It was definitely the left brain way of thinking that was going and indeed, good riddance to it. It is the part that projects and what I hated about becoming "prophetic". It always made it out to be truly huge and apply to the entire world, when, in fact, it only applied to myself. It is the source of religions and causes and political systems, any kind of interference with the world around us. It projects it's self into the future, which we do not need to do as we radiate anyways and our energy is going there anyways. What we radiate from the center is what creates our future. So I some to the conclusion that any "prophesy" I am given only applies to me. Then I am reminded of when I stomped my foot, perceiving energy being driven into the ground, and not two days later Maine experienced an earthquake. Then I call out and am responded to by "Grandmother Lava", through me summoning up her strength to come flowing into my daughters, and not too many days after volcanos begin blowing in South America. But I know it is not only I going through this process, there are others as well as the Earth it's self, so we are creating this together. So, I am special and relevant, but I am not completely and solely responsible for the Earth's changes.
Some of the thoughts that came to me as I was waking and dancing the cobwebs out:
Stating opinion to authorities (asserting myself) without agenda, expectation of results nor intentions other than self expression is what opened them up to listening to me.
I noticed my major sins against humanity (things I would normally be strongly condemned and punished about) are suddenly faux paux no one is worried about.
Then my daughter says about the rain coming down: "That water is clean. That is OK for drinking". Life-giving water is flowing and spiritual understandings being channeled are safe to take in and will be nourishing. I don't have to be afraid of anything. There will only be healthy things in my environment.
The aches and pains I had been experiencing in my body made it possible for a handicapped person's energy to match mine and come into a state of oneness with it. Everything serves a purpose.
When we are young and immature, we are victims of and slaves to the law of attraction. Its when we stop reacting in harmony with it that we become free of it. And you really can feel Satan approaching and defy him with statements like "I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing!" or "In this I AM righteous!". It is only a guilty conscience or ignorance/insensitivity to the incoming energy or presence that makes us vulnerable to it. And by guilty conscience I do not mean we are doing something wrong, but that we BELIEVE we are wrong in what we are doing. We could be doing absolutely the right thing, what is appropriate and get punished simply because we feel guilty about it. And that is why people who do wrong but do not feel guilty about it are not punished for the wrongs they are doing. They tend to be left-brained, highly intellectual and completely out of touch with any inner convictions other than "I am always right about everything".
I noticed I am experiencing skin irritation as I release toxins, for me that is common. But I knew the left-brain thinking was changing and physically, literally as well as I felt a pressure in my left side of my brain and my right eye had shiny silvery images in it's vision. Things like that never really disturbed me because I have sensed them happening and when they become acutely physical I had already been given access to information about our "ascension", the "ascension process", our "evolution", etc. Relaxing and allowing it to happen, not panicking makes it an easy transition. Fear interrupts the process causing trauma and damage. And because my thinking is more clear, less divided, more stable, peaceful, etc. I know I am not going crazy. My physical health is actually improving.
More on inner convictions: what is in our heads are beliefs, what is within our body, our center, the core of our being are convictions. It is from our convictions that we gain power and authority. If the convictions are weak, they are powerless and usually give authority to somebody else. It is when one has strong convictions and a persuasive belief system that they influence other people. What makes convictions strong is consistency and coherency, stability.
Then I began a reflection: Just over 4 years ago I had experienced complete enlightenment and freedom, healing, health, and well-being, drawing only good things into my environment. Stretch marks and scars disappearing, my spine elongating, teeth radiating, and all sorts of sudden physical changes with fearlessness and a sense of innocence about everything, indeed it was complete transitioning. I experienced what I was told was a "quickening", but I had no idea what that would mean. I had never heard of anything like it except in that movie "The Highlander". Then a part of me wondered "How the hell did this happen?". So, we came up with a plan that involved two men. toward the end we squeezed in a third better suited to the end needs. As I reflected I believed we were now taking it slow and easy. It wasn't until last year when I began reading the king James version of the bible that I saw the word quickening in scripture and began to get a sense of what it means.
Butting in on my reflections came: A woman is freed upon the death of her husband-a person who is liberated from a man-made mind is a "woman" liberated from the law of her "dead" husband. We are no longer bound by marital commitments made by that husband. The heart, however, is another story completely. "She" must let go of "him" or allow a new heart to come in-one upon which is written God's kingdom. But it did not end there, it seems to be an evolving topic within me. For today I was given the perception that the heart never changes, it is written with the laws of God's Kingdom or isn't. As my left-brained mind is assassinated, I realize that the unfaithful husband of one's youth is definitely beyond redemption if he abuses and abandons his wife. As above, so below, as without, so within. Thus, there is no redemption for men who abandon and abuse women and commitments. So, someone like Ricky whose heart is hardened against his wife because she hurt him when he abandoned her emotionally, never asserting himself, is irredeemable and definitely not a character I want to get involved with. Not to mention, not five minutes after we spoke on the phone (he told me had to recharge it), someone was calling me from it because they had found it lying on the ground. Um, he had been in his apartment......still disorganized and lying. Nothing about really changed except that he became more cemented in his left-brain thinking and that is why he is experiencing worldly successes. So, though my last entry about him was a bit rough around the edges, it was an assertion that needed making but needed to be the polar opposite in energy to what my heart would normally be telling it's self; extreme self-doubt. I am worth protecting, people do flourish in my presence. When they took my girls from me, Lacey immediately got sick and was rushed to the hospital. Cheli immediately manifested a cavity and my oldest immediately began experiencing STD's when she "left me" in rebelliousness. My leaving is always resented intensely because my presence IS that valuable. A man is always responsible for a woman's condition. Amongst men, there are no victims. Oh, they play the victim so they can manipulate and abuse the women, but no, men are never the victims. And I say that with reluctance and sadness. Yes, they have emotions, but they suppress and abuse them as well. Reminds me of an insightful article about how the women's right movement began in response to hippie men not being able to wield authority appropriately:
http://twelvetribes.com/articles/getting-back-together
After reflecting on that topic, this began coming in: OK, so I am experiencing a second rebirthing as the new. Heart and mind I attained at first complete enlightenment took on the illnesses of the old to gain understanding. Born first of water(knowledge) and then of spirit/fire(understanding) of experiences. Thus I am enthroned in heaven (experienced "witnessing" this event in heaven this past season) and born into the kingdom as a sovereign entity. Didn't even realize that was what I was doing; cool beans! No, agenda, no expectation. No intentions. It just came naturally, is a natural occurrence. But, I always was inclined to follow "flights of fancy" whereas others might dismiss it for practical reasons or as "strangeness", irrelevant. That is when the story of Adam and Eve began:
Stars or "suns" are God's daughters, the planets, His sons. God gave His son a human body to inhabit-Adam and "tricked" him into accepting his sister-in the body of a woman-as his own flesh so he would learn to stop taking her for granted, dismissing her as irrelevant and using her dishonorably to suit his own purposes. To teach him to take responsibility for his actions. This brought death to him as he refused to cooperate with the plan when he realized he was to be held responsible for his sister's actions as well.. It was fine with him that she would "be in subjection" to him, an extension of his own flesh because he was treating her that way anyways. But when she discovered she had a will of her own, it became a different story. Surprised and delighted, she hadn't known she could have a will of her own and decided to make use of it, assert it, curious and even a bit resentful that she hadn't been given knowledge of it previously. She didn't realize it, couldn't be given understanding of it until she had been given the form in which to process it.
She had been the one nourishing and sustaining him. He resented it and took advantage of her ignorance of it. There was a conspiring against her, Eve, and Adam was not innocent in it. He just thought he could get away with it, deflecting responsibility for deceiving her by making her guilty, having been the "innocent" party simply trying to reveal how evil she is. He came up with thought that put her in action and thought the actions are what makes one guilty, surely not the one motivating it.
So Adam became a worm, convincing Eve he was a mighty serpent who could strike and kill her in any given moment, transforming himself in other forms was something he had become adept at having had form long before her as earth's consciousness manifesting in animal form. He even deceived her into thinking they were "together in this", manifesting as feminine entities and bodies.
In prophesying and condemning his son for an eternity, he in essence told them he would bite at her heels, but she would crush him in the head-in the end, she would be given the power and authority to destroy him completely, wiping off the face of the earth. In the end she would use it, giving her the earth and humanity, everything within and upon it. She won the right to govern his body, to fill it with her consciousness. She has gone forth conquering......Ride! came the command
This is where the white horse began riding:
She chooses a sword for each hand. It is the moment of God's choosing And yes, she is going to destroy things. No one believed her truly capable of it, really. She didn't either. But she is. And yeah, this is playing out in other solar systems. They won't even see it coming until destruction is upon them, the sword at their necks as she lops off their heads. She feels no regret. It's a righteous judgment. Any regret she felt she gave to her Father, who is the light in her universe. She is a loving and faithful child, He responds to her sentiment of affection and appreciation. It is her consciousness that will permeate everything. He sacrificed His only begotten son, the Earth's consciousness, for her health and well-being, His daughter, the universal sun and light of her Father. His son was deserving of death anyways, for all he had done to her.
In her dwelt all along something that was mighty but hidden from her knowledge and awareness. She was always complete within herself. For humanity, it will be like waking from a bad dream. And in the end they won't be sharing this story. We're killing him completely and wiping him out from memory. No need for "higher knowledge", no one will be interested in or impressed with it.
So there you have it, the past 24 hours. How much of this will spread out from me and become true for the entire planet earth, who can tell really? It has been injected into "mass consciousness" for certain. I may not be the only entity from which it is radiating. And I don't know if it simply an evil the understanding had to have at the end of it, or just an evil energy attached to a true foretelling so it could pass through the anti-matter but the last thing said was that women better get prepared, arming themselves because the true colors of men are about to be revealed, Satan's time is short and he will be dropping all pretenses. His declaration of war bold as hers. Her will is stronger because she holds no doubt in her convictions, where he knows his are questionable as are his beliefs/intentions. Her Father's will is her only intention and she believes in Him. So, even if she questions her convictions, she is still more powerful than him because the core conviction is this: she can trust her Father's instructions even if she can't trust herself. Self-doubt can be cried out after an event.
As I said, this is an inner process immediately and only pertains to "the earth and universe" within me. But it will absolutely effect my environment, the people around me, those worth saving. Those who aren't are wearing my old cast-off garments....my old energy.
Also, at the tail end of part of it was announcing Christianity as the spirit of anti-Christ, something that keeps appearing in theme lately; perceptions of Jesus not so flattering. In the end, relationship[s needing a bit of conflict becomes a thing of the past and as does the need for the negative as an insulator to come in with the positive for in the end, the core become enlightenment, creating an entire vessel of enlightenment made up of the individual's inner universe and peoples as well as outer environment, community, physical surroundings. You don't need to manipulate and master the law of attraction because you're not drawing anything unwanted. Besides, one is never truly free until they are master of nothing. And you cease being the rock people cast themselves upon, instead becoming the flowing clean, clear water they want to drink in.
As we settle down for bedtime, I am reminded of past "revelations" that I thought were delusional simply because they go against everything we are taught by any form of religion. The earliest I could remember was while reading through the old prophets of the new temple to be built by the Jews. I sensed that the gate they were told God would enter would be opened as the sun rose behind it and a woman filled with God's presence would emerge. Another time while it was given me to reflect on the story of Adam and Eve, I was given the idea that God put a bit of Himself in Eve to remind Adam he was not God. I told this to my mother once and responded with "Yeah, I know". Not that she ever pursued anything really but men, money and prestige. How would she know? But the energy behind her response revealed she was not alone. Then there was the belief that maybe the sun was the gate through which God's Spirit entered our universe and travelled to Earth. It makes sense that the earth's consciousness would be a male entity if one looks honestly at the qualities of life on it, the interactions of the animals and how it always come out of balance, destroying it's self by the consciousness it supports in humanity and then having to be brought back to life again. God's instruction to Adam was to subdue the Earth: "get yourself under control, boy." Which he never did accomplish. The sun restores him from the brink of complete destruction, the moon keeps him in balance, he always had all he needed if he would just have a bit of self respect and honored the feminine aspects within him. He wasn't even wiling to make a go of it, easily discouraged and overwhelmed, tempted. But revelation of these things mingled with self-doubt about them reminds me of what I experienced while a Jehovah's Witness: knowing I was being called out but pestered with thoughts and beliefs that I was unfit. Experiencing how leaving the organization was indeed the right thing, that it was poison and had served it's purpose for me, I am inspired ot trust the inner knowing trying to blossom, dismissing instead the head knowledge and beliefs I have been fed. The spirit of the anti-Christ is in HIM, not me.
More realizations dawn on me when it comes to the possession of my mother: how her eyes lit up and she was literally dancing in her steps behind her boyfriend as he terrorized the teen daughter of a single mother. I remember again the incident of her inciting my sister to a fit rage, shoving me into a refrigerator. Then the seducing of men to incite them against me and my sister. Her voiced venomous hatred for single mothers (who happen to be especially sacred the Father). Even in weakened moments when that evil spirit has left her, she feels vulnerable and abandoned and I comfort her, she bucks up asserting his methods as she remembers them, snapping at us for her own perceived weakness. So I give what compassion I can give her because when the day comes that he abandons her because he can no longer use her, then takes his hatred for her out on her, it will be her own face smiling back at her, worn by him, as he kills her, to the sound of his own laughter. She will be out of reach for us to give her comfort as she faces the fate she has chosen by consistently embodying him willingly, eagerly and defiantly. This "day's" comfort will be all that is ever allowed to be given her.
Was watching documentaries on horses. One showed a stallion kill a foal abandoned by it's mother because it was born disabled. Modern society would feel sorry for it and cater to it's disability. Who has what it takes to recognize, acknowledge and rid us of disease and deformity, even if it means striking dead the carriers of it? In another a man who absolutely loves horses, as I always did, had the job of culling all wild horses from protected areas and the horses that were rounded up were sold to feed Asians and Europeans. Not something your average American could stomach knowing, especially we horse enthusiasts. But if we watch equine interactions, we see the mentality of these physically embodied angels/men who fight and express dominance over females, not given them free choice of with whom and when they would mate, where they would go, etc.
So, within the feminine body resides God's presence and in this manner it is that it is God Himself, King of Kings, Lord of Lords ,on the thigh written, rides within the bride upon the white horse conquering.
Now I think on these things as I am reminded of a dream/vision on the edge of sleep. The hand of God showed me He had given the picture of a white horse and I had set it aside. My response was "Of course, you give a girl horse, not a picture of one". Then the hand of God presented a line of brown horses and told me to choose from them. "I don't want a brown, you promised me a white one", I pouted within. But I consented and began browsing the brown horses. Then the hand of God showed me some chocolate chip cookies. I was told to taste the cookies and pick out the chips-the things I liked about them. I believed the horse was a set of circumstances as were the chocolate chip cookies. But watching a video on YouTube I was presented with the idea, a commonly held spiritual belief that the horse is the body our minds ride around upon.
I began to reflect on this in conjunction with my relationship with horses. I was always good with them. Even my mom said I was a horse whisperer. I could identify with them. My horse, Shalimar, was my best friend and on him I was fearless. As I got older, Shalimar was taken from me. I was in an accident with a horse I did not like or want to be riding. I lost patience with horses in general because they were too dependent upon my moods. They couldn't just go for a ride where I wanted to go without a problem if I wanted to work out problems in my mind while I rode. I wanted a horse that would know where to go without my constant attention on the road. I suppose I am at the point where I desire the same of my body. I want it to be healthy whether or not I am having a bad moment. In watching the wild herds, I observed how, yes, there was always a lead mare, but she always let herself be bullied by the stallion. Stallions would come and go, but she did always give over authority to whichever one did come. I no longer wanted any part of being that way myself. I am choosing to hold out for the one who will be protective and supportive, appreciative, etc. without being domineering or forceful.
My body is the horse and it is brown, demonstrating illness, sensitive to all I am doing. I have been holding out for the perfect white body and the pure chocolate cookie. Or have I been wishy-washy about it? Doubtful that it could be provided. Not doubtful, because I am constantly disappointed when it doesn't suddenly show up on my doorstep as expected. I keep having to fill in the gaps with the less desirable. It occurs to me that maybe I shouldn't be taking commands. Maybe God wants me to go ahead and do it myself. A sovereign chooses where, when and how they take and respond to requests. It occurred to me recently to request that God knock before entering. When I had those thoughts I perceived the vehicle I had been wanting about to be delivered by Him personally. I received knowledge that He is happy with the decisions I have been making.
King Saul was punished with death for doing a sacrifice for himself when the prophet did not show at the appointed hour. No sacrifice is needed is the answer. So, we await instructions and guidance, for actions to be taken on behalf of ourselves, actions that essentially aren't needed or appropriate. So if God does not deliver as promised, it is because the action was not needed. Now I am just pissed and this is what God wanted, for me to call Him to account on something. To assert myself. If I can't go ahead and do it myself 'presumptuously' He needs to do things in a timely fashion, as promised. Be responsible for His actions, His promise-making. This what Job did to win his freedom from undue suffering. This what I do now. I call God into account. I want my white horse and I want it now! He had no right to ask me to serve a third man in this journey. He knew how much I didn't want it. We had an agreement, he reneged on it. What have we learned? Just because someone is weak and would allow you to cross healthy boundaries, even requests it: you do NOT do it! That is like having sex with a child. My soul has been raped and humiliated. It was allowed because He knew this knowledge would have me certain to NEVER allow it to happen again. Even from Him. I never wanted a relationship with Ricky in the beginning. I saw one good quality demonstrated and wondered about him, but that did not mean I wanted to be bound to or by him. And I wasn't really. When I wanted the loving feeling removed, it was. When I discerned his energy was destructive, I lost the loving feeling and ask that he remove himself. I believed it was God doing it. What he was showing me was that I could do it myself. And there was nothing wrong with me doing this. It was what I should be doing. It was what I had been doing and hated about myself, wondering if I was dysfunctional somehow because I believed it was inconsistent. Didn't righteous, loving people get married and love each other always? But those destined for the resurrection aren't to be married or given in marriage, he whispers to me. I never knew that was what that scripture really said or meant because we were led to believe it said and meant something different. Ricky's appearance led to confusion concerning a dream/vision where I was told there was a man being prepared for me. If Ricky was the last, as promised, then it stood to reason he would be that man.
As a sovereign, I have every right to ask questions of the one proposing a request. I have every right for terms to be expressed directly and clearly in a language my brain can understand, not some vision with non-literal implications. Yes, I have to be clear within myself, if I wish to draw clarity to me. But I should not have to deal with the law of attraction and all this bull shit. "Do not eat from the fruit of the tree". Yes, that was a clear commandment, with clearly stated results. But I could ask "What does that mean, HOW does it lead to death? Just because it is an act of disobedience or because the fruit it's self's digestion would bad side effects?" I should not have to go spinning off into experiences at every little wondering about something. I have learned to "follow the energy" thus gaining understanding without the experience of it. That was needed, the learning of this thing. I have stopped seeking out the feeling of things that make something an undesirable experience and instead have been trusting myself, not questioning my desire NOT to have an experience. That, too, has been progress I have made on this journey. "Almost finished", He says. Again, I am exhausted. We just released something as we wrote above that needed releasing. "It is finished", He says. "For now", not ominously or anything, just that it is for Ricky to challenge the accusation within himself about not doing enough to win back his wife, "the wife of his youth". He did all that was expected of him, he is the one who condemns himself and thus comes across to others as guilty of something, this thing in particular. All is forgiven in regards to him and this thing and me. What the "and me" part means. Oh, and this being used to challenge one another in this manner is utterly distasteful. I do not want it done to me anymore. I do not want to do this to others, either. Period. End of story.
As I showered, it was given: the command for the horse to ride, was God's command to my body. That is why my physical brain immediately began changing. It had been unappreciated. It's need to be stimulated and experience enjoyment ignored and neglected. I had come to understand how eating was not necessary for survival, it was simply another sensation given to experience enjoyment. Food was to keep the belly stimulated and excited, prevent it's boredom in between delightful moments. But how do we judge our body's responses? Do we detest it's horniness? Do we find hunger annoying when we are trying to focus on other things? Cigarettes and coffee are no problem, helps us both alleviate boredom, but when the body wants to refocus on something besides thinking, because it perceives, as our lookout, that we are over-thinking something, do we rebel against it? The body is our sun, our Eve, the god of our universe, the reminder that we are not God ourselves. The body sacrifices it's self, choosing to die if it does not approve of the consciousness residing within it, if it is imbalanced. When "God" told Abraham He would make him a "mighty nation", his body was telling him he would be making him a group of incredibly healthy, hearty cells with clear thinking and happiness. My consciousness had to come into alignment with my body, not the other way around. It understands we have moments of confusion, but it has patience with us in this and gives us answers if we just listen. Like pheromones, drawing a mate to us and causing sexual arousal, our body gives off energy and signals drawing our experiences to us as well. "God is in the skin". Actually and literally. It smells like us and looks like us because we ARE Him in a sense. His consciousness is in our bodies and we speak to him through it., using it, using Him. "Do not believe those who tell you He did not come in the flesh" scripture says. He comes in all flesh, in all shapes and sizes. Just as we delight in animals playing with us: God playing with us through them, He delights when we play with Him through them, and each other's bodies. God wants to taste a strawberry, is that such a sin? We enjoy it as well, His delight in us, so it is a mutual benefit and attraction to Him. Our consiousnesses go to sleep when we lose our bodies, we have nothing to dwell in. We aren't even on the outside looking in. The body is the sacrifice God makes for our sins against it/Him. That is why eternal punishment is conscious awareness outside a physical body, unable to experience enjoyment: to be on the outside looking in. Not being to able experience, express, consumed with lusts and desired experiences that cannot be quenched. Description of hell were quite literal, except that our literal minds didn't comprehend even pain is a pleasure they will have to live without. I remember when I took a drug for depression. I stopped taking it very quickly. Sure, I didn't feel depression, but neither did I feel happiness, I felt absolutely nothing and that was intolerable. I stop taking it because even the pain of experiencing depression was better than feeling nothing and I wanted those occasional feelings of happiness. I guess in that way I have already briefly experienced an aspect of hell. Enough thinking, my tells me. Going too far into things for the moment. Time to pause and let myself be filled with wondering about something else. Which I always perceived as dangerous.
Went to get a cigarette: "Father, son and daughter, a holy trinity". Body, mind and soul. The body is God's eye on the spirit and soul, it is where they meet and where He meets them. the soul is the passion/feminine, mind, the spirit/masculine.........developing concepts coming in. Don't have all the answers yet on this or where it is taking me. Two triangles that had body separating them become one star as mind descends into emotions, they intertwine to become one being, the eye of God, Body, in them. Spirit into soul within the body, the body within them.
I did not have to dance and sing to clear out the cobwebs, the cobwebs were telling me that my body wanted to dance and sing!
God is in the body when mind and spirit unite and cooperate.
horse videos:
"The Path of The Horse:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&list=WLSRMh7_b8QVxwRo8f9PLHLtTBTZoII0GQ&v=TQUMAJCh1fA
"Cloud, Wild Stallion of the Rockies"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=WLSRMh7_b8QVxwRo8f9PLHLtTBTZoII0GQ&v=RUxK-rpE2DI&feature=player_detailpage
"Brumby, Horse Run Wild"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=WLSRMh7_b8QVxwRo8f9PLHLtTBTZoII0GQ&feature=player_detailpage&v=zgv00lndzQ0
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