everything and yes, that's O.K. with me, yes you can oppress me, yes you can deprive me, yes I can get up again......I have been bold, I have said what most wouldn't in ways that can be accepted, non-threatening, non-judgmental. I have learned the lessons, I have seen and empathized with your perspective, I have softened, I have given and you have taken. I have kept to myself and you leave me abandoned.
  Somewhere in there I feel a quiet release and acceptance, the ease is coming, the gifts will be given...rejoicing and all I see is an empty fridge....I know the gifts: visits from spirit to fuck with my head.......and leave children crying. Am I drop in the ocean or the ocean in a drop...in this moment I don't care. Through it all: not a shred of bitterness in me. I am at peace, in the core of my being.
"Mommy can you tuck me in?". "Sure baby".
You have your fully embodied one; be content.