I Get to Go Home

  "You can go home" the message came as I was reflecting about how little boys were worth saving. This came after reflecting on how my son is merely instinctive in his behavior, not malicious but becoming conscious of how it affects other people and beginning to consciously use it. He simply needs to learn the whys and hows of self-control in response to it. He needs valid reasons and serious, but not judgmental or critical, discipline. It came also after reflecting about seeing the inner boy of a local man fresh out of prison. While it was good to see in him, I had learned to become leery of seeing such in a man. It's as if him being revealed to me was some great sin I had committed and I always got smacked around for it, physically and energetically. Sheesh, I was just loving him. Until boy meets man and man can accept him, no woman or child is safe with either of them. It's just a fact. I'm sure it's the same a lot of men feel about women, though in reality, when it comes to response to trauma which we seem to all have experienced, men choose fight where women choose flight. Women get "etheric" and men get "cryptic", women go high and men go deep, women go too light where men go too dark. Just tendencies, not judgment. Both extremes are unhealthy and not exclusive to genders.
   In shower, clear understanding and conviction: nothing wrong with an ego, without it we would not exist as individuals, it's the false ego that is the problem.
    So, it seems I wasn't allowed to return home until I had discovered within myself that boys were worth saving. Never had a question with my literal son, I assumed he was saved already, lol. I'm a mom! lol I am grateful I woke up to his need for discipline and did not turn a blind eye to his specific needs of it; the where, when, how and whys of it, what is appropriate.
   When I first got this announcement I wondered what it meant. Oh, yeah, home within, the central sun within me. Then came the knowing: there is a god within and there is a god without/outside of us. As there is a sun in the center of the earth: formless surrounded by form, there is a sun in the center of the universe; again formlessness surrounded by forms, there is the mirror reflection: the forms surrounded by formlessness, creation surrounded by the Source of it.
      I began reflecting on my experiences of going home in vision, dreams and meditation. Way back when, I was but a tenant in a basement apartment of a landlady. One time I was allowed in to see an upper bedroom a woman had prepared for her children, her sons specifically, one of whom she had hoped I'd marry, but that house wasn't mine. I once was in a house being shown in a mirror that I was being made up to look different, it was the house of a woman and foreigners had landed on the roof, their pursuers not making trouble but waiting for their ship to be fixed out of respect for the owner of the house. I did find my house once in meditation, played and explored around in it. It was a fieldstone cottage in the country, one I had built just for me. It was through the forest and across a stream, over a log and down a path. I went to the upper rooms, a hall with doors off to each side of it: past lives, other dimensions in the universe and earthly places. In the basement I saw the pool of water, emotion. I jumped in the whirlpool of it and was released at the bottom, dropped down onto a beach where I would find treasures hidden and left just for me. There was an ocean and in this ocean is where mermaids and mermen lived. Swam in once when pregnant with my fourth daughter. The king of the mermaids had a special blessing for her. I once found myself in the rented house in vision. I had become it's owner. I was lying on a bed covered in white linen, there were white linen curtains, a white crib with white linen, I wore all white lace garments. As I lie there looking up at the white stamped tin tiles, I noticed the corner of one "peeling", it peeled down further, I heard a deep voice ask "Has he spoken to you yet?" and my face began to pass through it. I held my breath as I passed through it. Wondering who it was speaking and of whom I turned to see a tunnel full of balls of colored lights come right into and through me. It reminded me of when I was young, just a very young child, and I had a dream from which I woke screaming all tangled in my blankets: I was tumbling along this spinning tube filed with balls of  colored lights. (I remember once, being dragged into a vision, being in a bathroom and an evil entity trying to suffocate me with what looked like a shower curtain, but I was not afraid and knew I could breath through it. It was nothing but a veil he was trying to frighten me to death with. Somehow I knew I could pass through them. I was holding a child in my arms in vision when this happened.)
. Much later  I remembered a house, a mansion on a cliff....... I realized, oh shit, could it mean the big one? I was allowed back in? Am I allowed to make that journey as well as this? I was already taking this very serious. The last time I didn't and so was booted out again of my own central mansion. I had come to a house where I was supposed to meet someone, but he wasn't there when we had agreed to arrive. I didn't dare go in alone and felt the draw of the white light that inhabited it and it's inhabitants. It's own brand of snakes and venomous serpents, treacherous. The draw was like a tractor beam, one would not be able to resist it, so I travelled on and that was when I saw the mansion on the cliff. I had been standing on the side of the mountain on which it exists as sort of in the center of a volcano indentation. There is a waterfall flowing from under/within it.
    Then it all fell together, the journey I would be making. I would go into my house in the country, go down into the basement. Through the whirlpool I would reach the beach. I would take a boat across the ocean to the place of the house on the cliff which appears like an island mountain or mountain island but is the beginning of a continent. This is God's house in Heaven, the mansion in which many rooms exist. This where I am enthroned but had not yet been allowed to visit. This part of the journey is when the magic begins to happen (and a part of me exclaims good-naturedly: I just can't wait to again...have breasts again! lol But it is no problem waiting for me to take this journey slowly, seriously and with all due respect).
   

 

It is through this home of mine that I will enter Heaven.

The trumpets being sounded, heralding her imminent return to Heaven.

The way is being prepared for her.

(Where my personal journey mingles with heavenly events that may be corresponding to prophecy about our inner journey of self discovery and revelation-or hey, it's on the world scene happening today....dumdumdum.....ominous music playing)

 

 

"Outside Heaven is the Garden of Eden"

Oh! (took me a minute to get it), my cottage is in the garden of Eden. And a knowing: "Flesh and blood cannot inherit the Kingdom of Heaven". "No, but the spirit dwelling in the human body can!",

 she retorts joyfully and knowingly with a bit of self-satisfaction...... passing her final exam.
And duh! she realizes, I had been in my cottage last night while I was sleeping and that is why today I had so much energy! laughing. The human body is doing some up-catching. (and yeah, that is the way WE like to say it, in that way, we're quirky...we reverse our phrases) And this is how the human mind can see God's face yet live.
 So, the human mind had never been to heaven, only the spirit which came from it. That is what got to go to the Garden of Eden when I couldn't....the ego wasn't fit. That was the part closed out of Heaven and the house in the Garden. I get it! My ego died the last time I saw God's face. or rather, when he saw mine......there in the garden when I wasn't ready, which was why He was so angry when He spoke to/through me at "The Druid", Peter or Paul Peters, was it? Anyways, my spirit hadn't properly readied me and so it was God who disciplined her and me......brutally! When he made her return to me, she was upset about it. She didn't like the mess I had made of my life or "her" body. She should have never abandoned me, then if she didn't like it. But I was the one who was quickened, the vessel God had chosen. We had switched places, then returned here, she believing condemned. Then was the "grounding" of her, being rooted in me, the tree growing within me.......I battled her just last evening....the ego doing the pruning of the spirit! Wow. God was guiding the human ego/me in disciplining the spirit within. Who could have saw that coming? Now she kinda likes me and is taking me along for the journey. So exciting!
   So, self-acceptance turns out to be the ego accepting spirit as self and spirit accepting ego as self....child accepting parent and parent accepting child.
    So....it was and is a single being, not with split personalities exactly, but that divvied up aspects it liked and denying ownership of those it didn't, which God made human(the animal skin) for her to dwell in outside the garden of Eden. The false ego died while the real one survived. It used to be the spirit could just pop into heaven without going through the garden, though she was shut out of God's presence. The ego couldn't get there without going through the garden, but now that it knows the way it can and is now in Heaven.....in God's presence.
 "She can't come without the ego fully intact". He says gently, ever so quietly. "Are you ready to meet the man?". ("There's a freakin' man?!") Already met him, seen his face, it's human, didn't like him, but recognize his presence which was once warm and familiar.
 That will be an event. "Do not let him have the honor of healing me, please let us do it before hand. He should not see the glory of the battle scars I incurred doing battle with him. He should have credit for none of it. My beauty did not come from him." And more quietly "I was once a part of him".
 "A part of him he could not accept".
 It was because of him I hated the qualities I did hate and he still even hated his own qualities he had claimed and kept from those he tossed into his "animal skin"! I am a result of his own self-hatred pinned against not only his own self hatred but his own hated qualities that became twisted as a result of his hating them! What a mess! I really don't know if I am ready for this.
Dammit, his spirit stuck in a body/ego knows where I live......just not which apartment. I can at least be thankful for that. Let him have an awkward moment, up, nope, he's on it.
But he cannot return to Heaven without me present with him, he must come through me to get to Heaven. Acceptance, of me as part of his person. It was said in scripture of having to search out the mind of a king.......equally true for a king to search out the heart and hurt of a woman, a queen......The Queen of Heaven he so condemned and resented.
      Somehow it is akin to his ego, perfected by God, being what was resurrected and ruling from heaven while the spirit became earthbound, stuck in the flesh of men. The spirit was bound for a thousand years and recently resurrected/reunited with that perfected ego in the flesh. He only recently discovered which vessel of flesh he would become rooted in.
     O.K. his "perfected" (he, hem..coughing .....) ego I can deal with. I would allow it to do the healing as an apology from it/him. He is not yet integrated, still separated aspects, ego can keep him out or let him in. And the spirit still in one body cannot access me without joining with/accepting the ego that was "perfected" and has been overseeing me. I have met both his bodies in this lifetime. The "perfected one" as a teen, the present one he is grounded in as an adult....a father and a son.
    Definitely my four inner aspects. Today my youngest daughter looked at me and told me I look like I have four faces and she pointed to them, circling her finger in the air around my head. So we all have masculine and feminine, spirit and ego to integrate on the way to wholeness, health and well-being. hey, I have a dramatic story way of experiencing and explaining it. Why shouldn't we? It is the way mankind has done it from the beginning.
     Here is a funny Brady Bunch type ending: son and daughter bring together her mother and his father and they all live (separately, parents from children....... at a great distance) happily ever after. (mom and dad's happiness may be delayed a bit, lol)
   But no, I am beginning to notice the aspects of men I tried to love and accepted who in turn rejected me coming to express themselves in me, as if aspects of me had gone and demonstrated themselves in them,  those aspects now return, softened and respectful, to live again in me. This little portal got a bit too busy for my liking this evening....I'm exhausted and have to be up in 3 1/2 hours for an appointment.......first comes the kingdom......will definitely be napping later today.
  Ahhh, getting this part: the little boy aspects are going home through me.